[spoilers for season 5 finale, The Gift]
Character name - Esther
William only knows he's been dead for 128 years because he's observed Spike stating it. Time doesn't really have any meaning here and Esther found it frustrating at first, not knowing how long she sipped tea with Joyce or played cards with Kendra, until she accepted it and sunk into the feeling of just being present. She's had a lot to accept and adjust to. Some things were easy: her dream home, wishing things she wanted into existence, the ability to reconnect with people who died while she was on Earth... Some things were harder, like watching over people (she could go into a state of meditation and see what her loved ones were doing). A lot of the dead opt out of it, but Esther's morbid curiosity is insatiable. It's bizarre. She feels so happy to see Dawn and Buffy bonding or Tara and Willow on a date, and she loves being kept in the loop. However, it was painful to see her friends blaming themselves for her death and she feels so guilty and icky if she accidentally views someone having a private moment, like crying or... you know...
She even got to watch her own funeral.
Despite how addictive and intriguing it can be, she promises to spend most of her time in this heavenly dimension. Her house is next door to William's and he's been a closer friend to her than anyone on Earth, which she never saw coming.
"Will?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever get bored? I mean, you've been here a hell of a long time."
He smiles thoughtfully, "No, I don't. I have endless books to get through - literally - and the fact that all dreams are lucid here never fails to disappoint."
Esther smiles to herself, "Cool," she says quietly, "That's good."
Her doorbell rings.
After placing her teacup on her coffee table, she shoots William a polite smile while she excuses herself.
"Buffy?"
Yes, time has no meaning, but it's been so long. Esther pulls Buffy into a hug before she can utter a word. Caught up in her own selfish glee, it takes a second for her stomach to drop because this only can mean one thing.
"Esther, it's so good to see you." Tears fill Buffy's eyes and Esther takes her warm hand in hers, guiding her into the living room. William's gone, his empty mug by the side of the sink and Esther thanks him silently.
When they sink into the couch, the tears start rolling.
(Esther thought crying would be impossible in heaven, but she's learnt crying isn't necessarily a bad thing. She can still feel every emotion, it's just that calm is her new normal).
"You're going to be fine," Esther soothes, but Buffy only cries harder.
"That's what I said!" Buffy splutters, raising her head from her hands. Esther gives her a quizzical look and she hiccups, "That's what I said to you! Before you... before you - you died!"
"Oh Buffy-"
"I'm so sorry," Buffy grabs Esther's hands, "I'm so sorry."
"Buffy," Esther says sternly, "It wasn't your fault. Please, don't do this to yourself."
She sniffs.
"Now, tell me why you're here, love."
"My mom greeted me." she says abruptly, like she had to say it, tell someone, to make it feel real.
There's a long pause where Buffy gets her breathing back to normal and her cheeks cool down, her tears dry up.
"She explained... this," she gestures wildly, "I knew I had to see you first."
Buffy cracks into a watery grin and Esther smiles - that's the Buffy she knows and loves. Wordlessly, she gets up and puts the kettle on. Buffy waits for her to make some hot drinks before continuing.
With a steaming mug in her hand, she sighs, "You're probably wondering how I died. Sacrificing myself for the greater good," she laughs, "Typical, predictable." She shakes her head, "I'm lucky that it wasn't painful -" she stops herself, gazing guiltily at the floor, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."
"It's okay," Esther says, "I can't actually remember the pain I felt before dying."
Buffy nods, looking at the floor, "Yeah. Okay, well. There was this goddess, Glory and... You're not going to believe this but Dawn-"
"I'm sorry, Buffy," Esther cuts in, "But I know all this," she smiles warmly, "I've been keeping tabs on the gang." Buffy's eyes widen, "I can explain that later. But, I wasn't watching you all when you died. The last thing I observed was Glory kidnapping Dawn. I - I couldn't watch after that."
Buffy swallows, "Dawn bled and opened the portal. I killed myself to close it, spilling my blood instead of hers."
"Of course you did," Esther says quietly, "You saved the world. Again."
"I just wish there was a way for me to tell them I'm alright."
"I wish that too," Esther says softly, "We can do amazing things here, but not that I'm afraid."
------------------
"Esther!"
"Buffy? What is it?"
She rushes in and makes herself welcome on William's couch. Esther had been hanging at his house a lot lately, they had started a little poetry book club, and were discussing Sappho when Buffy ran in.
It was clear she was worked up over something.
"They want to bring me back."
"What?" Esther frowns, snapping her book shut. William shifts uncomfortably.
"They want to resurrect me. They think I'm in a hell dimension because of how I died," Buffy's eyes are glossy and her hair is a frizzled mess around her head. "I don't want to go back, Ez. I'm safe here. I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's simple. And I have my mom. And you."
Esther looks to William for help.
He finally looks up from his book and says, "I don't know if that's even possible, Buffy. I wouldn't worry. I mean, if it was, wouldn't they have brought back Esther?"
Buffy sniffs, "You're right. It - it's probably fine."
She gets up, smiles sheepishly and points towards the door, "Sorry for interrupting. I'll lay off watching them for a bit, it's just stressing me out."
"Yeah. Me too. It's hard to see them grieving. If you need anything, I'm right here."
"Yes. Thanks, guys."
The door shuts with a soft click.
-------------------
Esther doesn't give Buffy's worry any more thought. William, however, does. He's wished more books about necromancy into existence in the past week than he can count and... it might just be possible. With a witch as powerful as Willow doing the handy work, they could pull it off. The knowledge eats away at him, knowing that Esther would be crushed if they did. Bringing back Buffy, but not her...
"Will!" Esther knocks on his door and he wills for the books to disappear - and they do.
"Ez?" he opens the door and she practically flings herself into his arms. She's silent as she hugs him and William doesn't know what to do except hold her. When he finally snaps into action, he guides her into his home and they squash together on his sofa.
Esther's lip is quivering and William feels the saddest he ever has in this paradise - he can read her too well.
"They did it."
Silence stretches between them.
"I'm sorry, love."
"Why, Will?" Her soft expression is so earnest that William can't look at her. He's never been good at comforting people and that trait has unfortunately followed him into the afterlife. Sometimes he thinks being able to watch people on Earth is more of a curse than a blessing, that it would be more peaceful to just let it go.
Everything he could say right now would be wrong, so he stays quiet. He has no idea why her friends would do it.
She purses her lips together and nods slowly. She whispers, "There's nothing I can do. I should move on. But it hurts so much, still."
He takes her hands in his. "What do you need?"
"What?"
"Can I do anything for you? Is there anything that would... make it less painful?"
She smiles, small and meek, "You, Will. I just need you."
She leans her head on his shoulder and the tears start to fall slowly, from her cheeks, down her neck and into her jumper.
He smiles softly, wrapping his arms around her.
"I love you, Ez. I'll always be here for you." he says quietly, and he hears her sniff, her sobs calming a little. He fears if he says anything else soppy, he'll make her cry again, so they sit in a comforting quiet.
Wordlessly, Ez removes herself from William and walks over to his little telly. She wipes her face with her hands harshly, ashamed, and turns on the tv. She picks up the remote she'd knocked to the floor earlier and flicks through the colourful channels until she finds what she's looking for.
She sits back down on the couch, looping her arm through William's. She manifests a footrest into existence and props up her tired, aching feet. With a final sniff, she turns to William and kisses him on the cheek, listening to the Passions theme tune start playing.
She can't pretend to know or want to know why her friends thought Buffy worthy enough to bring back and not her. Sure, she wasn't the slayer, but she was still their friend. She was even helpful.
But with William's warm touch against her, a solid reminder that she has a person she can count on and loves more than anyone, she knows above all that she'll be happy. This is heaven after all.