Frank couldn't remember the last time he had fallen asleep without a struggle, because as tired as Frank usually was after work, and taking care of his mother, and life in general, the peaceful oblivion of slumber was something that eluded him more often than not.
Frank would come home with aching limbs and a heavy heart, yearning for his soft sheets and nothing else, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, Frank's body would somehow rejuvenate itself, or maybe it was his mind, but whatever the case, Frank always found himself lying there for hours before his eyes finally closed and he managed to get some rest.
The entire process seemed ridiculously unfair to Frank, because no matter how drained or worn out he had been during the day, at night, his brain came alive, almost as if it was playing a cruel joke on poor Frank, and it enjoyed watching him toss and turn in a desperate attempt to find a position that would lull him to sleep that much quicker.
And even when Frank's body finally shut down, it didn't stay that way for long, of course it didn't. It wasn't unusual for Frank to be awoken three or four times within an hour for no apparent reason, and sleeping through the night was something that hasn't happened to Frank for years - before today that is.
Because when Frank opened his eyes, he realized he couldn't even recall falling asleep, but he had definitely been in a deep slumber, actually, it might have been the best night of rest he had gotten in ages, and Frank felt more alive than he had in fuck knows how long.
And when Frank remembered where he was, or more importantly - who he was with, he had a nagging suspicion that his peaceful state had been brought on by the warm body that was pressed against his side, and the soft arms that were currently wrapped around his waist.
Flashbacks from last night began to dance across Frank's mind; meeting Gerard, sleeping with Gerard, staying over afterwards, and then...Frank must have fallen asleep while they had been watching X-Men, because even though he was drunk, Frank was certain he would have remembered crawling into bed with Gerard, he had no problem recalling the rest of the evening after all.
But somehow, Frank had ended up here, and even though Frank didn't stay the night with his hook ups - ever, and he definitely didn't cuddle with them, Gerard wasn't just a fling - he was different, he was special, and although Frank hadn't been planning on actually falling asleep with him, he would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying this.
The last time Frank had woken up with someone else's arms around him had been when he had slept over at Pete's, and he hadn't been thrilled to find his best friend's limbs tangled up with his own when he finally opened his eyes, resulting in Frank "accidentally" kneeing Pete in the balls, and that was the extent of Frank's cuddling experience.
But this - this was something else, and even though Frank felt slightly uncomfortable being this intimate with someone, because yes - this was much more intimate then sex, to Frank at least - he didn't want this to end, not ever. Gerard seemed like he was made to fit with Frank, his arms bracketing his hips effortlessly, Frank's head slipping into the space between Gerard's neck and shoulder as if the spot was designated just for him, and Frank couldn't help the content sigh that escaped his lips when Gerard snuggled slightly closer to him.
Their position should have been awkward, or uncomfortable, but it wasn't, it was perfect, and Frank was almost too afraid to breathe, as if even the small movement of his chest would shatter this moment. Frank wanted to fall back asleep, because he had never felt more peaceful then he did right now, but that would mean missing out on an opportunity to observe Gerard without his knowledge, and staring at Gerard was much more fascinating than sleep, it trumped everything actually.
Frank risked moving his head slightly, but only so he could get a better angle to watch Gerard as he continued to sleep peaceful. Frank's small shift in position didn't disturb him in the slightest, not even when Frank sat up, shifting the sheets back over Gerard's body because apparently Frank had been hogging the majority of them while he slept.
Gerard looked beautiful; his dark hair spread out across the sheets like an elaborate ink stain, his face still and unlined, and Frank had the intense urge to lean over and kiss him, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed, or even what this was, and as much as Frank wanted something - anything with Gerard, waking up next to someone else was scarier than he had anticipated it would be.
Frank was conflicted, and confused, and slightly terrified all at the same time; last night had been everything he could have hoped for and more, and Gerard seemed like someone he had conjured up out of his wildest fantasies, but why - why had this all happened? Frank didn't want to constantly doubt whatever this was, but years of distrusting everyone had been deeply ingrained into his mind, and he couldn't help being wary of this entire situation.
Frank just couldn't understand why Gerard had wanted him, why he had asked him to stay over, and now that Frank's liver had filtered out most of the alcohol in his system, he was beginning to second guess everything once again, because that was just how his brain worked, and Frank didn't know how to stop it from coloring everything that had occurred last night with a tint of suspicion.
Gerard was a mystery to Frank; an unsolvable puzzle that got even more confusing with each piece that clicked into place. Frank had deduced that he was obviously kindhearted, not to mention lonely, but he still was clueless about what Gerard actually wanted from Frank.
Gerard had said that he hadn't planned on having sex with Frank, but it had happened, and he obviously wanted it almost as much as Frank had, but what were they now? Maybe Gerard treated all of his one-night stands so well, and after he awoke, he would except Frank to take his leave, and that would be it, or maybe Frank should already be gone by now.
Frank didn't know what to do, because his heart was telling him to lie back down and enjoy the feeling of Gerard's breath tickling his neck, but his head was screaming at him that this wasn't right, this wasn't his routine, and now that Frank had been thrown out of his comfort zone, he was unsure of what was expected of him in this situation.
But Gerard had said he liked him, and that had to mean something - right? Frank wanted it to, and not only that, he wanted this to happen again, but he didn't want to scare Gerard off by being too forward. Maybe he should just leave a note with his number on the counter, that way Gerard could make the next move.
But before Frank could take any action, a soft buzzing sound broke through the relative silence, and when Frank felt an echoing vibration in his pocket, he realized it was his phone, which was still in the jeans that he had apparently slept in.
Moving slowly so he wouldn't jostle Gerard, Frank tugged the device free from the constricting denim, and when the screen showed him ten missed texts and two missed calls, Frank barely managed to suppress his groan of frustration.
Frank had been too caught up in Gerard last night to even think about informing anyone that he wouldn't be coming home, and it hadn't even crossed his mind that his mother would be worried until just now. If Frank was lucky, she would be in one of those states were she forgot the fact that Frank existed, but by the obscene amount of messages, he highly doubted that was the case.
Frank winced as he read through the numerous texts from his mother, starting out with a request for him to get milk if he was out, leading up to the last one that was sent about thirty minutes ago which demanded to know his whereabouts. Frank also had a text from Pete, and when he clicked over to that conversation, he was reminded why Pete was his best friend.
"Dude your mom had been psycho calling me. I told her you slept over at my place and you were still knocked out, but you better phone her soon before she ends up coming over."
Frank hadn't gotten any new messages since Pete's, which hopefully meant that Pete's lie had mollified his mother's curiosity, and now Frank had a believable story to use, because there was no way in hell he would ever be able to tell his mother the truth.
Texting back both Pete and his mother quickly, Frank glanced over at Gerard as he fingers danced across his phone screen. Frank had to leave soon before his mother became suspicious, but fuck - he wanted to stay right here for the rest of his life.
Frank debated on waking Gerard, but he couldn't bring himself to do it; Gerard looked so relaxed, and Frank could tell he needed the sleep, even now, he still had dark bags under his eyes, and Frank had the nagging suspicion that Gerard struggled with falling asleep just like Frank did, but he had no facts to back that up, just assumptions concocted by his mind which was desperately trying to make a connection between Frank and Gerard when there was in all actuality nothing there.
But what if there was - Frank felt like there was; he couldn't explain why he was drawn to Gerard like a fly to honey, but the attraction he felt toward him was surreal, and there was no denying that. Gerard made Frank want so much more than just sex; he yearned for the pointless cuddles, and late nights spent talking about absolutely nothing, and the soft kisses exchanged for no other reason than because they could.
Frank hadn't wanted that with anyone - ever, even though Frank did yearn for a boyfriend, or at least, someone to care about more than just his asshole, but Gerard was the only one who made those faint wishes coalesce into something heavy, something that weighed on Frank's heart every time he looked at Gerard.
And even though this didn't make sense, and it was stupid, because Frank didn't know Gerard, not really, and he had no right thinking about a relationship with a man who was so obviously out of his league, that didn't stop Frank from dreaming.
He could actually picture a life with Gerard, and even though it would never work, not with how much Frank had on his plate already, and how many lies he would have to keep track of, Frank couldn't help but think that if anyone was worth the trouble, it would be Gerard.
And maybe Gerard would be willing to overlook all of Frank's faults, maybe he would be willing to give Frank a chance, maybe he would actually understand Frank like no one else did, maybe he would be able to look past everything that Frank couldn't, maybe he could actually love him one day.
So with that positive thought ringing in his head, Frank snuck out of bed, wincing slightly from the pain in his ass as he retrieved his shoes before retreating into the living room to tug them on. Frank had decided to leave his number for Gerard, and maybe even a note saying how much he wanted to do this again, because he didn't have the courage to say any of what he was thinking to Gerard's face - not yet anyway, but he wanted him to know that this hadn't been a one-time thing for Frank, and a letter seemed better then waking him up and pouring his heart out to him.
Snagging a mostly blank piece of paper from the floor which was littered in them, Frank scrawled out a quick message, trying to say everything he was feeling in as few words as possible, and hopefully, Gerard would feel the same way. Signing it with his number and his trademark xoFrnk, Frank tiptoed back into Gerard's bedroom, wanting to leave the note on the pillow beside him so he wouldn't think Frank had abandoned him, if he even cared when he was sober that is.
Frank spent a little bit too long staring at Gerard's slumbering form after he had placed the note, and even though he knew he should have been on his way home ten minutes ago, he couldn't help but drink in every last one of Gerard's features, just in case he never saw him again, just in case this really had been only a one-night stand, and Gerard tossed Frank's number into the garbage when he saw it.
Frank fucked up though, because like the clumsy idiot he was, he managed to smash his hip against the side of the large dresser in the corner of Gerard's room, causing it to bang against the wall with a loud thump, and of course Gerard's eyes snapped opened, the hazel irises darting to Frank's frozen form immediately.
"You're leaving..." Gerard croaked out, his voice hoarse and clogged with sleep, but Frank didn't miss the desolate tone it carried, and Frank instantly felt guilty for being the cause of Gerard's distress.
"Yeah - uh...my mom needs my help with something. I promised her I would stop by this morning, and I totally forgot about it until just now," Frank stammered out, not wanting to admit that he actually still lived with his mother, because that would make him appear young, and Gerard had already caught him in a lie about his age once before.
"Oh...you don't have to make up a story to make me feel better - it's okay," Gerard sighed, staring down at his lap intently.
"Gerard...no, that's not what I'm trying to do. Look - I even left you a note, see - it's right over there." Frank gestured to the piece of paper that was sitting innocently on the empty pillow next to Gerard, and when Gerard turned his head to look at it, Frank was stunned by the expression on his face.
Gerard looked upset - more than upset actually, he appeared almost...broken, as if Frank's attempt at departure had actually hurt him, and everything that Frank had thought he knew went up in smoke all because of Gerard's stupid sad eyes. Maybe Gerard cared just as much as Frank, maybe, for once, Frank wasn't conjuring up signs and feelings that didn't exist, and maybe Gerard really did like Frank.
"Why didn't you just wake me up?" Gerard asked as his eyes scanned the words of Frank's note rapidly.
"I - uh...you looked, I mean, I didn't want to disturb you." Frank had to resist the urge to face palm himself, because he had been about to say 'you looked so beautiful', and that would have been mortifying to say the least.
"I wouldn't have minded," Gerard mumbled softly.
"I'm sorry - I will remember that for next time...if there is a next time," Frank braced himself for Gerard's rejection, but he had to know before he left; now that Gerard was awake, Frank wouldn't be able to leave until he figured out if there was something here after all, or if he was just making everything up.
"I would like there to be a next time," Gerard's lips twitched up in a grin, one side rising slightly higher than the other in a way that Frank could only describe as adorable.
"Well...you have my number," Frank returned Gerard's smile as the family of butterflies he was raising in his stomach woke up and took notice of what was happening.
"Are you sure you can't stay for a bit, I can make you coffee, or breakfast - well actually, I don't think there is much food in the house, but I could take you out." Gerard stepped out of bed quickly, and the grace with which he executed that simple motion had Frank staring again.
"I wish I could - fuck...I really do, but I can't...not right now." Frank's stomach twisted violently as he turned Gerard down, and the words literally burned as he forced them out of his mouth, because he wanted nothing more than to spend the entire day with Gerard, and he felt guilty for putting him off, but he couldn't tell his mother he was with Pete for much longer without her starting to get suspicious; Frank never ignored her for so long when he was at Pete's, and she would know something was up.
"Okay - I'm sorry, you should go help your mom...I'll just walk you out." Frank chuckled slightly at Gerard's insistence to escort him to the front door, which was all of ten feet away, but the fact that he wanted to do this little thing made Frank swoon internally, because Gerard wanted to be around him, even if it was only for a few more seconds.
"So...did you carry me into your bed last night?" Frank asked while he followed Gerard out of his bedroom.
"Oh...uh yeah - you fell asleep on the couch, and I have slept on it enough nights to know that it isn't a good bed, so I thought you would be more comfortable in my room. I'm sorry if that was too forward...or whatever -" Gerard giggled nervously as he turned around to gauge Frank's reaction, and Frank had to hold back a chuckle of his own.
"It was nice - really nice actually, so thanks." Frank paused in front of the door, leaning back on his heels slightly as Gerard came to a stop next to him.
"No - thank you for staying. Last night was...amazing, and I know how we met was weird and all, but I really do like you, and I hope the phone number you gave me isn't fake, because I really want to see you again, and...thanks." Gerard blushed lightly, a pale red color dusting his cheeks as he stared down at Frank with earnest eyes, and fuck - Frank felt the speed with which he was falling for Gerard increase a few notches, and all of his fears and worries were stripped away when Gerard look at him like that.
"It's not fake - the number I mean, I promise, and I like you too, and I feel weird, and confused, but I know I like you - really like you, and I want to see you again too, like tomorrow," Frank trailed off when he realized he might have said a bit too much, but Gerard simply smiled down at Frank, leaning slightly closer to him so that their noses were almost touching.
"So see you tomorrow then?" Gerard smirked slightly, and Frank was going cross eyed trying to keep Gerard's face in his line of vision, but he didn't want to move away, if anything he wanted to move forward, he wanted to press his lips against Gerard's and feel the sparks that only Gerard could ignite in his blood stream.
"Yeah..." Frank whispered, trying not to shiver as he felt Gerard's breath ghosting against his skin every time he exhaled.
Then Gerard moved, just a little bit, just a minute tilt of the head, and a flutter of his eyes, but it was enough to encourage Frank to close the few inches that separated them, and then they were kissing, and Frank was leaning against the door to keep his knees from buckling under him.
It was short, and sweet, but fuck - it was intense as well, and Frank actually whimpered slightly when Gerard pulled away, much to his embarrassment.
"You should probably go before I drag you back into bed again," Gerard laughed breathily, and Frank couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but as much as he wanted to waste away the rest of the morning with Gerard, he couldn't, not yet, but if Gerard kept to his word, he would be seeing him soon, and Frank could wait until tomorrow - right?
"Okay - yeah...bye," Frank stuttered out, running a hand through his hair as Gerard unlocked the front door and pulled it open.
"Bye..." Gerard whispered, pressing a soft kiss against Frank's cheek before he walked out the door, and it took all the self-control Frank possessed to keep moving, because all he wanted to do was drag Gerard's mouth back to his and kiss him until he passed out from lack of air.
But the door was already closed, and Frank had to get home, and he would see Gerard tomorrow - hopefully...maybe. Frank was still afraid to place his faith in Gerard, because even though he had done nothing besides for show Frank he wanted him, Frank still felt like this was a dream, and he wasn't sure what it was going to take for him to wake up and realize that this was real life, and Gerard wasn't fucking with him.
The text he received barely two minutes later helped though, it helped a hell of a lot, because it was from Gerard, and even though Frank was in a hurry to be home, he couldn't help but pause and read the message over a few times, just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.
But they weren't, and this was happening; Gerard was interested in Frank, and now that the fact was finally beginning to sink in, Frank felt a sluggish tendril of warmth slowly spreading from this fingers - which were still clutching his phone - to the rest of his body, and he reread the text one more time just to solidify the giddy sensation.
The line of text on his phone screen was proof, actual proof that there was something there between him and Gerard, and Frank wasn't just imagining it, and even his self-destructive mind couldn't ruin this for him, not this time.
"I really hope this is Frank, because if it is, I just want to say you look really cute in the morning."
I'm back, and it only took me a week to update this time ^_^
I know I sound like a broken record, but I can't believe this story already has almost 5k reads and 400 votes...like, seriously this is the best response I have ever gotten on a new fic, and you all make me so happy I can't even explain it.
Btw, I did start a new fic if anyone wants to check it out. It is called This Is Our Second Skin, and it is a short drag queen AU, and I am having a lot of fun writing it.
This chapter is dedicated to MyChemicalRachel because you are one of my favorite authors, and I am so happy that you are enjoying this fic ^_^
((((good vibes))))
<3 starr