Kai's Pov
If you would've told me a month after Lucy's party, I'd be sitting in front of a mirror beside Zayn, getting dressed for a funeral, I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed that I had just been released from the hospital after Lauren shot me. I wouldn't have believed that the people I loved most were sitting in a hospital, while I was here, minutes away from the event.
I was going through it and so were Zayn, Tommy, Victoria, and Cole, who were the only ones also discharged from the hospital. I remembered the night everything went down, how scared I was to lose Ariana while she was dying in my arms. I couldn't sleep because of it, so I was spending most of my time in the hospital, waiting for the others to wake up.
"Hey, we should go before we're late," Zayn said while simultaneously tapping my shoulder and breaking me from my thoughts, "We don't have to go,"
"No, I owe it to her to be there," I replied, knowing I wouldn't forgive myself for missing it. I didn't miss Malcolm's, Kehlani's, or even my parents, it would eat me alive for the rest of my life to miss this one. And that was the same thing Victoria told Zayn when we were loading inside of the car, about to be on our way.
I had never seen her like this besides when our parents died, grieving as bad as she was. I knew she blamed herself for what happened, still not being able to grasp everything since. It was starting to affect how she was with everyone else, pulling away from John and Hazel and spending most of her time either in the hospital or with Willow and Matt.
Zayn was different than the rest of us though, I think when Lauren died, he realized that Lauren was never on our side to begin with. So it was almost a relief to him that he could finally leave this ongoing situation and focus on his family. I'm sure a part of him missed the Lauren we used to know, but all of his memories and emotions about her got buried two weeks ago at her funeral.
Shawn didn't really like Lauren, so of course what happened was sad, but he accepted what happened and sorta just moved on. He was around the house a lot more, deciding to pick up while everyone slacked. He handled a lot of the business, even deciding to move Lauren out and replace her room with one of his own.
Tommy was really passive about that night, even though he lost two friends. He was around helping Shawn and Cole, so that he could bury himself in his work and not have to think about it. Tommy would also check up on Victoria whenever he could, bringing her food or even flowers sometimes to distract her mind...sometimes for some reason, he was the only one to get her away from the hospital, even if it was just for an hour.
Standing outside of the church, I wasn't surprised to see as many people as I did, in fact, I thought I would see more. She was amazing, always there for everyone around her, and never asked for anything in return, no matter what. Truly one of a kind.
It was weird seeing her picture in front of the building, everyone holding little books in their hands with details about her life in there. I saw Joan coming inside, seeing how she was barely keeping it together herself. I knew I had to talk to her soon, but I couldn't bring myself to yet.
Meanwhile, her family and friends were all heading inside while I struggled to get out of the car. What if they blamed me for what happened to their daughter? This was all my fault to begin with. I should've just dealt with Lauren without involving anyone else, then she'd still be here, and my friends would be okay. Zayn said it himself, we couldn't afford to fuck up and I did.
"She would want us all to be there," Tommy spoke up, noticing everyone had grown hesitant, "We can't fix what happened and she knew what she was getting into, so we just have to live with that and at least show up for her one last time, guys,"
"Tommy, you don't understand..." Victoria sighed, her eyes starting to fill with tears.
"Vic," Zayn trailed off, resting his hand on her shoulder, "Just breathe...you should see her at least one last time, and so should you Kai, it's the very least we can all do," and he was right.
Victoria nodded, unbuckling her seat belt like the rest of us and we all got out of the car, heading inside. I couldn't help but notice the stares coming our way, some full of disgust, confusion even, but we kept pushing forward. They weren't there that night...Tommy was right, she made a choice that night knowing there was a possibility she wouldn't make it out and we just had to accept that.
I took a seat in a few rows toward the back alongside Zayn and Tommy while Victoria, Alexa, and Cole decided to sit by some guy. When it was time to see her body, I didn't get up, already getting a clear enough view of her. It was weird not seeing her smile or make some sarcastic yet dumb comment...not seeing her alive. I don't know, maybe it just didn't hit me that this would be the last time I'd ever see her again. Until I realized that some of our friends would never get to say goodbye, since they were still stuck inside the hospital, unconscious.
"Thank you all for coming today, I'm sure she would be the happiest seeing everyone here to celebrate her. Unfortunately, a young but vibrant life was lost today, Courtney Chipolone was a..."
After the service, we were getting ready to go, when Victoria excused herself to the bathroom and Cole and Alexa came up to us, the guy who was sitting next to them, following behind them.
"Hey," Alexa said to us both, giving a sweet but small smile, "I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you all are going through."
Zayn shook his head, returning the smile although you could see him hurting past it, "No Alexa, you just lost a friend too and I'm sorry about that,"
"It isn't your fault—either of you," She pointed out, her eyes focused on me, but I was trying to look anywhere but the current situation, "But this is Sean, he's—he was Courtney's boyfriend."
"Nice to meet you guys, she talked a lot about you," Sean smiled, sticking his hand out, which Zayn and Tommy accepted and I just nodded. I could tell he understood I wasn't trying to be rude, I just wasn't in the right headspace.
"I'm so sorry for your lost man, she was the best. Always down for whatever, such a bright spirit," Tommy added, his eyes full of remorse.
"Yeah, I just don't understand how this happened. I can't believe they didn't catch the guy who shot her, I mean a robbery, are you serious?" So Courtney's parents didn't tell Sean what actually happened.
Zayn nodded, with a small shrug, "I'm sure the police will find out soon enough,"
Sean let out a small laugh, sticking his hand out again, "Detective Sean Anderson, LAPD."
I looked over at Zayn, who was already staring at me and thinking the same thing. Courtney was dating a fucking cop. It was obvious the energy shifted between us all, knowing that Sean was suspicious and the rest of us were trying to keep our cool, not wanting to let him know any more information about anything even.
"Well, I'm sure Courtney would appreciate you helping with her case," I finally said, Sean's eyes darting to me, "Aren't you a little too close to this though?"
"Maybe, but rest assured it won't stop me from finding justice for Courtney, starting with finding this robber guy,"
"Mm, well good luck with that,"
***
I was sitting on the couch, my head laying in the palm of my hand, trying to fall asleep when Ariana woke up, after almost a month in a coma. I didn't know what was going on when I heard the beeping at first, shooting awake to see her eyes flutter open, graciously at the same time the nurse popped her head in to check on us.
"Oh!" She blurted, obviously just as surprised as me, "I'll be back with the doctor,"
I only nodded, getting up from where I was sitting to stand next to her bed. I didn't know what to say at first, watching her frown, getting adjusted to the room, "Kai?" Ariana finally let out, noticing the tears falling down my cheeks. I didn't even know they were there until they reached my jawline, dropping down and off into my shirt.
"Mhm," I nodded excitedly, a small smile erupting from my lips while she grabbed my hands. "I missed you so much,"
She frowned once again at my words, "Wait, how long has it been?"
"A month, babe,"
"A month?" Ariana repeated, her mouth dropping, "No, you can't be serious—where is, um, where is everyone?"
"Most of them are back home now,"
"Most? Where is everyone else?"
I looked away, biting my lip, wondering if now was the time to tell her. Luckily, I didn't have to, seeing the doctor step in as soon as I was about to part my lips and tell her.
"Ariana, it is so nice to see you're up," She smiled, stepping over with a few of her things and placing them beside Ariana on the bed. "I'm sure Kai has told you that it's been a month since you were admitted, but at least most of your injuries are healed, right? I think we could probably discharge you in a few hours,"
"Wait, am I the only one still here?" Ariana asked, looking between us both.
"Right now, yes," The doctor replied, walking over to check on her vitals while I just watched, still holding onto Ariana's hand while her eyes were flipping between us both, searching for answers, "Your friends Zayn and Victoria only stayed overnight, while Tommy, Cole, and Kai were here for about a week and a half."
"What about Courtney, did the bullet miss her?"
Her doctor turned to me, basically letting me know it was my call.
"Babe," I trailed off, choking on my words, "Courtney—Courtney uh, she didn't make it to the hospital."
"What do you mean?" Ariana said before she realized seconds later, noting the expression on my face. I could see her tears start to drop instantly, while she looked around the room to see if it was some type of joke.
"Ari, I'm so fucking sorry,"
"I..." She paused, clearing her throat, "Can we get a minute?"
She nodded understandably, sending us both reassuring smiled before being on her way to leave. "Sure, I'm gonna go over your vitals anyway, see where you're at."
As soon as we were alone, I was trying to look away from Ariana, hoping she wouldn't see my tears, but it didn't work with her turning my face towards her, before sitting up so that she could ask me to sit next to her. It was almost a silent exchange, her falling into my arms, and immediately just breaking down. I tried my best to let my tears drop as quietly as possible nobut I was hurting especially seeing my girlfriend—sorry, my fiancée like this too.
"Victoria, is...is she okay?" Ariana breathed, trying to slow down in between cries.
"I...I don't know,"
***
Days later back at home, Ariana had been distant, which I expected anyway but something was different about her, she was always so angry, and maybe it was because her emotions were building up, but I didn't know how to be there for her, so I gave her space.
In that time, I was working on fixing our house with Shawn, cleaning any traces of that night, so that we weren't constantly reminded of it. New pictures were put up, replacing the ones with Lauren, and soon enough, our house was at least physically normal.
Everyone was unsure of what to do though, by now everyone had heard about what happened with Lauren, so my guys and I had been radio silent, letting things calm. A couple families reached out in support, but I knew that I would have to get back to business soon, all of us would.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, talking with Zayn about Sean. He had some connects so we were trying to figure out what he knew and how we could stop him from getting any further. Courtney was never honest with him about the type of work she did, so while he thought this is what Courtney would've wanted, it was the complete opposite because it meant everyone would be going down.
"We should tie up all loose ends, like finding that Johnny guy from Lucy's party, to make sure he doesn't talk," He suggested, leaning back in his chair while his arms were folded.
"I'll send someone," I said, sending a text over to Abel, "But what about Ryder, Frankie, and Max? Won't he find that suspicious?"
"Yeah, so I think we should just take care of him,"
"What if someone else takes his place?"
"Maybe Matt knows someone, he could probably get Sean off the case."
"I dunno, but it's worth asking," I shrugged, letting out a yawn since I was only on two hours of sleep, "I haven't talked to him about everything yet, since I've been so worried about Ariana and Victoria."
"Right, how are they holding up?"
"I don't know, both of them are super distant from me right now. I think they blame me for it."
"Courtney decided to jump in front of that bullet herself."
"Yeah, but I got everyone into this mess, I should've just listened to Ariana when she said she didn't trust Lauren."
"One, you didn't know, okay? Lauren was one of your best friends for years, no one just cuts someone off like that without any proof. Two, you never told them that it was Lauren, I think they must've found out on their own."
"I know, it's just...I think I need to get out of this shit. I don't want it to be you, or Ariana, or Victoria, or someone else next. I didn't realize how hard this shit was for my parents, they had friends who died almost all the time and they just kept it pushing...I can't even think straight after Courtney," and Lauren as well. She was one of my closest friends, I couldn't just "unlove" her, even after everything.
"Just because they didn't show you they were hurting doesn't mean they never did. Sometimes you just have to keep going anyway and you should, for Courtney, but also for you. We can't let her win,"
"He's right," Ariana said, stepping into the kitchen and leaning on the doorframe. She looked a lot better than she had been, with her hair brushed and in fresh clothes that were a mix of hers and mine. "She can't get away with killing Courtney,"
"Lauren died," I pointed out.
"No, she had been fucking with us for years and when it finally caught up to her, she got off easy,"
"So what are you suggesting, we dig her up?" I asked sarcastically, watching the two look between each other.
"Ariana has a point, maybe we go after her family since she fucked with ours,"
"Her family didn't do anything to us, no."
"It doesn't matter, Courtney died because of her."
"We already got our revenge, she's gone. We can't take advantage of the situation and harm innocent people."
"Innocent? They're probably all just like her."
"Ariana—"
"You said you'd do anything for me and I want the whole fucking Jauregui family dead," Ariana spat, her eyes focused on me. I could tell it wasn't me she was angry at, but I was just here so I was forced to deal with the backlash. Zayn didn't seem to care, leaving the choice up to me.
"I can't and you know that isn't what Courtney would want,"
"How would you know what she wanted?" She said, her eyebrows furrowing, "You didn't even believe us when I told you it was her, she wouldn't be dead right now if you took care of Lauren,"
"No, nah, this isn't my fault. Your own brother was behind a lot of this shit and you're blaming me for not accusing my best friend with no proof? I'm sorry I was too fucking busy bleeding out and making sure you were okay to get to Courtney in time. Maybe if you would've listened to Lauren and stayed back like she asked, maybe just maybe Courtney would still be alive. You turned everything to shit Ariana, you moved. Back then you blamed me for what happened to Madison, but this? This shit isn't my fault."
The room was quiet as soon as the words left my lips and I couldn't lie and act like I didn't regret it as soon as I finished. I went to go over to her and take back what I said, but it was too late because she was already making her way out of the kitchen. Zayn looked at me for answers and I only asked him to follow her out of the door, leaving me in an almost empty house.
While I had been so focused on my argument with Ariana, I didn't realize that Camila was busy sitting in the front, alone and away from everyone else. Everything was a mess from both parties. I understood the pain Ariana, Tommy, and Victoria were feeling after Courtney but it didn't mean we weren't allowed to grieve Lauren either. So while Zayn left with Ariana, I was sitting outside with Camila.
"Is it bad that I'm missing her?" Camila let out, her brown eyes landing on me, and clearly, she had been crying. "I feel wrong still loving and missing someone who fucked up my life for years but it's Lauren...my Lauren, the Lauren who was always there whenever you needed her, who was always second at our lunch table, because when we came, she was busy arguing with Shawn... the most gorgeous green eyes, god I miss her but it just feels wrong,"
"I know," was all I managed to say, because she was right. I would forever love Lauren or at least the version of her in my head. And maybe that was the Lauren I'd remember her as.
"I can't believe I wasn't there, maybe things would've ended differently,"
"You had to go see your family, this isn't your fault. Lauren picked a side."
"I guess, I don't know, it's just a lot," She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder, "Like I feel horrible about Courtney, how couldn't we see it, Kai?"
"I think we were just blindsided. Lauren was our best friend, if anything we thought it could be anyone but her,"
"Yet she left us to clean up her mess,"
"And I will," I said.