Chapter 33
By then, everyone knew what happened and the expression in their eyes changed when they looked at me. All the energy I had summoned at one point was gone, and I couldn't find the words to go on. Gustavo picked up where I had left off and continued.
"The authorities put her in a mental hospital, saying she was unstable," he said.
"Those damn bastards," Jules spat.
Gustavo continued to speak, but he looked a hundred years older. He told them about my nightmares. How I'd make up in the middle of the night. Screaming my head off. How I'd have . . . . episodes; How they started to come back.
Victoria whispered to me in French, "The nightmares came back?" I nodded at her.
"Are you still taking pills?"
I shook my head. She didn't say anything else. Damien watched us with a curious face but didn't say anything.
"Episodes?" Damien's dad said from where he stood in the entryway into the living room, his shoulder up against the door frame. "What exactly do you mean by episodes?"
"George!" Heather exclaimed.
"What? Is there something wrong with me wanting to know what we're getting ourselves involved in?" He cast me a glance. "I don't need Damien getting into trouble a year before he's supposed to graduate."
"Uncle George . . ." Taylor started to say. "Please don't."
"Are you suicidal?" He continued, completely ignoring her. "Is that what this is all about?"
"She just told us what this is all about," Tony said. "Were you not listening?"
"There's more to the story. What else are you not telling us?"
"George, this girl has just confided to us the wrong that was done to her when she was only twelve years old," Heather said in a stern voice.
"I'm not stupid. The look on her face says she's holding something back and I want to know what that is," he looked right at me, making me want to shrink back in my seat. Damien took my hand in his and squeezed it. "Dad. Drop it, okay?"
His eyes shifted to Damien. "You know what that something is, don't you?"
Damien didn't say anything but lowered his eyes. "Keeping secrets from your father, boy?" His father continued.
"Sir," Gustavo started to say.
"I-!" Everyone looked at me. "I killed him."
"Amber," Victoria said.
I swallowed. "The man who . . . raped me. I killed him." I felt like someone was stabbing me over and over again, making it hard to breathe. "I have nightmares of him . . . coming back from the dead and hurting me."
The faces of Damien's family were frozen in shock.
"Shit," Dan breathed.
Tears were falling from my eyes like raindrops. "I'm a monster."
"No, you're not!" Damien protested. "That bastard is the monster. You did what you had to in order to survive. Anyone else would have done the same."
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We left not too long after. I had caused enough tension in their house for one day.
"He's right, you know."
I turned to Jules. "Anyone and everyone would have done what you did if it meant the difference between life and death. You're not a monster, Amber," he stressed. "You have to stop telling yourself otherwise."
"Yeah," I said.
"Human instinct to survive," Gustavo said from behind the wheel. "That's all it was."
I nodded, letting them know I was alright.
When we got home, I went straight to my room and plopped down on my bed. It surprised me how easy I was able to confess what had happened in Paris. Okay, maybe not EASY. It was definitely hard and nerve-wracking and nearly impossible like when I had told Damien, which I still couldn't believe I was able to. But I was still able to tell him and his family too, something I thought I would never be able to do. I faced the demons inside of me. It also made me think a lot about getting help, talking to a therapist, maybe even going back on the medication. Taking pills made me feel like there was something really wrong with me and it only reminded me of what had happened, the reason why I was taking them in the first place. But now I wanted to get better. I want to have a normal life. I want to stop being so afraid of trusting people and letting them in. I don't want to freak out if a guy tries to touch me like with Damien's brother.
I especially don't want to ever feel afraid of Damien. I want to have a normal relationship with him. I don't want him to think that he has to tip toe around me like I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. I wanted to change, and I was going to. I sighed, closing my eyes. I felt my phone press against my thigh from inside my pocket and pulled it out. I wanted to talk to Damien more than anything but I was afraid my voice would betray me. I sat, trying to make up my mind on what to do. In the end, I decided to just text him a message while trying to make it sound as normal as possible. But as soon as I sent the text, he immediately called. I didn't answer right away, even though my thumb hovered over the green icon. I let it ring twice before pressing the phone to my ear. I waited for Damien to say something first but all I heard was the sound of his breathing, the only indication that he was even on the line. Then, finally, he spoke. "Hey," he said softly. It was as if we were face to face and the need to whisper was evident.
"Hey yourself," I said mirroring the softness of his tone.
"Safe and sound, I hope?"
"All nice and warm, I promise. You?"
He seemed to exhale, considering his words. "Eh, not so warm, actually."
"What?" I asked confused.
"I'm actually not home right now," he started to say. "After you guys left, I decided to take a walk. Just to get some air and I wanted to be able to talk to you without any other ears listening in on our conversation, if you know what I mean."
I did know what he meant. "But Damien it's freezing outside!" I protested on his behalf.
"I'm fine, don't worry. A little cold never hurt nobody. Besides, I'm not that far from the house anyway." I could imagine him waving his hand, as if to say "No biggie." I almost laughed because it was typical of him to do as such. "I don't want you getting sick."
"The only person I'm worried about is you." I could hear the smile in his voice. "But it's sweet that you care."
"Of course, I care," I murmured. He laughed, the sound vibrating against my ear. I was glad he wasn't here to see my red face.
He stopped laughing then and his voice grew serious. "But really. How are you? I know that it wasn't easy for you."
I pulled gently at a loose thread from my bedcovers. "You're right. It wasn't easy but it was necessary."
"I'm so sorry about my dad!" He rushed to say. "The things he was saying-He didn't mean them."
I smiled sadly. "It's okay Damien. It's not like I wasn't expecting it. It's a pretty standard reaction. I think I was more surprised by the rest of your family's reactions."
"What are you saying? Do people really . . . talk about you like that?"
"Well, yeah, of course," I said a little surprised at his disbelieving tone. "It's normal. If you heard about it and you had never met me wouldn't you think the same way?"
"No. No!" He said firmly in a loud tone that sent shivers down my spine. "I would never. That's just wrong."
"But I killed the man who-." He cut me off with a loud shout that made me jump.
"Don't say it!" He almost growled. "It doesn't matter what or how it happened. It happened and it was horrible. How could anyone look at that person with hate in their eyes and treat them like they're trash?"
I stayed silent, listening to Damien's heavy breathing as he tried to calm down.
"Sorry," he said quietly after a few seconds had passed his voice calmer. "I didn't mean to blow up on you like that."
"No." My words got caught in my throat. "No, I mean . . . thank you." I felt something wet on my cheek and wiped away tears.
"I refuse to let people talk about you like that. They don't know you," he said.
I nodded, stifling a laugh. "Yeah." I tried to cover up my sniffling but I knew Damien could still hear.
"Let's go out tomorrow. Just me and you." He said after a minute had passed of listening to my quiet tears.
"You mean like on a date?" I asked nervously.
"I realize that I haven't been able to really take you anywhere and I'm a total jerk for that. So how about we go somewhere? Ever been ice skating?" he asked.
"Actually, no," I said sheepishly.
He laughed. "Well it's never too late to learn."
Wooh! Oh my goodness hello little earthlings! How are you?? Lol so this book, my very first book on wattpad will be coming to an end in a couple of chapters, I would estimate ten? Maybe more. (So that might not be a couple) I don't know, we'll see how it goes. Anyway, this chapter was kind of like a filler into how Amber feels and how she has changed. I'm thinking up new story idea and I'm actually really excited too so stay tuned. How did you like this chapter, how are you liking the story? Any predictions on how their date will go? What will happen soon? ;) Please vote and comment. I know I don't update as much as I would hope too but I'm struggling to juggle this thing called life lol and figuring out what I want to do. As if college isn't already stressful right? Your support means the world to me. Thank youuu!!!!! <3
P.S. >>>> Also!!! I started writing a blog (Ik how can you have time to write a blog but you don't have time to update??) Leave me alone okay!! Lol no jk I only just started but once I get my life in order I will definitely update more I promise!! Just have to figure out a good system. The link is in my profile (which I hope you can see) if not let me know and I will post the link. <3