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tw: homophobia, transphobia, physical assault, language.
it was time to take my shower of the day.
dinner was over and everyone had emptied out of the common room, all returning to their rooms for the night.
i always hated showering. for as long as i could remember i had always hated getting in the shower. or taking my clothes off in general.
that feeling of discomfort i get even thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
i'd always disliked my body. but not in the way girls are supposed to hate their bodies.
my chest wasn't flat enough, my hips were too wide. my shoulders not wide enough.
i was always grateful for my height however. at just 14 i was coming close to 5'10.
that was all thanks to my mama, who also happened to be the principal of my school.
my mama and mom, marylin thornhill are both teachers at nevermore. it surprisingly made my life better.
people were always kind to me and i had quite a few friends. all genuinely nice people.
that couldn't be said for everyone however.
my whole life i had always known that i wasn't like everyone else. first discovering that i was gay at 7, then realising i was trans at 12.
some people pointing out my differences and choosing to ridicule them.
my moms have been brilliant about it all. well obviously because they're gay too but even about my transition.
they paid for my top surgery i had 4 months ago and they had never once deadnamed me. mama ensured my name was changed in the school system for my first year of high school.
i love my moms more than anything. they're my safe space. without them it would have taken me so much longer to find who i am.
walking around my door room i picked up the things i needed for my shower.
"enid have you seen my towel?" i yelled to my roommate while digging around in my closet.
"it's on your desk y/n!" she called back.
i walked over to the oak desk, ignoring all the dirty clothes and school books covering the furniture, grabbing my towel and throwing it over my shoulder.
getting ready to leave but not before texting my mom.
'about to head in the shower. i'll come find you after <3'
'alright sweetie your mama and i are in her office but will be in the apartment when you're done xx'
our family had our own apartment on the school grounds. normally i would stay there but this past year i wanted to share with two of my friends, wednesday and enid.
staying in the dorms was interesting to say the least. i had to use the shared bathroom on the girls floor.
least favourite experience ever by far. i would use my shower at home but it was the other side of campus and it was raining.
i just decided to shower, dump my stuff at my dorm and run over to meet my parents.
i walked through the dimly lit hallways admiring the paintings hung on the spruce walls.
it was around 9:55 when i reached the showers. the smell of stingy water and deodorant practically imbedded in the white tiled walls.
i preferred this time to use the facilities because curfew was in 5 minutes and no one would be in here.
pulling my boygenius tshirt off leaving me in just my black shorts and i turned the shower handle towards me adjusting the temperature slightly.
i looked myself in the mirror to admire my new flat chest. running my hand over the front my body a small smile appearing on my face.
"what you smiling at faggot" a voice spoke, followed by laughter.
spun around to face the door to see a small group of girls. a little older than me, all sirens. i must not have heard them come in.
i had run into them a few times, none of my experiences with them ever being positive.
they would always call me slurs or give me. dirty looks. not once ever leaving me alone if they ever saw me.
"i'm talking to you faggot. whats the matter cat got your tongue?" the black haired girl in the front laughed.
my whole body tensed up. i didn't even know what to say.
they started walking towards me all circling around me like i was prey.
it looked like something out a stupid american high school movie.
"what the fuck is this animal kingdom with
David Attenborough?" i said
"shut your mouth you stupid faggot" one of the girls spat.
"oh come on at least be more creative with your insults you inbred salmon half breeds."
"somebody teach this stupid girl a lesson" the raven haired girl screeched.
my fists clenched in anger " i'm not a girl you stupid twat"
landing one sucker punch right to her nose i laughed at her as she stumbled back hitting her elbow into the sink.
that's when i felt it. something hitting me in the back of the head.
my face was quick to hit the floor as more and more punches and kicks came down on every inch of my body.
they called me disgusting, an abomination, a waste of oxygen and so many other horrible things.
every word they spoke will be etched into my memory forever. too painful to forget.
the assault only stoppingwhen one of the girls decided they were bored with me.
making their way back to the door the raven haired girl turned back to look at me shivering on the floor and spat on me.
i had never felt such great pain in my life.
not even bothering to move i lay on the floor in the same place they left me. arms covering my head and legs tucked into my chest.
tears poured down my cheek and onto the cold floor, mixing with the pool of my maroon blood that stained the tiles.
maybe i really was worthless.
not even the sound of the bathroom door opening was enough to make me move.
"y/n?? Y/N?!" a voice echoed through the room.
a pair of hands pulled my hands from my face and rolled me onto my back. it was bianca.
i remember the first time i met bianca. we spent our history lesson talking about how sirens were some of the most important people in this world and how their history should not be ignored.
she became a good friend of mine.
"oh god...SOMEONE HELP. JESUS SOMEBODY HELP. HELP HIM" her voice broke as she yelled out to the empty halls.
my blue towel was pulled from the hook by the shower and pressed to my face.
i lay there, facing up at the ceiling, not a singular muscle inside me moved.
my chest only rose and fell with wheezing breaths as bianca tried to wipe the copious amounts of blood from my body.
the blood that wouldn't stop pouring.
the door opened once more to reveal wednesday and enid.
"ENID GO FIND Y/NS MOMS RIGHT NOW! WEDNESDAY GET OVER HERE!" bianca began ordering them.
i saw a look in wednesdays eyes i had never seen before. her black pearly eyes held a look of almost sorrow with a hint of worry.
before they were just blank. the girl with no emotions had finally cracked.
the wooden door slammed open to reveal some of my favourite people ever, mama. shortly followed by mom and enid.
mama was out of breath. her silver hair falling from her bun, beads of sweat on her face and her signature green cardigan sliding off her shoulders.
she looked horrified, was she horrified by me? by what i had become?
my moms wasted no time rushing over to me.
mama went straight into action sending enid and wednesday to find the nurse and as many members of staff as they could.
mom on the other hand rushed over and sat at the top of my body. she gently put her hands under my head, lifting it from the stone cold floor and placing it on her legs.
her soft pale fingers brushed against my cheek.
i closed my eyes for a moment, taking in the comfort and appreciating the warmth.
a hand clutched mine "y/n baby stay awake for me. come on darling show mama those pretty blue eyes"
i slowly opened my eyes, for the first time breaking my stare from the ceiling to meet her eyes.
she pressed the towel to my gashes on my stomach and ribs. the once blue towel becoming saturated with the red from my cuts.
"mommy" the only word i could get out before the pain became too unbearable.
the redhead wiped the tears from her face, looking me deep in the eyes "mommy's right here baby. i'm not going anywhere little one."
my eyes closed one more time. fading out of consciousness the last thing i heard was my mamas pleas for me to stay awake.
i tried, i really did try so hard.
woken when i was lifted from the floor and held in someone's embrace. my eyes remained closed but i knew it was my mama.
the sweet smell of vanilla lingered about her.
i nuzzled into her shoulder as she hurried down the hallway.
there were so many voices, all so loud. they made my head scream in agony.
further tears rolled from my ocean eyes, soaking into mamas blood stained t-shirt.
i was put down on an unknown surface, it was slightly uncomfortable but that might just have been the broken ribs poking my lungs.
my eyes remained closed while someone carried out a medical exam on me.
i felt the prick of needles and the sting of the iv in my hand.
opening my eyes to find out why i couldn't feel my right arm anymore i saw the nurse pulling my wrist returning my arm to its regular position.
i bet that shit would've hurt if i wasn't stacked up on drugs.
looking over to see mama and mom at my bedside watching the nurse just as i had been doing.
they broke their stares to look over at me.
"oh baby, how are you feeling?" mama spoke, her voice hoarse and eyes bloodshot. i don't like it when she cries.
tears flooded my eyes just as memories flooded my mind.
a piece of me had been taken in that bathroom, my dignity had been stripped from me and i was left to suffer on that ice floor.
i could only whimper in response to my mama. no words could describe the pain i felt in that moment.
"my darling boy, what have they done to you?" mom stroked the back of my hand. the hurt could be seen in her face.
the nurse continued to wrap my arm in plaster.
"what colour do you want your cast to be y/n?" the nurse asked softly.
i looked at her and then straight at my mom, i couldn't get any words out right now, i needed them to know that.
"he'll have red. it's his favourite colour." mama spoke from her place at the foot of my bed.
turning my head away from my mom to face her i only stared at her, trying to express my gratitude without the use of a smile.
eventually my family and i were left alone in the infirmary after my cast was finished.
"who did this to you baby?" mama asked, her hand gently resting on my foot.
my breath wavered, inhaling deeply. i told them the names of the people that did this to me, giving them every last detail of the event.
it hurt so much to talk about. even having to have the images flash in my mind hurt so greatly.
why did they have to take such a big milestone in my life and ruin it.
now along with the proud scars of my top surgery i had scars made by them.
my body battered, bruised and broken. they did this to me. why?
my moms eyes went dark, almost a black colour. mamas fists clenched her face scrunched in anger. a look i had never seen on either of the women before.
fear struck me as my mama stood up. pushing the chair out from behind her she walked straight out the door, her pace quick and her stride with meaning.
i'd be surprised to wake in the morning and hear no news about the disappearance or death of certain a group of nevermore students.
i grabbed onto my moms wrist as she got up to run after mama. her gaze softened as she looked at me.
"don't go" i pleaded . "please mommy. don't go." my pleas turning to soft cries.
"oh baby don't you worry, mommy isn't going anywhere. it's just me and you, you're safe now. mama will make sure they don't ever hurt you again." tears welled in her eyes.
i was trying so hard to feel safe. i had always felt safe when i was with my mom. but i couldn't right now. i was so scared.
"go to sleep now. i'll be right here when you wake up little one."
my eyes got heavier. rolling onto my side i curled into a ball facing my mom, her red hair and black glasses being one of the last things i saw that night.
i woke again around 3am. my ribs burned in pain and my head throbbed.
mom was fast asleep resting on the chair in the corner of the room and mama was sat in the chair at my bedside.
she was playing candy crush.
i chuckled at her when she huffed in frustration caused by her losing the level.
her head shot up to look at me.
"baby it's late what are you doing up?"
"head and tummy hurts." i grunted.
without any words spoken she got up and went over to the medicine cabinet across the room.
taking out a packet of pills and grabbing a glass of water she wondered back to her place besides me putting the items on the bedside table.
she slipped her arms behind my back and guided my up the bed leaving me in a seated position.
sitting back down she grabbed the items once more.
she popped three of the pills out the pack and held them in her hand, placing the rest back on the beige table.
"drink" she said holding the glass to my lips and i did just that.
she then pulled my jaw down slightly using her thumb and put the pills in my mouth.
holding the glass back to my mouth once more i took another sip swallowing the pills.
"good job darling. mamas proud of you."
the little butterflies in my stomach fluttered from her praise. my mom's validation was always something i craved and receiving praise from them was like gold to me.
she lent forward to place a gentle kiss on my forehead and also to help me lay back down.
"thank you mama"
"you're welcome baby."
i hummed with content as we sat in silence.
"mama?"
"yes baby?"
"can you get my bunny please" i know i'm 14 now but my bunny is still my best friend even if he is just a teddy.
"of course little one." her smile subtle.
she reached down beside her and grabbed my bunny from a bag resting at her feet.
my face furrowed in confusion. "but he was in my dorm room? how did he get here?"
she smiled softly at me "let's just say a certain homicidal black haired friend of yours knew you can't sleep without him and brought down him to say hi."
cracking the first smile since the assault thinking about how enid and i really had softened wednesdays heart.
"why don't you try go back to sleep little one" mama spoke softly.
"cuddle please mama?". my headache was fading and i was getting sleepier. i needed mama's comfort.
anytime i was anxious or going through one of my depressive episodes mama and mom were always the ones i confided in.
during one of my worse episodes last year we spent all of our free time watching movies and cuddling on the sofa.
on the most awful days i would crawl into bed with them and just lay there. they always made me feel better and right now i needed them.
mama let out a breath as she stood up. "come on then kiddo. shuffle your little butt over."
using my left arm i slowly pushed my body over, wincing in pain.
mama slipped her arm under me holding me hospital gown together and helped me over as she climbed into the bed with me.
my bunny still clutched tightly in my hand i cuddled up to the tall woman, resting my head against her chest and pulling my legs up to her side.
her arm around my shoulders as she rubbed her palm in circles on my shoulders.
she hummed a soft melody, her fingers ran through my short hair.
" i love you so much darling, you are perfect. no matter who you are or who you become you will be unconditionally loved by your mom and i."
her loving words being the last thing said to me until i woke up later that day.
waking up the following morning mama was no where to be seen but mom was sat in the chair beside me reading the newspaper.
raising her head when she noticed my shuffling.
"hey sweet pea, how you feeling?" she smiled softly, pushing the frames of her black glasses back up her nose.
"tired" i groaned.
she let out a breathy laugh. "you've been asleep 12 hours and the first word you say when you wake up is tired?"
"mmhm" i responded to her rhetorical question, rolling from my back onto my left side.
looking around the room i noticed the missing presence of one 6 foot blonde.
"where's mama?"
"i sent her to shower and get a fresh set of clothes." she smiled, putting the newspaper down on the table and taking my left hand in both of hers.
her soft thumb rubbing my hand gently. "you hungry bubs?"
"a little, i don't know why though i ate my macaroni right before my shower"
mom tilted her head to the side slightly "can i tell you something sweet pea?"
i nodded at her "yeah of course" wondering what she could possibly have to tell me after the short discussion about mac and cheese.
"well the thing is honey while you were passed out your body started to vomit and you began choking. we had to roll you on your side and mama was reaching down your throat to clear out what was blocking your airway."
i was baffled. "you're telling me mamas hand was down my throat??!" i stuttered in disbelief.
mom chuckled slightly at my reaction "yes baby. it was."
"oh god time to vomit again." i joked. i liked being so unserious in that moment. i had enough of all the serious talk for a while.
after sitting in a comfortable silence for 10 minutes the door creaked open to reveal mama.
"hey darling boy, good to see you up" mama smiled at me.
"hi mama" i smiled trying to pull myself up in the bed. my arm collapsing out from under me and my face meeting the pillow with a grunt.
mama and mom both rushed over to me. "woah darling don't do that. here let me help." mama spoke as she put her arm under my armpit pushing me up gently.
"why don't i go get you some breakfast huh bumble bee?" mom hummed.
i nodded, practically starving at that point
mom chuckled softly "okay baby, what do you want?"
my eyes widened at all the possibilities, thinking of all the things i craved.
"ooh, umm. beans on toast! oh and cereal! and sausages!" i spoke happily, my nose scrunched in anticipation.
my parents laughed at my breakfast order.
"is that all in one or should i just blend it so you can get it down faster?" mom joked at me.
i jokingly gagged at her suggestion. "yucky. foods don't touch mom everyone knows that" i stated obviously.
"oh of course my prince, anything for you." mom laughed as she walked out the door.
"hey you can't make fun of me i'm injured!" i pouted at her teasing.
"mama she's being a meanie" my lower lip stuck out.
"awww my little baby boy, isn't she just so nasty?" she spoke, kissing my forehead and sitting in the chair next to me.
mom was quick to return with my food, placing it on the table at the bottom of the table, dragging it down to hover over my lap.
"okay! i'm going to shower and brush my teeth! i feel like the lady in the dining hall could smell my breath from a mile away" she clapped her hands together resting them in-front of her torso.
"yeah we can all smell your breath from a mile away darling" mom shrivelled her nose in disgust, hiding her face and gagging jokingly.
that earned her a slap to the back of the head.
"owww" she wined like a child.
"that's what you very much deserve" mom stated, glaring at her wife.
"hey it was only payback for picking on my little baby." mama said.
she smiled at me lovingly.
"sure it was.... i'm going now. i love you both so much. don't have too much fun without me." mom said giving mama a peck on the lips and leaving.
i picked my knife and fork up desperately ready to eat my breakfast.
that became an issue quickly. i couldn't hold my knife because of my cast and i couldn't lift my arms beyond my chest due to the bruising on my ribs.
mama was quick to spot this problem and without a word she took the cutlery from the my hands and feeding me each bite with love and devotion.
there were a lot of meals like this for months after.
we spent so much time together, me crying into one of them or one of them changing my bandages.
i don't think i'll ever get over the hurt of that day but with a lot of love (and some therapy) it sure as hell became easier.
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3825 words.
like 2/3 proof read.
sorry i haven't been around at all. i'm going through a depressive episode rn.
also switching it up with the gender. gender dysphoria anyone?? just me?
this literally took me 15 days to write in many small parts so it probably reads that way. sorry dudes
i'll try harder. thanks anyway.
marley :)