Last night after I fell asleep, Four woke me back up to walk me back to the dorms. He said he didn't want it to look bad or anything if he ran into someone and just had a sleeping girl in his arms.
But that's not really what's on my mind right now. Eric is. I miss him. It doesn't feel right to not be with him and call him mine. But I promised myself I wouldn't go crawling back to him. I'm stronger than that, so instead, I just keep everything inside.
I think last night was easier since it hadn't quite sunk in, but let me tell you, this morning when Eric woke us up and he didn't even look at me, it hit me like a truck.
I'm the one person Eric had actually let in and gained his trust, but I broke his heart. I didn't mean to, Eric just has too much hate and pain that sometimes, he's blinded by it.
The slightest things make him mad to the point where the only thing in his head is either revenge or alcohol. He has so much pain from his past that he doesn't know how to act when anyone loves him or shows the slightest bit compassion. Eric just needs to let go. Let go of it all and restart. But of course he's too stubborn to do that so until he figures it out, I don't want to be around him.
Four called me into the room and I sat in the familiar cold, metal chair, ready to face my fears for the third time. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded and was soon consumed by the darkness of my fears.
I opened my eyes to a dark room. Snakes. My heartbeat picked up as I felt one slither across my legs. I knew what I had to do so I waited. A screamed escaped my mouth when a sharp pain shot through my left leg. I didn't fight back though. I waited for the perfect moment. Finally, something started to slither across my face and when the middle of the snake reached my chin, I bit down. Hard. Soon I was in a desert.
We are all on the bus but something was different this time. I took a good look around and realized what. Not only is Eric here, but so is Four. Why is Four here? I barely know him.
"HEY!" I scream as my loved ones throw me off the bus. I know I can't fight back so I sit on the ground and cover my ears. I sit in pain as everyone yells at me but it's not until Eric speaks up that I'm fully listening. It's like everything around us freezes and it's just me and him. I remove my hands and listen to him in terror.
"You are right Sophia! Everything we ever had was fake! I did use you! You were foolish enough to trust me! You thought I loved you but really I was just gaining your trust to tear you down! I NEVER loved you!!!" He screamed at me.
Rage coursed through my veins. I gave an outrageous growl and started sprinting towards the bus. Eric has a smug smirk on his face which makes me run faster. I leap towards the window Eric is in and tear through the glass but when I land, I'm not in the bus. I'm in my old room.
I hear humming. "MOM?!" I called out.
"She's gone remember," my dad said from the living room. I could hear the smirk in his voice. I know he's just trying to get to me. I know she's out there somewhere. But I can't go. I can't fight the fear so I have to remain calm. I slam the door shut to drown the sounds of my dad's threats and turn off the lights. I lock the windows shut to hopefully lower the sounds of my mother's humming but it only makes it louder. I lay down in my bed and pull the covers over my head and let the humming drift me off to sleep.
I open my eyes but I'm still in my room. The humming is gone. This is a new fear. I get out of bed only to hear the sound of glass shattering. Seconds later my dad walks in with the neck of a broken beer bottle. "You know," he says, "I'm getting tired of you being around."
With that my eyes widen in fear. He's not here to beat me. He's here to kill me. The fear is quickly wiped away with anger. "No. I'm getting tired of you being around," I say through gritted teeth.
He launches himself at me, trying to stab me with the broken glass. I dodge it and pull his head to my knee. He moans in pain and just when I'm about to slam his head into the wall, he says, "You're just like me you know." He states it more like a fact. He smiles though his mouth is bloody.
"What did you say?" I jerk him back but still keep a strong grip on his hair.
"You're beating me out of anger. You want to kill me like I've been trying to all these years," he smiles again showing his bloody teeth. "You're. Just. Like. Me," he states again.
This only makes me angrier. He's just trying to get to you. He's right. I can't stoop to his level. Don't be silly you're nothing like him. "You're wrong," I say letting go of him, "I'm nothing, like you." With that he starts to fade away.
I turn around and my room is gone. Now I'm in a big, cold, dark room. On the other side of the room I see two figures sitting in a chair, both are tied up. I can't quite make out the faces but both are guys.
I'm too distracted by the men that I don't see the table to my right until I hear a crunch. I look down and see a piece of paper. I bend down and pick it up. It reads:
To your right is a table with a gun on it. You must take the gun and shoot one of those men up ahead. There is only one bullet so choose wisely.
What the hell? I have to shoot one of them? I don't even know them. I pick up the gun and walk slowly up to the tied up men. As I get closer I see who they are. I gasp and drop the gun. Eric and Four who are beaten up pretty badly.
Why is Four here? This one is usually just Eric. Do I love Four? No. I can't possibly. I barely know him. He does make you feel special though. My heart is with Eric though. Eric hurt you and Four comforts you. But Eric did so much for me. Yeah but you always end up getting hurt with Eric.
I shake my head trying to stop arguing with myself so I can focus on the task at hand. "I can't shoot either of you guys," I say looking between them.
"Sophia it's okay," Eric says. His voice cracks between words. The poor guy can't even talk. A tear falls at the sight of him like this.
I turn to Four as he says, "Sophia I want to make you happy. Spare me and let me be the one to make the rest of your life happy and perfect."
"But I can't shoot Eric," I cry. "I can't shoot either of you!"
"Sophia," I turn my attention to Eric, "Shoot me. If he's what you want, then shoot me. I just want you to be happy," he says with a tear on his cheek. He wants to give his life to make me happy? I think about it for a little bit and make my decision. I pick the gun up and aim it at Four. I just can't get my finger to the trigger. I quickly put the gun to my head and pull the trigger without a second thought.
Now I'm in an office room with all the Dauntless leaders, including Eric. "I'm sorry but you didn't make it," Max says.
"You're too weak," says Eric.
I look at them in fear. "No! Please! Give me another chance I can do better! I promise!"
Eric chuckles and motions something to the guards behind me. They pick me up from under my arms and drag me out. I struggle to fight back and decide that it's not worth it. I let them carry me to the factionless sector. When they toss me into the alley, I land in a Dauntless room instead of the alley.
I have a bowl in my hand and a little beach blonde girl sits in a high chair. I go to feed her but she starts crying. I try cooing and comforting her but she only cries louder. I can't do this. I think to myself. I'm not fit to be a mother. I run out of the apartment and into a dark hallway. I slide down the wall and just slow my breathing down.
The scenery around me changes to the Pit. Well this is odd. I think to myself. My feet carry me to the bar only to see Eric all over another girl. He looks up to me with his classic smirk. Tears fall down my cheeks as I watch in horror.
I try to run out of the bar but my feet are stuck to the ground. I can't help but watch the way he holds her and kisses her. The way he makes her laugh and the way he looks at her. Am I jealous? Hell yeah I am! I can no longer watch this. I move my gaze to the clock and match my breathing with the ticking of the little red hand.
When I hear the sound of rushing water, I turn back to see not Eric, but Corey. I'm on the bridge over the chasm and Corey makes his way over to me. "You know, I have a thing for killing off Eric's girls," he chuckles.
"Well I'm not Eric's girl anymore," I say through gritted teeth.
He laughs again and raises his eyebrows in amusement. "Oh really? Is that how it is now?" He asked. I nod, watching his every move. "You can say that all you want, but deep down you know the truth."
He quickly grabs my throat and moves me towards the edge of the bridge. "You're a filthy slut who will always go back to Eric no matter how many times he hurts you." He spit on me and threw me off the chasm.
Right when I hit the water, I wake up in the simulation room again. I feel like crying right now. Why do we have to do this. It's torture. I flinch as someone puts their hand on my shoulder.
"It's okay, Sophia," Four says. "You're done now. You can go."
I shake my head. "No. I can't go out there. Corey's out there," my voice cracks.
"I can go get Eric if you want," he suggests.
"No!" I say in horror. He looks at me confused. I regather myself and continue to get out of the chair. "I'll be fine on my own."
"What's been up with you lately?" Four asks.
I look at him confused, "What do you mean?"
"You just seem... off, lately. Is everything okay?"
I sigh and put on a fake smile, "Yeah, of course everything's fine."
He gives me a face that says 'Really? That's the best you can do?' He doesn't say anything though. It's like a staring contest and I finally give in. "Fine," I groan, extending the word out. "Everything sucks. My whole life is falling apart."
"What does that mean?" He asks confused.
"It's a long story that I don't really want to tell right now," I say.
He nods in understanding. "How about we meet up on the roof again tonight. You can tell me then," he smiles.
I sigh, knowing there is no getting out of this, "Ok. Fine. Tonight after dinner," I say confirming it all. With that I leave the simulation room and go back to the dorms.
**ERIC'S POV**
I had another nightmare about Natalia last night. It's weird how they stopped when I was with Sophia but started when she left me. For some reason I feel like that's a sign, but I don't have enough in me right now to believe that.
I don't believe anything right now. I want Sophia back but I hurt her. Not just once, but a couple times. I feel like it's best to stay away but I can't. I'm constantly feeling drawn to her. I couldn't even show up to watch the simulation fears today, I didn't want to face her.
What the hell. Do you know what you're saying!? I yell at myself. You use to be a ruthless man. Nobody ever made you run away. If she leaves, fine! Don't let it ruin your reputation though! 'You're right!' I tell my conscience.
But I miss her. I do. I can't show it though or else it'll ruin my reputation.
What do I do about the nightmares though? I miss Natalia too. There's nothing I can do about that though. I think it's time I pay her a visit. I haven't done that in a while.
I finish eating dinner really fast, considering I didn't have much of an appetite anyway, and make my way up to the roof.
I take a seat on the ledge and look for her star, except, there aren't any out tonight. "Natalia, if you're out there, please show yourself," I say to the sky. Nothing happens. "You knew me better than anyone. We were suppose to be together but now you're gone," a tear escapes my eye. "I need some advice. I met someone. A girl. She's beautiful. She's perfect. If I'm suppose to be with her, give me a sign, please," I beg.
I continue to stare up at the sky and nothing happens, until the door behind me opens and she stands there.
"What're you doing here, Eric?"
I look up at the sky and see a twinkling star. "Thank you," I say under my breath. It twinkled some more before it started to fade away.
Hello lovelies! Did you like it!? I'm sorry I took so long to update but I was just at the Country Music Festival which was out in the middle of nowhere so for 5 days I had zero connection so I couldn't write. But I'm back now and have no plans for the rest of summer and I don't start school until September 9 so I should update quite a few times between now and then.
I hope you enjoy the chapter please please please let me know what you think! I love hearing what you guys have to say about every little thing. It makes me happy to know you guys enjoy my writing.
Also, how many people bought Insurgent the day it came out??? I DID!!! I got it at 9 in the morning when it came out. Obsessed? YES. Anyway, please continue to vote, comment, and share! Thank you!