(TW)
June 1st
30 days.
i was counting down the days.
i didn't like what we had to do but i was willing to go to any lengths of keep Draco from my father.
he didn't deserve to be brought into all of this.
i was so scared we'd fail and my father would kill us both.
no.
i wouldn't let him hurt Draco.
i'd find a way to get him out if we failed.
i was so consumed with my thoughts i didn't notice pansy calling my name across the dinner table.
"hmm?" i replied snapping out of my trance
"are you alright?" she asked looking concerned
"i'm fine why?" i asked trying to act fine.
"your gripping your fork like you've had drama for years" she pointed out
i hadn't noticed.
i dropped the fork and saw i had small bleeding indents from where i was holding it so tight.
"i'm sorry i have to go" i said getting up and walking away.
i could hear pansy calling my name confused but i ignored her.
i made my way to moaning myrtles bathroom.
i made it there just as i burst out crying.
my hands were shaking and i was sweating like crazy.
nobody else was in there so i rolled my sleeves up to try and cool myself down.
that stupid tattoo flared up at me.
a permanent reminder of who i am and where i stand.
a reminder that i am lord voldemorts daughter who will always be viewed as evil or mad like him.
people take one look at me, see i look him and instantly assume i'm just like him.
that i've done the same things as him that i fall to his feet.
they never give me a chance to see how different i am from him.
i swore to myself i'd never become my father but that's exactly who i was turning out to be.
i knew it had to be me. the one to kill Dumbledore.
there were so many reasons why.
the only thing i could hear was my mind playing over and over 'protect draco'
that was exactly what i vowed to myself to do.
i swore to myself that if i didn't protect Draco then i had failed.
because if my life has no Draco. my life has no purpose.
my loud thoughts were interrupted when i heard someone enter.
"hey pretty girl are you in here?"
it was theo.
i silently hid in one of the stalls and stood on the toilet so he didn't see me.
i heard him leave and i went back to the sink.
i looked myself in the mirror and i couldn't stand it.
i looked too similar to him.
before i realised what i was doing i brought my fist up and punched the mirror.
it shattered all round the sink.
i looked back up at the once inch of mirror left still seeing him when i looked at the reflection.
i felt myself breaking. spiralling.
i was falling apart and i couldn't help myself from laughing.
laughing at how fucked my life was.
it started as giggling but grew to full blown laughter.
i threw my head down and it was only then i noticed the streaks of blood dripping into the sink from my fist.
fucking mirror.
i pushed back off the sink and sunk to the floor crying again.
the pain started to kick into my fist as i laid my head in my knees as i sat on the floor of the bathroom.
i thought about how stupid all this was but realised.
i'm fucked up enough anyway so what's the point.
after a few minutes i pulled myself together and peeled off the bathroom floor.
my hand was still dripping blood as i walked back to the common room.
when i walked in all my friends eyes immediately turned to me.
they hadn't seen me cry before.
i ignored their looks and went up to my dorm.
i got into the shower and rinsed the blood and tears off myself.
the hot water stung as it ran across my open fist but i didn't care.
i had finally cracked.