Ashton opened the door to the old and small family house he once was so familiar with. He stepped inside and didn't bother to close the door after himself as he walked farther into the house.
With slow steps Ashton walked over to the wall of pictures, eying them with a small frown on his face. It looked like he was confused as he let his eyes roam the empty space in the middle of the wall.
With a sigh he turned his head and watched that one picture frame lying face down on the counter beside him. With slightly shaky hand he picked it up and studied it.
It was the family picture, that one family picture that had caught Luke's eyes. Ashton still hated it. He hated how they looked like a normal family. He hated how his father could look so at peace with himself even though he had brought his whole family into a life of death.
Ashton wasn't the one to talk though, he had done the same thing to Luke, so he was probably as bad as his father. He just now realized he didn't want to do that to Luke.
Ashton wanted Luke to be able to live. Luke should be able to live his full life; be able to start his own family without having his children judging him for bringing him into such a dangerous life.
But as Ashton now had left Luke at home, alone, he contemplated if he should just leave and never come back. Maybe he should be the biggest coward in New York and just leave Luke all together, never once glance at the boy ever again.
But he wasn't a coward. Not with the life he live or what he's done. He was fucking awful - he knew and enjoyed that fact about himself - but he wasn't a coward. He couldn't even imagine himself giving up so easily even if something was so hard.
He's killed several people, more than anyone would actually be proud of, and he never regretted or had a hard time with it. But he had a real fucking hard time with love, and even though he'd tried to give up, he couldn't.
He sighed and placed the picture down on the counter, this time face up, and looked at it while digging through his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He pulled one of the tobacco sticks out of the box and placed it between his lips.
Ashton hadn't smoked in a while, all due to Luke and the fact that the young boy always grimaced as soon as Ashton even placed a hand on the cigarette box. Ashton was frustrated by it because smoking was obviously something that made his body relax as much as possible, but with Luke around he was always left on edge.
So maybe it was good that he had left Luke to be on his own, because now Ashton could smoke as much as he wanted and needed, and that without Luke grimacing every second through it.
He lit the cigarette with the old metal lighter he always carried, and took a deep inhale to feel the thick smoke both caress and stab the inside of his throat. It was a pleasure he had been longing for for such a long time, but it still didn't calm the longing he had after Luke.
It had only gone 1 hour, and Ashton missed Luke already.
"Fucking whipped" Ashton mumbled as he held the stick between his forefinger and middle finger and tapped the edge to watch the ashes fall down and land on the family photo.
Ashton exhaled the smoke and eyed the photo once again, keeping his eyes locked with the pair of happily gleaming eyes his younger self always wore.
He bit his lip and ran his thumb over the photo of himself, brushing the ashes away before pressing the burning stick against his two year old self's face, putting out the cigarette silently.
His phone started to ring in his pocket but that didn't face him at all. He kept his gaze on the put out cigarette and the ruined family photo. He slowly placed another cigarette between his lips before picking up his phone and answered with a simple sigh.
"Where are you?" Seth's voice ran through the phone, making Ashton sigh again.
"The cabin" Ashton answered, making Seth fall silent for a while.
"That's still standing?" Seth asked.
"Who the fuck would take it down" Ashton mumbled and lit his second cigarette with only one hand.
"Well, you would," Seth said and Ashton didn't answer. "Why are you there, anyway?"
"No reason" Ashton mumbled.
"I bet my life there's a big fucking reason to why you entered a part of our family again"
"There's not, so go kill yourself" Ashton mumbled and slowly took a deep drag of the cigarette.
Seth didn't answer Ashton's statement and kept quiet while Ashton was mindlessly smoking in silence. There was no need to continue the call because none of the brothers said anything, but neither of them hung up.
"Are you staying?" Seth asked after over a minute of silence.
"Do you have a reason for me to leave?" Ashton asked and put out the second cigarette at the same place on the family picture.
"No," Seth said calmly, "Can I meet you there?"
"Why?"
"Because I want to get back to some memories"
"It's all shit" Ashton answered, making Seth chuckle breathily.
"I'm on my way" Seth answered and hung up without another word. Ashton placed his phone back down in his pocket and picked up yet another cigarette. His throat was burning, but that kind of burning feeling was a whole lot better than the burning feeling he got while crying.
With a final puff of the smoky air, he put out his third cigarette - close from finished - and walked away from the photos. With heavy steps he walked towards the bedroom and stopped in the doorway when watching the tangled sheets and closed curtains.
It was just like they had left it. When it had been easy. When it had been just him and Luke.
When they had been both alive.
**
"It's just the same like it's always been" Seth spoke and eyed every wall of the small house with pursed lips. The older Irwin boy slowly walked over to the ruined picture and scoffed before picking it up and brushed the dead cigarettes away.
Ashton only hummed in agreement as he was seated by the small kitchen table with his head in his hands. His eyes drew invisible lines over the worn out and broken table, eying every cut and bump on the cheep wood.
"So," Seth said and hung up the picture on the wall before sitting down across from Ashton by the table, "Why are you here?"
"I've already told you," Ashton said and lifted his head from his hands to look at his brother with drained eyes, "There's no reason"
"Yes there is. Michael already told me"
"Then why are you asking me?" Ashton asked and scoffed as he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Believe it or not, but things actually can get easier when talking about them" Seth spoke and send Ashton that knowing smile, showing off that he was mature while being so unbelievably immature.
"I don't believe in stuff like that" Ashton mumbled and put his head in his hands again.
"Of course you don't, Ash" Seth spoke while looking around the house again. "You'll die with thousands of secrets"
"Won't we all?" Ashton asked carelessly before leaning over the table and rested his upped body over it.
"You're such a fucking boring person" Seth spoke as he stood up from his chair to walk around the cabin again. Ashton didn't answer him because he knew his brother was probably speaking the truth.
"You're acting like everything's fine between us" Ashton mumbled after a while of silence once again.
"No I'm not, I'm just acting normal. Just because you thought I was dead doesn't mean I have to kiss your ass. I've never done it before, so I won't start now. I'm alive, you're gonna have to live with it"
"What if I don't want to?" Ashton asked and eyed his brother with a slight glare.
"Then don't. I'm here to save your ass, and if that makes you still hate me, then so be it. You're still my brother, at least act like there's at least some family blood between us" Seth spoke without looking at Ashton.
"Why should I? Family just leaves anyway. What do I have left? You and Ty. That's not anything to fucking cheer about"
"Ouch," Seth spoke sarcastically and held a hand over his chest, "Glad to know I'm something to you at least"
"Whatever" Ashton mumbled.
"I know you're bitter, I understand that," Seth said and pointed down at Ashton's wrists, "But I mean, no one's controlling you. You're doing everything by yourself"
"I know that, I'm not fucking stupid. It's not like I blame everything on someone else" Ashton retorted with a scoff.
"Then stop acting like such a sappy love story. I fucking know it's all because of Luke, and you guys are fine so I don't see why you, or Michael, are making such a big deal out of it"
"Because Luke is getting in the way. He's all I think about and it's taking away my focus" Ashton mumbled.
"See? Now you just blamed everything on someone," Seth spoke and chuckled, "Your relationship is not unhealthy, it's just like it's supposed to be in a world like this. I think it's good that you try to separate for a day or two, but you can't trust anyone right now Ash, so you're right in having blondie glued to your side. If you want him alive, that is"
"Then why did Michael say it was fucked up?" Ashton muttered with a clenched jaw.
"I don't fucking know, jealousy?" Seth spoke and carelessly shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, look at it like this; your relationship with Luke is just the same as it is with the guys. You'd give your life for all of us, just like we'd do for you. It's a game of life and death and it's normal for us, so of course it's gonna be like that between you and Luke as well. Maybe Michael tries to tone it down, but that's not fucking possible when having a whole gang of killers breathing down your neck"
Seth moved around the table and sat down again, locking his hazel-brown eyes with Ashton's similar hazel-green ones.
"Seems like you have two people who wants you wrapped around your finger, and this time Michael is the one carrying you around. Damn," Seth breathed out, "he even made you leave Luke behind in the middle of this fucking massacre. He still got that psychological shit figured out"
Ashton sat quietly and stared at the wall with harsh eyes while gritting his teeth together. There was no way his brother was right about this. Michael had his own fucking boy-toy that he nearly killed Ashton for, so why would Michael try to push Luke out of the way. It made no sense.
"He has no reason to do that" Ashton mumbled and stood up from the chair and pushed it back so it fell against the floor with a loud thud.
"Maybe not, I don't know. But who is Michael to say no to everything he can get? I'm just trying to figure out why anyone would think there's a good idea to leave someone alone during this. But I mean, I'm not being a hypocrite here, I left my girl in Albuquerque. At least that's far away from all the shit that's going on" Seth chuckled and Ashton wanted to beat the shit out of him to make him shut up.
"Why are you making everything out to be such a fucking joke? It's not, so shut the fuck up" Ashton said with irritation.
Seth sat up straight in his seat and leaned his elbows on the table as he leaned closer to his brother. That usual smile was glued to Seth's face, only making Ashton even more irritated than before. Angry, even.
"Don't take life too seriously, little brother," Seth spoke and breathed out heavily, "You'll never get out alive"
Ashton clenched both his jaw and his fists harshly. He flinched slightly when hearing Seth's phone signaling for a text, and as Seth broke their eye contact, Ashton shook his head with a sharp sigh.
"I'm leaving" Ashton mumbled and walked out of the kitchen to rip the door to the house open.
"No," Seth spoke and read the text he had previously gotten. He walked over to Ashton and gave his brother the phone before walking past him. "We're leaving"
**
Ashton was quiet as he sat in the backseat of the car. Chase was seated beside him while Michael was in the front seat and Seth was driving. The three of them were in a conversation that Ashton wasn't a part of at all.
Ashton had his eyes locked on his clenched fists that were placed in his lap. The skin by the nails of his thumbs were filled with blood as he had been pulling off skin in anger. Putting himself through pain held his anger down.
He wasn't sure how long it would last though.
Seth drove out of the city and over to the old and run down harbor that was far away from anyone's knowledge. He stopped the car at a distance from the locked warehouse, and Ashton was quick to get out of the car and reach for his gun and suppressor in the trunk.
"Ash, calm down" Chase spoke and frowned at Ashton as the temperamental boy walked past him.
"Can we just get this over with? We're just picking up a dead dude. I'll fucking do it myself if I have to," Ashton spoke and held up his wrists, "I wanna reach a hundred before the year's up" he said sarcastically before walking off again.
The three other boys had no time to catch up with him, so Ashton walked up to the warehouse alone with a clenched jaw and a loaded gun. He rounded the corner of the house and watched the big man guarding the door.
Ashton rolled his eyes and attached the sound suppressor to the barrel of the gun while keeping his back pressed against the wall. He calmly checked so the suppressor was on before loading the gun and took a step forward to aim it at the guy standing by the door, but Ashton was tugged back before he had a chance to press down the trigger.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? They're like 8 people in there, there's no way you can take them yourself" Michael said said in a hash whisper as he pressed Ashton back against the wall again.
"Watch me" Ashton spat as he pushed Michael off of him and turned to the man again before he fired the shot, leaving the big man falling helplessly to the ground with a thud. As Ashton was about to walk off, Michael tugged him back again.
"I know you're being a bitch about this Luke thing, but don't take it out on all of us. It's not our fault that you're a fucking obsessed lover" Michael spoke, like if the words tasted bad in his mouth.
"Don't fucking touch me, you psychopathic shit" Ashton mumbled, making Michael furrow his eyebrows.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? A few hours ago you were crying on my shoulder and now you're calling me a psychopath?" Michael said and pushed Ashton harder against the wall as he laughed humorlessly, "It's not me it's wrong with, it's you and your bipolar mind-"
"It's you who's got the twisted mind here, Mike" Ashton seethed and gripped Michael to flip them around and press the younger boy against the wall while pressing his arm against Michael's throat. "I won't love you, so stop trying"
Michael was quiet as his dirty green eyes roamed all over Ashton's face. A deep confused frown was etched to his face, though, Ashton could still see how the green haired boy was starting to grow anxious.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Ash. You're just coming up with excuses so you can blame all this shit on me" Michael spoke calmly. Too calm for Ashton to believe any of it was true.
"I'm not yours, so leave me alone. You go back to your fucking toy-boy and mind his business, not mine" Ashton said harshly and pressed his arm harder against Michael's throat before letting go of the boy.
Ashton looked to his left and watched Chase and Seth walk over to them. He didn't bother to wait as he walked off the step over the dead man and reached for the door, but once again Michael stopped him.
"How can I be with Calum when you won't let me? Everything he and I do you'll get fucking repulsed about, and how am I supposed to take that, Ash? Just as simple anger? Because that's pure bullshit" Michael said as he walked over to Ashton again.
"I don't fucking like the kid, alright? He tried to steal Luke away from me and he tried to kill me, so it's not like I fucking adore the piece of shit you've found for yourself"
"And you don't like me either!" Michael exclaimed, far too loud for them to still be kept unnoticed. "You don't like me either so why the fuck won't you just let me be with Calum, because it seems to me like you think we deserve each other"
"I don't care about you, Mike. Just leave me out of it, and don't you fucking dare tell Luke any of that bullshit you told me, because you know he'll be dead in a heartbeat if he's left alone" Ashton seethed.
"But he is left alone, and still you're here with me" Michael whispered and even though his face was blank, his eyes showed some twisted realization that Ashton yet hadn't gotten the hang of.
It made Ashton fucking furious.
Ashton dropped his gun to the ground and clenched his fist before throwing it over to Michael's face, hitting the boy's eyebrow and making Michael's head fall to the side. After a while of letting his head hang defeatedly, Michael raised his chin and looked at Ashton with dark green eyes and gritted teeth.
"You always have to be the best, Ash. You always have to have everything and you never let shit go. If you did I'd be long gone by now, but here I still am, along with the blonde beauty. You have everything; one in the same world
as you, and one in the fairytale world. And you fucking know you'll always have us, that until any of us takes the final breath" Michael breathed out.
Even though Ashton wouldn't like to admit it, he knew he'd always have both Michael and Luke with him. Luke as a pure emotional and romantically relief, and Michael as a violent and emotionlessly pleasurable relief. He'd always have them and he had no idea how strongly he was ruling over their minds.
Michael didn't have Ashton wrapped around his finger, neither did Luke. Ashton had both boys wrapped around his fingers, and he was ordering them around like if he was the puppet master and they were his dolls.
But of course Ashton couldn't handle the truth, so he threw another fist at Michael, and another, and another. He kept throwing punches until he was pulled away, having his brother hold him in a tight grip while jabbing his gun into Ashton's ribs to get the boy to stop fighting.
Chase was holding Michael up and checking so the boy was still conscious before looking up at Ashton with an exhausted facial expression.
"I'm so fucking sick of both of you! I know I've been gone for 3 years, but what the fuck happened to you two? I don't give a shit about what you two do on your spare time or what your little fuck-toys know about you, but don't fucking do this now when we're about to do fucking work" Seth seethed and jabbed his gun in Ashton's ribs several times, finally making his younger brother flinch.
"I won't do this shit if you two are gonna be like this. You're my family, so get over whatever shit you have going on, because no one else but you cares. I want you two alive- need you two alive, so get your shit together" Seth said again and Ashton clenched his jaw harshly before pushing Seth off of him.
"I don't have any problems, it's all Ash" Michael mumbled and wiped the blood away from his eye.
"You're such a fucking liar-"
"Shut up!" Chase suddenly burst out, causing all of them to turn and face him, "You're fucking dependent on each other, alright?! Don't act like it's a new thing because this whole fucking group is based on your friendship. If that means you'll have to fucking sleep with each other, then so be it. I refuse to lose this shit because you two can't get your shit worked out-"
Chase's rant was cut short as the door to the warehouse opened and a shot was fired their way. All boys were quick to react and Seth fired a bullet right in the man's forehead, causing him to fall down right away.
Ashton was quick to pick up his gun and enter the warehouse, but stopped immediately when he saw that the warehouse was completely empty with the door in the corner wide open. The only thing left was pools of blood and a chair with cut ropes and a empty bottle of acid.
"Fuck," Seth spoke as he walked past Ashton and eyed the remaining things in the building, "Look what you've done! Can't you do anything right anymore? You fucking try to kill yourself, you try to kill me, you try to kill Michael, and all because-"
"Guys," Michael's quiet voice was enough the interrupt Seth's scolding and making both Irwin boys turn to look at him in anger.
"Chase's been hit" he spoke and his eyes were wide as he held up his bloody hands. Seth was quick to rush out of the warehouse, both Ashton and Michael right behind him, to watch Chase's body next to the two other men's.
"Hey, Chase!" Seth spoke loudly and smacked his hand against the boy's cheek repeatedly, but never once got a response. "You're not done breathing, man, come on"
Ashton watched as his brother pressed his hand harshly against the wound over Chase's chest, pumping to get his heart going again, but there was still no reaction from the brunette. His eyes were wide open and his lips were parted, his skin was turning paler, and his body was growing stiffer.
All of them knew he was dead, there was just no chance in accepting it.
"Good job, guys" Seth spoke in a monotone voice as he stood up from his crouched position and turned to the two younger boys, "Great fucking job"
"I-" Michael started but Seth stepped forward and held an intimidating hand up to silence him.
"You two better get your shit together, because there's no way you'll be let back in until you do" he said in a hushed voice that was only filled with pure anger. "You let one of your own fucking men die for you, and I hope to fucking God you'll do the same"
Ashton was silent as he kept his eyes locked on Chase's lifeless face. His whole body was tensed as he watched one of his brothers lie dead by his feet without any of the ones surrounding him shedding a single tear.
"Don't go home until you're ready to keep it together like a real family. Until then, you're rather enemies than friends" Seth spoke and eyed the two young boys before turning around to look at Chase.
He crouched down again and placed his fingertips over Chase's eyelids to close them before mumbling a few last words. He stood up and didn't spare a glance at either Ashton or Michael before walking off and leaving them alone.
Time went and silence surrounded them as they were left by the empty harbor with three dead bodies by their feet. Ashton was still staring at Chase's dead body, while Michael shakily walked over to the wall and slid down against it. He pulled his knees up to his chest and ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it violently.
"Fuck," he whispered in a painful voice, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
Ashton tried to ignore Michael's stinging screams as he slowly kneeled down beside Chase and reached for the necklace around the boy's neck. He slowly took it off and studied the golden chain along with the several initials carved into the simple flat golden charm that was attached to it.
Ashton held the securely in his head and flipped the charm around to watch the small text carved into it as well. He let his eyes focus on it and bit the inside of his cheek harshly before reading the text out in a raspy voice.
"The battle over flesh and blood cannot compare to the battle for the heart"
And Ashton and Michael knew that's what they had failed to prove.
-
chase :(
i never feel excited to write this story anymore, but i have the whole story planned out from start to finish. there's just sooo much to write, damn it.
vote and comment
ily