" I think I will miss you forever like the stars miss the sun on the morning sky.."
-
Date: 15 October, 2021
With soft sunlight peeking through the white, opaque curtains of Yeonjun's room it directly kissed his swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. Earning a groan from the exhausted male.
Slowly picking up his body, he sat on his mattress feeling the most down he ever felt in his life. Hell it was so bad that he was starting to tear up the moment his mind started to gain its consciousness.
Still not wanting to have another breakdown early in the morning, Yeonjun got up and stood infront of his bathroom mirror and glanced at himself.
Oh my God-
"I look absolutely horrendous..." He thought to himself massaging his face trying to make his puffy face look a bit normal to his liking. Gone were that glow of his face.
That looking forward to attitude of a day.
He is just somehow surviving now.
As he stared at the mirror, suddenly the boy started to cough out loudly not being able to bear an extremely painful chest pain.
He was having a hard time to breath. After a while of coughing violently so much painfully that the corners of his sharp yet swollen eyes was wet from the tears.
Finally getting himself together, he took a deep breath. He looked so pale...
So pale almost like a ghost.
Sighing heavily, he washed his face properly and dressed up for the normal university day. He lost the enthusiasm to even attend the institution.
Whereas he used to wait to go to the institution as his way of escape from reality even just a month ago. But now...
Not anymore.
Washing his face atleast to make himself appear a bit presentable, he glanced at the clock as his eyes rounded in shock seeing that- He was late.
Great what an amazing way to start the morning. Haha.
Yeonjun just carelessly threw in some books and slided in the notebook that was lying on his desk and left for the university.
On his way, he opened his phone to see a text from Beomgyu and Taehyun both.
Beomgyu:
- Hyung where are you? Are you coming today? Are you okay?
10 minutes ago.
Yeonjun just sighed seeing the text as he shooted a quick text to the younger as he didn't have any intention of making him worried.
- Yeah, I am coming. Just a bit late.
Clearing his inbox, he then checked the unread message from Taehyun as well.
Taehyun:
- Hey hyung. I called you yesterday but you didn't answer. Let me know when you are active please.
Yeonjun could clearly understand the desperate tone of the younger. And it was totally normal.
He is bound to get scared as Taehyun witnessed the two of his best friend's death.
Yeonjun immediately wrote back the reply to the younger saying-
- I am sorry Taehyun. I didn't pay attention to my phone yesterday.
How would he? He remains indifferent to his surroundings now quite frequently.
Time Skip~
Yeonjun now sat alone in the classroom setting down his supplies and other stationary. The teacher was readying some papers as he glanced at Yeonjun saying-
"Yeonjun, your detention will over in 2 hours. Continue to work here. After 2 hours you are good to go."
Yeonjun didn't feel the necessity to speak further as he just nodded and bowed at the teacher seeing him exit the room leaving the male alone in this class. And due to his natural instinct, he immediately glanced outside seeing the cloudy sky.
No sunlight and light wind. But still with a humid atmosphere.
"Let's just get over this.." Yeonjun mumbled and just opened his notebook to continue his work with a pen stuck up in between his fingers. But-
His hands froze on it's spot as he saw the pages he was about to turn.
That's....
Soobin's handwriting...
His daily reminder.
Yeonjun felt his insides getting filled with overwhelming rush of emotions as his eyes started tearing up rapidly and lips trembled trying to control his emotions.
"I don't want someone as pure soul like you stay sad like this. Cheer up hyung. Remember I am here always. Promise."
- daily reminder (1)
The older's eyes scanned the writting's, his mind immediately flooding with the memories of that specific day.
-
Yeonjun quitely entered the class taking his seat beside Soobin who just gave a small smile to him without talking anything. Well, Let's just say Soobin's hearing aids were damaged by some incidents and that's why, he had to communicate with sign languages and other gestures.
Talking without hearing yourself is difficult. Yeonjun gave a weak right lipped smile taking a deep breath concentrating on his task. 15 to 20 minutes to the class... Soobin drifted his attention to the older male beside him.
Why? Because the older looked a bit off.
Like he was oddly quite.
Soobin was very attentive when it came to the people he was close to or friendly to. So Yeonjun was no exception as well. Soobin had a skeptical feeling inside him as he repeatedly kept on stealing glance at the older. But the next moment, as he glanced at the older, his eyes widened seeing a drop of tear stuck on the older's bottom eyelashes who had a straight face while concentrating on the board or at least pretending to do so.
Soobin wouldn't have noticed anything if it wasn't for the piece of white tissue sticking out of his fisted hands.
Oh my Jesus... He is so good at pretending to be fine.
Soobin fell into dilemma as he whipped his head towards the board only noticing the writing. Not hearing a single damn word. How frustrating. How will you feel when you are doing your class normally then turn your heard towards the person who is your close friend crying silently?
Devastating.
Unknowingly Soobin himself teared up. He is quite soft when it comes to this things. Why is he feeling guilty? Why is Yeonjun crying? So many questions knocking on his mind but he couldn't get an answer out of it. From his corner vision, Soobin could clearly see the older swiftly wiping his tears rolling down with the hidden piece of tissue.
A tear slipped down the younger male's eyes despite not wanting to cry. He felt so bad for Yeonjun. But still he kept his head towards the board until-
A hand was brought infront of him with a fresh batch of tissue. It was Yeonjun who just chuckled weakly before passing a note saying-
'What's wrong? Why are you crying?'
Reading the notebook and taking the tissue both, Soobin scribbled back-
'I am not okay. But hyung are you okay? Tell me the truth.'
As the younger slided the note to the older he kept an eye on the older's face expression. The older just lightly shook his head denying the fact that he was crying. Soobin couldn't do anything if the older won't tell he was actually crying but who stops him from comforting the other anyways.
Soobin slowly patted the older's back affectionately wanting the share the assurance that - "I am here. You can be yourself with me. I won't judge." Yeonjun felt a gentle patting on his back and he had to force himself to not break down right at that moment.
The Bell rings.
It was Lunch time.
The teacher left the class after the bell and other classmates were busy with their business. Meanwhile Yeonjun just sat with his head hung low as he cleaned his desk organizing the books watched by the younger male beside him.
As he was doing so, Yeonjun felt himself getting pulled into a comfortable embrace enriched with warmth. Soobin had hugged him as the older's head was rested against the latter's chest who visibly relaxed from the gesture shutting his eyes for a brief amount of time.
Along with that continued patting on his back. Yeonjun the next moment picked his head and saw Soobin was showing him a note-
'Are you feeling Okay? Even just a little bit?'
Yeonjun gave a small smile nodding his head returning his reply on the paper.
'Yes thanks to you.. I will be right back from the cafeteria okay?'
Soobin nodded at the older who left the class as he remained sitting on his place. Soobin was unknowingly thinking about ways on how to cheer the older up because he wasn't liking it a single bit that the older was having a hard time.
As his mind ran, he glanced at the black notebook more like a diary beside him. It was Yeonjun's obviously. But suddenly his eyes lit up as something clicked into his mind.
Time passed the lunch time was over as everyone was back to their respective seats even Yeonjun. As the teacher started their next class, Yeonjun took out his notebook opening it with a pen in his hand ready to write down the stuffs on the board until he noticed an unusual writting on the off white pages with a blue colored ink-
"I don't want someone as pure soul like you stay sad like this. Cheer up hyung. Remember I am here always. Promise."
- daily reminder (1)
Yeonjun was utterly surprised as his breath stopped for a second at the note called daily reminder? Oh my god... How could this get even better. And he had no doubt that the person sitting next to him wrote this who was just pretending to not know who wrote this in the notebook with his flashing red ears.
A smile crawled up to his face as Yeonjun just touched the writing with his delicate fingers appreciating the gesture.
-
Yeonjun regretted to open this notebook now. By this time he knew he was already sobbing. No matter how much he wanted to refrain himself from crying he would fail always.
"You are always the best. Love your imperfections even if it's hard to do so. Trust me this comes from experience."
- daily reminder (2)
"Loosing hope? No problem. Your hope giver is here. Ting ting~ "
- daily reminder (6)
"Being sad is normal and necessary but getting over the sadness is the most essential."
- daily reminder (10)
Yeonjun quitely read every single daily reminder Soobin wrote for him in that same diary. After that day, it had become an unspoken rule for him to write a sentence there. His another name was comfort according to Yeonjun.
And that comfort is no more beside him giving sharing his warmth with him.
Now Yeonjun was only left with a scrunched up paper in his fist and a strong agony and longing blooming Inside his heavy chest .... for him.
I miss you Soobin.
—