Dylan's POV:
My mind feel fuzzy once I take another long gulp from the dark glass bottle. I can't even remember the last time I drank, hell I don't even think I've ever been drunk. My throat burns with every drink I take, my stomach on fire as the dark liquid hits it hard. My mind is screaming for me to stop but I can't... I just fucking can't.
She deserves to know!
I squeeze my eyes tightly closed taking another swig of the liquor and cough it down. I've never been a drinker. In fact, I told myself I'd never get fucking wasted. I only drank too much once, and I hated myself for it. It was like i had slipped into becoming the one thing, the one person I despise. To allow yourself to become so belligerent drunk you loose you're control and become something destructive. You hurt people, people you claim to fucking care for! Anger seeps through my drunken haze as I picture Skylar earlier, the tears that filled her storming eyes so full of emotions yet I felt myself closing everything off. My hand shakes from anger as I think of her tears, the tears I put there. The pain that seemed to choke the life that burned in her eyes, I felt every once of it burning in my veins. Yet I couldn't move, it was like for the first time something scared the living shit out of me. Feeling for her, having sympathy for her and wanting to pull her into me to comfort her, that would mean allowing all the emotions I've shut out to come flooding back in.
The swarming emotions that have been suffocating me since the day I've met her, threaten to bring me under the surface yet again. I grip the bottle tightly, feeling the newly scabbed skin on my knuckles threatening to rip open again. I want to punch something. To channel all the emotions into anger, to let it win again. Slamming my knuckles against a solid surface till that pain swallowed this feeling whole, till everything went numb and the blackness takes over me. The blackness I've run from for so long, I welcome it now.
Skylar is threatening everything I've built, threatening to tear it all down, to burn it right to the ground with the fire I see every time she speaks to me. Fuck, it's terrifying. To see that fire, a passion in those innocent blue eyes of hers and it's direct towards me. She fights, she doesn't give into me like every other girl I've fucked before who so easily lay down and take it. No, Skylar fucking stands there and challenges everything I know. The fire consuming her, it's like she lets her emotions run wild and free, and to me... hell that's fucking brave.
I can't even think of Skylar without my heart racing and my stomach tying itself in fucking knots. A feeling I've never allowed myself to feel, something I fucking run from. Having emotions means being close to someone, and because close to someone puts them in danger. Yet here I am sitting in the parking lot of her damn dorm building drowning myself in whiskey as I war with myself on what to do. My head falls back against the seat, I feel like every movement I make is in slow motion. She wants me to walk away, to leave her be, but I can't fucking do that. It's like every part of myself is drawn towards her, aching to touch her again. To be close with her again, and to feel the warmth of her skin against my own. God, I sound like such a pussy thinking all of this.
My mind plays over what she said hours earlier, how what happened between us meant something to her, and accused me it meant nothing to me. That isn't true, I wish to God it was, but it's the furthest thing. She doesn't get it, I don't do what I did with her. I usually don't give a fuck whether or not the girl gets off, if I get my release, my escape, I'm happy. Yet with Skylar, that thought never crossed my screwed up mind.
I close my eyes and remember that night perfectly, the way her blue eyes stared at me wide with innocence and burning with passion as she laid beneath me. It took every fucking once of strength I had not to rip my own clothing off and to bury myself deep inside her. To feel her tight walls tense around me with every movement. But I forced myself to have self control, no matter how badly I wanted to please her till she fucking screamed my name.
This time though, I can't be that selfless. I need her, I need to fucking say what's on my mind even if it means being buzzed to do so. Even now, I don't think I can let myself become that vulnerable, to let my emotions take control.
I stumble out of the jeep, dropping the bottle as I did so. The glass shatters against the pavement, not even phasing me I step around it grabbing another bottle. I need liquor to go through this. I'm not even doing this for the right reasons, I'm fucking pissed she accused me of not caring. How the fuck would she know how I felt? She doesn't know me enough to claim to know how I feel.
Because you won't let her!
I curse my own subconscious because it's true. Skylar will never know what I really am because I won't allow her. She can't be close with me, I can't fucking have her the way I crave because that will only destroy her. I'll destroy her or worse, put her in danger and I'm not ready to do that to her. So sure, she can hate me, despise me, but she's going to know the fucking truth even if it causes me to drown in the thousands of emotions I've closed myself off from.
I slam my hand into the door shoving it open, my feet hurrying to get me to her floor. My body feels fuzzy and that's what I need. I'm not in my right mind which means this will be easier for me. I feel like I'm going to fall as the elevator carries me up to her floor. My body feeling weightless yet weighed down as I pass each floor till I reach hers. I take a few more sips before my heavy feet carry me to her dorm. I pat my pockets for her dorm key.
"Oh shit." I panic as I don't feel it in my jeans. "Fuck!" I shout, I must of left it in the jeep. If I get it, I won't have the balls to come back.
So, I begin bagging on her door not caring what time of night it is. I need this to be over and done with, she wants me gone fine, but it'll be on my own fucking terms.
Skylar's POV:
"Why don't you shut the fuck up!"
I blink my eyes a few times as I hear shouting out in the hall.
"You're the psycho who waking up the entire fucking dorm!" another person shouts.
What is going on? I roll over in my sheets, not realizing I had fallen asleep just hours earlier. My room is pitch black, and quiet. Cher must of stayed at a friends place tonight. My eyes feel swollen as I blink the sleep away.
"Shut the fuck up before I fucking make you!" someone shouts, and it sounds like they're right outside my room. My heart involuntarily races.
"You drunk dude! Leave before I beat the shit out of you!"
Fast and heavy pounding on my door makes me jump, my heart leaps into my throat, "Skylar!" more pounding.
My breath hitches in my throat as I hear Dylan's deep voice cry out for me. No, no this isn't happening. I must still be asleep. I shut my eyes, but again he pounds on the door reassuring my fear that this is happening.
"Stop banging on the fucking door!" a girl yells.
"Why don't you mind your own damn business!" Dylan retaliates, their voices muffled from the walls but still heard loud and clear.
I climb out of bed just as he bangs on the door again, "Goddamn Skylar! Open the door!" his voice slurs as he says my name and it makes me hesitate. Is he drunk? "Please?" I hear a thump against the door as his voice quiets.
My chest constricts as my mind tortures me with images of Dylan on the other side of the door. I look for a sweater to throw on and wipe at my eyes, I feel tears staining my cheeks and remember the phone call I had just before crying myself to sleep. I guess calling my father to talk about what's been going on was the wrong idea. I had hoped he'd help me understand what was happening with me, but like always he managed to turn it around that it's my fault for choosing to live on campus. That if I never left, I never would of been in this situation; crying in my dorm, distraught over some guy I've caught feelings for.
If possible, he made me feel worse, his voice of disapproval the last thing I heard before my tears tired me out and my emotions weakened me into a deep sleep. Everything is just so messed up and I have no idea how to fix it anymore.
"Skylar!" Dylan bangs on the door once again, or maybe he never stopped.
"Shut the fuck up!" someone yells, he is causing quiet the disturbance.
I flip on my light and swing the door open, "Why don't you fucking make me! Because you're a damn pussy and ain't got shit to say to me!" Dylan is preoccupied with yelling at another guy who has come out of his own dorm.
"Dyl-"
"Skylar!"
I step outside just as one guy begins down the hall in a pair of sweats and nothing else, "What the fuck you say to me?" his hair is standing in all directions and I'm sure he was asleep.
"You fucking heard me you prick!" Dylan shouts back at him, his hand balled in a tight fist and the other clenches a bottle.
"Hey! Stop that!" I shout at him and pull on his arm, desperately trying to pull him inside before he starts a fight with this guy.
"Why don't you get you're fucking boy friend in line before someone else does it for you?" the guy has stopped and glares at me.
"Don't you fucking talk like that to her, or I'll beat that sorry ass of yours!" Dylan jumps to my rescue which surprises me momentarily.
"That's fucking it!"
I snap back, "Hey, that's not necessary. I'll take care of it." I try to reassure the angry student who is feet away from punching Dylan in the face. I wrap my hand around Dylan's fist and he finally looks at me, his face relaxes as the anger clears from his eyes.
The guy looks between us before backing a step away, "The next time you're boyfriend threatens me, I'll personally see to it that his ass is beat." he snarls.
"He's not my boy friend." I speak without thinking as I pull Dylan towards my room.
I catch a glimpse of Dylan's face that drops, all hope seems to vanish from his eyes at my words and his shoulders slump in defeat. My heart aches seeing this but it's the truth Dylan isn't my boyfriend, and that can't change.
I close the door behind us and turn to see him drinking from the glass bottle, "Why are you here?" I ask him.
He turns finishing off his drink, "What? I don't like drinking alone." he states with a wobble to his step.
I roll my eyes, "I'm being serious Dylan. Why are you making a scene in the hallway in the middle of the night?" I'm not sure what time it is, but the last time I checked it was almost eleven.
Dylan looks around the room, rocking on his feet, "The dick started it, I was trying to get you to open the door and he came out and started a fucking fight. I was going to end it." he says proudly.
"So you bang on my door in the middle of the night, shouting my name, drunk out of your mind for what exactly?" I cross my arms over my chest.
He holds up a finger to me, "I'm not drunk."
I can't help but laugh, "Right! How much did you drink tonight?"
He contemplates this as he sets the bottle on my desk, "Enough to get me to come to your dorm and talk with you." he says flatly. Like it's the liquors fault for his actions.
"Um, have you heard of a cell phone?"
His angry eyes snap up to mine, "You never answer my fucking calls!"
"Because I don't want to talk to you!" I yell in defense, I figured he would of gathered that information from our talk this afternoon.
"Oh can you quit with the fucking act?" he sneers, "You and I both know you can't stay away from me." he wears a cocky grin, mocking me for what I told him this afternoon.
I should of known he would of used that against me sooner or later. I just wish it wasn't this much sooner. "Wow, really?" I feel my anger boiling once again, but I refuse to let it win. I walk to my door and open it, "Get out." I say firmly, holding the door for him.
He looks from me to the open door then back to me with humor dancing in those haunting eyes of his, "Shut you're goddamn door Skylar."
"No, get out Dylan!"
He sighs and walks towards me. I think he's going to leave, leaving without fighting me. But I'm wrong, he shuts the door himself then locks it, "You don't want your fellow students to call security on me would you?" he tries to sound innocent which infuriates me.
"I want you to leave!" I stomp my foot like a child throwing a tantrum for not getting their way.
He laughs at my actions, "No you don't! If you really meant that, you wouldn't of never let me in, in the first place." his voice dips low as he leans towards me. I can smell the liquor on his breath.
"God, you're annoying when your drunk." I shove him back away from me and walk to my bed.
"I already told you, I'm not drunk. I can hold my alcohol very well unfortunately."
I chuckle, "I'm sure you've had practice." I say harshly.
"Can you stop!" his shouting startles me, "You are always assuming things about me that aren't fucking true and it's really starting to piss me off!"
I look at him, the anger wild in his confused eyes as he begins pacing back and forth in my room. Even through his anger, I see the hurt and pain surfacing in his eyes, the way they look anywhere for relief. Anywhere but at me, the one whose hurting him.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
He stops pacing and stares at me. I fiddle with my fingers feeling pinned under his intense eyes that have seen so much more of me that I wish they have. I feel like he's slowly making his way past all my walls despite my permission. I asked him to stay away form me, yet here he is in my dorms just hours later.
"Why are you here?" I ask softly. "I asked you to stay away from me."
He lets out a deep breath, running his fingers over his face slowly. "I know you did, I'm sorry." his voice now is small too. His hands fidget at his side, his eyes scan the room constantly. He's nervous about something.
I do the one thing I know will calm him down, I stand up and slowly and cautiously walk towards him. I see his body go ridget as I get closer, his own defense. When I reach him I take his hand in mind, his calloused skin rough against mine and it sparks electricity across my skin.
"What happened to your hand?"
He looks down at our hands that feel each other, our fingers doing a soft dance as my thumb skims across his bruised, scabbed knuckles. His brows crease, "I punched a wall today."
My eyes widen at his bluntness, his actions startles me and makes me question my insanity of wanting to get close to him. He senses my hesitation and smiles softly, "Don't worry about me, you should see the wall."
I bit my lip suppressing a laugh, "I bet it looks worse."
"Way worse." he whispers with a laugh to his voice.
I close my eyes as I dare to run my fingers up his toned arms feeling his body tense then relax under my touch. Like he's decided that I'm not going to hurt him, his breath evens outs as he continues to relax, feeling relief with my touch. I know I shouldn't be doing this, I should back away, putting space between us. But having him this close, his scent intoxicating me and our touch waking the fire in my core I can't seem to back away.
"I thought you wanted me to leave." he says with a teasing tone to his words. I can feel his eyes watching me carefully now.
"I do." I say truthfully, no sense in lying.
"You're lying Skylar." his speaks my name so softly, so gently it causes goosebumps to cover my skin.
"No I'm not." I really do want him to leave, but then again, I don't. I want to let myself get lost in our touch, to let myself get wrapped up in him again to feel his lips pushed against my own as our breaths and sounds mix together as our hands hungrily search each others bodies.
"Then make me leave Skylar, tell me to leave. Tell me to stay away from you." he stops my hand with his and pushes it away from him. The break in contact leaves me entire body feeling cold. I look up at him and his eyes burn with intensity, filled with a passion that takes my breath away. "You want me gone, you keep saying that but, I'm right here."
He's challenging me, seeing just how far he can push me. "You said you'd stay away form me." my voice sounds so little, echoing around my dorm.
"I lie, I do that sometimes."
"You need to stay away from me." I back away from him, the emotions swirling in my head keeping me from thinking clearly. Having him so close is going to send me over the edge.
"You need me to stay away, you want me to but I fucking can't." he matches me steps and begins to close the gap, "I'm fucking selfish Skylar and I can't do what you want me too because the desire to have you is stronger than the need to do what you ask me too."
My eyes are glued to his as he continues his confession, his eyes filled with lust. The same lust I feel every time he's near me. A intense burn that never seems to dull, "Then I'll stay away from you."
He smiles, "We both know you can't, and even if you try. I'll come for you, I'll always fucking come for you. You can't stay away from me and I can't stay away from you. I want you, I fucking crave you and I won't stop till you give into me."
He's speaking so clearly, his words slow and accurate and that's what terrifies me. Where's the bottled up Dylan that pushes me, that keeps me at a safe distance? I back up into my desk and hit the bottle with my hand, my heart sinks as it all makes sense.
"You're only saying all of this because you're drunk. You don't mean it." I say forcefully hoping even I will believe it.
"Nope, buzzed yes. Drunk never. I will never allow myself to get drunk. Drunk people loose all control," he takes a large step and is chest to chest with him. His face inches from mine, "And right now, I am in complete and utter control."
Lust laces his words as his lips skim over mine, shivers from our contact race up my spin as I'm found with no escape, "You want me Skylar." his whispers his voice heavy with desire.
"I know." I admit, no use in lying when I already told him that I want him.
"You don't want me to stay away from you..." he kisses my cheek softly, "You don't want me to leave..." he kisses my jaw, "You want me and you fucking hate it." he kisses my earlobe softly and my eyes flutter close.
"You hate that you're attracted to me," he sucks my earlobe into his warm mouth and I let out a whimper the sensation too much to conceal anymore.
"Bu-but you told me.... you said you don't want me..." I try to push at his chest, feeling utterly helpless as he continues to kiss down my neck.
"I lied... I lied about everything..." he murmurs against my skin.
His confession startles me as he just admitted to caring for me. "Why?" I give up trying to shove him away and grip onto his shoulders to hold me up.
"That's what I do, I lie to push people away." he nips at the skin of my neck and I gasp, "You make me insane Skylar and that fucking terrifies me." his other hand runs up under my sweater, his fingers gracing the skin of my back pushing me closer to his body.
"I scare you?" I whisper, gripping my nails into his shoulders as his lips gently suck at the skin of my neck. My legs are going weak and my vision is blurring. The fire in my core is going to consume me if he keeps this up.
"Fucking terrify me..." he pulls away, "I'm not going to stay away from you." he says staring into my eyes with conviction. I know no matter how much I ask he won't and I'm happy he wont. "You say you can't stay away from me so don't. Don't fucking leave me." I don't think he meant to say that because just as he did his eyes widen, as if he shocked himself.
"Dylan... I ... this...." words escape me as my mind is jumbled, only focused clearly on Dylan.
"Don't... okay? Just for once don't fucking fight me." he eyes beg me just before he pulls me towards him and his lips claim mine.
His movements are quick and deliberate, his lips claim mine hurriedly, they're velvety smooth movements send me over the edge and I hold onto him for dear life. Everything that I was trying to hold together crumbles in our kiss. His dominate kisses making me forget why I tried fighting him in the first place. My hand grips his shirt tighter, desperately trying to bring him closer to me. He kisses me so full of passion and desire all of the pain he's caused me melts away, leaving me to fall with him. Dylan's arm wraps around my back keeping me tightly in his chest as his other hand cups my cheek. His touch ignites goosebumps across my skin and my stomach tightens in knots. Our gasps for breaths mixed together between our hurried lips, desperate for touches that send shivers across our skin.
My mind fogs as I desperately try to get closer to him, even the thin fabric of his shit is too much between us. I reluctantly pull from our heated embrace and rip his shit over his head, god this man is beautiful. I run my nails over his chest and his body shivers under my touch. My fingers stop at the scar across his right chest muscle.
I'm about to ask for the story behind such a painful memory but he pushes his lips back into mine, cutting off my thoughts and bringing me right back into pure bliss. Dylan's hand travel to the back of my thighs and lift me effortlessly onto the desk, his body pushes between my thighs closing any distance between us. As his tongue delves into my mouth, I let my hands be my eyes. Getting lost in his intoxicating kisses and touches, I run my hands over his toned back, feeling every muscle tighten and release below the skin.
I dig my nails into his skin when he nips at my lips, causing him to groan into our kiss. His hands travel to the front of my sweater and pull helplessly at the heavy fabric. I lean back and let him take it off, the cool air rushes over my skin.
"God, the things I want to fucking do to you." he growls will lust before pulling me to him and picks me up.
My mind becomes filled with all the possibilities of the things he wants to do to me as I wrap my arms around his neck and lock my ankles behind him. I bring our lips back together, his tongue continuing it thorough search of my mouth, not missing one inch as he claims me. My back hits my bed and Dylan lays on top of me, his body weight supported by his arms.
He pushes his hips into mine and I become all to away of how hard he's become and a desire for him awakens as I moan, craving to feel every inch of him. My hands ache to reach down and to slip into his boxers, just to feel how much he wants me. But I can't, I won't have the first clue of what to do to make him feel good. So I let him continue to do what he does. Rolling his hips into mine, using my body to make himself feel good as he groans into our kiss. I get drunk of his movements, the friction he's creating against me as he makes us both feel good sends me into a state of blissful self aware.
Every inch of my skin burns to have him against me and the last thing on my mind is what is going to happen when we both wake up from this......