A week later
Aurora's POV:
I lost track of time. I've become completely oblivious to my surroundings and what's been happening around me.
I've gone past the point of feeling. My tears dried up, I've become numb, paralyzed. I don't feel real anymore.
I believe my life is split in two: before Tristan's passing and after. My will to live has gone with him. I fully understand how extreme that sounds but how can I just get over him? The memories he gave me? The life we shared together.
There have been instances where I wished he was dead. Where I hated him for what he did to me. I can never imagine feeling like that right now. It makes me sick just to think about how awful I've been to him.
All I do is lay down in my bed. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't do anything. I'm nothing but a hollow shell of a person holding on for survival.
Any energy I am able to muster during the day goes towards taking care of Eric: feeding him, changing him and putting him down for bed.
I've lost all hope and longing for the future. I feel like I am alone in a dark pit with no way out. I wanted to just let myself go but I couldn't because I had a baby to take care of.
I wanted to just surrender and succumb to my depression, to the loneliness that enveloped me but I was a mother. I can't fall apart. He needs me.
I haven't seen Tristan's family since that day. I had locked myself in and isolated myself from everyone. I know I'll feel bad about it later but I'm too empty to feel any regret or remorse right now.
As I layed in bed, unable to sleep, the thunder striking jolts me out of my thoughts. I flinch for a second before my mind trails back to last year.
Flashback
The heavy rain poured and trickled down against the ground. I've hardly slept after a full day of crying.
Suddenly, the loud sound the thunder pulls me out of my slumber. I sit up, spooked and drenched in sweat. Looking around, I realize I was having a nightmare about the events of the past week with Claire.
"Aurora? " Tristan says, sitting up from the couch across the bed. He strips off the sheets and marches towards me. "Are you okay?"
I hadn't spoken to him in weeks. He's been sleeping on the couch across the bed ever since everything happened.
I'm still blaming him for what happened to our baby. How his job and his history took our child away from us.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He hushes out as he tugs on my jaw to make me look at him. I push away his touch immediately. I reject it.
He doesn't say anything but retracts his hand away from me, giving me my space. "Bad dream?" He questions in a low voice, his eyes trying to look into mine.
I nod, looking down at my lap. "Are you too warm?" He asks, his eyes staring at my complexion.
"Here, let's take this off." He says, pulling off one of the covers on top of me. "All better?" He questions in a soft tone but I stay silent, laying back on the bed.
He watches me get comfortable and flashes me a smile, waiting for me to reciprocate it but I don't.
He nods to himself and walks back to the couch, cracking his neck on the way. He must feel extremely uncomfortable sleeping there. He's a tall man and that couch is not meant for someone his size.
Instead of slumping on the couch, he grabs his hoodie and puts it on before walking over to me. He swiftly drags the armchair next to the bed and sits on it.
"I'm right here if you need anything. Just try to get some rest. Nothing will happen." His reassuring tone somehow manages to set my mind at ease.
He sat there that entire night watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep soundly.
End of flashback
Throughout that entire period, he never faltered, he never lost his temper. He's just been patient with me. Pushing aside his own pain and selflessly attempting to alleviate mine.
But I just saw him as someone who was trying to hurt me. Why couldn't I just accept that he loved me from the beginning? Why did I have to complicate things? I pushed him away and that's something I'll have to live with everyday.
I've always walked on eggshells when I was around him. His presence was overwhelming, and menacing in the most exhilarating way. Being around him was a constant adrenaline rush. I always found myself struggling to remain composed and stoic when he was near me. I could never bluntly say what I was thinking to him.
So I never told him how I felt.
He's gone and he'll never know how much he's done for me. How his love made me a better person. How he took great care of me and listened to me when I had no one.
That thought devastates me more than anything. The face that I've never been forward with him and spoke my mind, simply blurted out what I felt from time to time.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I push my matted down hair out of my face and curl up in bed. I've finally hit rock bottom.
Laying here in this bed alone, I am experiencing every bad feeling I can think of: my eyes are burning, I'm famished from my lack of sustenance, everywhere itches as I neglected my hygiene and every part of me aches, I wish I could close my eyes for one minute but I'm unable to. My mind is pervaded with excruciating memories of him.
I layed like a comatose corpse what it felt like forever. Eric hasn't woken up during the night. The sun was slowly creeping up and penetrating the room, ushering in the day I dreaded the most.
The day of Tristan's funeral.
I haven't eaten in two days and I feel like I might faint any second now. I gather whatever strength left in me and push myself up from the bed.
I directly go towards Eric's crib and to my surprise, he's fully awake and crawling around his crib. I carry him in my arms and embrace him tightly. He's currently the only thing keeping me from completely losing my mind. Tristan would've wanted me to take great care of him.
"Aurora." Dianne calls to me, pulling me into her arms but I just stand still. "You don't look well, dear."
"He wouldn't want to see you like this, sweetheart." Mr Black reminds me, shaking his head.
"He's not here." I dryly reply before walking away and taking my place all alone, away from everybody.
The entire service went by lingeringly. I found myself spacing out for most of it as I didn't want to be there. Tristan knew a lot of people and everyone spoke so highly of him. Hours and hours passed of people praising him.
I just sat there, waiting for it to be over. I was asked to speak at his funeral but there are no words I can utter that would do him justice. None.
I sat there for a whole after everyone left and were gathered outside. I just stared ahead, trying to make sense of everything but to no avail.
Suddenly, a middle aged man approaches me."Mrs Black. I am extremely sorry for your loss." He whispers in a sorrowful tone. I blankly stare at him and nod.
"I understand that you're not taking any visitors. I've tried reaching you on many occasions. I even visited your house but your guards denied permission." He explains and I stare at him, waiting for him to leave.
"I'm Douglas Monroe, one of your late husband's lawyers. It's good to finally meet you, Mrs Black." He introduces himself. "I wish it was under different circumstances." He sheepishly adds.
"Since I might not see you again, I figured I'd give you this now." He adds, reaching into the inside of his suit jacket and pulling out a white envelope then handing it to me. "If there is anything I can assist you with, please let me know. You can always reach me." He emphasizes before walking away.
Taking a deep breath, I stare at the envelope in my hand and tear it open, unfolding the letter inside and reading it...
Aurora.
If you're reading this, then I'm not around anymore. And the worst has happened..
I want to start this off by saying that I love you. However I left, it wasn't voluntary. I would never leave you if I could help it.
I never say things like this when I'm with you but you're the best thing that happened to me. I am well aware that you don't like me. You might even hate me but I'm trying. I'm trying to be better for you.
By now, you might have realized what this is going to be about. I've realized that things are going down a dangerous path with me and I might not make it.
I don't want to leave without an explanation. I know I've hurt you, a lot. But all I've ever wanted was to have you to myself. It'll take me a while to learn how to properly love you but I'm trying my best.
I have watched you for two years and have been married to you for a mere two months. Yet, my mind couldn't be more set on on providing and caring for you as long as I live.
By the time you read this, I don't know if you want me around or not. You'd probably be better off now that I'm gone. You'll have your life back before I disrupted it and you might even thank God that I'm gone.
I don't resent you for it. You're well within your rights to not want anything to do with me.
But I, Tristan Nathaniel black, being of full sound mind and body, leave all my legal possessions to you, Aurora Grace Black and any potential children we may have together. I know you'll take care of them. You'll be an amazing mother.
Designating you as my sole inheritor wasn't a spur of the moment decision I suppose I owe you a lot for what you showed me. Or maybe this is just me redeeming myself. One way or another, you deserve recompensation for what I put you through.
That's all I have to say. Take care of yourself for me, angel. I've always thought that I wouldn't want you to be alone if something were to happen to me. And you're not alone, you have my family. Our family.
But I hope by the time you're reading this that we had a baby together. A daughter perhaps as I know how you've always wanted one.
I hope you can one day find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done.
Hurting you was the biggest mistake of my life so maybe this was my karma.
Wet dots start to seep through the white paper as I re-read through the lines, trying to imagine Tristan writing this for me. Wondering what was going through his mind when he wrote this.
He must've written this years ago. Back when we were newlyweds. I recall that period being melancholic for me. I couldn't understand a lot of things. I was scared and I wanted nothing to do with him. But somehow, he got into my mind and I've became utterly besotted by him.
I clench the paper with my shaky hands and push past the people that are gathered, paying their respects. I can't be here anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating. Everyone in this room pities me. They're all looking at me with sad, regretful eyes and I can sense myself wilting under their scrutiny.
I jump in the car and ask the driver to drive me home. My thoughts have been scattered these past few days but one thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone nor interact with them.
Reaching the house, I go into the bedroom to find Eric in his crib. Jonas sat next to his crib watching him. He looks up at me and purses his lips sympathetically. I frown and reach down to carry my son as Jonas stands up, bows his head to pay his respects before leaving.
I just stood there, rocking Eric back and fourth in my arms as I thought back on Tristan's last words to me...
That entire day went by like a blurry nightmare ending with me passing out from exhaustion...
I am reluctantly publishing this on Valentine's day. Hope you enjoyed.
I have started working two jobs along with going to the gym and everything. Let's just say I barely have time to sit alone and think. But fear not, this story is so close to the end and I will continue. I promise I won't leave you guys hanging.
Although, the story is pretty much finished. Just need to tie up everything neatly so that it's hopefully not underwhelming.
Happy Valentine's day, guys!!
Lots of love <3
Published: 14th February 2024.