november 21st, 2018
LITA
!! small time jump !!
IT IS A COLD NIGHT. It shouldn't come as a surprise, it is the middle of November after all. The sky is overcast with clouds and chilly winds are blowing. The temperature is down to minus zero degrees. I'm shivering due to cold, which is surprising... I don't get cold that easily. But it just fells like our blankets and quilts give no warmth.
Outside must be extremely cold and foggy. Snow had falling down for days. Again, it comes as a surprise as it doesn't snow this early in New York City at least. It doesn't cover anything in a thick layer of snow, but rather melts as soon as it hits the ground.
For some reason, I can't sleep tonight... It is just another sleepless night. On the other hand, Scarlett looks dead to the world, her body flushed against mine and under a pile of blankets. God knows she needs it. She's been working like crazy for the past few days, trying to juggle work, Rose, our relationship and Thanksgiving preparation as she decided to host this year.
She fell asleep on me earlier that evening. She was reading, and her eyes dropped shut. She tried to fight against it, nodding awake every few minutes, but she eventually lost her fight and her eyes remained shut, her breath slowed, and her body relaxed against mine.
I had no desire to push her off of me, but I couldn't keep staring at the dull walls of our bedroom. I slowly make my way to the kitchen. The floor is freezing, but it doesn't stop me from venturing outside the bedroom.
2:19 am is loud and green on the microwave as I pour myself a cup of tea and go back to looking out Scarlett's French windows overlooking the city and introducing a perfect view of the nocturnal world outside. The trees, the air, the moon, the dirt, all speak a different language at this time, and I want to listen.
I decide to sit at the kitchen table, and continue to stare out the window for what feels like hours. I wish the snow will just stop falling. If it keeps falling I'll have to cancel my plans for Scarlett's birthday. I know we'll have no desire to get out of the house because sometimes even going to work is a pain.
I am sitting here in my pyjamas and wrapped in a quilt I found lying around, slowly taking a sip from my tea-cup. I look calmly around the kitchen, it is lit up by a few candles. Otherwise, it's dark. Moreover, the kitchen is more cosy this way. Some of the candles seem to extinguished themselves. But I am too tired to get up, and find new candles to lit. I just sit there and turn my eyes toward the window. Wondering over what I am going to do if the snow doesn't stop falling... I'm too tired to even think it through, and I take another sip of the cup.
There has always been something about sitting at the kitchen table at this hour. Alone, surrounded by the dark quiet. The volume of my thoughts hiked up a few notches against it, the only thing that attempts to cut into the silence. This is the only time I can feel like the only breathing soul on earth. An eerie and unsettling feeling to most, a mollifying comfort to me. It's why my bouts of transient insomnia aren't a total inconvenience. If I can't beat it, I'll eagerly join it.
On these nights, I can expect the calling of an owl, the chirping of some night dwelling insects. I can even expect the distant cry of a car engine whose destination is always an out-of-reach mystery to me. Something that is never to be expected, the peering of another person's eyes. Rose stares from the other side of the kitchen and into my eyes. As soon as I notice her, she bursts into tears.
I have never got up so fast in my life. The chair scraps against the floor, but I don't care if I'm being loud. I hurry towards a trembling Rose and quickly wrap her in the quilt I was wrapped up in and bring her into my arms. Hot tears fall down my neck and I can't help but hold her tighter.
As soon as I lift her up, she wraps her arms around me and her legs around my torso. I quickly work to cover her up and protect her from the cold air currently filling the room. With my hand stroking her back, I try to soothe her cries. It feels like forever before her sobs turn into small sniffles, but we get there eventually.
When she's calm enough, she starts to look around the room. Not finding what she was looking for, she twists her body in my arms to look in the direction of the hallway where Scarlett's bedroom is. "What's wrong?" I ask.
"Want mommy." She whines, her eyes still looking at the dark hallway on our left.
"Mommy is sleeping sweetheart. Can I help you instead?"
"Mommy's sleeping?" She sniffs, now her eyes looking at me with unshed tears.
"Uh huh. Mommy is super tired, it would be nice to let her sleep, wouldn't it?" She shyly nods before burying her head back into my neck. "But if you don't want my help it's fine, we'll go get mommy. Don't worry sweet girl."
"You." She mumbles, her answer muffled by my body. I keep her in my arms, I keep her close. She doesn't let go. Even when I try to pull away to get her to turn her head to the side so she can breathe, she holds onto me like a little koala. "I had a nightmare. T'was very scary. Mommy died, and–" She blurts outs before cutting herself off and bursting into another around of tears.
My usual techniques to get her to calm down again are not working and as the situation keeps getting worse, I decide to take her to Scarlett. She's gasping for air by the time we make it to my side of the bed but she calms down instantly when she recognizes the sleeping woman in the bed. "Shh, it's fine, you're okay. Mommy's sleeping in her bed, she's fine. See? Mommy is fine. Just sleeping."
She wriggles to be put down and I let her. Se shakily climbs on the bed and moves some of the blankets and covers away from Scarlett's face so she could kiss her forehead.
Of course Scarlett had to have the cutest kid I swear–
I let her have their moment, and wait outside the bedroom, standing in the threshold and leaning against the wall for Rose. She eventually toddles back to me, rubbing her eyes and little yawns escape her mouth now and then. It's clear she tries to conceal them, but fails miserably, and I choose to ignore it. I know she doesn't want to go back to sleep, nobody does after a nightmare.
We walk hand in hand back to her bedroom and closer to her bed. I started to pull back the covers for her when she tells me, "I had an accident."
Not what I expected but it's fine. "It's okay. Now come on, we're going to get you cleaned up and a new pair of pyjamas." I take her to the bathroom and turn the heating on, so she doesn't freeze to death while changing. I hand her a pack of wipes and a change of underwear as well as another pair of pyjamas bottoms.
While she changes, I take care of the bedsheets and redo her bed. I leave the dirty laundry in the laundry bin for later. I may not be able to sleep, but it doesn't me I feel fine to do the laundry. It can wait tomorrow morning, as far as I know the bedsheets aren't going anywhere.
When Rose is all done, we head out, and I wrap the quilt back around her small body. "There we go, all nice and clean. Ready to go back to bed?"
She gives me a small nod and grands my hand. I gently guide her back to her room, the poor girl is so exhausted she can barely stand up any more. I pull back the sheets and help her climb in. I make sure she's comfortable and warm enough while tucking her in. As I go to leave, her small hand grabs my wrist and pulls me back down.
"Stay, please." I sit down next to her and just stay. I only comb my hand through her hair hoping it'll make her more sleeping and encourage her to fall asleep. One small problem though, she doesn't close her eyes.
Fatigue is visible on her face, but she refuses to let her eyes close. Like her mother earlier in the evening, she forces them open the second they close, jerking awake every couple minutes. "You know... you have to close your eyes if you want to sleep." I lightly tease.
"I can't. I'm scared."
"You have nothing to be scared off. Your mommy, who's in the next room, is a superhero, and you have me and Turbo to watch over you tonight." I play with the stuffed animal before giving it back to her, but she doesn't seem very convinced.
I internally sigh before deciding to do something else. I reach down and hook my arms under her armpits before lifting her up. "Okay, let's try something different. Hold on tight okay?" She wraps her arms around my neck like she usually does and I drap a blanket over us before leaving her bedroom.
"Where we going?"
"Kitchen. Warm milk will help you sleep, and I'll even tell you a story. What book tdo you want?"
Rose shrugs her shoulders. I take it as a sign to choose one myself and grab a Winnie the Pooh book from her shelf before beheading to the kitchen. The candles are all out by now, and I turn on the little light reluctantly. I know it's gonna disturb Rose's sleep, but I can't warm up the milk without seeing what I'm doing.
"Do you know where mama keeps your cup?" I ask Rose. She nods and reaches to open a cabinet. I reach for a sippy cup, but she beats me to it and hands me a bottle. I look at the object in my hand, perplexed. She's a little too old for a bottle, isn't she? "Rose that's a bottle, not a sippy cup." I say. I go to put it back on the shelf, but Rose won't let me. She's tired but she's still strong.
"Want." She whines and I give up. If that is what she wants, then it's fine I guess. I fill it up with milk and warm it up in the microwave for a minute. When the microwave beeps, I take it out and screw the cap on.
I walk to the couch and make myself comfortable. Rose is lying against my front, barely awake but still refusing to go to sleep. I move her, so she can lay sideways across me, that way she'll be able to see the pictures from the book as I read the story.
The warm light of the kitchen gives me enough light to read comfortably, but I still decide to turn on the lamp that is on the side of the sofa. The bulb is not powerful enough to hurt our eyes and prevent us from sleeping, so it should be okay.
I hand Rose the bottle and let her hold it, while I open the book and start to read. "The complete tales of Winnie The Pooh. Chapter one, In which we are introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and some bees, and the stories begin..."
Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it. And then he feels that perhaps there isn't. Anyhow, here he is at the bottom, and ready to be introduced to you. Winnie-the-Pooh. When I first heard his name, I said, just as you are going to say...
Rose is fast asleep by the time I finish reading the first chapter, and I decide to stay here with her, like this. I have no energy left to bring her back to bed... or to even keep my eyes open.
It is 4:27am when I finally drift off to sleep.
AUTHORS NOTE
hello you guys!
ik it's been a while but since uni started ive been crazy busy but here's a little update for y'all.
i hope you enjoyed it, i certainly enjoyed writing... it's good to be back
have a good morning/afternoon/evening or night
alexis:)
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