A week has gone by now. After that night. Mr. Carlton had gone back to treating me like a normal secretary again. Only speaking about office work, and only when it's necessary.
I felt a mixture of relief and sadness. Relief because I was afraid of ever being with a man ever again of fear I might disappoint them. So it was much easier to take the cowards way out and keep away from men and be relieved to be left alone by them.
But I couldn't help feeling sad, wishing I could be with him. He was so wonderful. I have never experienced that feeling. The feeling of truly being taken care of, respected for my opinions and my boundaries, wanted for who I am on the inside and not for someone who was only good for dragging around to business parties like a trophy wife.
Sometimes I do wish to experience that feeling and so far everything I see from Mr. Carlton indicates that he is that type of person.
I just wish I was brave enough to let myself have what I'm wishing for. But even if I was, what about Liam?
I have seen Liam and Mr. Carlton spend a lot of time together. They talk a lot. But that doesn't necessarily mean that Mr. Carlton is ready for such a big commitment, and I really didn't want to see Liam hurt in any way.
Is life ever going to become less complicated? My head and my heart is full of unresolved problems too big to be resolved. How I missed the days when my biggest problem had been my constantly breaking down car.
With a sigh, I stired the pasta sauce cooking on the stove. It was almost dinner time, and I was in the kitchen helping Stella prepare dinner.
"Miss Ashley, are you alright. I hope you don't mind my asking, but you have been awfully quiet tonight, and you keep sighing over that pasta sauce. You look sad, Miss Ashley." It was Stella speaking in her rich Irsh accent.
Stella was standing by the counter busy working on a cake.
Stella was in her late fifties. She was a short and plump lady with a sweet chubby face. And with her motherly nature, no one would mind her caring ways.
I smiled at her, seeing that she looked very concerned.
"I'm fine Stella, just had a lot on my mind." I replied. "Is the cake done?" I asked her, hoping to distract her.
She had decided to bake a chocolate cake for tonight. She is still enjoying having Liam to spoil by making treats for him. I secretly loved the treats she makes as well, so I didn't really mind her spoiling my son. Although I do ask her not to make so much. But she never listens, and Mr. Carlton only encourages her.
I have been coming to the kitchen every day to help with dinner this week as I have been finishing early at work.
I loved spending time with Stella. She really is a sweetheart. She tells me her childhood stories back when she was in her homeland, and I found them very interesting to listen to as we both cooked.
Stella was putting on the frosting to the cake, and my mouth was watering now seeing the rich, chocolaty, creamy looking cake. My sweet tooth was waiting in anticipation to get a taste of that cake.
"Oh yes! Almost finished. Just a special touch for my Liam Sir." She said, adding some raspberries and chocolates. The cake looked beautiful. Like it was baked by a professional baker.
"It looks beautiful, Stella. You are really spoiling him so much. I dont think he is going to like my cooking after we go back home. But thank you, Stella. You have shown so much kindnesstowards us." I told her, feeling so much gratitude for everything that everyone here has done for Liam and I.
"Nonsense! I have done nothing! And nothing can beat a mother's cooking and don't talk about you going back to your home. My fragile old heart can't take it. I can't imagine what this house would be like without Liam Sir and you, Ms. Ashley." Stella said, clutching her ample bosom dramatically and rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling.
I couldn't help but laugh at her playful nature.
"Hey mom, hi Stella," came Liam's voice as he entered the kitchen. "What! you finished making the cake without me!" He exclaimed, coming towards the counter and looking at the cake with a crestfallen look.
"Yes, but I waited. You took so long, Liam, Sir, we had to finish preparing dinner!" Stella said, looking at his sad face in alarm.
"That was my fault, I'm sorry. I took Liam out. He has only been going to school and back lately, I thought I would take him for a drive for a change." Mr. Carlton said, joining us in the kitchen.
I looked at him as he walked in, and my stupid eyes stayed glued on him. I rarely see him in anything other than his work clothes, and tonight he was dressed casually. If I thought he looked good in work clothes, it's nothing compared to him dressed casually.
It's not the clothes. He was just dressed in a plain white, round neck shirt and khaki pants and did do wonders to show off his tall, lean, and muscular body.
But It was more the relaxed look that was attracting me. His hair wasn't in its usual gelled and neat look. It was left free and unruly, with strands covering his face. If I took a wild guess, it would be that he had taken his Mercedes-Benz and had left the top down, making both their heads into the wild mess it was in now.
But riding around in that car, just the two of them, was that safe? I wondered, looking at them both worriedly.
"Don't worry. It was a short ride, and we had a car follow us from behind." Mr. Carlton said, seeing my worried expression.
I quietly nodded my head, not saying anything. He was right, Liam hadn't been outside since David decided to pop back into our lives. In fact, last week's dinner was the only time I had gone anywhere other than to work too.
It wasn't fair. David was in jail, but it seemed so were we. When can we ever be free?
With another sigh, I went back to the sauce, switching the stove off after one more stir. The spaghetti had been boiling too, so I switched it off, draining the water out and mixing it with the sauce.
Liam was chattering excitedly the whole time about the ride he went on, and how cool the car was and thanking Mr. Carlton for taking him out. I remained silent, just smiling from time to time at him and listening to what he was saying while I was finishing up in the kitchen.
When I was finally done and the maids had come to take the food out into the dining room, I finally looked up and met Mr. Carlton's gaze.
He had been watching me the whole time, and when our eyes met, he raised his brows questioningly at me. I shook my head, giving him a smile as well, before I turned away heading outside towards the dining room. Liam and Mr. Carlton both followed me, taking their seats.
........
After dinner, I was going to my room when Liam caught up with me. We walked side by side quietly until we almost reached our rooms, and Liam finally decided to break the silence.
"Mom, what's wrong?" He asked.
I looked up, smiling at him. "Nothing, sweetheart."
"You have been quiet since Oliver told you I went out with him. Are you upset about that?" He asked me with a frown on his face.
"No..." I replied slowly. I had forgotten about their car ride, but when he mentioned it, I'm again reminded how restrained his life had become and how unfair and unhealthy it was for a child. I really wish he could go back to his normal life.
I looked at him guiltily, feeling that it was my fault. That I had chosen a bad father for him.
"See, mom!" He exclaimed, raising his voice a little, misinterpreting my guilty look. "I knew you were upset about that!"
My eyes widened, and I shook my head, opening my mouth to object, but he continued without listening.
"You just want me to sit here every day, all day. You don't want me to go out, meet friends, hang out... you just want to keep me here. You don't want me to be like other kids my age. You're just like dad!"
He kept ranting, but by now, I was too shocked to speak. Liam had always been a calm and level-headed boy. I had never seen him this upset.
I could understand his outburst. He had been stuck here long enough to feel upset, so I collected myself and tried reaching for him to try to calm him down. But again, he refused to listen, stepping away from me.
"Dad's the one in jail, but I feel like I'm in jail, too. I know this is what dad wants, but it's like you don't care at all mom. So I don't want to listen to you at all. At least Oliver cared enough to take me out, but you had a problem with that even!"
"Liam!" Liam stopped talking and turned as he heard his name got called out, but not from me.
Mr. Carlton had heard the commotion and was now standing beside us. Liam stood silent, staring at Mr. Carlton, as I still stood rooted to my spot, staring at my son, too shocked to react.
My heart felt really heavy, hearing what he was saying. He couldn't be further from the truth. I would never want him to feel trapped and feel like he was in a jail. I realised how much I had been taking him for granted, just thinking that he would be ok as he was a good boy. I bowed my head, feeling guilty all over again for having been neglecting him so much.
"Liam, calm down." Mr. Carlton spoke in a soft but stern voice.
"Why?" Liam asked impatiently, not willing to budge. He folded his arms, looking away from Mr. Carlton.
"Because your mom wants to listen to you, Liam." Mr. Carlton said, surprising both of us. We both turned to stare at him.
"You know she does. No one cares about you as much as your mom does. And she would want to know everything that you are feeling. But she can not listen to you when you are just saying hurtful things at her. Whatever you feel, don't keep it in your heart until it just bursts out in this negative manner." Mr. Carter advised. Liam and I both stood stunned as Mr. Carlton spoke so smoothly what was in both our hearts.
Mr. Carlton looked between the two of us before he spoke again.
"Liam, it's not your mom's fault that you are stuck here. And she had spoken to me about you guys going back home and resuming your lives. It's me who is not allowing it. In fact I have confiscated her car keys because she went to the office one day in her car without anyone for protection."
Liam instantly turned towards me, bursting out. "Mom! How could you be so irresponsible? What if something happened, mom? How could you do that!"
I stared at him in disbelief. What's wrong with this boy? Wasn't he just screaming at me about him feeling imprisoned? Now he is shouting because I tried to exercise my freedom?
"See. Your mom is kind of in the same boat as you are. She is not trying to trap you, Liam. She is also upset that it has to be this way." Mr. Carlton spoke, looking amused now at the both of us. He left us shaking his head as we looked at each other, annoyed with each other's behavior.
"I'm sorry, mom." Liam spoke. "I was just feeling so frustrated. Oliver was right. I shouldn't let it all collect in my heart. It turns bitter and bursts out so disrespectfully. I'm sorry, I spoke to you like that."
Without a word , I wrapped my arms around him. We stood there for a while, hugging. I wanted him to calm down for real and be sure that I would be there for him, and I understand his feelings.
"I'm sorry, Liam," I said as I broke our hug. "I haven't been giving you much attention, have I? I guess that's why you feel that I don't care, and I am ok with you suffering like this."
"No, mom!" He exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way."
"It's ok, even parents can get called out from time to time." I said, smiling up at him. "I promise I won't let you feel like this ever again."
"But mom!" Liam tried protesting.
"We will give each other more time from now on?" I asked.
"Yea, ok." Liam sending, giving in with a small smile.
"Good, now go and finish your homework. It's almost time for bed." I said, sending him off to his room despite his attempts at protesting.
When Liam finally closed his door, I turned around and looked down the hallway, where Mr. Carlton had gone. I assumed he would have gone to his study.
I must thank him for what he had done. Liam had been so upset, but Mr. Carlton had managed to calm him in a second while I had stood there unable to handle the situation.
It's times like these I felt how alone I was and wished Liam had a dad who could handle him when he doesn't want to listen to me. I was glad those times are rare, but Liam deserved to have a father who could guide him. I wasn't enough, and today, for the first time, I felt I had gotten that support, and Liam got the care and guidance from someone other than me.
But Mr. Carlton was taking on a lot of responsibilities by taking us under his wing. I didn't want to burden him so much.
I needed to go talk to him, I decided as I started walking in the direction he had gone.
As I reached his study, I knocked on the door and waited for him to reply, but to my surprise, he opened the door instead, looking down at me with a satisfied smirk
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Hey, my lovely readers. Here's this week's chapter. Hope you like it!
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