Dedication:deludedbullshippers5 just because all of your comments last chapter were in all caps. I assume you were either mad or sad, and that's the vibe I hoped to give off with this book. I just don't want you to, like, throw your phone at a wall or something because of this book. That would be bad.
The behind the scenes video was so Malum af.
Calum was huddled in a corner of his room with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his shaking hands. There were bags under his eyes, and countless cuts on his wrists. He had ran out of open space on his upper thighs on Tuesday, so he moved on to his stomach instead. Even though he was cutting and by now he didn't have much care for anything, he still didn't want anyone finding out about his addiction.
"Michael," he whispered through dry, cracked lips. He knew the boy was gone, but that didn't stop his drunk self from calling out for him.
It had been a week since Michael left, and Ms. Clifford had decided not to call the police. That crushed Calum, and he yelled at her, which his mum scolded him for.
He hadn't gone to school, instead stayed in his room doing the same things every day. Drink, cut, but don't get too close to the veins. That had been his routine this entire week. His friends had called him constantly after neither him nor Michael had showed up to school in a few days, but he ignored all of their attempts to contact him. They had even come by his house, but his mum told them that Calum just wasn't feeling well. She did, however, invite them inside and tell them about what happened with Michael. Calum heard the whole conversation.
His parents had excused him from church today, and today had been worse than the other six days he had been without Michael, for a reason Calum didn't really know. He just felt worse today than he did the other days this past week.
After one more swig of whiskey, he stood, using the wall as support. He stumbled to his bathroom and cleaned himself up, then put all thirteen of his razors neatly back into their little box. Then, he did something he hadn't done in a week. He cried. He leaned against the wall outside of his bathroom and cried, his entire body trembling and his legs feeling as though they would give out on him. How could Michael leave him like that?
He didn't know what to do with himself, so he pulled on a black sweater and a pair of black sweat pants, then plopped down on his bed and just laid there, staring at the ceiling. He stayed there for so long that he lost track of time. When he finally dragged his eyes away from his ceiling and to his window, it was dark outside.
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and he sat up. He didn't feel drunk anymore, and he didn't even have a hangover. His eyes drifted to his guitar and notebook, and an idea came to him. Quickly, he grabbed his notebook and opened it to a blank page, then grabbed a pen and started writing.
It started when I was just fourteen
I had my whole life in front of me
I though that
"Honey?"
Calum's head snapped up. His mum was standing in his doorway, looking concerned.
"Dinner's done. I just came up here to tell you."
He just nodded in response.
"Calum." She closed his door and sat on his bed. "Come here."
"Mum, I'm doing something-"
"Here. Now."
He reluctantly walked over to her and sat beside her.
"I love you, and I don't like seeing you like this. Michael's gone, yeah, but that doesn't mean he'll be gone forever. He's only been gone for a week, and you've practically thrown yourself away. The school called me and said you weren't there at all this past week, and do you think I can't smell the whiskey?" Calum looked down in shame. "If you really want Michael back, sulking and drinking yourself away won't do a damn thing. So, come on."
"Where are we going?" Calum asked as his mum stood.
"We're going to look for Michael."
"I've already done that."
"You know how if you try to look for something in the dryer and you can't find it, and then I go out there and do find it?"
"Yeah."
"That applies to everything. Mum's are better at finding things than their children are."
"Michael isn't a thing."
She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "You know what I mean. Now, come on. You're driving. That is, if you're not still drunk."
"I'm not."
"Great, let's go."
-
"I told you we wouldn't find anything," Calum grumbled after they drove past The Bar for the third time.
"You know, maybe if you had some optimism, you'd actually get something done," his mum said. "I can practically feel the pessimism coming off of you. Pull over."
Calum did, and he leaned his forehead on the steering wheel.
"I just - I can't be optimistic without him here. He's my best friend, Mum, and he just left me."
"But, he didn't, Calum. He left you the note, not his mum or anyone else. You. Maybe there's something in it that's a clue as to where he is."
He leaned back and shook his head. "I've looked over that letter countless times. I think I'm just going to drop you off at home and then look for Michael on my own."
She pursed her lips, but nodded and let Calum drive her home.
"Be safe," she said when she got out of the car.
"I will, Mum."
She closed her door, and Calum backed out of his driveway and started driving past all of the places he'd already gone to. He ended up at The Bar, and, surprisingly, Mariana wasn't there this time. This was the first time Calum had been there without her.
There was a really cute girl sitting on the bar stool next to him, and he gave her a quick once-over before saying, "Hey."
She turned to him and smiled. "Hi," she said, blushing.
"Who are you with tonight?"
"No one. Why?"
He smiled his pretty smile, but it quickly fell when he saw a flash of black and white in his peripheral vision.
"Um, h-hold on," he said, then quickly got off of his seat and went in the direction he saw the black and white go.
His breath hitched in his throat, and his eyes widened. There, in a back booth of The Bar, was Michael, sitting with someone and laughing. He couldn't see the other person, but he definitely saw Michael.
Calum just stupidly stood there, about ten feet from his friend. He was too shocked to think to do anything, but he didn't have to, because soon, Michael's eyes went from whoever he was talking to, to Calum. His beautiful green eyes widened significantly, and then whoever he was talking to turned around, and Calum saw who it was.
Calum's eyes were filling with tears, and he balled his fists and looked down, his breathing increasing. He then turned and pushed his way out of The Bar, ignoring Michael's calls. He didn't even make it a few steps out of The Bar before his sweater sleeve was being pulled on.
"What?!" Calum screamed, turning to Michael with tear-filled eyes. "What the fuck do you want?!"
"Please, just let me explain myself!" Michael pleaded.
"You don't want to explain anything," Calum spit. "If I hadn't seen you, you would have continued to stay hidden. And you were here the whole fucking time?!"
"C-Calum, please, calm down. I-"
"No, you don't need to explain. I understand perfectly well. You wanted to run off with your boyfriend and leave everyone who loves you behind to feel sad, and hate themselves. I hope you're happy."
"I knew my mum wouldn't call the police, Cal. I knew that if I ran away, she would be fine."
"But what about me, Michael?"
It was now that Calum saw the person who had been with Michael was outside with them. It was dark, and he was standing in the shadows, so it was no wonder that Calum hadn't seen him.
"And why the fuck are you here with Ashton?!"
"This isn't what it looks like, o-okay?" Michael's eyes were filling with tears, making Calum even more angry.
"You don't get to cry, Michael. You chose this for yourself, and you obviously didn't take into consideration how I would feel. How do you think I felt when you left me on my bathroom floor? How do you think I've felt this whole week? I mean, look at me."
"Calum, Ashton is not my boyfriend. Don't think he is. I just needed to talk to a friend."
Calum nodded. "Right, because I wasn't a good enough friend for you to talk to."
"If I had contacted you, you would have freaked out, and we would have had this fight. I was trying to avoid fighting with you."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have come to the bar I always go to!"
Michael put his hands on his knees. "You..." he stood up and wiped tears off of his cheeks. "You're the only person who can make me cry like this."
"You do it to yourself."
Michael nodded. "Yeah. I guess I do."
"What did you tell Ashton? What did you need to talk about?"
"I was going to have him tell you and the others why I left."
"Why did you?"
Michael bit his lip, glancing at Ashton before his eyes quickly went back to Calum's. "You were right. I did run off with my boyfriend. He wanted me to live with him, so I agreed to. I didn't want to tell you, because I know you. I know you would want to find him and beat the shit out of him, but I won't let you."
Calum slowly nodded. He laughed humorlessly. "I don't know what I wanted you to say, really. But, fine. I hope you know that while he's fucking you, I'm hurting myself. While he's holding you, I'm holding a razor. But, hey, as long as you're happy, I guess it doesn't matter what anyone else feels, right?"
"Calum-"
"Remember this night, Michael. Remember me crying, and remember this." Calum pushed his sleeves up, revealing all of his cuts. Michael was crying harder now. "Remember how we were best friends, Michael. And remember how you left me for someone you've known for just a year. I hope he's worth it."
With that, Calum turned and walked to his car, got in it, and drove away. At that moment, he couldn't care less if he ever saw Michael again.
-
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Ashton asked as soon as Calum got to lunch Monday.
"What happened?" Luke asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Calum flipped out on Michael last night."
"Wait," Irina said. "You talked to Michael last night?" She was looking at Calum, who nodded.
"I saw him at The Bar," Calum said. "He was sitting with Ashton."
All eyes turned to Ashton, who fidgeted uncomfortably.
"Y-Yeah, he called me and asked to meet up so we could talk," Ashton said.
"And you didn't tell us?!" Luke asked in disbelief.
"Well, Calum didn't tell us that he cuts."
Now all eyes were on Calum, who's eyes were wide. "You fucking piece of shit," Calum said, glaring at Ashton and seething. "You made a mistake, grow some balls and talk about it instead of giving away one of my biggest secrets!"
"I didn't make you cut."
"Yeah, and it wasn't your decision to tell everyone else, either!" Calum scoffed. "You are such a fuckup, Ashton. You don't seem to care about anyone's feelings. You know, you do belong with Michael."
"Hey!" Irina said. "Both of you, stop it, now. Ashton, what happened last night?"
"I got a call from a number I didn't recognize, and when I answered it, it was Michael. he asked to meet me at the bar at ten, so I agreed. There, he told me to tell you guys that he left to live with his boyfriend."
"Michael has a boyfriend?!" Luke asked.
Ashton nodded. "Then Calum came in and got mad, and they fought. Calum showed Michael some cuts on his wrists, then walked away. Michael cried, and I comforted him, and then he drove off and back to his boyfriend, probably.
Irina looked at Calum. "Calum, what happened last night?"
"I drove around with my mum, trying to find Michael, but then eventually I dropped her off at home and went to The Bar, where I saw Michael and Ashton. I wanted to leave, because I was really pissed, but Michael stopped me, and we argued."
"Why did you show him your cuts?"
"Because the night he left, he found me in my bathroom, cuts all over me. And, he left me like that. I wanted him to know that he was leaving me behind, and that him leaving would only make me hurt myself more."
"How long has Michael had his boyfriend?" Luke asked.
"How am I supposed to know?" Ashton asked in return.
"A year," Calum answered.
Ashton rolled his eyes. "And how do you know?"
"Because he fucking kissed me, then said he couldn't be with me!" Calum said, trying not to shout, but Ashton was really pissing him off. Calum looked down at his food, not wanting to see his friend's judgmental faces. "He said it was because he has a boyfriend, and his boyfriend let him fuck around with people, but not get into relationships with them. And, he said he couldn't just fuck around with me, so that was his explanation as to why."
Without looking at his friends, he stood and threw his trash away, then walked out of the school. He couldn't handle talking about these things, especially when he wasn't ready to.
"C-Cal," he heard someone say as he made his way to his car. The voice was raspy, but Calum definitely recognized it.
"Michael?" he asked, looking all around. When he saw the boy, his eyes widened, and he rushed over to him. "Oh, my God, Michael!"
There, against a wall of the school, was Michael. Blood was matted in his hair, and one of his eyes was purple and so swollen it was shut. His bottom lip was busted, and blood was all over his clothes.
Calum gently put his arms around the shorter boy and helped him stand. Michael left so small and helpless in his arms.
"Help," Michael managed to say before his body went limp in Calum's arms.
-
Kind of a bland chapter, sorry.
Most people want loving, caring sex, so I guess that's what I'll write. The first time, at least.