"So is Loki dead?" Clint sighed, laying upside down off the couch. He had gotten bored with pestering Sam, Wade was telling hypothetical horror stories about Peter that were terrifying Tony and Steve, and everyone else was being boring. Everyone else being Bucky and Bruce, and Loki, who was passed out.
"He's not dead. And sit right side up, you're gonna make yourself sick," Bruce said, nudging Clint with his foot.
"You already made me sick, like six times in a row. If I throw up anymore, I will literally be dead," Clint grunted as he sat up. "Someone do something. I'm bored and Wade is about to give Tony a heart attack."
"Please. Someone distract them," Steve nodded. He pulled Tony onto his lap in a chair.
"What if he gets burned alive?" Tony whined.
"Where would that even hap-?! Wade, stop scaring him!"
"Scaring him?! He's my boyfriend! If he's dead I have nothing! And we were fighting so if he dies then- Then-" Wade started blubbering. Bucky groaned and Sam stood up from next to him on the couch to help Wade into a seat.
"He's fine. He probably just lost his phone. Or Natasha has it. Maybe it's dead," Sam soothed. Wade wailed. "No, no, I meant the phone is dead, not him! Oh- Someone else do this." He walked back to his seat and plopped down next to Bucky.
"Hey. Wilson. Wanna play truth or dare?" Clint asked suddenly, sitting up excitedly. Steve gave him an incredulous look.
"W-What?" Wade wiped at his mask, which was dry because he was crying inside of it, so the motion was pointless.
"We could play truth or dare," Clint continued with an affected tone. He was subtly tilting his head towards Bucky and Sam. "I know you love truth or dare."
"Wh- Oh! Oh, I do love truth or dare! Let's play that!" Wade sat up, nodding at Clint, who busted into a grin.
"What are they plotting?" Tony muttered to Steve.
Steve took one look at Bucky and knew exactly what they were plotting.
"I'm in," Steve winked at Clint and smiled slyly at Bucky. Bucky scrunched up his face in confusion. "Come on, Buck. You love this game."
"I'll play," Sam shrugged. Bucky nodded, but he still looked suspicious.
"Bruce and Tony are playing too, because they're here and majority rules," Clint decreed. Bruce groaned, but put his phone away obediently.
"Who goes first?" Bucky asked, still uncomfortable with the looks he was getting from Steve.
"I do, because the love of my life is being eaten alive by tarantulas as we speak," Wade said, and then started sniffling. Clint coughed pointedly and Wade shook his head. "Right. Hmm, okay, who do I pick, what a hard choice, hmm, ah, Sam, truth or dare?"
"Uh... Tr-Dare. Dare."
"Open the snapchats I sent you last week."
"Oh, no."
"Do it or you are forever shamed."
Sam sighed and pulled out his phone as Clint sent Wade angry eye signals.
"What is so scary about his snapchats?" Steve asked. "What even are those?"
"Well, snapchats are picture messages you send people, and you can only see them for like 10 seconds. And usually they're pretty innocent. But Wade uses them to send gross pictures he finds on the internet, or pictures of his dick, or-" Tony explained.
"Did you cover your toilet in peanut butter?" Sam asked, frowning at his phone screen. Wade cackled. "What is wrong with you?!"
"I am a comedy genius! Ha! Wait til you see the next one!"
"YOU COLORED AN ENTIRE WALL WITH CRAYOLA MARKERS?!" Peter yelled in the snapchat, muffled from Sam's phone. Wade was cackling in the background as he held the camera.
"Why are you like this?" Clint sighed. Wade shrugged.
"I want to carve out my retinas. Stop sending your penis to people that aren't Peter. Actually, stop sending it to Peter too. Stop," Sam shook his head.
"But, I drew a hat on it. And a suit and tie."
"Still, no. And now it is my turn to truth or dare, so..." Sam glanced around the room. "Bruce. Truth or dare?"
"Well, considering all of your dares will turn me green- Yes, they will, I know you idiots, no offense," he said as Sam tried to interrupt. "Truth."
"What's the deal with Clint and Natasha?" Tony hissed towards Sam.
"No assisting!" Clint cried.
"Fine."
"What's the deal with you and Clint and Natasha?" Sam asked. Tony smiled.
"What do you-" Bruce glanced over at Clint. "Do they-"
"That question is invalid, he had help. Voided. Illegal. I object!" Clint cut Bruce off.
"He's right, that's illegal," Bucky said. Sam gave him a look and he quickly backtracked. "But, uh, the rules probably changed, so, do what you want."
"Clint, you said that they were all aware-" Bruce started again.
"Da, da da da da da. Shush. Hush, your face. Shh. Stop talking," Clint put a hand over Bruce's mouth. "New question."
"Fine. What's in the red pool of goo?" Sam asked. Everyone in the group stared at Bruce expectantly.
"That's much better," Bucky nodded, patting Sam on the arm.
"Oh, come on," Bruce laughed nervously.
"What's in it, Bruce?" Clint asked, moving his hand.
"Ah, well, it's- It's nothing, really, uh, nothing..."
"You have to tell us. Or be forever shamed," Sam teased.
"Just... Chlorine, sodium phosphate, nitrogen... Acid, plasma from the fourth dimension..." he muttered the last part.
"What?!" Tony shot up. "What?!"
"And poptart. Because Thor got some in the container. And also the blood of a Fenris Wolf."
"What were you making?!"
"Those are just the simplistic ingredients! I was- In the centrifuge, and I was gonna briefly borrow Loki's staff, and also the radioactive toaster, and it was gonna yield some matter that I could use to make a portal on the roof which was gonna be a test for teleportation, uh-"
"And you didn't tell me?!"
"Well it didn't work, and now the lab might be slightly displaced in time!"
"That's awesome!"
"I know! But it's also against a lot of building codes!"
"Oh!" Tony sat back down on Steve's lap. "That's true!"
"I know!"
"Why are we still yelling?!"
"I don't know!"
"Let's stop!"
"Okay!"
"Seriously," Tony pointed at him. "No more red goo."
"Well, I can't get rid of it, so. Hopefully it doesn't grow or become sentient or create a hole in space that devours the house. But it probably won't."
"Okay, well, as long as it's like, 80% not dangerous."
"Definitely. Like, 82%, for sure."
"Cool."
There was a pause.
"Loki's gonna be mad that you took blood from his wolf," Wade sighed. Bruce shrugged.
"My turn for this terrible game. Steve, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"How old are you?"
"I- Uh," he paused in confusion and glanced at Tony. "I... 125? Is that right? Is- No, that can't be right, can it? Bucky?"
"You are not a hundred and twenty fucking five, Jesus. You're 96. Can you do math?"
"But- I was in ice for 90 years."
"You were not! I can't believe you guys are still doing that to him!"
"Have you been messing with me?" Steve asked Tony, who shrugged. "Oh my God! I thought I was so old!"
"96 is still pretty old, Stevie," Bucky sighed.
"Well, mister salty, how old are you?" Sam asked, amused.
"99," Bucky muttered. Sam laughed and Bucky shoved him lightly with his shoulder.
"Someone's into cougars," Clint snickered.
"What?" Bucky asked. Sam shot daggers at Clint with his eyes.
"I was talking about Tony. Jeez, Barnes, not everything is about you," Clint scoffed. Sam mouthed 'you idiot' at him, and he shrugged.
"Okay, my turn," Steve looked around. "Bucky. Truth or dare."
Bucky and Steve engaged in an at least two minute long staredown.
"Dare," Bucky said finally. Steve grinned and Bucky's face fell. "Oh, fuck me."
"Language!" Steve said before he could stop himself.
"That's funny, coming from the man with the severe daddy kink," Tony snickered. Bucky made gagging noises.
"Ha. That's really funny coming from the man with the bondage kink, and who calls me a dirty slut when he's tied to-"
"ALRIGHT, KIDS!" Bruce yelled. "Please don't share anymore, thanks!"
"What were you tied to?" Wade asked.
"Hey!" Bruce snapped at him.
"Bedpost," Tony mouthed. Wade nodded.
"What's my dare, so I can do it before I kill myself," Bucky groaned.
"Well, I was gonna be nice, but you-"
"You're the one who brought up your weird sex life! I didn't do anything!"
"Fine. I'm still not gonna be nice."
"I hate you."
"Remember you said that as I tell you that your dare is to kiss Sam."
Clint burst out laughing and quickly silenced himself. Sam sat up straight and looked between Bucky and Steve with his eyes wide.
"N- I- You don't have to- He's-" Sam stammered. "That question is invalid! Voided! Illegal! I obj- Mmmmf!"
Bucky cut him off by kissing him on the mouth. Clint whooped so loud he fell off the couch, and Steve was laughing.
The front door burst open with a loud bang.
"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" Thor boomed. Bruce winced and slid down in his chair.
"You break that door, you're replacing it," Tony tried weakly.
"Your middle name is Edward?" Wade asked. Tony gave him a withering look.
"YOU HAVE BROKEN THE TRUST OF YOUR PARTNER-" Thor paused as he looked around the room, hammer held high. "Why are you seated upon the Captain's lap?"
"You misunderstood Wade's text," Clint piped up. "Nobody's cheating on anyone. Well. That we know of."
Steve glanced at Tony, who elbowed him.
"So my wrath need not be invoked?" Thor said dejectedly, lowering his hammer.
"Nope. Take a seat, big guy, we're playing truth or dare," Clint patted the couch from his sprawled position on the floor. "Also, your brother is unconscious. But not dead."
"That is quite good news to hear."
"Did you see Peter?" Wade asked. Thor shook his head, and Wade slumped back. "He's dead. I have nothing to live for."
"Will you shut up with that? He's probably out with Natasha somewhere, totally fine."
"What is truth and dares? Is it a test of strength and valor?" Thor questioned.
"No, you ask someone to pick truth or dare, and if they pick truth they have to answer any question with the truth, and if they pick dare, they have to do a dare."
"What is the outcome of this game? What is it's purpose?"
"Usually to embarrass people. Or to get your friends to kiss, like Steve just- Where did Sam and Bucky go?" Clint pointed to their now-empty chair. Steve looked around and huffed. "Those assholes ran away while we were distracted!"
"But they did kiss," Tony pointed out.
"True. That is a plus. But I would have preferred it if they had stayed here so we could make fun of them."
"This truthing dares game sounds like a delightful Midgard bonding ritual. I would like to join you."
"Cool! I dare you to kiss Bruce!"
"Clint, no."
"You have to go along with it Bruce, it's the game."
"He didn't even pick dare!"
"Bruce."
"It's not even your turn."
"Let him kiss you, Bruce."
"No."
"Fine. Kiss Tony."
"Okay," Tony shrugged.
"It's not your turn, Clint!"
"Shut up, Wade, go cry over your boyfriend some more!"
"That was uncalled for!"
"You're uncalled for!"
"Your mom!"
"Ha ha ha, so mature!"
"Bite my ass, Barton!"
And ten minutes later, Wade and Clint were slap fighting on the floor.