Mindlessly
They say that when things are going well, life will hit you hard again just to remind you of reality. Unfortunate events will suddenly happen out of nowhere.
Because we can never appreciate the good things and look at it at in a new light without without the bad things.
There needs to be a balance between the two.
Alam ko 'yan. But with all the recent good things that is happening in my life right now, I don't want the bad things. 'Saka na muna dahil nanamnamin ko pa ang masasayang araw.
I don't even want to leave El Valencia anymore. I'm thinking about extending my vacation here. Ang tanging lugar lang kasi na napuntahan ko sa nagdaang mga araw ay ang bahay, ang Arena Fina, isang restaurant malapit sa dulo ng El Valencia, at ang mansyon nila Gon.
In fact, we are here at the Cavalleros' mansion again as Don Primero invited us for breakfast. He heard that tomorrow is the last day of our vacation here so he wants to make the most out of it.
Manghang-mangha pa nga ako sa ipinahanda niyang bilugang mesa malapit sa pool. Nakahanda roon ang masasarap tingnan na Italian breakfast.
The thick Italian hot chocolate's heat is steaming out of the mug and it looks so inviting.
Ipinaghihila na ako ngayon ng upuan ni Gon pagkatapos ay ang Lolo niya.
I smiled at his gesture. I know he joked about his Lolo being so persistent about the engagement before, but I can see that he respects him too much. And maybe this is also the reason why he didn't outrightly declined him about that favor for the past seven years.
We were already talking over the breakfast. Nagtatanong sa amin si Don Primero tungkol sa takbo ng bakasyon namin dito sa El Valencia.
He was in the middle of offering us a yacht experience when a househelp came to give him his phone that has been ringing for a call. He excused himself so Gon and I were left on the table.
Nagpalinga-linga ako sa mga katulong. I don't notice any familiar faces anymore. O siguro may mga nakasama ako rito na magtrabaho noon pero hindi ko lang masyadong close kagaya nina Ate Julie, Ate Ofelia, at Ate Dina.
"Gon, where are your old househelps? 'Yong mga nakasama ko noon?"
He brought down the mug of his hot chocolate before answering me.
"They were assigned in Manila, where my parents and two of my siblings are currently staying right now. We'll visit there next time," he says so casually as if he didn't just invite me to meet his parents.
Kaya napamaang na lang talaga ako at hindi na nakasagot agad sa kanya. This is overwhelming. Nasa process pa rin ako ng pag-digest sa pagtanggap ni Don Primero sa amin.
"But we won't go there until you're ready, of course," he says when he notices my slight panic.
Napabuntong-hininga ako at maliit na napangiti sa kanya. I leaned to his arms and let out a sigh.
"Let's take everything slow, Gon. I want to savor all of this," I said in a sweet whisper.
"Of course, love. I'll hold your hand as we take each and every slow step. We'll take it in any pace you want." He reaches down to entwine my fingers with his.
And as he held my hand up, his eyes lingered on my ring finger before he brought it to his lips and gave it a kiss.
Hindi na tuloy kami matuloy-tuloy sa breakfast namin dahil sa paglalambingan. Nakabalik na lang si Don Primero ay hindi pa rin nagagalaw ang pagkain namin.
"Gonsalvus, are you done with your breakfast? Gadiel is in the border of El Valencia."
The Don came back, massaging his temples as if he is suddenly stressed by that call.
"Why? What happened Lo?"
"The brat is caught overspeeding. Hinarangan ng mga police doon. He's with his friends. They are all caught."
Gadiel? If I remember it right, it's their youngest brother. I heard from Gon that he's still a minor so he must be tangled up in a big trouble right now.
"I can't send my men. I allowed them to have a vacation and I can't disturb that." Napailing-iling ang matanda.
He tried to pick up his phone. Maybe to make another call when Gon already stood up.
"Ako na ang bahala do'n, Lo. I'll go there now."
"Tequila, saglit lang ako. I'll be back. Please finish your breakfast." He gave me a kiss on the forehead before hurriedly heading out.
Nag-aalala ko siyang hinatid ng tanaw. Ni hindi na ako nakatayo pa para maihatid siya sa labas dahil dumiretso na siya sa sasakyan niya.
"Pasensya ka na, Hija. That kid is seriously constantly giving us a headache. He's in his rebellious phase. Teens these days..." Don Primero sat back down and he can't even take a bite out of his breakfast anymore.
Nakuwento nga sa akin ni Gon na iyong kapatid niyang si Gadiel ang pinakapasaway sa kanila. I think it's normal though.
"Nasa edad na rin po kasi sila na madali lang nadadala ng peer pressure. Sometimes, they just simply want to experience something adventurous."
"I do know that my grandson loves the thrill of new adventures. But the peer pressure? I'm not quite sure about that, Hija. Turns out he's the one pressuring his peers."
Don Primero shrugged his shoulders and we both laughed.
Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng pag-uusap nang biglang nagbukas ang gate nila at pumasok ang bagong sasakyan. I looked at it closer and it's an SUV, definitely not the Donahue Alcuesta that Gon just used.
Nagtataka na lang ako nang nagmamadaling lumapit sa mesa ang isang tauhan. He looks so nervous as he whispered something to the Don.
And before I could even process everything, and old woman got out of her SUV as her driver opened the door for her.
She's wearing a boatneck dress and her pearl earring glistened under the sun. Her hair is in a strict updo that made her look so intimidating. Even from here, I can feel her aura.
Inilibot niya ang tingin at kaagad niyang nginitian ang Don. It is a smile that felt so tight on her lips to the point of being forced.
Iisipin kong kasosyo lang siya ni Don Primero kung hindi lang lumabas rin mula sa sasakyan ang isang babae...
Matagal ko na siyang hindi nakita. But now she's here, wearing a red pouf dress that matched so well with her lips.
Her eyes haven't found me yet but I already stiffened on my seat.
Habang si Don Primero naman ay tumayo na para salubungin ang mga bisita.
Meanwhile, I'm completely glued on my seat. I can feel my fingers involuntarily fidgeting as I heard them greeting each other.
And then the Don invited them for breakfast, of course he brought them in the same table where I am...
Kinakabahan man ay napatayo ako at napayuko bilang pagbati sa mga panauhin.
"Good morning po." I bowed my head so low coz I don't want to meet anyone else's gaze right now.
Pero kanina pa lang ito nagsimula. Nang nakita niyang nandito ako. Her stares are heavy and I can feel the confrontation coming in.
"Tequila? You're here?" ang nauna nang gulat sa boses ni Celest ay mabilis na napalitan ng panunuya sa huling itinanong niya.
I looked up at her this time, giving her a smile so fake. Her properly done eyebrows twitched in complete disdain.
I don't feel so good about this.
"Please take a seat, Celest, hija. Amanda." Don Primero gestured them the vacant seats.
Don Primero and that old lady are all smiles while Celest remained looking at me with an obvious glint of mocking in her eyes before taking a seat.
"I'm going to have to be straight to the point, Primero. I'm here because I found it rude how you told me over a formal letter to call off the engagement between Celest and Gonsalvus," the old woman's voice sounded so brittle, hinting of her utter disappointment about the matter.
Ang ngiting kanina lang ay nakapaskil sa labi niya ay tuluyan nang naglaho. She looks more strict than she appeared to be when she just came out of her car.
"I apologize, Amanda. It's true, it was rude of me to just send you a formal letter. But I just figured that there was no need for more delays now that this engagement has been dragging long enough." Don Primero smiled apologetically at the old woman.
"I have nothing against your family, Amanda. Celest is a good woman. But I believe we could still work with both companies without this arrangement. The Cavalleros will remain loyal friends to the Gabriels," he added so calmly.
I can't believe how composed Don Primero is right now. Meanwhile, I can feel the cold sweat running down my nape.
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have heard any of this conversation at all. Labas na labas ako rito.
But how do I excuse myself now that the tension is slowly rising?
"Really, Primero? As you said, this engagement has been dragging long enough. Inabot tayo ng seven years. Inintindi namin na hindi muna ito naasikaso ni Gonsalvus sa nagdaang mga taon dahil busy siya sa pagpapalago ng kompanya niyo. But can't he be a man enough to prioritize my granddaughter now?"
Umiling-iling lang iyong babaeng matanda kay Don Primero like she can't and won't accept any reason now. While Celest beside her kept glancing at me. I can feel that her hostility towards me is slowly building up too.
I don't think I should ever be in this table. This is a conversation between their families.
"I'll just excuse myself po," sa maliit na boses na sabi ko.
Hindi man napansin ng matatanda ang pagpapaalam ko ay naghanda pa rin ako sa pag-alis sa mesa.
Akmang tatayo na ako mula sa kinauupuan nang pigilan agad ako ni Celest.
"Why walk away, Tequila? Alam mo, pakiramdam ko, may kinalaman ka talaga sa pag-kansela ni Don Primero ng engagement namin ni Gonsalvus eh," Celest's penetrating voice caught the elderlies' attention.
I know that I shouldn't be scared of Celest but I can't help the guilt slowly seeping out of me. She knows the that things I've done in the past... and she can hold that against me, right here, in front of Don Primero.
"Yes, Celest. She's Gonsalvus' girlfriend. Napagtanto kong hindi ko hahadlangan ang relasyon nila. My grandson loves her." Don Primero gave me a reassuring smile, like he's telling me I have nothing to worry about now because he will handle all of it.
Meanwhile, the old woman gasped in shock. She examined my appearance and she frowned in distaste.
Napailing ako para sa sarili. I can feel it coming, the balance to all the good things that has happened so far in my life...
"Love? Gonsalvus loves her?" Celest scoffed.
'Saka siya tumingin sa akin na para bang may nakikita siyang hindi kaaya-aya.
"She's fooling you, Lolo. Just like how she manipulated Gonsalvus into thinking that he loves her."
Parang malamig na timbang itinapon sa buong katawan ko ang sinabi ni Celest.
I manipulated Gon into loving me...
Ramdam ko ngayon ang pagtikhim ni Don Primero at ang pag-ayos ng upo ng matandang babae. She had her chin held high as she continued scrutinizing me under her gaze.
Habang ako nanliliit ng nanliliit. Everything from the past is coming back to me now. The guilt, the shame, the regret...
"Hija? What do you mean? There's no—"
"No, Lolo. You have to listen to me first. Noong pinaaral at pinagtrabaho mo 'yan dito, may tinatago pala 'yang agenda."
"Oh my darling, what agenda?" her grandmother beside her says with intrigue.
Hindi na ako ngayon makagalaw sa kinauupuan ko. I feel so weak. And suddenly, the feelings of hating myself for the past mistakes I have done is being relived.
"She wanted to revenge her father, the corrupt Governor. She believes that your family was the cause of her father's downfall. That is why she worked in here and seduced Gonsalvus just so she could break off our engagement and bring shame to your family."
The old woman gasped so loud. She looked at me with disgust and judgement.
Nanginig ang labi ko. I can feel a tight knot on my throat and the heavy pounding of my chest.
At mas lumala pa ang nararamdaman ko nang bumaling sa akin si Don Primero, may lito at pagtatanong sa ekspresyon.
Hindi niya naisaboses agad ang nagbabadyang tanong sa akin. He was quiet for the next seconds.
And within those seconds, I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. The silence felt so loud that my ears already felt like its bleeding. And my fingertips are numb, they stopped fidgeting.
"Is it true, Tequila?" The Don's voice boomed with so much authority, demanding for an immediate answer.
Napapitlag ako at napayuko. Tears are now starting to sting my eyes so harshly.
"Don't try to deny it, Tequila. I still have the recording of our conversation on my phone," sa mariin na boses na sabi ni Celest.
"O-Opo..." I admitted with a quavering voice.
I heard Celest smirk from my confession.
Don Primero didn't say anything yet. But I can feel it. I can feel his coldness and disappointment seeping into my bones.
"Jesus! What a low-class woman! Primero, how did you let this happen?"
"I'll ask you once again, hija. Is this true? Look at me and tell me the truth."
The Don isn't raising his voice but I am intimidated to my core.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin at hindi ko na mapigilan pa ang sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng mga luha ko.
"Stop crying as if asking for sympathy, Tequila!" Celest harshly threw her words at my face.
I shook my head repeatedly, almost frantically trying to tell her that I'm not asking for any of it. I will owe up to my mistake in front of Gonsalvus' grandfather because it is what's right and it is what I should have done the moment we met again.
Dapat nga inamin ko na 'to noon pa.
Don Primero deserves to know the truth. He was nothing but good towards me.
"Yes, it is the truth, Don Primero. I planned it along my mother."
It is ironic how I am so scared right now yet my voice sounds so brave admitting that.
I needed to do this. I need to owe up to my mistake. Ibinaon ko ito sa limot sa nagdaang mga taon kaya buhay na buhay itong gumagapang pabalik sa sistema ko ngayon.
"See? Now she's successfully getting what she wants Lolo, she had you cancel my engagement with Gonsalvus!" halos mabingi na ako sa idineklara ni Celest.
"I never knew someone could be so vengeful that she had everything going on for seven years," hindi makapaniwalang sabat ng matandang babae.
Napailing ako agad.
No... no... no. I am not up for revenge anymore. I was already done with it. I already let it go.
I am just here because I love Gon... and I foolishly believed I still... deserve him after all that I have done.
I'll admit my mistakes but I don't want Don Primero to think that that is the case! That I'm still up for revenge, because I have long forgotten that!
"H-Hindi po... Inaamin ko na binalak kong maghiganti noon. But I am solely here because... I love—"
"Oh please, stop lying through your teeth, Tequila!"
Don Primero loudly slammed his hand on the table. The utensils rattled and the glass of hot chocolate fell on the ground and completely shattered into pieces.
I heard Celest's and her grandmother's gasps.
But I am here, glued on my chair and almost not blinking anymore.
"Please leave before I call the security on you, hija. I don't care if my grandson thinks he loves you. I don't care if he'll loathe me for doing this. But you don't deserve to be accepted in this family." And for the first time since the confrontation, the Don's voice shook as he clutched his chest.
I gasped and even with my weak, trembling knees, I got up. Mindlessly leaving their mansion. Mindlessly leaving Gon's home. And mindlessly thinking about where I should put myself after this...