CHAEYOUNG POV
As in a sunny morning after a rainy dawn, my eyes were gradually gaining sight of what was beyond them. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, I wasn't even sure if I was still breathing, such was my shock. The last thing that crossed my mind when I got here was this. I knew it wasn't something from one day to the next, I had probably never paid attention to how I reacted after the incidence of light, I usually tried to cover my eyes and that was it. Today I wonder if this could have happened earlier.
I could feel Dahyun's worried gaze on me, she shouldn't even be blinking since even after saying her name she hadn't moved a muscle. I squinted my eyes a few times still taken by the despair of the moment and stretched my hands in front of my body. I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again. There were my fingers, all of them, shaking uncontrollably and whiter than I remembered them to be. I definitely needed to get some sunlight, I thought, letting out an awkward laugh that later started a low, disbelieving laugh. Am I really seeing?
I looked up slowly to the freezing white room in front of me. The pale walls, covered halfway with small blue tiles; a wooden table stood out just three steps from me where there was a computer and printer. I sighed in total ecstasy and turned my face to the side, finding a completely emotional Dahyun on the way. As if in silent permission, as soon as our eyes met, we both burst into tears with a smile on our faces. She seemed to know exactly what was going on at the moment and she shared all that emotion with me, it was like I could unload whatever it was on her and she would know how to act in the best way.
- You... - she couldn't finish, and it wasn't necessary. I shook my head, dazed by her current appearance.
Dahyun's hair was longer now, my memories were of a time when it spilled surreptitiously over her shoulders and today it reached just below her breasts. There were no more colored highlights, nor the usual blond, it was now dark. At that moment I felt that I had lost years and years of her life, it was like waking up from a coma and seeing that the world didn't stop spinning for me. I was living in the present day, but my head was stuck in the reality of almost two years ago and I had no idea of the gap between the two until then.
Moved by my emotions I simply threw myself into her arms and held her as tight as I could. I buried my face in her chest as we both still let a few tears fall. I remember living this same moment before, I found myself in the middle of déjà vu now. Me and her, sitting on a hospital bed, nervous and anxious, holding each other like the world outside was spinning too fast. But I knew it was different, because today's tears were tears of joy. Dahyun kept me snug in her embrace until the moment I took the initiative to pull away. I loved that about her, the fact that she didn't let go until you felt better. I smiled, rubbing my eyes with the top of my hand and wiping excess moisture out of them.
- I didn't think I was going to say this again, but you look beautiful, Dubu. - A laugh escaped my lips and she did the same. We were two fools in a hospital room.
- Don't think that just because you're seeing again you have a free pass to hit on me. - I laughed, running my unaccustomed eyes over every feature of her body and face. I didn't know exactly where to focus them or what to look at first. It was all so wonderful to see. - How are you? - She asked more seriously now making me stop my eyes on the intense brown ones in front of me.
- Sincerely? I don't know, I think a little silly?! - I sighed, rolling my eyes around the room for a moment. - I think in the same way as a child when they starts to walk. The difference is that I know and I can express my joy.
- Are you seeing normally? Does the light not bother you? – Dahyun seemed to want to diagnose me there now with checking her own eyes.
- It's not a hundred percent yet. It's kind of cloudy, sometimes it gets better, sometimes it gets worse. And the light sure bothers me, but I'm so glad I don't feel s... Mina! - I said suddenly remembering her. Dahyun got scared looking around, as if looking for her in there. - I need to talk to Mina! I have to let her know what happened. - My words came out in a hurry, perfectly illustrating the agony I was feeling at the moment.
- Calm down - She asked taking my hands in hers - I'll call her and let her know, don't worry.
- No, Dahyun, I want to talk to her.
In the middle of our conversation the door opened and we both turned around in fright. My heart immediately raced, for the first time my eyes were putting an image to the name and they sparkled with joy at the difference between reality and imagination. The Doctor. Warren walked in with a clipboard in his hand, looking a bit distracted, but that soon changed when his attention turned to me. I don't know if it was my goofy smile, my happy expression or the happiness in the air that gave me away, but in the same second his eyes met mine, he plastered a grin from ear to ear and walked over to me. Doctor Warren Smith, his lab coat said. I smiled looking at him so close there, numb and confused, I confirmed his doubts with my head and he hugged me.
I can't say what I was feeling during the time I was there, I was taken to another room to do a better examination of my vision and I was tested until I couldn't anymore. I dedicated myself to a battery of exams, from the most meticulous to the common such as reading of letters on the wall. I was still in ecstasy and I felt like a real living miracle. I knew what was happening, but something in me still hadn't realized the intensity of it.
I was seeing! How awesome was that? I could have sworn that Dr. Warren was only telling me there was a possibility so I wouldn’t fall into some kind of depression, since everything was very difficult at first. But now I saw that it was always an alternative that I never paid much attention to. It was like a multiple choice question where you're always suspicious of the letter "e". Back to see was my letter "e".
By counting the hours I knew that I had spent the whole afternoon in that hospital, after a while I started to feel like a human guinea pig. All that attention, all that need to understand me and understand what happened to me. It was great and bad at the same time. My parents were now there as well, probably triggered shortly after my doctor realized the good news. My mother cried more than in her entire life, she looked at me in disbelief the same way as everyone else there, which bothered me a little, although I understood them. My father couldn't hold back his emotion either, I was waiting in an MRI room when the two came in looking for me. It was like a movie scene, we looked at each other for a while before it dawned on us what was really going on.
My mother brought her hands to her mouth and remained there, while my father tightened his fingers on her shoulder and did the same with his lips. I bet that was the same expression on the night they both found me lying in a hospital bed with tape over my eyes and my body covered in scratches. My heart sank to see the pain in their eyes, I could imagine myself on that night that changed and shook the lives of all of us. It was all over again except for my eyes. Today they were better.
- Are you hungry? - my father sat next to me in the hospital waiting room, but I didn't pay much attention to him at first.
I was alone for a few minutes and all I could think of has a name, soft voice, funny laugh, acidic perfume and my heart. I was trying to piece together in my mind all the hints, all the facts, everything I had collected about her to form a possible real picture of her self. But it was in vain, I had in mind only a silhouette with long hair, soft skin and thick lips. I was frustrated. I should be able to know more than that. Perhaps she was brunette, one of those with strong and striking features, thin and slender, with slightly rosy lips. Not being able to visualize was driving me crazy.
- Darling? - My father called again and only then did I really notice him there. He looked at me cautiously and had a smile on his face. I missed that smile.
- No, I'm not hungry.
- Are you sure? Dahyun told me that you've been here since lunchtime and haven't eaten anything.
- Yes, I think my body is not back to normal yet. You know, with all this hustle and bustle, it's hard to remember to eat. - I smirked and rubbed my eyes with my fingers, they still bothered me a little.
- Are you okay? - His voice was filled with fear. I know it was in vain to want that, but what I least wanted today was to be treated like a little crystal doll.
- I am, dad. Where's Mom? - he sighed returning to relax in the chair.
- She's hunting Dr. Warren. She's been peppering him with so many questions that I think he might be questioning his methods by now. - we both laughed imagining the scene.
- Poor thing, he's too old for that.
- If he retires in a few days I'll know it was her fault. - he laughed again and I slipped my hand into his which was resting on the arm of his chair, drawing his attention.
- I know I haven't been sleeping like Cinderella, I know I lived normally with you until today, but I missed having you in sight and I missed seeing you smile and get that silly face.
His eyes were already teary when I finished speaking and he didn't wait another minute to welcome me into his arms again. This was my turn to comfort him and so I did. My father stayed by my side, distracting me and telling me about his adventures and his plans for the future, our conversations changing focus from moment to moment and the noise of our laughter echoing through the room. My father really was a very charismatic person and knew how to cheer you up in a heartbeat, but I preferred to think that he only had this facility with me and my little sister.
- Dad! - I almost screamed losing track of my voice with my sudden astonishment. - Where's Haerin?!
- I couldn't bring her, we didn't know exactly what was going on and she doesn't like hospitals very much. We didn't even mention that it was you we were coming for, otherwise she would start crying and you know...
- She wouldn't stop until she see me. - I sighed. He was right, but I wanted to see my little one. I hadn't seen her for so long.
- Will you come home with us?
- I don't know, dad.
- Chae, I already made that call you asked. - Dahyun appeared in front of me and my eyes grew when I remembered what it was about.
- Well, I'll let you two talk a little and look for your mother before she decides to analyze all your exams. - my father placed a kiss on my head and squeezed Dahyun's shoulders before leaving us alone.
- You haven't told them yet? - she asked rushing to sit next to me.
- No, how would I tell? I never really thought about talking, only after dating like five months or so.
- Chaeyoung! - she used her scolding tone and we both laughed.
- It's more complicated than introducing a boyfriend. They will not only pepper her with questions, but they will also have a reaction, as yet unknown to me, to the fact that she is a girl.
- Do you think they wouldn't accept it?
- I don't know... - I bit my lip, frowning.
- Your parents are nice, especially your father. I think he would accept it in a good way.
- But...- I felt there was something else coming into her sentence, and from the look she gave me, I was correct.
- Your mother looks like she would want to kill you. - she made the same face as me.
- You're not wrong. - we laughed and I leaned my head on the chair fixing my eyes on her face.
My thoughts and my fears taking over my head with the subject raised. In reality, I wasn't sure of either one's reaction, as amazing as my dad was, I didn't know his thoughts on this topic. And he was already over forty, people of his time are generally prejudiced.
- Urgh, you're acting like her. - Dahyun snorted taking my attention.
- What am I doing? - I asked still confused.
- Facing the person that way. It looks like you're noticing someone, when your head is actually over the moon.
- Who does that?
- Your girlfriend. - a smile sprouted on my lips instantly. It was amazing how my body responded to her name, or anything else related to her.
- Does she? - I asked silly still considering the fact that we now have a similar mania.
- She does. With you then... - I threw my body as much as possible against the arm of the chair, shortening our distance.
- I'm nervous. - I admitted pressing my lip again between my teeth. I could feel my heart racing faster and faster as time passed and her arrival was more reality than possibility.
- Why are you nervous? Mina should be nervous, since she will be judged for the first time. - I frowned in confusion as she laughed at me. -You'll see her, who knows if you'll like it or not.
I backed off a little reasoning her words. In my head, there was no such possibility until then. Could I find her ugly? And if I did, what would happen? Could it affect what I feel? Dahyun looked at me intrigued and seemed to realize the dilemma that started inside me.
- No need to be nervous, at least not about this. If there's one thing I can tell you, it's that you won't have a problem with her appearance. The worst you already did, which is fall in love with her for who she is. - she chuckled to herself while I remained serious, still with the same questions in mind. - Damn Chaeyoung, I was kidding.
- No, I know she's pretty. At least I think she is - I thought aloud in a conversation with myself. - Dahyun, how is she? - I launched the questioning almost desperately, but she retreated smiling.
- I won't tell, you didn't come so far to lose to your curiosity now.
- But Dahyun... - I whimpered and she looked away completely ignoring me. I knew she wouldn't say anything, but it didn't hurt to try.
The next fifteen minutes we sat, quiet and still in that waiting room. The results of the many tests I had were still missing, so I couldn't risk going out and missing the nurse's call over the speakers. Although I trust my mom would be on call for me. I still tried a few times to get the slightest hint about Mina, but Dahyun was determined not to tell me anything. She just held the phone in her hands and read any magazine with the help of the other. I snorted, already resigned to that fact and tried to remain calm, I was so anxious that I was capable of suffering something before she arrived.
Dahyun's phone then beeped and my attention was drawn to her thanks to her quick movement to bring it into view. I watched for a moment the quick run of her fingers and her expression, she looked focused and...cheerful? Her eyes darted up to mine and I knew right away what it was.
- Mina is at reception. - She smiled and I jumped to my feet making my way to the hallway that led to the elevator. My heart was pounding in my chest, as wild as it could be. My ideas of relaxation went down the drain.
I walked towards the steel doors slowly, at any moment she would appear there and all this would be over. I just needed a good first look, something to process before I disguised my annoyance or happiness. My God, what am I thinking? She's ugly and I don't like her anymore? It didn't matter what my eyes told me, at that moment they would only be another instrument for the growth of my love. I didn't restore them so that they would destroy my life. Not with her. Not now. I noticed Dahyun walking beside me and I swallowed hard, steadying myself right in front of the elevator.
- What did you say to her, Dahyun? - I asked in a whisper.
- Said you were in the hospital, only. - I looked at her, incredulous and imagined Mina's state now. She must have been desperate, expecting the worst just like I was when I walked in here. My heart squeezed even more and then the elevator beeped. I laced my fingers with Dahyun's and squeezed them one last time before the door started to open. I breathed in hopefully, but inside there were only two doctors who walked out, staring at us, perhaps disconcerted by my expression of frustration.
I released Dahyun from my grip and heard her sigh. On my other side, a thump that seemed to come from the door echoed, startling me and in reflex I turned to look at the cause. I finished turning my head feeling a shiver run through my body and a sudden icy state take over me. My lips parted slowly as my eyes assessed the image just ahead. It was a girl. On her feet were scuffed combat boots, her legs covered in baggy jeans that went halfway up her stomach. A trail of her abdomen was visible while a black crop top started just below her breasts. Her arms hung at her sides. Around her neck was what appeared to be a thin, shiny choker contrasting with her fairly pale skin tone. I think even clearer than mine. I blinked once, twice, three times as my eyes finally found her face. Her mouth is split, exactly the same as mine; the delicate features defining a beauty never seen before by me, the long dark hair carelessly thrown back. I deduced that she had run her hand through them just before. And at the end the incredible immensity of her eyes; bright, clear, huge and full of feeling. Just watching them for a few seconds made me feel lost. The girl was staring at me with such admiration and astonishment at the same time that it made my heart race again.
I felt my hands sweat and shake, my legs yearn for the strength to stay upright, and my chest heave. In that moment I knew it was her, that this was the girl I was madly in love with. I took a cautious step forward, my eyes still steady and fixed on hers. I opened my lips more giving a strong breath and repeated to myself: Breathe, Chaeyoung. Breathe.