M A T I L D A
I'M NERVOUS. WHY AM I so nervous? I've been driving lap around Byron Bay since I arrived roughly ten minutes ago. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful town, but there is certainly no need to drive past everything ten times. So why am I? I don't even know the answer myself. After twelve long and draining months of travelling the world, surfing the best breaks in the world and constant jet lag, I am finally home. The thought of Justin being so close to me sends butterflies to take flight within my stomach. That's why I'm nervous. I shouldn't be nervous to see my boyfriend, if I can still call him that.
I don't know what we are anymore, but I know that I have to man up and face him. We haven't spoken in nine months. We never officially 'broke' up, but I don't think you could classify us as together either. We tried to manage the long distance relationship, but between my hectic surfing schedule, Justin's work and ridiculous time zones, it was a challenge to find time for each other.
We went from talking once a day, to once a week, to once every few weeks until both of us never called. The worst thing is, as much as I missed him, my life was easy. It was as if a weight I didn't know I had, had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as if Justin was a burden, but I would never allow myself to admit it. I did love him, regardless of the fact that I haven't seen him in a year, I do still love him. That's why I'm back. Back here. Home. Back where everything started.
I glance out at Wategos Beach as I drive by for the tenth time. The clam ocean waves instantly relaxing my soul. I can do this. I decide that I can't put it off any longer, so I turn down Marine Parade, attempting to ready myself for what awaits on the other side of Justin's door. My family are all next door in our own home and I feel guilty for not seeing them, but I have to do this first otherwise I'm afraid I'll back out.
I pull up my car outside his house and kill the engine. I sit for a few minutes, trying to gather my thoughts enough to think of something to say. Deciding the right words will come to me in the heat of the moment, I open my door and climb out. My legs shake and almost give way as I clutch onto the door to steady myself. I take a deep breath in and make my way to the front door. I stand, staring at the door for a few minutes and I can't help but wonder what Justin is doing this very second. Finally gaining enough courage a ring the doorbell and wait for someone to answer.
I close my eyes to try to control my nerves. I knew I should have gone for a surf to clear my head before I came here. I'm about to ring the bell again, when I hear the twist of the doorknob and the click of the door opening.
"Tildy!" one of the twins yells as they fling the door open. On instinct, I bend down and scoop him into my arms. I had a strange almost motherly love for the twins.
"I missed you little man. You've gotten so big," I tell him, ruffling his hair with my hand as he attempts to swat my hand away.
Eddie soon dives into his exciting day at school and in this moment, it feels as if I never left.
"Eddie, who is it?" I hear him yell. I freeze at his voice as I listen to his footsteps approaching, closer and closer as each second passes. I place Eddie back on the ground as the butterflies take flight once again. My heart begins to beat at a million miles minute, my hands start to grow clammy and I feel like I might throw up. I shouldn't be so nervous to see him. Does he want to see me? I close my eyes as I listen to his footsteps getting louder and louder until they come to a halt and even with my eyes closed, I can feel his eyes staring holes into me.
Taking a deep breath in, I open my eyes. My eyes run over his body as he stands a few metres away. He still looks the same, like the same Justin I said goodbye to a year ago. Realising neither of us have said anything or moved a muscle in the past few minutes, I give into what my heart is tell me to do and I rush forward, leaping into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and burry my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. At first he is hesitant, but seconds later, I feel his warm, strong arms wrap around my body, pulling me impossibly closer. I don't speak, unsure of what I want my first words in nine months to be.
"I've been waiting for this moment since the second you left," Justin whispers into my ear, finally breaking the silence.
"I've missed you," I whisper back, lifting my head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes.
I move my hand, reaching to stoke his check with it as I lean in to kiss him. I've missed this feeling. The love, the familiarity, the warmth that I feel only when I'm with Justin. We break apart much too soon as someone clears their throat behind us.
"Back away brother, I haven't seen my future sister in two years," Natalie grins, throwing Justin a wink.
Future sister? I cast my eyes back to Justin as I raise my eyebrows at him, giggling as his check turn a rosy shade of pink. I detach myself from Justin and embrace Natalie in a tight hug.
"You've grown so much. You're the same height as me now," I exclaim, taking in the appearance of the young woman in front of me.
She looks so different from the fourteen year old girl I met two summers ago. She's grow out of the awkward pre puberty stage and she now looks gorgeous. Justin's going to have a fun time scaring off all the boys that come near her. After talking with Justin's family and saying a quick hello to Julia and Jackson who are still living with Justin, we make our way next door to my house.
I smile as we walk through the gate to my backyard, Justin's arm flung loosely around my shoulder. I laugh as I hear my family bickering from outside the house.
"Keep it down guys, don't want the neighbours to complain," I smirk, walking through the door, Justin following close behind.
"MATILDA!" my mum shrieks, running to my side to hug me. "What are you doing here?"
"Tour is over, so here I am," I shrug, breaking away from her to hug the rest of my family.
Mum instantly puts on a pot of tea and we all gather in the lounge room to catch up. Just hearing my families voices, makes me realise how much I really did miss them whilst I was gone. Sure, I made some amazing friends on tour and I had a blast surfing the best waves in the world, but nothing can come close to the happiness I feel when I'm around Justin and my family.
As much as I want to stay and catch up on all that I've missed whilst I've been gone, the twenty two hour flight is starting to catch up to me. I can feel my concentration slip and my eyes begin to drop as I desperately try to pay attention to my mum's story. I nod my head, trying to make it look like I'm listening, but I'm not.
"Sorry to interrupt," Justin says, looking over at me. "I think Tilda and I are going to head back to mine for dinner," he says and I smile, climbing off the couch as making my way over to him.
"We'll see you tomorrow," I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Thank you for getting me out of that, I'm exhausted," I tell him and he nods, kissing the top of my head quickly.
"Pizza sound good?" he asks, as he carries my bags into his room and I nod.
Justin orders pizza as I unpack a few things as we wait for the delivery to arrive. The pizza finally arrives and we all eat on the balcony overlooking the ocean as we talk.
"Okay boys, it's past your bedtime," Justin says and they groan, causing me to laugh.
"Come on," I say, standing up and holding out my hands for them. "I'll help you get ready."
I lead them downstairs and they get ready for bed. They climb into their beds and I read them a story. They fall asleep instantly and I close the book. I walk over to them both and give them a soft kiss good night. I turn around to exit the room and jump in surprise as I see Justin leaning against the door frame.
"You scared me," I whisper, making my way over to him and he laughs quietly. He snakes his arms around my waist and pulls me towards his chest. I fling my arms around his neck and play with his hair that is undeniably the longest I've seen it.
"I like your longer hair, it suits you," I tell him as I watch his face. "I love you, I never stopped even though we didn't exactly talk," I say, not begin able to withhold it anymore.
"I love you too, Tilda, always have, always will," he tells me, leaning towards me to connect our lips. When he pulls away, I take his hand and attempt to pull him up stairs.
"What are you doing," he asks. "You should be going to bed."
"I'm not tired," I lie.
"Tilds, you just got off a flight from France of course you're tired," he says.
"Okay," I give in. "I'm unbelievably tired, but I want to spend some time with my boyfriend who I haven't seen in a year, is that okay with you?"
"Tilda," he groans.
"Justin," I whine back.
"Fine," he admits. "Come here."
He pulls me onto the couch with him and flicks the TV on. He puts on a movie and we talk as I snuggle into his warm chest. It doesn't take long for my eyes to grow tied. No matter how hard I attempt to fight it, I feel myself fall to sleep. I wake again as I feel arms wrap around me and lift me off the couch.
"I can walk, you know," I say quietly, opening my eyes slowly.
"Go back to sleep baby," Justin says and I nod my head, closing my eyes.
I feel him place me into bed and climb in beside me. I look up at him as he wraps his arms around me. I whisper a quick I love you, not being able to say it enough. I rest my head against his chest and listen to his constant breathing and the comforting sound of his heartbeat as I fall asleep in his arms for the first time of what I hope is forever.