**SOPHIA'S POV**
"Ma'am. You sure you'll be okay to walk back by yourself?" The kind doctor asked me. I nodded to him before he hesitated to leave. After he left I went to find Eric, who was in his burnt apartment.
After he proposed to me, some guy came running into the room all worried saying Eric's apartment was on fire. Eric sprinted back while the doctor helped me hobble back. The walls are extremely black. Everything in his kitchen is ruined. The table, the chairs, the stove, the counters. Everything. I felt like I was at blame here. Eric said something about how he forgot to take out the pizza when he came to save me.
He was standing in the kitchen, his back to me, with his right hand in his hair and his left on his hip. I stood in the doorway and just watched him for a couple seconds. Watching his muscles move with every breathe he took. His back muscles are so mesmerizing. I finally made my way over to him and wrapped my arms around his torso from behind. He took a deep breathe in and put his hands over mine. "Sorry," I whispered.
He turned around and took my hands in his. "It's not your fault," he looked me in the eyes.
"I feel like it is though," I said back.
"Why's that?" He asked.
"Because you left to go save me, leaving the pizza to catch on fire!" I exclaimed.
"Who said I went to save you?" He asked with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and punched his arm playfully. "Seriously though," he wrapped my arms around him again, "it's not your fault. Besides, I kinda like the new paint job," he said, moving to my side to look at the wall. I chuckled and looked up to him. I could see he was frustrated but trying hard not to show it.
"I love you," I said to him. I could see through the smile I was getting. He's worried. He's tired. He's angry.
"I love you too," he said and plants a kiss on my forhead. He rubs his hands up and down my arms. "I should probably walk you back. It's getting late and it's been a long night."
"Wait," I grabbed his arm, "where are you gonna stay?"
"Max said he's got an extra apartment I can have 'til mine is fixed up," he says. I nodded and hugged him again.
"Eric?" I asked.
"Mhm," he hummed.
"What's gonna happen to Corey? I feel unsafe knowing he's still out there uncaught, free to do whatever," He tensed up at the question and his grip on me got stronger.
"I don't know yet. I have a leaders meeting in the morning," he took another deep breathe, "if it was up to me, he'd be dead by now."
"Leaders meeting? You're not a leader yet, though," I said, pulling away from the hug.
He smiled, "I was made an official leader the morning of our big fight. I wanted to tell you but after that I didn't think it meant anything."
"Eric that's great!" I exclaimed with a big smile.
"Thank you," he said. For the first time ever, Eric seemed, almost, child like. He's smiling and his head is down shyly. His hair is tussled from running his hands through it. "I'll walk you back now," he said as Max came into view.
"Here are the keys to your new apartment, Eric," Max said.
"Thanks Max," Eric grabbed the keys and stuffed them in his pocket.
"Sophia," Max turned to me, "I'm sorry about the little mishap earlier. How are you feeling?"
Little Mishap? I thought to myself. My life was on the line and he wants to call it a little mishap? I'm furious at his question but I leave it be, because I just wanna go to bed. "For being attacked to my almost death, I'm doing okay."
"Well good luck to you in recovery, and I'll see you tomorrow morning Eric," Max said. Before he left he eyed me up and down, looked at Eric, back to me, and then back to Eric again. Finally, Max turned on his heels and left the same way he came.
"Apartment 247," Eric said, examining the keys he was given.
"Eric I don't wanna be in the dormitories. What if I get attacked again? I asked.
"Max is already suspicious about you and I, so I can't exactly ask you to stay with me," I take a deep breathe, scared of what could happen without Eric there to protect me. "Hey. Hey, listen. It's going to be okay. You will be fine and I will tell the control room to keep a close eye on the cameras," he had managed to pull me into a hug so I was slightly hiding back the tears. "After initiation is over we won't have to hide anymore but for the next week, we will have to stay on the down low."
"I just want this all to end so we can just be together," I said between sniffs.
He stroked my hair, "I know, I know. And it is almost over. Just one more week. One more."
I nodded and stepped back from the hug. I wiped the back of my hand across my face to wipe up any tears that slipped and then wiped my hand on my shirt. I took one of his giant hands in both of mine and just stared down at our hands. Over this long day I've come to realize that Eric really does care for me. He must've caught me smiling at the thought because he squeezed my hand and asked, "What are you smilin' about?"
"I love you," I said through more tears. Happy tears this time though.
"I love you," he said back, leaning in to kiss me. When our lips touched I felt this longing for him. I hadn't realized how much I missed his lips and his gentle touch. His hands are on my hips and the slightest movement makes my stomach flip. I move my hands to his chest and clench his shirt in my hands. The kiss is soft and slow. Our lips move in unison and I thought for sure he was going to slip his tongue between my lips, but I was wrong. Instead, he pulled away, resting our foreheads on each other.
"I'll walk you back now," Eric said, still centimeters from my lips.
"I think you've said that like 3 times now and look where we are," I laughed out of breathe.
"It's not my fault I can't stay away from you," he smiled. I just smiled and leaned my forehead on his chest. I'm so tired and want to just close my eyes and forget all the bad that happened today. Before I know it, I actually start to drift off into a nice sleep. Last thing I remember, I was laying down and I opened my eyes just enough to see Eric lean down and kiss my forhead. Then, I was out again.
*************
What kind of sick initiation makes you take on all of your fears, one after another, everyday for 7 days straight? Oh right, Dauntless initiation. Four just explained the fear landscape but I didn't pay attention. I was too busy staring at the mesmerizing grey eyes that held so much power. Not the kind of power of a faction leader, but the kind of power where one glance makes my heart stop. He stares back until Four calls him over to help the initiate off the chair and back to the dorm. After he left I could finally focus on what was happening in front of me. It was like the fear simulation but instead of one fear at a time, it's all of them. And it doesn't take as long because you're more awake than in the other one.
After a few rounds of people going, Four calls my name so I walk up to the side of the chair. It's a lot more intimidating now that it's my turn. I want to turn around and run but the hand on my back tells me otherwise. Dauntless never give up. I tell myself. I turn my head in hope to find those grey eyes, but when I find blue, I realize it is only Four.
"You ready?" He asked once I finally sat down. I nod and he injects me with a purple liquid. Even through the blurriness my eyes are giving, I could see those powerful grey eyes appear in the room again.
******************
Snakes. Abandonment. Losing my mom. Getting abused by my dad. Killing Eric. All things in my fear landscape, but there were 3 new ones. It's dinner time and I still don't understand what 2 of them mean. All I've done today is think about this. Eric and I haven't interacted at all today. Staying on the "down low", remember? So all I've had time for today is to think. The one I do understand was a fear of being cut from Dauntless. After seeing all the Dauntless-born initiates today I've gotten nervous about making it here.
The next fear involved Eric. It wasn't really scary or anything. It's more of something you hear about from parents who are expecting a child which really confused me. The fear started out with Eric and I holding hands and then, all of a sudden, a beautiful little girl appears in front of us. She's wearing a cute little leather dress and a red bow in her hair. Eric took the little girl in his arms and they were laughing and having a good time but my smile sunk and I don't know why. Shouldn't I be happy about having a family? I was happy in the beginning but I was unhappy at the end. I starting backing into the corner and watched them have a good time without me. What is that suppose to mean?
The second fear I still don't understand also involved another little girl, my child I'm guessing. She appeared to be eating something but when she looked up at me, she frowned and started crying. She threw the food at me and continued crying. I tried to comfort her but her cries became worse. I don't know what that fear is suppose to be. I'm not afraid of kids and I'm definitely not afraid of kids crying, so what is it?
Like I said before, it's lunch time so I'm sitting next to Jake and Anna but I'm not really engaging in the conversation. I wasn't even eating. These fears have gotten to me. And it wasn't until Jake and Anna got up, that I realized lunch was almost over. There were only a few people left. Eric is one of those few. I know he'd be worried if I told him about my new fears and I know he would know if I'm lying. So to avoid any of that, I give him a small smile, which he didn't seem to question, and leave.
I need some peace and quiet to just, think. I can't go back to the chasm because everytime I'm there something bad happens. I can't go back to the dorms because other people are in there. I won't go to Eric's apartment because I don't want to tell him about the fears until I figure them out myself. I could use some fresh air maybe I'll just go to the roof since I'm technically not allowed to leave the compound.
When I reach the roof, I sit down away from the ledge, and lean against a small post. Finally, I'm alone. I can do what I came here to do. Think. What are my fears suppose to mean? I think-
My thoughts are cut off by the door behind me swinging open. I swing my head around and jump to my feet, ready to defend myself. I relax when I see who it is. I just sit back down and wait for her to sit next to me.
"Hey Sophia. What are you doin up here by yourself?" Anna said while sitting down.
"Just wanted to think," I said back.
"Is everything okay?" She asked and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Well, I'm not too sure," I say.
"What do you mean?" She asks confused.
"Exactly. I'm fine except for the fact that Eric and I are engaged but have to lay low until initiation is over," when I say this she lights up.
"Sophia! Congratulations! When did this happen?!" She was shaking me with excitement with every word.
I smiled remembering how it happened. "Yesterday," I replied.
"Soph that's great! But I don't understand, what is there to think about?" She asked. "Are you not happy?"
"No! I am happy! Very happy. It's just, this morning in my fear landscape, I had 2 fears I can't quite figure out," I explained.
"What were they?" She urged me to go on.
"Well, the first one was Eric and I holding hands and then a little girl appeared in front of us. She was the cutest little thing and Eric and I were so happy to take her in. But while they were laughing together, I don't know why, but my smile started to fade and a frown replaced it. I'm not sure what that's suppose to mean, like shouldn't I be happy to have a family?"
Anna frowned in confusion, "Are you afraid to be happy? To get comfortable with a good life?" She asks.
"I don't know Anna. I wasn't thinking as deep and thought maybe I'm afraid to have a family considering what my family was like back in Amity," I say.
"Hm. Tell me the next fear," she demands.
"Ok. So I was in a Dauntless kitchen and saw this same little girl but this time she was in a high chair eating something. When she looked up at me she screamed and cried and threw her food at me. I did my best to comfort her but she kept crying so I gave up and sat there listening to her bloody screams," I explained the second fear now.
She looked even more confused this time than when I told her the first fear, "You're not afraid of babies crying, are you?" She asked, hesitantly.
I gave a little laugh, "That's the very first one I crossed out when trying to figure this fear out." She laughed a little too. "So what do you think they mean?" I ask, serious now.
She sat and thought for a moment, "Maybe you're afraid of being a bad parent," she suggested, "I mean, you just told me how you had a bad life because of your parents back in Amity. So maybe you're afraid to become what they were."
It's what my dad was not my mom. I growled in my head. My mom was perfect. "Ya maybe." Now that I think about it, it does make sense for me to fear that. "So what if that is the fear. Me being a bad parent but what does the first one mean?" I ask still confused.
"I don't know. Sophia, these are just things that only you can figure out," Anna has both hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes she says this and realization hits me. She's right. No one else is going to know how I feel or what I fear.
"Thanks Anna," I give her a big hug.
"Anytime Soph," she says back. "Now. I have to go find Jake. He's got a surprise for me," she says while wiggling her eyebrows.
I laugh a little, "Don't have too much fun, ok?" I joked with her.
"No promises!" She yells before walking back into the compound.
I laugh at my friend and turn my head back towards the city. It sure is beautiful up here. The sun is almost gone and it's getting kind of cold out here. I decide to make my climb back down to the dormitories. Only 6 more times do I have to deal with this. I tell myself before before I drift into a deep sleep.
Hello Divergent Munchkins!!! I know, I know. I haven't updated in a long time and please forgive me. Believe me when I say I've been busy with basketball and life. My mom just got back surgery so I've been helping her by doing the chores, cooking, and watching my sister. All is well now. But I've also been traveling with my basketball team. We were just in Chicago and now we go to Tennessee and San Diego this week!! Wish me luck! As of how this chapter is, I'm sorry if you don't like it. I still have mixed feelings about it but I wanted to get you all a new chapter. So please please please let me know what you think even if it's constructive criticism! I need feedback! Please continue to vote, comment and share. I love getting your comments and all the votes I get are very encouraging! Lastly, I want to keep interacting with you guys so please let me know in the comments: what faction would you be apart of? That's all for this update. Hope you enjoy! Thank you!