Ai POV
"Hey, the kids have grown a lot. Why don't you come and see them once? I mean, you did meet Astra before but that doesn't really count... and you haven't met the other two yet."
...
I ended up calling my ex on a whim.
"No, I'm not trying to get back together or anything..."
I overheard my kids talking about it once...
Flashback
"I try not not to think about it too much, but... I wonder who our father is...ugh... my heart just sinks thinking about it." Aqua said while patting Astra head since he fall asleep on his lap.
"Idiot... you're getting depressed over such a shallow thing? She obviously had us through virgin conception. There was never a man from the start." Ruby reply with a creepy smile on her face
End of flashback
They came to a weird conclusion and I thought that'd be kinda bad.
"The kids are super smart, so I'm sure they'll understand our situation. Well, it might take Astra a while for him to process and understand everything but his a good kid. You meet him already don't you?
...
Yeah, my new address is..."
*************************************
Ai's POV
Work's been going great. I now have a million followers. The world is watching me. But...
...
"This sake sure hits the feels! Here, have a drink to celebrate our new home!! Drink up!!" The president give me the sake bottle, "whoa! It's a top tier sake!!"
Miyako-san immediately snatched it away. "No, you can't drink yet. Ai's turning 2o next week, please hang on just a little bit more." She put the bottle on the table.
I just smile. I didn't really drink after all.
"Oh right, right." President said as he re calling that fact. "Viewers for Ai's drama is going over the top! We've got lots of job offers for B-Komachi too!! And to top it all, we've got Tokyo Dome next week! Gahaha!!" I smiled hearing that excitement from him.
"You see, he's always dream of getting one of his idols go to Tokyo Dome. Not just the president, it's been a dream for all of our staff as well." Miyako said.
"Is the Dome really that amazing?"
"It's different from other halls. You need to work with specialised companies to even get a hold of a spot. And they look into things like the experience and ability of the staff needed to handle the large audiences. There's an intense inspection process to gauge wether the artist is suitable to perform there. It takes a lot of time and effort to get there. It's not somewhere you can go with just money. It's a stage where only the chosen handful of artists can stand on. The Dome is everyone's dream."
Miyako-san explain to us while pouring some sake into her glass...
The more I sell, the happier everyone is. That's why I'll also smile as if I'm happy...
"It's an important time, so be wary of scandals. You better not start thinking silly things like hanging out with the father."
"I know"
I'm a liar.
I say what is best for the moment rather than thinking about it. I myself don't know how I truly feel... and what exactly are the lies. I.. have always been bad at loving.
Author's POV.
*Cough...cough* Astra coughing fit snapped her out from those thought. "Are you okay Astra?" She looked at her son worriedly.
Astra only hugged Ai tightly and keep coughing. Aqua and Ruby got worried. "Is he sick?" Miyako walked towards them and touch his forehead.
"His temperature is normal..."
Aqua stare at the bottle of sake on the table. "Maybe the sake smell is too strong. Kids could not handle the strong smell from alcohol compare to adult. It can cause them sneezing or coughing." His knowledge as a doctor from his past life is still sticking hard, giving him a right reasoning for this situation.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Let's go outside so you can have some fresh air..." Ai rubbed his back.
Aqua watch them walked away. "You have some high knowledge for a small kids you know."
He flinch at the statement. Aqua turned around with awkward smile and said, "well, you can say that I'm quite a curious kid"
"Hmm..." He fidget under Saitou judging gaze but sigh as the man turn away and continue his conversation.
**********************
Ai walked to the balcony, far away from their small party. Astra coughing finally settle down as the alcohol smell stop lingering around him. "Feel better?"
He nodded. But he still didn't let go of his hold from her. "Mama is not happy..."
Her eyes widen. She really can't hide anything from this lil one, can she? "Mama is fine, lil star. Don't worry."
"あいしてる, mama..." Astra whisper softly to her ears.
She tighten her hold on him, "Me too, lil star. Me too."
Ai's POV
I'm sorry, my star. I can't bring myself to say it. Im sorry...
I don't know how to give love. I don't even know what is love. A person like me... could never fit as a mother or as an idol.
Flashback
"You said you were scouting so I got curious... but an idol? Me? What a joke." He lured me in with a Matcha Frappuccino. So I ended up hearing out the random old man who called out to me. He was a scout from an idol company.
"We're scouting a unit with middle schoolers at my company. I think you'd be fit for the center role."
"I'm not interested"
"You're definitely cut out for it. I guarantee it." This man is really...
I reply calmly " I think it's best for you to give up. I grew up in an orphanage. I... only have one parent. When I was young, my mom got arrested for theft and I stayed at the orphanage for the duration of it. But even after mom was released....
She never came back to get me."
"Not that I care though... it's a whole lot better to be in an orphanage than getting beat up everyday. I have no memory of being loved or loving someone. A person like that... isn't befitting to be an idol."
The image I have of an Idol is that of a pure existence who brings joy to others by scattering smiles... the opposite from someone like me, who lies and hates people. I believed from the bottom of my heart that I wasn't cut out for it.
"I won't be able to love my fans and my fans won't love me"
With all this being said... please... just give up and find someone better.
"That's perfectly fine with me."
Eh...?
"This job isn't for normal people anyways. And your past gives you character."
Why? Why wouldn't you give up..?
"B-but idol love everyone! If I said that, it'd be a lie!"
Please... I'm not suitable for this. Why can't you see that?
"It's fine even if it's a lie. Or rather... the audience is looking for a pretty lie. Being able to lie well is also a talent. I think that's more than fine. Come on."
What...?
"Is it okay? Even if it's a lie.... Is it okay for me to say I love you?"
For some reason... my heart is beating faster... why am I getting excited...?
"You say all these things, but in truth, don't you also want to love someone? You just don't know how to. You don't know what to love. If you just sing and dance cutely, that's already showing love to your fans. If you become an idol, words like I love you will come up in lyrics countless of times. Plus... If you keep on saying I love you to everyone, maybe that lie will turn into the truth someday."
End of flashback
A lie turning into a truth.
I decided to become an idol after hearing those words.
I want to love someone.
I wanted something to love.
I thought I'd be able to love my fans if I became an idol. I wanted to say I love you from the bottom of my heart. I just badly wanted to say it. I kept lying, saying I love you all.
I thought if I became a mother, I'd be able to love my kids... but I still haven't said I love you to my kids...
Because if I do... I might realise I was just throwing around the words... and that thought scares me more than anything. So I'll lie again today.
I'll lie... believing that it'll turn into the truth.
Even if... the consequences will come back to me....later on...
———————————————-
Author's note!
New chapter arrive! I hope you enjoy this one too! And also... thank you for all the vote. I also hope to read your guys comment in any scene. It's always fun reading readers reaction! So please leave some comment.
Have a nice day!