"She loves you, Dory. Just be patient and be honest with what you need, okay? I'm a phone call away."
Jordan's arms tightened around her friend and she nodded. She didn't want her to go.
"Also, if she doesn't sleep in your bed, she's more than welcome to sleep in mine."
Jordan couldn't help but scoff and slap her arm as she pulled away. Of course she wouldn't have sex with Leah tonight. She wasn't even sure if she'd let her come back into their home tonight.
"What? You have needs."
YFN gave her a reassuring smile and Jordan returned it before she jumped back into the driver's seat. She watched the two outside hugging and the sight that YFN had also become important to Leah wasn't missed by her. She saw YFN say something to Leah, and she knew immediately that it was good, reassuring advice. She was always that person. The one you felt safe opening up to and getting advice from. It was crazy to think they hadn't met long ago; she felt like she'd known her forever.
They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Leah got back into the car. The silence was loud. Jordan was so nervous around Leah all the time, and she found it hard to think. Luckily for her, all she needed to do was to think about the hurt she'd caused, and it helped her to shut down those surface level feelings off. She was just driving home, as if Leah wasn't even there.
She was almost home, a fully twenty minutes of silence, when Leah's hand was carefully placed on Jordan's thigh, near her knee. Jordan sucked in a breath. It wasn't sexual or flirting, she knew that. It was just the reassurance she craved. For what? She had no clue. But she didn't move her hand and after a while, she could see Leah relaxing at the knowledge of this.
Jordan pulled into the driveway near Leah's black Mercedes and turned the car off. Still, silence. Jordan refused to speak. She knew it wasn't very mature, but she didn't care. Captain Leah broke first, of course.
"Can I come inside?" She asked gently, removing her hand.
Jordan thought about it as she stared over the dash. They were two very soft, emotional people. If Leah came inside, that would be a lot of emotion and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop it. Jordan felt more vulnerable at night, and without YFN there to keep things civil, she was worried.
"Please?" Leah whispered. It was so soft, so vulnerable and...pleading...that Jordan turned to look at her. She didn't realise how close she'd been to tears and blinked those away.
Leah had her head back against the seat and she was looking at Jordan as if she'd been staring at her for the entire car ride. She probably had. Jordan had been too focussed on anything else. Right now she looked at Leah and she'd never seen that expression before. It was pain and longing and guilt. So much guilt.
"Okay." Jordan said, not even realising she'd said it.
They walked up to the entrance, Jordan's pace slow and Leah's close behind her. She could feel her watching her every move. She took her key out and tried to get it into the keyhole, her hand shaking with built up emotion. Leah appeared over her shoulder, careful not to touch her beyond her larger hand which took Jordan's hand softly and guided it to the keyhole.
"Thanks..." She said without thinking about it. They entered and Blu was bounding towards them then, aiming straight at Leah. She grinned and picked him up, pulling him into his favourite position against her chest with one arm. He licked her face. He missed her. Jordan couldn't help but look at them cuddling and remember how cute they were together. Leah noticed her looking.
"I miss him a lot."
"I think he misses you too." She admitted and led the way to the couch. She let Leah sit first, placing Blu in his bed before she did, and then Jordan sat at the opposite end of the couch just like YFN had suggested. Being too close to Leah would blind her with her own emotions.
"I'm sorry." Leah said, holding Jordan's eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. There's no apology I can give that will make up for this, I know that. But please hear me out..."
Jordan nodded, letting her continue.
"I messed up, Jord. I was weak and worse than that, a coward. I let my cowardice dictate our relationship and end it. The one thing I didn't want to do was hurt you, and I let my ego, my pride, my weakness drive you away and try to justify it in my own head as the right thing to do when it wasn't. It wasn't right for you or for me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you. I miss you. I want you. Whatever I have to do, I will. I want you, Jordan. There's this...empty space in my world that only you can fill."
"You left," Jordan croaked, unsure how she'd even managed to say that. "You'll leave me again."
Leah must have seen some hope in that sentence because she moved closer to Jordan and gently took one of her hands in her own. "I won't. I was weak, I'm not now. I'd never allow myself to try and win you back if I thought I had any chance of doing it again. I won't, I promise. And I'll spend the rest of my life making up for this if I have to."
She was saying all the right things. Jordan felt herself moving closer to Leah and Leah noticed, her eyes darting to her lips and back to her eyes. That was enough for Jordan to lose her last shred of control and lean forward with intention. With an unbelieving expression, Leah met her in the middle and their lips connected. She was soft, and tasted like that cherry lipstick of hers, just like Jordan remembered. Leah always gave Jordan her bottom lip when they kissed for many reasons, but mainly: it was bigger, and she was usually a lot shorter.
Leah tilted her head into the kiss, her tongue finding Jordans. Jordan moaned into her mouth and moved forward, Leah encouraging her body to manoeuvre on top of her.
Leah. Leah. Leah. She'd never gotten the chance for closure with Leah, and so she couldn't help how desperate she was now to feel a piece of what she'd felt when they were together.
Jordan's hands slid their way into Leah's blonde hair and she tilted her head, pushing herself against her.
"Jordan," Leah moaned and her hands wandered like she was memorising her.
Jordan knew she was crying, but she took it as overwhelming emotions. She needed Leah. Now.
She paused their mouths for a split second to look at Leah. Her eyes were dark and her lust was reflected there along with multiple other emotions. Leah must have seen Jordan's intentions in her eyes.
"Are you sure?" She whispered.
Jordan nodded her forehead against Leah's and the Captain paused for a few seconds before her emotions took control. Suddenly Jordan was on her back and Leah was on top, both helping to drag the clothes off of each other.
"Jordan," Leah moaned again as Jordan sucked on her nipple while they were wriggling her pants down. "I love you. I miss you." She spoke like a chant.
Their hands roamed, reintroducing themselves with their bodies and they allowed their mouths to wander also. Jordan's legs wrapped about Leah's waist as she rocked them to a rhythm, their tongues fighting each other and Jordan's hands messing Leah's hair and scraping down her back. Leah let herself wander, her mouth kissing and nipping down Jordan's neck to each nipple, giving them equal attention before carrying on down her abdomen and back up to her mouth. Leah's hand slid down between them and paused outside Jordan's core.
"Are you sure?" She asked again, not noticing Jordan's tears.
Jordan nodded against her and Leah's fingers entered softly, knowing exactly what Jordan liked. She slid one finger inside her tantalisingly slow as her palm gave pressure and stimulation to her clit. Jordan moaned she rode her hand with her hips rolling into her again and again. They picked up a nice pace and it was terrifying to Jordan just how natural it all felt. Like no time had passed. Leah's desperation to have her made Jordan's first orgasm come quicker than usual, her back arching as she gave into Leah's stimulation. Leah pressed a proud kiss to her jaw before moving down her body, leaving kisses and nips along the way until she was settled between Jordan's legs. She knew she needed to ride this high before Jordan's little body had decided it had had enough excitement for the night. She kissed the insides of her thighs, missing those like crazy until she found Jordan's heat with her mouth. She didn't do her long, dragged-out foreplay. They were too desperate for that. Instead, she went straight in, her tongue licking the length of Jordan, from hole to clit before settling on her clit for a while. Jordan whimpered, her body reacting. She looked down at the determined blonde between her legs and gripped that hair with two hands, encouraging Leah. Though she needed no encouragement, she was desperate to taste her, to feel her, to do anything to make Jordan happy. Leah shivered at Jordan's second orgasm and happiness built inside her on top of that guilt and shame. She dragged herself back up Jordan's body and this time they fucked each other at the same time. Leah was unsure at first but then accepted the love Jordan was giving her. By then end of Jordan's third and Leah's first, they were upright on the couch, Jordan riding Leah's fingers desperately, her hands clinging onto Leah. Leah loved this. Every single second she felt herself getting happier and tension releasing. Jordan was here and allowing this. She could get Jordan back. The sounds of her breathy moans and whimpers dragged life into her.
"Leah," Jordan gasped as she neared her edge again. Leah almost froze. Almost. Jordan moaned her name.
Jordan's riding became erratic as she chased that fourth high, her body locking up and shuddering, her head falling to Leah's shoulder and she shuddered and tensed. Eventually the tension calmed but the shuddering didn't. It took longer than it should have for Leah to realise Jordan was crying.
"No, no no no, Jord," she stressed as Jordan moved away from her, grabbing her clothes from the ground.
Leah tried to move towards her but Jordan couldn't deal with it.
"Get out." She said as normally as she could while she was crying.
"Jord, please no. Tell me what's wrong, I can fix it." Leah begged. Jordan picked up her clothes and tossed them onto Leah's lap while she continued to dress herself. Leah began to dress herself. It seemed the most appropriate thing. "Please don't do this Jordan."
Jordan was fully clothed then and tracking towards the front door. Leah was pulling her shirt over her head as she scrambled behind her.
"Please, Jordan!" She begged, landing on her knees in front of her. She flinched visibly as her ACL knee hit the tiles, sharp pain shooting up her leg. "Please talk to me. Don't do this." And then softer, "Not after that."
"I can't," Jordan cried. "I'm sorry Leah, I'm sorry but I can't."
Jordan wasn't lying. She couldn't. She was overwhelmed with feelings too difficult to understand. One minute she was nervous; the next she was in pure ecstasy with Leah, their bodies moving together as they used to just a little more desperate; the next she was terrified history would repeat itself. Her friends had only just helped her past her deepest pain.
Jordan reached the front door and opened it, her tears free flowing. She continued to wipe with the cuff of her jumper but couldn't seem to keep up.
"Please go." She begged.
Leah inhaled sharply, her own tears starting. She sobbed on her knees on the floor.
"But I love you."
"Please." She begged again. She needed to be far away from her so she wouldn't be hurt again.
Leah stood, as strong as she could, and walked towards the door, exiting before turning back to Jordan.
"Please tell me why. Tell me anything. Just say anything."
Jordan hadn't met her eyes until then. Leah almost collapsed at the look of fear and hurt reflected in them. Leah still didn't understand. Had she hurt her during sex? Did she regret it? Was she with someone else and made a mistake?
"I can't handle you leaving me again."
Leah's stomach hit the floor. Her mistake now visible as an insecurity so deeply rooted in Jordan.
Jordan had to look away before Leah's fallen expression broke her. She closed the door and Leah turned, stumbling down the steps until she stopped and vomited into the garden.