The honeymoon phase in a relationship is real. So is the reality check that always follows once you wake up. Joe and I got married a year ago. The months leading up to the wedding were incredible. I never thought I'd be happier.
When we got back from our honeymoon and things started to settle down, he went back to work and I focused on fixing up our apartment. When he went back to work, he was gone a lot more. It made the first year very difficult for us. He wasn't around and I would get overwhelmed having to take care of everything while he was gone.
I have tried to be a supportive wife, but it's getting harder and harder for me. It's gotten too hard to go months without seeing each other, barely talking on the phone. I couldn't help but get tired of the unanswered texts and missed phone calls. I am tired of celebrating things by myself.
The last time he left was a few months before our first anniversary. He swore up and down that he'd be back in time. Our anniversary is tomorrow so I called him tonight to figure out our plans. He is getting on a plane first thing tomorrow morning and will be home by lunch.
"Hey, you."
"Hey, baby. Happy Almost Anniversary!" I giggled excitedly. "I am so excited, I have the entire night planned from the minute you get home to the minute we fall asleep naked in each other's arms. I thought we could go to the restaurant we had our first date. You know, the one you also proposed to me at? What time is your flight supposed to be getting in? I could pick you up from the airport and we could get lunch and then. . ."
"Y/N," Joe cut me off.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not going to be back in time."
My stomach dropped at his words. "What are you. . . What do you mean you won't be back in town?"
"No," he sighed. "Sorry."
"But. . ."
"It's not like it's a big deal," he mumbled.
"It's our anniversary, Joe," I said, the tears I was pushing down turning to anger. "It is a big deal. It's the first anniversary of our wedding, Joe. You can't just not come home. What? Am I supposed to celebrate by myself? That's. . . That's pathetic."
"Calm down, Y/N," he sighed. "We can celebrate it when I get home."
"And when will that be?" I demanded. "We've been married a year and I don't think we've spent more than one week sleeping in the same bed. You're never home, Joe."
"I work," he said.
"I'm aware of that but. . ."
"And what am I supposed to do, Y/N?" He challenged. "Not work? Well, if I don't work then we will become homeless. I have to work, Y/N."
"I know you have to work, Joe. But I feel like you see your coworkers more than you see your wife."
"That's normal. It happens."
"It shouldn't," I corrected. "Normal people with normal jobs go home to their wives every night. I can't remember the last time you worked on a job here in town and came home every night to me."
"What are you saying?" He challenged again. "You want me to quit?"
"No," I said quickly. "You know I never want that. I just want to see you more, Joe. I'm sorry for missing my husband."
I hung up the phone, the tears I'd been fighting finally falling. I sat on our bed, tears streaming down my face as I watched my hands shake. I waited for my phone to ring but it never did. I fell asleep that night with dried tears on my face and no messages on my phone.
* * * * *
I woke up on our anniversary completely alone. I forced myself out of bed and barely got myself dressed. I wore a simple pair of leggings and a baggy T-shirt. I slowly cleaned the apartment, going in and out of crying fits.
Around noon, my phone started ringing. When I saw who was calling me, my throat tightened. I let the phone ring as I saw Joe's contact picture. I couldn't bring myself to answer it. When it finally stopped ringing, I slowly walked away from my phone.
The day continued like that. I slowly went through my normal checklist of daily things to do, ignoring my phone that kept ringing. Around 3 o'clock, a delivery man came to the door and delivered flowers. I read the card but it didn't change how I felt.
I'm really sorry about not being there today. Please take yourself out to dinner and really spoil yourself. I will spoil you as soon as I get home. I promise! I love you, Y/N.
With Regret,
Your Loving Husband, Joe.
I tossed the card onto the counter and left the flowers there. I didn't have the energy to accept his apology. This is what he always did. He missed important things, sent flowers, and came home acting like nothing happened. First, it was his birthday. Then it was Thanksgiving. He barely made it home on Christmas Day. He missed Valentine's Day. And now he was missing our anniversary.
I ordered some dinner and ate it while watching one of my favorite movies. Even my comfort movie didn't cheer me up. I threw away the trash and laid down on the couch.
I was starting to fall asleep when there was a knock at the door. I slowly paused the movie and went to answer it. When I opened the door, my heart jumped into my throat.
"You're here," I said slowly.
"Hey, baby," Joe smiled weakly.
"Why did you knock on your own apartment?" I asked. "Did you lose your key?"
"No," he chuckled. "I didn't. I was just trying. . ."
"I thought you weren't getting in until late Monday night."
"I wasn't supposed to," he stuttered. "But after our fight last night and you weren't answering your phone this morning, I needed to talk to you. We need to talk about this, Y/N."
"You're missing work." I turned on my heel and walked back into our apartment.
"Y/N," he sighed as he chased after me. "Wait, hang on, baby. Please. Can we talk about this?"
"What is there to talk about?" I demanded as I turned around. "Clearly, your job is more important than our marriage."
"That's not true!" He defended.
"Really?" I challenged. "Joe, yesterday you acted like it wasn't a big deal to miss our first wedding anniversary."
"And that was wrong," he tried to interrupt.
"Do you know how many phone calls you miss? How many of my texts go unanswered? Do you know how many nights I go to sleep, wondering where my husband is and what he's doing? Wondering when I will see him? This hasn't been easy on me, Joe."
"It hasn't been easy on me either," he said.
"You have work to distract you from being alone," I cut him off. "I have nothing. I sit at home all day with nothing to do other than think about and miss my husband."
"You could always get a job." His sentence dropped when he saw the look on my face.
"You really want to go down this road?" I challenged.
"No, but. . ."
"But nothing," I cut him off again. "Joe, I can't keep doing this."
"Wait," Joe said quickly. He grabbed my hands, pulling me closer to him. He lowered his voice and whispered, "This is just a rough patch, baby. We can. . . We can work through this."
"Can we?" I asked, my voice breaking. "Because, right now, I feel like I've been doing all the work. I mean, when was the last time you called me? Joey, I don't know. . ."
Joe cut me off by pulling me closer and crashing his lips onto mine. I knew he was doing this to cut me off so I couldn't end this, but I didn't care. I missed this. I missed being in his arms. I missed being kissed by him. I missed the feeling he gave me as our lips moved in sync. I missed him.
I had tears streaming down my face as I broke the kiss. I took a step back, pulled my hands out of his, and wrapped my arms around myself.
"Joe," I whispered. "I can't be the only one in this relationship anymore. I mean. . . I feel like you don't love me anymore."
"What?" Joe gasped. "Y/N, do you really think. . . How could you. . . Y/N, baby, of course, I still love you. I never stopped. You really think that I stopped loving you?"
"Can you blame me?" My voice broke as the tears continued to stream down my face. Joe stepped up right in front of me and gently grabbed my elbows.
"I am so sorry that I made you think I didn't love you," he whispered. "I love you with all my heart, Y/N. You are the most important person in my life. I never should've made you feel like my job was more important than the love of my life. Please give me another chance. I will prove to you that you are more important. I will make sure you never go a day without knowing just how much I love you. I will do anything to make it up to you."
"I just need you around more," I said, my sob getting stuck in my throat. "I just need my husband."
Joe pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his neck.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered as he started rocking us back and forth. He reached up and started playing with my hair. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I didn't say anything as he led us over to the couch and sat us down, neither one of us letting go of the other.
"I have an idea," he started, his voice still soft. "Tomorrow, we are going to wake up and make breakfast together. Then, after we get ready, I'm going to take you shopping and buy you whatever you want. We'll get lunch and go see that new movie you've been dying to see. We'll get dinner, come home, and spend the rest of the night in bed."
"Joe," I giggled when he changed his voice at the end. I playfully pushed him, but he instantly pulled me back into his arms.
"I love you, Y/N," he whispered as he relaxed us into the couch. "And I am so sorry. It will never happen again. I promise, baby."
"I love you too, Joe."