"People always come and leave, but why can't you be the one who stays?"
-
Date: 5 December, 2021
This days felt like Yeonjun was in daze. He had a hard time accepting the fact that he had this out of nowhere such a serious and rare condition, and maybe it will get worse if he doesn't take proper steps for it.
Mentally, he was burnt out... even more if possible.
Those same suicidal thoughts came back just like what he used to get before Soobin and his current friends came to his life.
After Soobin's death.
And now this.
"Stop dwelling on that thought even more, hyung." Yeonjun snapped out hearing Soobin's voice right beside him who currently sat there sighing out softly gazing at him.
"H-How can I not.... I am confused. I-I am- I-I am so confused. Sometimes I feel like I should die, again when I feel like I will face death, I feel scared. What should I do-
"That's enough now. Don't talk like that." Soobin didn't even know he was capable feeling the sensation of heart ache even though he didn't even have one. But hearing Yeonjun talk like this, like he had to pick whether he wanted to live or die, like he was going crazy from the maze of his life, it hurted.
It stinged.
Yeonjun them glanced at the soul with glossy eyes, tears glistening beautifully in his almond shaped eyes now.
"Then what should I-I even do? Tell me something? Please?" At this point, he was begging.
Now that Yeonjun summed up his life.
He realized how much fucked up his life was.
He was deprived from proper family care and environment.
He wasn't allowed to think on his own, always being manipulated by this parents more like his father.
He was forced to move school, colleges and even universities for the sake of his parent's selfishness.
His own father killed his first love.
That same person was cheating on his own wife with another foreign woman.
That same bastard was deceiving his so called decorated family and...
What hurts the most is that Yeonjun couldn't tell his mother directly about this. His mother no matter how mistreated she was was, loved his bastard father.
He couldn't gather himself up for breaking his mom's heart.
Again, he wanted to give justice to Soobin as he was killed for someone's selfish means.
He was given a sad ending that he never deserved.
And finally to add more to his miseries, he got diagnosed with this bone marrow defect.
Did be miss something? Probably no.
"P-Please.. Enough hyung. Don't talk like that-
"THEN? WHAT SHOULD I-
Soobin knew this was coming and he had already asked Casper to grant him the access to physically interact with the older. So, he pulled the older towards him and embraced him providing a lukewarm sensation and comfort to the now sniffling mortal.
The soul by now had quite gotten the hang on how to comfort any mortal either by words or by actions. But only for Yeonjun, he used both words and physical interactions. Currently, Yeonjun just shuffled in the soul's embrace wanting to get even more closer trying to seek more comfort as his heart beat rate started to relax. While the soul continued to rub soothing circles on the older's back, occasionally patting as well.
In few words, he was trying his utmost best to pour out his comforting senses to the mortal who seemed very messed up this days.
After a while of comforting silence, the soul heard the mortal's soft snores. How exhausted he must have been to fall asleep like this in such a short time?
Softly caressing the locks of the sleeping male, the soul let out a sigh of relief. He took the mortal and laid him on the bed right next to them. But then he heard some mumbling from the sleepy male himself.
"I am sorry.... I love you...... D-Don't leave me...."
Soobin's pupils shrank hear this as he glanced at the male who was frowning quite obviously and an agony filled expression took over him.
"I wish you felt the same...."
The soul felt immensely confused hearing this quite mumbles, as his line of sight caught the trembling hand of the mortal as he frowned even more in his slumber.
Is he having a nightmare?
Soobin just wanted to make the older sleep comfortably and the trembling hand of the older kept in such a posture made the soul a little uneasy. So the soul just barely managed to grip the older's hand when his entire body felt it was fully petrified as some vague memories and flashbacks shooted down his mind, his eyes turning white as those pupils shrank down.
-
It was Yeonjun's birthday finally.
13th September, 2021.
A familiar deaf male immediately jumped out of his bed as he glanced at the time in his phone. A small smile crept on his face. It was Yeonjun hyung's birthday.
The second birthday of the older he is celebrating together.
Rushing down the restroom completing his business and getting properly dressed, Soobin grabbed the hearing aids from his table and put them on adjusting the sound with the normal surroundings.
Just as he wore the hearing aids, the sweet chirp of birds was heard. He just glanced down at his fit. Simple but not overdressed. The younger male had worn a simple white shirt paired up with some ripped jeans. His hair as fluffy as it should be.
Breathing out slowly, wanting to calm his thumping heart, he scrolled down his phone and re-read the message he sent to Beomgyu just the night before.
☾ Beomgyu☾
- Beomgyu, I think I am gonna confess tomorrow. It's yeonjun hyung's birthday.
- OH MY GOD? WHATTT? BEST OF LUCK. I AM ROOTING FOR YOU.
The younger chuckled softly at the text from the other on how excited he seemed. He was feeling really nervous, like anxiety was rushing down his veins heavily because after so much contemplation, the younger male came to a conclusion that-
He had fallen for his Yeonjun hyung.
And today was his birthday, so it was the best time to confess. Yes, there are many things could go wrong- like he may get rejected, or he might loose his so close companion.
But he had enough. It was getting too much to keep it to himself. And he had to get it out of his chest. To be honest, Soobin wouldn't even mind if Yeonjun didn't reply to him right away or take his time.
Only scary thing is the Rejection. What if he gets completely rejected and ends up depressed?
Soobin immediately shook his head and tried to shake off those overwhelmingly overthinking thoughts. Puffing out a heavy breath, the younger glanced at the single red rose kept on the table wrapped simply and very beautifully that he had grown himself.
He can't just go empty handed can he?
The younger just smiled lightly before grabbing the flower gently and throwing in a simple yet stylish looking jacket on top exiting the house only hoping to return with a happy heart.
The younger reached the older's house and god he swore his heart leaped a whole damn lap seeing the older gently waving at him while coming down the stairs. God save him, why is the older so beautiful?
"Happy birthday hyung." Soobin wished before hugging the elder patting his head in the process. Maybe the younger failed to notice, but the latter low-key blushed by the small action.
"Thanks soobin.." Yeonjun mumbled shyly with a smile. Soobin sucked in a breath and continued-
"Uh, here you go. This is for you." Soobin said while handing over the flower to the older whose eyes widened in surprise. He looked at the younger and then at the rose with an astonished expression.
"How sweet.... Thank youuuuu! This is very pretty." Yeonjun couldn't help himself but to embrace the younger close to him feeling awe-fully touched. He wished he could hold the younger closer to him like this.
"Come on hyung. It's your day. I will take you to some places today." Saying this Soobin held the older's wrist while pulling him to a certain direction. While Yeonjun just looked whipped at the younger who was currently excitedly pulling him trying to take him somewhere. He didn't look any less than a lovesick fool.
Just yet to admit.
Unexpectedly Soobin took Yeonjun to a fair that surprised the older because he was well aware that Soobin himself admitted that he didn't like attending any kind of fair or amusement park stuff. But Yeonjun on the other hand that same day said that he never really got the chance to enjoy this type of bliss because of his family and low-key problematic relation with his parents.
And Soobin took that as a note. Despite not really liking the destination himself he chose to focus on the older's wish.
"Y-You... I-I thought y-you didn't like this type of places."
"I thought.... You really wanted to visit this type of place. So that's why I chose this place. My preference doesn't matter her hyung..." Soobin calmly stated but his face said otherwise as it seems so red from embarrassment and blushing bit he kept his cool anyway.
"Does it really matter hyung? You like this place. That means I do too."
Soobin thought to himself only to get a tight, breath snatching hug from the older who looked close to breakdown from feeling way too overwhelmed. The younger's heart accelerated from the hug but eventually returned the gesture with a soothing smile.
"Thank you bin........ You are.... really something..." Yeonjun just pulled away enough to glance at the latter's face still not completely moving away physically.
Soobin broke the eye contact looking away still a smile visible on his face before gripping the older's wrist and said-
"It's nothing... come on. Time is running. Let's have fun."
With that the duo strolled away the place filled with laughter, jokes, sometimes getting competitive playing games, then again sharing food, followed by getting shy around each other from some specific gestures.
Sudden eye contact.
Hand brushing each other accidentally while walking.
The strong urge to just keep on wanting to intertwine their hands repeatedly.
That rhythmic heartbeat when close.
Everything was like heaven...
Gradually the time ran to get to afternoon and with that the the strolling at the fair was over. And Soobin still didn't confess.
"Do you want to take a walk at the Han river bridge?" Soobin suggested making Yeonjun immediately nod with a bright smile.
"Yess!"
"Then let's go." While the two of them walked in pure silence, Soobin couldn't help but unconsciously fiddle his fingers in anxiety and nervousness. Specially thinking on how to actually start. Yeonjun despite the silent ambience noticed how tensed the younger male looked. He frowned and asked-
"Soobin?" And the aforesaid male flinched making the older alarmed.
"Huh?"
"Are you okay? Why do you look tensed?" The younger male just sighed heavily and immediately stopped on his steps right by the bridge side gripping the older's wrist who only looked more and more confused.
"Can I say something hyung?" Soobin very lowly mumbled his hands slightly shaking. Yeonjun only nodded caressing the other's hand wanting to give comfort.
"I-I... hyung... Do you remember that you at first approached me to be friends like what almost an year ago?" Yeonjun chuckled hearing this and nodded.
"Of course I do."
Soobin subconsciously smiled seeing how positive the older looked. So he got the strength to continue.
"You know after that... I have grown more free and happy to have you and friends like Beomgyu by my sides. Only two persons yes, but who cares right? Let it be one or two, having even just a one genuine companion is a blessing."
Yeonjun's lips quivered a bit feeling an uneasy feeling settle in his heart. For some reason.
"I think... beside being a good friend... you have become something more precious than me..." Soobin lifted his head to see Yeonjun was standing there holding his breath maybe getting the clue of what was coming. But still he didn't show any signs of denial, so Soobin again continued with a pause breathing heavily.
"I-I am sorry. I suck at saying this gratitude filled things. But at least they are honest." Yeonjun couldn't help but laugh a little at the funny comment but still his stiffness and nervousness didn't fade away.
Gosh why is this so hard?
Soobin thought to himself gulping.
"Hyung, I Love-
Soobin couldn't finish his confession because the next second his eyes caught something that his pupils shrunk.
"HYUNG WATCH OUT!"
Soobin saw a wooden stick was about to hit Yeonjun from behind. He immediately pulled the older closer to him missing the hit only by an inch. It was close call. Rage washed down his veins, Soobin immediately kicked the attacker with all his strength.
How dare they try to hurt Yeonjun?
Yeonjun was completely off guarded by the sudden turnover of the situation. He was completely down from his guards but it was definitely a bad idea.
Only then he saw a number of men wearing black mask and a matching attire with it standing with a bundle of weapons exuding a cold murderous aura. Yeonjun's heart dropped as he got a bad feeling. So that's why he was feeling uneasy earlier or what?
"S-Soobin watch out. There are so many..."
Yeonjun for some reason clutched the younger's shirt tightly keeping him close to him.
"Don't worry about me."
The two males standing there by the railing huddled close to each other was on complete guard seeing so many people surround them little by little.
"Get the other boy, guys." Soobin heard a man probably the leader of the gang order his companions signing to pull away Yeonjun. Soobin immediately pulled the older behind him wanting to protect the older from their clutches.
"BACK OFF. DON'T YOU DARE." Soobin warned them gritting his teeth. The one who ordered the whole gang to attack the two males just scoffed and laughed in response.
"Oh my Lord, you really think we care about your warning? Move aside as long as we are nice. Or do you wanna get pain? Choice is yours." Soobin couldn't care less, his mind was clouded with a thought that he has to protect the male behind him. By the time he was done with all the nice talks etc, another gang member approached the two with a wooden stick in his hand about to attack the two.
That was the breaking point of Soobin.
He clenched his fist and lounged his fist to the attacker and shoved him with a powerful kick.
"You don't like nice treatments right? Fine. Get them boys." The probable leader gestured his men to attack gritting his teeth in anger. Unfair enough, the whole gang jumped to attack the two males. Yeonjun and Soobin both weren't the type to just stand there silently. Both took upon the responsibility to defend themselves.
Punch, kick, dodge.
The two males continued to defend the two. The fight got so intense that if anyone just for a sec looses their careful nature, they are gone.
"OUCH." Soobin flinched by the loud scream from his back and saw that the gang members had cornered Yeonjun by the edge of the bridge harshly jerking him on the ground. Instinctively he was about to go to Yeonjun but he shrieked in pain when he was pulled back by a rope.
"Ah- HYUNG!"
Yeonjun weakly looked up at the call and his body went cold seeing Soobin had been overpowered by the gang just for a moment of carelessness.
And Yeonjun blamed himself for this.
"Knock this brat out. We have to get him to boss." Yeonjun and Soobin both heard the order as they shivered at their position still powerless due to their position.
"No.. no.. h-hyung." Soobin desperately tried to escape and tear off the stubborn rope around his body but in vain. The younger male saw that another member was about to knock Yeonjun out by hitting him on his head with the wooden stick.
But...
Before that hit could take place, a sudden attack was launched from behind knocking out multiple men in the process. Soobin sighed heavily in relief but was curious who saved them.
Yeonjun and Soobin somehow looked back to see who did that. And definitely they didn't expect to see-
"YUNHO?" Both Yeonjun and Soobin exclaimed in extreme shock.
The hell- He was the least expected person here. There was Yunho their long term arch nemesis at university standing with another wooden plank in his hand eyeing the other two.
"You two are you okay?" Yunho asked somehow worried. Shoving away the other men in the process of getting to Soobin, he immediately cut off the rope with a small knife fisted in his hands, while Yeonjun somehow stood up. Soobin was still in disbelief- like who wouldn't right?
"Yah you Mf, stop gawking at me like that. What are you two? Can't even handle themselves tskk." Yunho commented. But this time Soobin didn't get annoyed or even angry. He just chuckled in response shaking his head.
"Back to being his usual self." Soobin thought to himself. Yeonjun also couldn't help but chuckle at the sarcastic comment. Just as they thought things were finally under control, things had to go wrong.
The leader of the gang was just waiting for the right moment to attack his target. Soobin. He silently crawled a little near the trio and immediately shoved Yeonjun and Yunho far from the spot harshly. Before Soobin could even react, his head was hit hard by the wooden stick.
His eyes teared up at the impact and he swore he could hear a sharp screeching sound inside his head from the dizziness. He shakily touched his head and saw blood trickle down his neck.
And the next moment-
All the sources of sounds had been cut off from him. His hearing aids had been torn away from his ear by the wild leader. He choked out in pain.
Yeonjun heard two hard hitting sounds and he wished he hadn't seen the seen because soobin was this close to collapse on spot.
"NO- SOOBIN!" Yeonjun couldn't care less at that moment, he ran to the male as tears blocked his vision. Yeonjun maybe couldn't reach the younger male in time because that gang leader had pushed male off the edge using the fragile state of the male to his advantage.
Yeonjun heard a loud crack sound in his heart at the moment. His anger had reached his limit as he grabbed the nearby stick and had hit hard and completely mercilessly to the one who did this.
"I WILL KILL YOU. YOU FUCKER. YOU-
Yeonjun couldn't hit the gang leader for too long as the other hand limped and fled away from the scene. He immediately rushed to the bridge railing and he heard a loud splash just a second ago. Without thinking any further, he jumped too.
Only one thing was ringing in his mind.
"Soobin can't swim... Please be safe."
"Please no... Not this unfinished ending."
"I still had so much to say to you soobin."
"Please don't leave me"
—
The flashback isn't still over. I wasn't getting the courage to finally reveal what actually happened that day. Wait for it.