set in s6
character name (character name)
the person inside the body (the actual, physical body)
i hope this isn't too confusing lolz
"When you said you had a secret hideout, I was picturing the Batcave - not your mom's basement."
"Actually, it's not her basement because I pay rent."
Warren and Andrew bicker as they sit in Warren's mom's basement. It's not too shabby with its LED lights and the big whiteboard that hosts sketched out evil schemes, but it does smell of artificial lemon soap.
Warren runs an excited hand through his dark, gelled hair, "Jonathon should be here by now."
As if on que, the stairs creak and a short, nerdy-looking teenager emerges into view.
"Hey guys." he says, his voice high and his forehead sweaty. If the others can tell he's nervous, they pay no attention to it.
"Hey, Jonathon!" Andrew greets, motioning for him to come over, "This apparently is our 'lair'. I thought it would at least have a-"
"Shut up, Andrew! Look, children, this is the start of something big for us! We're not little high-schoolers anymore. We know who the slayer is. And we have access to some of the greatest dark arts books on the black market."
Andrew and Jonathon exchange excited glances.
Warren continues, "Not to mention our amazing advances in technology. That freeze-ray gun is coming along nicely. We can literally become supervillains!" He picks up a bottle of cheap champagne and tries to open it. The cork won't budge but after an awkward minute of struggling, it pops open. "Here's to us!"
He hands glasses to the boys; they take them with a greedy look in their eyes. Andrew takes a big gulp and grimaces.
"Evil tastes funny." he remarks and Warren slaps him on the back of the head.
"Tonight," Warren continues, "Johnathon will switch bodies with the slayer and lead her right to us. Johnathon, if you will..." he gestures to a wooden chair with a pool of rope on it.
Johnathon crinkles his eyebrows. "Can't I finish my drink first?"
"No," Warren snatches it from his hand and pushes the rope off the chair.
Reluctantly, he sits and huffs. Andrew immediately gets to work, tying his friend's wrists and legs to the chair.
Their plan is fool-proof. Johnathon and Buffy will switch bodies. Jonathon will lead Buffy's body right here to the lair and then they can switch them back. The entire time, Buffy's mind will be in Johnathon's puny body (so unable to escape and kick any of their asses).
"The plan relies on you, bud. Don't mess this up, okay? Just bring her straight here - no detours. And no looking at her - I mean, your - boobs."
Johnathon nods although the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He gulps as Andrew brings out a black, leather-bound book and licks his lips, ready to recite.
"Are - are you sure this is gonna work? I - I don't think I wanna do this anymore." Johnathon stutters, "Andrew will be better. He can-"
Warren cuts him off, "Don't go getting cold feet now, Johnathon. Andrew, go ahead."
Andrew nods, Jonathon moans and Warren rubs his hands together.
"Alli permutat anima kimota."
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Buffy, Willow and Dawn sit in the Magic Box, playing UNO. Dawn peeks over her hand of colourful cards, carefully contemplating how to win. Buffy, however, is distracted by a memory of Spike, and how he was being so arrogant yesterday at The Doublemeat Palace. Willow, meanwhile, is just trying to remember how to play.
Willow coughs. "Dawnie, your turn."
"I'm thinking." she mumbles, sifting through her cards.
Then, they all go flying as she jumps out of her seat.
"Bloody hell! What the fuck is going on?!" she shouts, staring at Willow and Buffy with wild, panicked eyes.
"Dawn! Language!" Buffy scolds, except it comes out of Willow's mouth.
The three stare at each other in horror.
The door crashes open and Spike stumbles in, tears brimming in his eyes. "Buffy!" he whimpers, "Buffy, what's going on?"
Willow stands. "Ok," she says as calmly as she can, "I think I know what's...can everyone please just... say their name, okay?"
Spike's body is the first to blurt out, "Dawn!"
"Ok," Willow replies, "I'm Buffy."
Dawn's body pipes up next, "Spike."
Spike touches his face and then his chest and yelps when he finds boobs. He grimaces and looks apologetically at his own body, telling Dawn, "Ugh. I didn't mean to do that." He places a small hand over his beating heart. "Oh, I don't like that. I do not like that." He collapses into a nearby chair.
They turn to look at Buffy's body. "Err..." she says.
"So..." Buffy (willow) says, "It looks like Willow and I have switched bodies and so have Spike and Dawn." She rushes to a mirror and touches the face of her best friend that stares back at her. "This is trippy..."
"I'm not Willow." Buffy's body says quietly. She stares at her shoes and only looks up when Spike (dawn) says lowly:
"Who the hell are you then?"
She finally looks up. "Erm. Hey guys. It's Jonathon."
"Jonathon?!" Buffy (willow) splutters, "If you're Jonathon, then where the hell is Willow?"
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Willow opens her eyes and finds Andrew and Warren staring at her, only a few feet away. She frowns. Did she fall asleep in The Magic Box? Is this a dream? The card game was getting boring...
That thought was plausible until Warren slaps her across the face and the sting assures her she's awake.
"Wakey, wakey, bitch." Warren smirks.
"We promised not to hurt Jonathon's body." Andrew hisses as Willow's cheek continues to sting, probably turning red.
"Jonathon's body? What - what is going on?" Willow says, her voice sounding unlike her own.
"Oh, silly little slayer. I thought you were smarter than that." Warren approaches, getting closer than Willow's liking, "You're in Johnathon's body and he's in yours, bringing it to us as we speak."
These boys don't deserve the title of nerds if they're so dumb they can't get a simple body swap spell correct. "Well, it seems you got the wrong girl. I thought you were smarter than that." she adds with distain.
"What are you on about?" Warren falters for a second.
"I'm Willow."
"Son of a bitch!" Warren jumps up smacking himself in the forehead, "Andrew! You idiot!"
"What?" Andrew squeaks, "I - I did what it said. Sure, my Latin isn't as good as my Klingon but-"
"Oh, you..." Warren makes a strangling motion towards Andrew but stops himself, spinning back to Willow.
"So I'm in Jonathon's body." she says, monotone, "Great."
Warren ignores her, "We can still make use of this. We have one of the slayer's friends as our prisoner."
"What do you want with Buffy, anyway?" Willow presses, "She's just gonna kick your ass again."
Again, she's ignored. "You stay here with her. I'm gonna go wait outside for Jonathon in... I guess Willow's body? Maybe?"
Warren leaves, slamming the door behind him.
---------------------
Dawn (spike) stands next to her sister's body. "I feel so tall." she says proudly.
"That's because you're Spike." Buffy (willow) deadpans, flicking through the pages of a spell book, "If only Giles was here."
"Or Willow." Dawn (spike) adds, sadly.
Jonathon, in Buffy's body, returns from the backroom with a pile of books. He can't go back to Warren now that the plan is blown, and Spike threatened to beat him to a bloody pulp if he didn't help reverse it (it was weird being so violently threatened by a 15-year-old girl).
"I don't know if these will help." Jonathon (buffy) mumbles, plonking them down on the table.
"They better." Spike (dawn) tells him with a venomous glare.
"Can I hit him?" Dawn (spike) asks excitedly, "Come on, I wanna see how hard I can punch as a vampire!"
"Keep my hands to yourself, Niblet." Spike (dawn) replies.
Buffy (willow) takes a book off Jonathon, staring at him for a little too long. "Is that what my hair really looks like?" she mutters, shaking her head and making a mental note to book a haircut.
----------------------
Willow was fed up. After only half an hour with the company of Andrew, she knew she needed to get out of here.
"Andrew, just let me go. You want Buffy, not me, so this is pretty awkward for the both of us."
"No way, lady," Andrew says while chewing on a Twizzler. "Warren wouldn't like that."
Willow ignores that fact that he just called her lady. It may be best to bluff and try to make Andrew fix this mess.
"Andrew, I don't know if you know this, but I am a very powerful wiccan."
"Yeah?" He stops eating the candy.
"Yeah. With years of experience and understanding. I don't just own a spell book and repeat Latin in an awful accent."
Andrew frowns.
"I could do things to you that you wouldn't even dream of..."
Andrew starts to panic but tries to hide it, puffing out his chest. "If - if you harm me you shall know the wrath of... heathens and darkness and terror!" He stands. "Stop threatening me she-witch or you - you'll know the true meaning of - owww!!"
Willow had pulled one of her arms free and grabbed Andrew by the collar. "You're right. I am a she-witch. A very powerful she-witch. Even in a man's body... A - a she-witch who is going to turn your brains into worms if you don't reverse this spell now."
"Ok!" he whines, his dramatic spiel being just as much of an act as Willow's. "I - I'll do it! Just don't hurt me! Or Warren..."
-----------------------
Back in The Magic Box, the gang are just about to give up.
"I say we find Warren and Andrew and make them reverse this." Spike (dawn) suggests.
"Yeah!" Jonathon (buffy) pipes up, "I don't like knowing that they could be doing anything to my body right now..."
"To Willow!" Buffy corrects him, "Who cares about your body? You're not the one who will feel the pain. Just... everyone hurry -"
Buffy's speech is cut short as everyone switches bodies yet again.
Dawn squeals with joy, "I'm me again!" She hugs herself and sighs in relief.
"Good for you." Spike deadpans. She can tell my the sarcasm that Spike said it, but the sound comes from Buffy.
Spike sucks his teeth, looking down at the body he's grown to know so well, but from a completely different perspective.
"Stop perving on me!" Buffy protests, still trapped in Willow's body.
Spike smirks, "Perving? I'm observing..."
"I see that look in your eyes," she sneers, then sees Spike's body which Jonathon is currently inhabiting.
He spins around, letting his leather jacket swirl around his ankles. "I'm so cool." he breathes, not wanting to change back. He runs a hand over his slicked back hair. "Do you guys think I should go blond?"
"No." Everyone replies in unison.
"I'm sick of this -" Buffy (willow) starts to complain, before being ripped out of her body for a second time. She blinks, looks down and grins. "Finally!"
Spike reluctantly smiles too, "Home sweet home." he says.
Willow's body sways and falls to the floor with a thud.
"Will?" Buffy rushes up to her, helping her to her feet.
"Yeah, it's me," she says warily, "That was not a fun experience."
"So we're all back?" Dawn asks hopefully.
Buffy looks around, "Yep. Will, do you need anything? Water? Food? What did Warren and Andrew do to you?"
"They didn't hurt me if that's what you mean. Well, Warren did slap me but you know, no biggie. I think their hideout is a basement, by the way."
"Thanks," Buffy mutters, "We have got to put a stop to whatever they think they're doing."
"I'll get the stakes," Spike says jokingly but Willow frowns.
"You know," she says, "I really hate those guys. I miss the days when we could simply stake evil and watch it disappear. We can't when they're humans."
"I vote that Warren deserves that fate." Dawn says but quickly zips it when Buffy shoots her a glare.
Buffy turns back to Willow, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Willow smiles a small smile. "I'd try Andrew's parent's basement. Or Warren's. I doubt it was Jonathon's, but you might as well try."
Buffy nods, approaching the door to the back of the shop. "Spike?" she says expectantly.
Spike follows and Buffy shouts before they leave, "Make sure Dawn doesn't stay up past ten, yeah, Wills? She's got an algebra test tomorrow."
"Buffy!" Dawn complains, drooping her shoulders.
"I love you too. Behave." she adds with a smirk, slipping off into the night with Spike at her side, ready to kick some nerdy teenage butt.