-AN-
Yo. Mmkay, this wasn't requested by anyone, but I was in the mood to do something original, if not, odd. So, I decided to take two things that would never fit, and make a fan fiction out of them. Those two things? Eustass Kidd, and concern, lol. So, this is what I came up with.
Trigger warning: Mentions of depression and self harm. Oh, and when I say self harm, I don't mean cutting, since that's not the only form of self harm. In this one, it's nicotine abuse, (smoking)
Also, I'm starting two new books.
One, I am going to publish as soon as I have done this chapter; A Law x Oc/ Kidd x Oc (Centred around Me and a Friend :3)
The other is still in the works. It's a Eustass Kidd x Reader; modern AU. That one won't be released until I've finished the chapters I have in the works for this one-shot book. As I intend to pull this story, and the others, over for a while, to focus souly on these new ones.
Song: Sarcasm
Artist: Get Scared
~*~
-Your POV-
It hurts, y'know? It really fucking hurts having to trudge through every day with a multitude of enormous burdens sat on your shoulders. It's like carrying your demons around with you, listening silently as they witter into your ear about all the horrible things you should do to yourself.
Maybe you're confused as to what I'm talking about.
Cut short, it's depression. The mind-numbing, soul-crushing, vomit-inducing, darkness-incarnate miserable son of a bitch chemical imbalance, which makes you hate yourself, and everything you do.
Sometimes, I try to give my demons faces. And make them less scary. For example, my anxiety. When I think of anxiety, I imagine a scared, grey little child, walking nervously beside me, holding my hand.
Yeah, it works a little bit. But when the full force of my demons hit me head on, that scared little child becomes something twisted; and suddenly, I'm terrified all over again.
With a heavy sigh, I shrink back against the railing of the ship, head tilted back as I stare at the sky. The clouds above were grey, and dreary. Much like the heavy lungful of smoke I had just released.
The cigarette sat between my fingers, worn down, and about three drags off being finished. I seemed to blend in perfectly with the setting around me. My dark clothes designed to blend me into the background; where I felt safest.
I raised the cancerous-stick to my lips again, and took a deep inhalation. But the greedy lungful was cut short by the slamming open of a door.
"(Name)! Get your ass in here, I-..."
Ah, Kid was here. I liked Kid. He was a brutish, violent man, and had a bluntness to him that had perfect ways of keeping me under control. I had been in a relationship with my Captain for a while now, something I never thought possible. Kid seems more like a one-night-stand kinda guy to me, but hey. I'm not complaining. The guy knows how to fuck.
"What do you want?"
I ask, looking at the man who cut his own sentence off, and prepare yet another cigarette, for when the current one is done.
The man of fiery-red hair doesn't reply, and instead narrows his eyes at me. I've seen that look before, and sigh. Somehow, I've pissed him off by doing nothing. Meh, nothing unusual.
The dark man ambles over, and before I know it, all cigarettes currently occupying my body, are gone, and in the ocean. My eyes widen.
"Wha-! Kid!! What the fuck?! That was my last pack, and then next island is fucking weeks away! You absolute dick, why would you-"
"Shut up."
He growls, and within the instant, I'm silent. Damn, that man has a way of suffocating me with words alone...
And physically, apparently. I figure that out quick when I'm caged in against the railing, his ruby-red eyes boring into mine with the ferocity of long unanswered questions.
"(Name),"
He begins, and I can see him having to strain his face into a stoic expression; you know, as opposed to his usual scowl. I have to admit, that look on his face is quite unnerving.
"You've been keeping things from me."
He states. My eyes widen. I didn't think he'd catch on! I mean, doesn't he have killing everything that annoys him to worry about?! Swallowing, I don't say a word. I just keep staring at him, breath baited.
"Don't think I haven't noticed. You shut yourself in a lot, and you smoke at least twenty of those damn cigarettes a day. What's wrong?"
He barked, and I felt myself recoil from his loud voice. I felt panic begin to swell within my stomach, pushing the day's dinner up. Bile rose in my throat, and my lungs seemed to shut down. Everything stopped as I felt my skin crawl with nausea.
Not liking the thought of vomiting in my Captain's face, I wheeled around in his arms, and leaned over the railing, throwing up into the ocean. Shameful tears swelled in my eyes,and I flinched as a large hand rested uncharacteristically soft on my back.
Once the offensive acid was gone from my throat, I remained still. I was panting heavily, tears running down my cheeks, and feeling far too ashamed to look back at Kidd right now.
"(Name)..."
My eyes screwed shut, yet another sensation building in my throat. But this time, it wasn't to vomit.
It was to sob.
My body jolted as loud cries of absolute misery tore out into the air, and I didn't try to stop Kidd when he yanked me to face him, and pulled me to his chest. In that moment, I thought nothing of how unusually affectionate the red-head was acting; I was just grateful for the gesture.
The bitter aftertaste of the puke remained on my tongue, eyes itchy and stinging from the salty tears escaping them.
I don't quite know how long I remained like that. Bawling and quivering against his scar-riddled chest, but I knew it was a while.
Eventually, once my breaths were regular, and my sobbing had been reduced to pitiful whimpers and sniffles, Kidd pulled away, his fearsome red eyes observing my puffy face.
His face scrunched up upon looking at me, and, using the sleeve of his jacket, he wiped the corner of my mouth.
"Damn, (Name)..."
He muttered, sounding somewhat irritated. What am I saying, of course he was irritated. Eustass Kidd has better things to do, than console a little, anxious and depressed girl he liked to screw when he was in the right mood.
I hung my head. My lips parted to issue him an apology, but I was cut off.
"Is this what you've been holding inside for so long? Stupid woman, you should've told me."
He sighed. But despite his cruel choice of words, I could feel the kindness behind them. He was never good at portraying any emotions other than amusement and anger, everyone knew that, but I like to believe I was the only person who knew he tried.
My head tipped up to look at him, and I was momentarily shocked by the expression on his face. His eyes were soft, face lacking any form of frown, or scowl. I could see the sympathy written there, clear as day.
"Look,"
He began, directing his eyes somewhere else, a hand reaching back to rub at the back of his neck.
"I'm pretty shit at listening to problems, and helping... And I can't exactly pummel your problems for upsetting you..."
At that, my lips curled up, and I allowed a small giggle to pass my lips. That seemed to brighten him as he looked back at me, and grinned wide.
"But... I am your Captain, and boyfriend, so... Y'know, I can... Try and shit, heh."
I nodded, and hugged him gratefully.
"I love you..."
I mumbled against torso, and I heard a shallow 'Tch!' From above, making me laugh quietly.
"Yeah... Whatever, moron... It's mutual."
I laughed at his attempt at conveying his feelings into words, before pulling back and smiling widely at him. The gesture was returned, before he began pulling me towards the main-body of the ship, explaining just why he came to see me in the first place.