Khadijah's POV
"I need somebody to vent to," I told Kiana.
"Go ahead," She said.
"He's just so damn frustrating," I complained. I was obviously talking about Chris.
"What happened this time?" She asked.
"He's always changing his mind! One day, he asked me to live together. The next day, when I was in Cali to visit him, he was like actually never mind. Then, the next day, when he were at the airport, he said forget what I said yesterday. I don't know what he wants. He doesn't even know what be wants! At first I wanted to move there but now, I'm not sure."
"Then, just stay here in Chicago," Kiana suggested.
"No, I don't like long distance," I replied.
"What about moving to L.A but now with Chris? Get your own place."
"It's too expensive over there. It'll take my months maybe even a few years to save up enough money to actually live there by myself," I answered.
"Well, damn. Ion what to tell you anymore. I'm all out of ideas."
"What would you do if you were in my shoes?" I questioned.
"Honestly, I would leave his ass. It's hard dealin' with a nigga who can't make up his mind and I wouldn't wanna do it."
"I can't do that," I said, quickly. "I love him and he loves me. We're in love."
We have lots of bumps in our relationship. I question if we are right for eachother a lot. It hard to explain, but it's like he has a hold on me. Almost as if he put a spell on me. Even with everything we been through, I still love him. I'm so upset at him right now, but my love isn't going to waiver.
"Girl, you sound delusional. Chris obviously must not be that deep in love if he's cheating on you."
"Me and him talked about and he's not cheating so stop saying that," I retorted.
"Mhm. If you really believe that he's your true love or whatever then move in with him. If you and him are meant to be, it'll work out, right?"
"Thats a huge gamble," I stated, chewing on my lip.
This has to be the most important decision I've ever had to make. If I move over there that's means a new city, a new job, and new friends. I wanted to move there but then I didn't and now I'm torn in half.
"Look at like this. You said yourself that you don't like long distance relationships. If you were in one, there's probably like a 100% chance that ya' would break up, right?"
"Right."
"Well, if you move over there, then there's only a 50% chance that ya' would break up which is better," Kiana said.
"And what if I'm unlucky and we break up? Then, I stuck living with my ex-boyfriend. Unless he kicks me out."
"All I'm sayin' is that sometimes, you should take a risk."
"Thanks for the advice Kiki," I said, using her nickname.
"No problem. You know what you finna do?"
"Not yet, but I'll decide soon. Alright so, I'll talk to you later."
I hung up and threw my phone to the side. I sat on couch for some minutes, staring at the ceiling. I was trying to make a choice. Kiana's words were stuck in my head. Sometimes you should take a risk. Should I really? I am not a risk-tasker. I like to do what's logical and makes the most sense. And where has that gotten me? A small Chicago apartment where I spend my time hating my job and complaining about my boyfriend. Maybe I need to stop thinking with my brain and start thinking with my heart. This might be my only chance to actually get out of this city and make myself happy. I know what I'm going to do now.
I grabbed my phone and decided to FaceTime Chris. Hopefully, he wasn't busy or anything.
"Hey," He answered.
Chris looked bored. Not at all happy that we were talking. Usually, he'd call me baby or something but he didn't today. I guess he was still mad about yesterday. I still don't know why he's the one who's mad when it should be me but whatever. I'm not gonna bring it up.
"Hey Chris. So, I was thinking-"
"About?" Chris interuppted.
If you didn't cut me off, I would've told you!
"About me moving to Cali. I wanna do it," I announced.
"Forreal?" Chris questioned.
"Yeah, forreal."
Chris gave me a huge smile, showing all his pearly white teeth.
"I can't wait to see yo' ass! You know when you coming here?"
"I think I'll be ready to move in like 2-3 weeks. I have a lot I gotta do," I said. Before Chris had a chance to say something, I spoke up again. "Chris, we're on the same page, right?"
"What page are you on?"
"I'm just saying that my decision to live with you is final. I'm not gonna change my mind about it."
"Then yeah, we on the same page," Chris confirmed.
I'm going to spend all my time hoping, wishing, and praying that Chris will stay true to his word. He's said stuff before and done the complete opposite but I'm going to try and stay optimistic. Maybe he has finally matured.
-
I had a few hours until work so I might as well start getting ready to move. Los Angeles is warm all year round which meant I had a bunch of clothes that I didn't need anymore. It took my around four and half hours to decide which of my clothes I should keep and what I should donate. By the time I was done, it was time to get to work.
I arrived there and immediately started putting away those boxes. After my shift was over, I went to my talk to my boss, Lisa.
"Hello, Khadijah. What can I do for you?" Lisa asked.
"I just wanted to let you know that I'm actually planning on moving to a different state," I informed her.
"Really? When are you moving?"
"In two or three weeks."
"I'm sad to see you go. You're one of my best employees," Lisa frowned.
"Thank you but I really can't stand to be in this city any longer," I said with a chuckle.
"That's totally understandable." She took a pause to look at a calendar. "You'll receive your last paycheck on February 25th."
"Okay thank you."
I stood up and left the office. My co-workers stood around, probably waiting for me.
"What happened?" Maya inquired.
"I'm moving in with my boyfriend in California. I'm leaving in two weeks or so," I replied.
All of the girls eyes widened.
"It's gonna be so weird not seeing you here anymore," Camilla commented.
I felt the same way. I've had this job for four years. Even though I didn't like the girls at first, we've gotten really close there past few months. These were the only friends I had with me. Not seeing them five times a week will take some getting used to. I've gotten accustomed to my daily schedule which was wake up, eat, come here to work, go home, and then sleep. Leaving the only thing I've known in my adulthood really scares me now that I think about it.
"Yeah, it is. I'm gonna miss all you," I admitted.
"Imma miss you too," Cara said, wrapping me in a hug.
"I hope you and your boo stay happy," Maya said.
"Thanks," I replied.
After saying goodnight and waving good bye, I made my way back home. The apartment was a mess. There were a bunch of boxes lined up on one wall with unwanted clothing. All over the ground, there were other boxes that I planned to put what I did want in. That was just the living room. My bedroom looked 10x worse.
For whatever reason, I got the most overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. Maybe it was because seeing the mess reminded me of when I first moved in. It was exactly two months after my 18th birthday. I was beyond excited to have my own place. I hope that I can properly adjust to living with Chris since I've been by myself for four years. Everything is going to be so different.
Seeing all if this is making me realize that I'm giving up everything I know/have in order to be with Chris. I pray to God that I'm making the right choice.
-----
Hey everyone! I know that these past few chapters haven't been all that interesting but I promise it'll get me interesting very soon. I hope you liked the read. -Khadijah