(⚠️Warning: Murder, attempted murder, suicidal thoughts ⚠️)
Changbin and I separated as soon as we got settled, and while he chose to nurse his drink on one of the navy blue couches in the corner, I stayed seated at the bar as I sipped on a Sazerac. While my dramatic entrance was enough to earn a lot of overly enthusiastic greetings and a few charming smiles, most went back to doing their own thing once I took a seat at the bar.
The upper floor was much nicer than the one below, but the neon lights and slightly too loud music was something one couldn't escape from, even in the restrooms. Of course the music wasn't nearly as loud as the lower levels, so while each song would still cause the speakers to vibrate, it was possible to hear those around you without them having to yell.
The second biggest difference was the furniture, because while the first level only had stools around the bar, the second level had plush navy couches set up, a few booths near the far wall, and of course, the navy cushioned stools that were much more comfortable than the ones below.
I made sure Changbin remained in my line of sight as I drank, though slowly so I wouldn't end up buzzed. Honestly, this night could end up being rather boring. Regardless of whether or not Mr. Chae ends up approaching Changbin, most of my time is going to be spent sitting around doing nothing.
A lot of people had come over to greet me, but unfortunately, most were rather dull. For politicians and businessmen, they sure didn't know how to hold interesting conversations, and I found myself dozing off during most of their failed conversation starters.
Socializing here was something incredibly common, even more so than in normal clubs, because there was no telling the kind of lucrative relations you could make. We kept our identities hidden in most cases, but everyone here was someone with influence. A few faces were rather recognizable because of tv appearances and political campaigns, but most of the patrons tonight were CEOs of companies only recognizable by google searches.
People like them usually only came here to make connections, and while a few had attempted to make me one of those connections, many of the new members avoided giving me more than a second thought. I was too young to be seen as useful, which actually served me well in this case.
Talking to corrupt old men could be entertaining, but definitely not while sober, which is what I was unfortunately forced to be at the moment.
My eyes once again trailed over to Changbin, and I offered a knowing smile when we met eyes. He seemed to be just as bored as I was, and remained alone on the couch. If people didn't want to approach me? Then Changbin, who was dressed much poorer, was hopeless.
I may be well known in the club, but business was business.
"What brings you here?"
Well then, nevermind.
I looked up to see a charming man dressed in a dark red suit smiling down at me, and I returned the smile with an acknowledging nod. He looked to be in his late thirties, which would make him the third youngest person here after me and Changbin.
"The usual. I found myself with too much time on my hands and a thirst for overpriced liquor." I took another sip of my drink before turning my attention back in front of me, and I once again glanced towards Changbin's direction.
While my words weren't meant to be dismissive, they also certainly weren't the invitation this man seemed to take them as, and he took the stool beside me with that charming smile still plastered on his face.
"Yet I see you've only had the one?" I raised a brow before setting down my now almost empty glass, a dismissive chuckle bubbling up past my lips as I eyed him from my peripheral.
"I've been known to make dumb decisions when drunk, and I know I'm not going to be in the mood tomorrow to deal with the consequences."
He chuckled, apparently taking my comment as a joke, and I once again allowed my attention to divert towards Changbin. Mr. Red Suit seemed to notice this, and he followed my line of sight with an inquisitive expression.
"He a friend of yours?"
I shrugged. "Kind of." I took another sip of my drink, eyes flicking over to the man now approaching Changbin. The guy was most definitely not our target, and the smug and cocky smirk he wore was a clear give away to his intentions.
I rolled my eyes, finding myself glad I warned Changbin about assholes like that.
"I have yet to get your name?" I allowed my attention to stray towards the handsome stranger still seated at my side, well aware that Changbin could handle himself against pompous assholes.
"It's rude to ask for someone's name without giving your own."
His eyes turned to crescents as his smile deepened, and I quietly assessed whether or not his intention with the action was to hide his annoyance. Ultimately I couldn't figure out what laid beneath his expression, and I gave up trying as I finished off my drink.
"You may call me Yun."
"Interesting." I passed the now empty glass back to the bartender.
"Are you going to give me your name?"
"Are you going to give me a good reason to?"
He blinked before letting out a hearty chuckle. I wasn't aware my comment was that humorous, and my eyes narrowed slightly as I regarded him.
He definitely wanted something.
His laughter calmed down yet the amused smirk remained, and he motioned towards the bartender with a flourish of his hand. "Can I get you a drink?"
I returned his smirk with one of my own, and I eyed him with growing amusement. "Are you trying to fuel my poor decisions?"
"If it will make you more likely to give me your name, I'll fuel as many poor decisions as you want."
"Tempting, but unfortunately I'm not yet drunk enough to start making poor decisions just yet, and that includes drinking even more alcohol this early into the night. But if you really want to continue this rather odd interaction, I wouldn't be opposed to buying you a drink myself."
He tilted his head in thought, and my eyes flickered back towards Changbin as the break in dialogue offered me a few seconds to observe. The man who had previously approached Changbin was now walking away with a satisfied smirk, and I noticed Changbin attempting to hide a smirk of his own. It would seem leaving him to deal with the situation was the right call, then.
"I'll accept your offer, nameless stranger."
I offered a satisfied smile before motioning towards the bartender myself, and the man walked over with well masked annoyance. I guess calling him over earlier and then ignoring his existence wasn't the most polite thing to do.
"Put whatever he wants on my tab." The bartender nodded before turning towards Yun, and he smiled before placing his order. The bartender turned around to grab the needed ingredients for the Boulevardier he ordered, and Yun turned to me with a raised brow.
"A part of me expected you to order for me. That's usually how these interactions go."
"Oh? You have these interactions often? Glad to know I'm not special." I sighed dramatically, and he was quick to catch on to the hidden amusement in my voice as he chuckled.
"Very rarely, but they're always rather memorable. And I'll admit I've grown the habit of guessing other people's favorite drinks. They're usually impressed when I get it right."
"Really? What's mine?"
He leaned onto the bar slightly, chin resting on his hand as he eyed me with a calculating gaze. "Something tells me you'll give a different answer whether or not I guess right."
"You would be correct."
He huffed, though the smile tugging at his lips was a clear sign he was far from pissed. "You were drinking a Sazerac just a second ago, but something tells me you prefer something more sweet. Perhaps a Kir Royale?"
I blinked before tilting my head in thought.
"I wouldn't know. I've never had one."
"Well, we'll have to change that. Bartender? Add a Kir Royale to the order, but put this one on my tab."
I raised a brow, and he met my gaze with a sheepish expression. "I know you said no more alcohol, but this one doesn't have much. And if you don't want it, I'll happily drink it myself."
My response died on my tongue when I noticed Changbin leaving with a man on his arm, or more specifically, Mr. Chae.
I patted Yun's arm as I stood, and he looked at me with confusion and disappointment. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to take a rain check." I made to leave, but a gentle grip on my arm stopped me. I turned to see Yun giving me puppy dog eyes, and his hand left my wrist as soon as he succeeded in gaining my attention.
"Can I at least get your name?"
Changbin was now entering the elevator, which meant I would need to take the next one down in order to catch up with them on time.
I offered Yun a kind smile, actually having enjoyed our interaction, and as I stepped back to leave, I conceded. "My name is Hyunjin."
He mouthed my name as I turned on my heel, and I made a calm exit towards the now closed elevator.
No need to be panicked or rushed, the plan was always to leave just slightly after in order to not raise suspicion. Talking to Yun gave me a good reason to, as well.
Good on Changbin for managing to catch Mr. Chae's attention. That would make the next part much easier.
I pressed the button for the elevator, messing with the ring on my hand as I waited for the doors to open. I entered as soon as they did, and once the doors closed behind me, leaving me in privacy in the empty elevator, I raised my hand slightly to talk closer to the ring. It probably wasn't necessary sense it worked at more of a distance, but my next words were both important, and whispered.
"Changbin succeeded in leaving with Mr. Chae. I'm in the elevator now to follow him." I lowered my hand, but another thought entered my head, and I once again raised it as I rolled my eyes. "Though seeing as you probably managed to hack into the cameras, I guess you already know that."
I lowered my hand just as the elevator doors opened, and I waved bye to the security guards as I made my way closer to the source of the blaring music.
Finding him in the club will be near impossible, but thankfully we planned on taking him down outside of the building in a nearby alley. But that also meant I needed to hurry.
I turned the corner and began to push my way through the somehow larger crowd, and I weaved through people as I headed towards the front of the establishment. People were rather sweaty by now, and I winced slightly as I grazed against someone's slimy arm.
Now I'm gonna smell like someone else's sweat, aren't I? I guess later I'm probably gonna smell like someone else's blood as well, but that will depend on how much help Changbin will end up needing.
Mr. Chae isn't necessarily strong, but he's still able to take down rather buff men. Changbin may be trained, but if he ends up getting drugged with whatever Mr. Chae has used on past victims, then this probably wouldn't end well. There's no telling how harmful the drug is, either. All his victims end up dead anyway, and Chan said the toxicology reports showed abnormal readings of unidentified substances. Which meant the drug was something he created himself, or the more likely scenario, the drug is in testing and he happens to be one of their first customers.
The cold refreshing air was a nice change, and as I stepped through the front doors and outside, I sighed in relief before walking around the building.
The sound of a scuffle could be heard from around the corner, and I quickened my pace as I entered the mouth of the alley.
"You bitch!" Venom seemed to fill the unrecognizable voice, and a groan of annoyance escaped past my lips when I finally caught sight of what was going on.
Changbin had his hands raised, a bloody lip the only sign of injury on him. However, the gun pointed at his head was a clear indicator that wouldn't be the case for long. Mr. Chae looked way worse for wear, though the fact he was pointing a gun at Changbin kind of gave away the fact that he was in a better situation. You know. On the better end of the gun and all that.
"Binnie, we went over how to get out of this situation during practice, right?" Both of their attention snapped towards me, and Changbin relaxed slightly when we met eyes. That slight moment of relief was short lived however, as his expression morphed into one of immense disbelief.
"You're telling me that wasn't a joke?"
"I would never joke about gun safety."
He blinked.
"Just last practice you shoved a gun down your throat after turning the safety off just to see how badly me and Felix would freak out."
I snorted, an amused smile tugging at my lips at the memory. "Oh, yeah. I guess I did do that, didn't I?"
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" Spittle flew out of Mr. Chae's mouth as he screamed at me, and he whirled around to point the gun at my head.
"See, Changbin? Watch how it's done." He facepalmed, obviously not believing in my ability, and I pointed behind Mr. Chae with wide and panicked eyes.
"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?!" Mr. Chae jumped before whirling around, gun pointing towards the back of the alley with shaky hands. I took the opportunity to pull the gun from my side, and I shot him in the back of the head with a blank look. Thankfully the gun had a silencer on it, and the sound wasn't loud enough to escape the walls of the alley.
He fell limply onto the ground, gun falling from his hands and clattering onto the cement.
I blinked.
. . .
"I really didn't expect him to fall for that."
"I thought Minho said you would be unarmed?"
I turned to see Changbin wearing an incredulous expression, and I nodded with a gleeful smile.
"I was! I stole it from you while we were in the elevator."
He closed his eyes and sighed, wincing slightly as his hand raised to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You stole my gun?"
"Yeah. You had two, and I had zero. The math added up."
"I- I can't even . . . " He seemed to give up on his trail of thought as he once again sighed, hand dropping back to his side. "I hope you know I know how to get out of a situation like that."
"Of course you do, I just showed you."
He seemed unamused as he regarded me, and I smiled innocently.
"I meant the non crazy version."
My eyes widened in fake shock, and I stepped closer with my hands dramatically reaching out for him. "You mean there's a non crazy way? Teach me!" I grabbed his shoulders before violently shaking him, and he pursed his lips.
"Get off me."
"Alright."
My hands dropped back to my sides as he pulled out his phone, most likely to call Chan, and I turned back to stare at the corpse of Mr. Chae.
It's very true that Changbin could have gotten out of that situation himself. He did have years of training after all. However, his method relied heavily on quick movements done with precision, and a slight mistake would lead to him getting shot. Stepping in was the safest option for him, even if doing so hurt his pride a little.
He wasn't a painfully stuck up kind of prideful, but he held himself to impossible expectations. Relying on others wasn't his strong suit, and though he had enough tact to not admit it, not being able to take Mr. Chae down on his own must be a bummer.
"Alright, the others are on their way." He seemed to notice where my attention was, and he stepped closer as a concerned expression morphed onto his face. "You ok? You aren't freaking out about killing someone, are you?"
It was a valid concern as first kills were usually pretty jarring, regardless of how messed up the person you killed was. However, while it's true you never really get used to the feeling of killing another, it stopped being debilitating a while ago. After some time, you learn to disassociate.
I turned to Changbin with a playful smile, and I pushed his arm jokingly. "Aw, is Changbin worried about me? How sweet."
He rolled his eyes despite the small smile tugging at his lips, and I could tell he was slightly relieved by my response.
"Seriously. What were you . . ." He trailed off, eyes glazing over slightly as he stumbled. He managed to catch himself, but he seemed to grow unsteady as he reached a hand out towards me.
"Changbin?" I grabbed his arm to steady him, and he looked up at me, clearly just as confused as I was. "Are you okay?"
"I don't think so." His words were barely coherent as he grew limp in my grasp, and I rushed to catch him as he began to fall.
"Changbin!?" I couldn't help the panic that seeped into my voice as I gently lowered him to the floor, arms under his shoulders as I carried his weight down. He grew unable to keep his eyes open, and my stomach dropped when I noticed how slow his breathing had gotten.
I had failed.
I don't know how or when, but somehow Changbin got drugged, and I didn't know how to help him.
"Fuck. Guys? You need to get here now. I'll start carrying him so we can meet halfway." I spoke, not fully sure if the others were still listening through the ring, and I slung Changbin over my shoulder before getting up from the floor on slightly shaky legs.
Changbin was heavier than I thought he would be, but it was still manageable. A fireman's carry would be the quickest way to transport him, and because the drug was unidentified, every second counted.
I began to move as quickly as I could as I carried Changbin out of the alley, being careful to avoid drawing attention. Thankfully the street was nearly empty at the moment, and I picked up my pace as he somehow managed to grow even more limp.
"I'm sorry, Changbin. I swear I won't let you die." My words were empty, though, because there was nothing I could do other than getting him to Felix as fast as possible. If this drug really did end up being fatal?
Then that would be on me.
I was supposed to watch him. I thought I had done enough. Changbin knew not to accept any drinks, and he would have mentioned if he got stabbed with a syringe, so it must have been administered some other way. I got to him soon after he first confronted Mr. Chae, and though I was busy talking to Yun, I never once let him out of my sight while we were in the club.
So how the fuck did this happen?
"Changbin!" The panicked voice of Felix drew my attention, and I looked towards where his voice was coming from to see him standing beside the armored bus the others were camped out in. I ran over, relief fueling my movements as I somehow managed to move like I wasn't carrying an entire person.
Felix began to sprint towards us, apparently hellbent on meeting us halfway, and a panicked Chan was quick to follow behind him. The others also exited the bus, mixed emotions evident on their faces, though concern and dread seemed to be shared among all of them.
"We heard everything over the mic. We need to get him to the bus! I have some supplies in there, but not nearly enough if this turns out to be something possibly fatal! We have to get him back home!"
Felix began to ramble off in a panic as soon as he made it beside me, and I once again managed to speed up as we grew closer and closer to the bus.
The others moved out of the way so I could lay Changbin in the back of the vehicle, and Felix practically leapt in after him with the speed of a panicked gazelle.
"What happened?" I turned to see Jisung looking at me with wide eyes, and my stomach dropped when I noticed the tears falling down his cheeks. If I'm panicking enough to want to throw up, I can't imagine what the others were feeling.
"You can explain it on the way back. We need to get Changbin home." Chan was quick to usher the others into the back of the bus before rushing towards the driver's seat, and I followed before closing and locking the doors behind me.
Felix was fussing over the still unconscious Changbin, running a multitude of tests with both practiced ease and blind panic. Chan was turning the key in the ignition and pulling the bus out of its parking spot with a speed only adrenaline could make possible, and the bus lurched forward as he began to violently step on the gas.
And Jeongin?
He was launching towards me with blind rage.
My back smashed into the floor of the bus, and I gasped desperately as Jeongin's hands wrapped tightly around my throat. On instinct my hands raised to clutch his own, but I made no move to stop him as he pushed the majority of his weight onto my throat.
I choked as my head began to build up with pressure, and I met his eyes with a calm expression despite the pain currently radiating through my head, throat, and chest.
He was crying.
A desperate, ugly cry only fitting of someone blinded by emotions. I couldn't blame him. For all we knew, Changbin could end up dead in the next few minutes, and it would be my fault.
My ears began to ring as the blood trapped in my head pounded harshly against my skull, and despite my own acceptance of the situation, I still found myself gasping desperately for air that just wouldn't come.
I felt myself weakening from oxygen deprivation, and through my blurred vision, I could see shapes trying desperately to tear Jeongin off of me. Most likely the others.
My vision swirled, and just as my eyes began to roll to the back of my head, the pressure on my throat disappeared.
I choked and gasped pathetically, my lungs desperately taking in gulp after gulp of air as I turned to my side, one arm propping me up while my other hand raised reflexively to massage my sore throat.
I felt a hand rubbing soothing circles on my back as I coughed violently, but I didn't know who as my eyes squeezed shut, a hopeless attempt to ease the throbbing in my head.
"WHAT THE FUCK, JEONJIN?! WHAT THE FUCK CROSSED YOUR FUCKING MIND TO THINK FUCKING TRYING TO FUCKING KILL HYUNJIN WAS FUCKING OKAY?!" The ringing in my ears faded enough for me to hear my surroundings, and the first thing that graced my ears was Jisung violently cussing.
I was able to catch my breath slightly, but I was still painfully wheezing as my throat had yet to recover. "Sungie, I think we need to widen your vocabulary a little." The simple sentence was enough to send me into another coughing fit, and tears pricked my eyes as the mystery person once again began to rub my back.
I could see Minho holding back a still raging Jeongin, and Jisung was easily able to match his rage as he scolded him in an octave I didn't think was possible to reach.
Changbin was still unconscious, Felix was still fussing over him, and the bus wasn't exactly driving itself, which meant the person still trying to soothe me was Seungmin.
"Are you okay?" I nodded despite the fact I felt anything other than okay, well aware that playing victim in this situation would be self absorbed.
"I'm good." The wheezing of my voice really helped me sell just how good I was, and my vision finally cleared enough for me to see Seungmin direct his attention to the still crying Jeongin.
"Jeongin? Calm down. Changbin's going to be okay, alright? Felix is the best doctor we know. And we all know trying to kill Hyunjin will only distract Felix from his work, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?"
"LET ME KILL HIM! THIS IS HIS FAULT!" His voice was shrill and desperate, and Minho almost lost hold of him as he once again attempted to launch towards me.
He was right.
Changbin wouldn't be in this situation if I had paid more attention. I promised them I wouldn't let him get hurt. I was overly confident in my skills that I didn't even consider the fact that the drug might not be administered in a typical way. It was an oversight that could cost him his life.
I didn't belong on a mission with them. I'm not a member and yet I pushed my way onto a mission because I thought I knew the best way to go about it. I allowed myself to be distracted, I lost sight of him when I went downstairs, I didn't ask how it went as soon as I got the chance to, and I didn't check him for any signs of drugging.
I was overly confident in my abilities and I crossed boundaries I shouldn't have. And now it could lead to the death of someone I was beginning to care about.
I don't belong with them.
Why did I ever see this as a second chance? Was I so desperate to be saved that I didn't consider how much I would end up burdening the people I latched onto? Changbin could end up dead.
It should be me.
If I wasn't so much of a coward, we wouldn't be in this mess. If I had just gotten the balls to end myself when I had the chance, I could have prevented all of this.
"Hyunjin? Are you okay?"
I was snapped out of my thoughts by Jisung's concerned voice, and I offered a fake smile as I locked eyes with him.
"I don't know about you, but that was the best throat massage I've ever gotten."
My coping mechanism once again made itself known as I attempted to make light of the situation, only to be stabbed with guilt when I remembered that Changbin was still possibly fighting for his life. This was definitely not a situation I could make light of.
Jisung didn't seem convinced by the smile I offered him, but Jeongin's screeching stopped him from digging deeper as we both snapped our heads towards the youngest. He was still fighting against Minho's hold, though a lot weaker than before, and he reached out towards me with pure hate in his eyes.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
"JEONGIN!" The authority in Minho's voice could rival Chan's, and Jeongin froze in the older's hold as his expression of rage turned to dread and confusion. "Calm down! This is not the time to lose your cool!"
Jeongin craned his neck to lock eyes with Minho, a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes as he stared at him with shock and betrayal evident in his expression.
"But he-"
"No. he didn't. He did exactly what he was told to do. This isn't on Hyunjin." He seemed pained by the fact he was defending me, and any one with half a brain knew it was only to calm down the youngest. "Now please, sit down so Felix can focus. We'll deal with Hyunjin when we get back, but right now, lashing out is going to do more harm than good. I know you can control yourself, okay? Just relax. Let the rest of us take care of everything."
Apparently Minho was magic, because Jeongin practically melted into his hold with a resigned expression.
The bus lurched to a stop, and Felix was already trying to carry Changbin out before Chan could even turn off the engine. Seungmin opened the back of the bus before moving to help carry him, and the two of them successfully got Changbin out of the bus and into their driveway with minimum difficulty.
The others followed suit, and Chan rushed around the side of the bus so he could sling Changbin over his shoulder.
No words were spoken as they hurried into the house, and I closed the bus doors behind me silently before standing alone in the driveway. My chest felt like it was twisting in on itself as tears pricked my eyes, and I willed them to not fall as I exhaled shakily.
I stayed frozen, the cool air whipping against my face as I stared blankly at the gates before me.
Should I leave now?
I couldn't stay here anymore, not that any of them would want me to after tonight, but would leaving now be the best choice? Where would I go?
I guess it wouldn't matter as my new goal could be completed anywhere in the dangerous part of the city, but it would be easier to leave with a destination in mind.
But what about Changbin? I needed to make sure he would be ok, right? I needed to apologize to him.
But I don't want to go in there.
A few tears managed to fall as my chest squeezed, and I curled in on myself pathetically as a sob tour its way up my throat. I choked, trying desperately to swallow down any noise as I viciously whipped the tears from my eyes.
I was playing the victim again.
I was acting pathetic and weak while someone I cared about was in danger because of me. I don't have the right to cry right now, so why was it so hard to stop myself?
I needed to leave.
I couldn't show my face like this. I won't be able to keep my composure if I try to go in, and crying by myself was bad enough. I couldn't break down in front of them.
I turned to leave, shaky legs carrying me closer to the gate as another wave of sobs wracked my body. My chest screamed out as I tried to suppress them, and I once again choked, pain radiating from my bruised throat as I desperately swallowed down the tears I couldn't be more ashamed about letting fall.
"Hyunjin?"
My heart stopped at the sound of Jisung's voice, and I froze.
Fuck.
I once again made my way to the gate, pace increasing as I stumbled away from the source of my shame.
"Hyunjin!"
I could hear footsteps behind me, and my eyes widened when a hand grabbed my shoulder. I couldn't let him see me like this.
I shrugged off his grip before once again reaching for the gate, but he darted in front of me before I could reach it.
His eyes widened when he saw my state, and against every fiber in my being, against every word I kept telling myself, and against every strand of self control I clutched onto like a lifeline, I ended up breaking down.
It seemed the only thing holding me back was my desire to not get caught, but now that I had, I completely lost touch with my self control.
The sobs I had suppressed bubbled back up as my legs grew too weak to carry my weight, and I found myself falling to my knees as I clutched my chest. It hurt so fucking bad, and my body shook violently as muffled sobs tore out of my throat.
"Hyunjin." Jisung's voice was barely above a whisper as he lowered himself down on his knees, and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop the tears.
This was fucking pathetic, and now I was bothering Jisung while he probably wanted to be with Changbin. I was bothering them again. I decided I wouldn't burden them any further, but I was doing it again.
I felt arms wrap around me gently, one of his hands gliding through the hair on the back of my head as he guided me to hide my face into the crook of his neck. I allowed him to, too defeated and broken down to care about anything other than trying to stop the pain in my chest.
Against my better judgment I found myself clutching onto the back of his shirt, sobs now muffled into his shoulder as he rubbed my back.
"It's not your fault. I promise." His voice was gentle and soft, hand still tangled in my hair as I blubbered pathetically. "All of us overlooked the fact that we didn't know how the drug was being administered. You didn't know what to look out for. You did exactly what you were supposed to do, and you still saved his life. This isn't on you."
My sobs turned more hysterical at his words, and his arms tightened around me as he let me lean further into him.
He was lying.
It was my job to make sure Changbin was safe. I was put in charge of his well being, and now he's drugged with something Felix might not be able to help him through. How is that not my fault? I failed.
I shouldn't be crying.
It was difficult to stop the momentum, and I choked violently as I attempted to once again suppress my sobs. I attempted to take a deep breath, but my chest constricted painfully as more sobs forced their way out. Forcing them down was impossible, but the more I let myself cry, the closer I got to hyperventilation.
I couldn't stop.
I couldn't breathe.
My panic increased at the realization, and I pushed Jisung away from me as I wheezed desperately. I felt constricted. I needed space. I was panicking too much to calm myself down, and more tears fell as my throat felt like it was shrinking in on itself.
"Hyunjin, I need you to cup your hands over your mouth. Can you do that for me?" Jisung's voice remained calm and instructive, and I shakily did as he said as my head once again began to throb. He kept his distance, apparently having taken the hint that I needed space, but he remained by my side as I began to breathe into my cupped hands.
The barrier slowed down the amount of air I could breath in at a time, and I shut my eyes as I attempted to slow my breathing down further as I focused on sucking in more air passed my hands.
"You're doing good. Just a little bit more."
A few more sobs escaped past my lips at his words, and I was once again filled with shame at the reminder of how pathetic I was being. I focused back on my breathing, wanting this to end as soon as possible.
My limbs felt like lead and my head was spinning by the time I calmed down enough to breathe without my hands, and I grew too tired to try and stop the fresh wave of tears that fell from my eyes.
I slumped, and Jisung moved closer to me rather slowly, clearly looking for permission. He closed the gap once I gave a weak nod, and he once again wrapped his arms around me as I leaned into his chest.
I felt numb. Still ashamed, but numb.
His hand once again tangled into my hair, and he kissed the crown of my head in a comforting way.
"You did good. Now how about we get you to bed?"
"I'm sorry." It hurt to speak, and my voice came out airy and quiet, but Jisung still seemed to hear me.
"Don't be. Your standards for yourself are about as high as Changbin's, and I know how much guilt you must have felt, regardless of how misplaced it was. Tonight must have been really hard on you. There's no shame in reaching your limit."
He readjusted so he could stand, and he carried most of my weight up with him with a surprising amount of ease. I no longer cared about how pathetic I was being, finding that I was too drained to care much about anything, so I leaned against him shamelessly as he began to lead me back in the direction of the house.
"Why aren't you with Changbin?" I stared mindlessly into space but still focused all of my attention onto the squirrel, and I waited patiently for him to respond to my question.
I could see him looking at me from my peripheral, and my eyes lazily trailed over to meet his as he smiled warmly at me.
"Felix said that the drug in Changbin's system wasn't fatal or even harmful, and when we all calmed down enough from the news, I snuck out when I noticed you didn't follow us in. Don't worry. The others don't know. Speaking of which, do you want to sneak in through your bedroom window?"
I nodded, rather thankful he seemed to understand my embarrassment. He redirected us towards the side of the house, and I followed along aimlessly as I felt my mind somehow emptying further. It didn't take long for us to reach the outside of my room, and I found myself happy about my terrible habit of never locking my window.
He opened my window with one hand, the other still supporting my weight as he helped guide me through it, and he followed me in as soon as I plopped down lifelessly onto my bed.
"Thanks." My words were muffled into my bedding, and I could hear Jisung chuckle as he closed the window behind us.
"Don't worry about it. But you should probably change. I doubt a suit is comfortable."
I grumbled, not caring about my comfort level as I debated suffocating myself with my bedding. I quickly decided against it when I realized it would require actual effort, and I turned my head to the side to see Jisung eying me with a somehow comforting expression.
"Come on, Jinnie. You need to get up. Once you get changed you can go back to bed."
"I will in a sec." Moving my tongue was an oddly energy consuming thing, and my words ended up mumbled as I allowed my eyes to flutter closed.
I couldn't care less what Jisung was doing as I heard him moving about my room, though I did grow slightly exasperated when I heard him begin to rummage through my closet.
Was he seriously going to make me change?
I got my answer when he once again approached me, and he forcefully rolled me over before lifting me up by my shoulders. I opened my eyes slowly to see him smiling at me, and he ignored my unamused expression as he handed me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
I grumbled before closing my eyes again, fully ok with sleeping sitting up. As soon as he let go I would go back to laying down anyway.
"I'll change your clothes myself if I have to." I couldn't care less about his threat, and I ignored him as I allowed my mind to sink deeper into sleep. "Alright then."
He began to remove my blazer, and I allowed him to, too tired to care about anything other than sleep. Once I was blazerless he began to unbutton the buttons of my shirt, though he made sure not to brush against the still tender scars.
"Can you at least help me put your shirt on?" I opened one eye to see him pouting at me, and I groaned.
"Will you let me sleep if I do?" He brightened before nodding his head energetically, and I mustered up my remaining energy in order to grab the shirt and then throw it on gracelessly.
I then fell back onto my mattress, a content sigh leaving my lips as I melted into the soft bedding beneath me.
"Now pants."
"These are jammy pants. Leave me alone."
"You're really going to make me take off your pants for you?" I knew he was raising an eyebrow without even having to look at him, and I huffed before once again opening my eyes. On the bright side, my growing annoyance was lending me some energy, and I began to unbutton my slacks with a frown.
He continued to smile at me as I pushed the slacks off, and he handed me the sweats wordlessly.
I pulled them on carelessly before once again melting into the bed beneath me, but was once again thwarted by Jisung's voice.
"Are you not going to get under the covers?"
This time I did as instructed without complaint, having learned that Jisung was a lot more stubborn than me at the moment.
I'll admit that it felt much nicer now, but never out loud.
My eyes closed for what I was hoping would be the last time, and I was so determined for that to be the case that I didn't bother opening them when I felt Jisung lift the covers slightly.
"Scoot over."
I groaned. "Why?"
"You really think I'm leaving you alone? Now scoot." I rolled over onto my side, too tired to complain as I felt him get under the covers beside me. He wrapped his arms around me from behind as soon as he got settled, and despite my desire to show my annoyance, I ended up melting into him.
I guess I couldn't be mad. He was looking out for me, which regardless of my pride, I kind of needed right now.
"Thank you." He tightened his grip around me as a way of acknowledging my words, and I felt myself already slipping into sleep. I was right on the cusp of it when my cursed inability to sleep through disturbances made itself known.
I felt like crying all over again when I heard my bedroom door open, because seriously? What the fuck was it now?
"Everything okay?" I recognized the voice as Seungmin's, but I was too tired to acknowledge his presence. Thankfully, Jisung did it for me.
"Yeah, I think I got him to sleep. He isn't exactly in a good place now thanks to tonight's events, and I didn't want to leave him alone, you know?"
Sweet, but do you really think I could sleep through your guy's lousy attempt at a whisper? It wasn't like I was pretending to sleep either, I was just too tired to do anything other than lay there.
"That's smart. Need company?" You think my bed will fit three people?
"Sure." Apparently he did.
Seungmin nearly silently made his way to the other side of the bed, and I made no move to stop him as he laid down in front of me after lifting up the covers. He wrapped his own arms around me as he tucked my head under his chin, and he pecked Jisung on the forehead before settling in.
"How are we going to handle tomorrow?" They whispered quieter now that I was sandwiched between them, but I could still hear them clearly as they talked to one another.
"I don't know. The others want to go over what happened tonight, but I don't think Hyunjin will be okay enough for that. Especially if Jeongin is there." My stomach twisted at Jisung's words. Maybe I should run away.
"I'll talk to Chan about putting it off. He'll understand."
"But will Jeongin and Minho?"
"Definitely not, but if they don't want to share the reasoning behind their opinions, then we have no reason to consider them."
"That sounds like something Chan would say."
"Then me and Chan would agree."
"Hey, did anyone go back to clean up Mr. Chae's body?" Oh, right. We kind of just left him there. It's a good thing no one ever really goes into that alley.
"Yeah. Minho and Chan left a little while ago to go clean everything. Now sleep, it's late."
"Ok. Good night. Love you."
"Love you too."
They both fell silent as they cuddled further into me, and I found myself drifting off to sleep much easier than I ever had before.
—------- To Be Continued —-------