"You look like shit." Said Shayla as soon as she sees me.
"Well I feel like shit." I Said, rolling my eyes. Of course I look like shit, it's wednesday and it's three pm, I'm already done with this week.
"No, like, I'm genuinely concerned. Has he tried calling?"
"I've ignored his calls."
She frowns and looks at me with worried eyes. "Maybe you should talk to him to have closure, you know? I hate to see you this way."
When she said that, I feld obliged to give her a smile, she always look for my well-being. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Besides, I'm going to his house after school."
Shayla didn't say nothing, she didn't have to, her Her expression gave her away, she was annoyed that I was going to his house, she already knew what was gonna happen.
"Girl, if you get back together-."
Before she could finish that sentence, I stopped her. "Ain't gonna happen." I'll try not to let it happen
To be honest, there was a part of me that didn't like the idea of being apart from him, even though I knew he didn't like me as much as I liked him, my heart still raced every time I saw him.
"I'm glad to hear that." She said, suddenly her smile retuened."You better be ready, cause' tomorrow we are going to be shaking our ass's on a mansion!"
"Not to much though." I said slyly.
"Uh-uh, don't star with that pessimistic bullshit." She said giving me a glare.
I let out an awkward laugh. "Girl, you know I'm joking."
"Mhm." She narrowed her eyes. "Okay, text me when you get to his house, alright? and call me when you get home." She said giving me a kiss on the check and walking to her car. "You sure you don't want me to drive you there?"
"Nah, it's not much of a long walk, love you."
"Love you too, be careful." She yelled through her car window.
I started walking to his house, my hands were shaking. I wonder why he didn't go to school today? It didn't make much of a diference since this week I spent pretty much all my clases trying to avoid him and the day that I have class with him he decide not to go to school, maybe he's sick? Or maybe he couldn't bare the thought of me ignoring him? Yeah right, I need to stop being this delusional.
When I'm finally close of his house, I notice another car in front of it. A white Honda Civic.
I knew his parents were working, he was suposed to be alone.
Okay, don't panic, don't overthink it.
She's just a friend, don't do anything crazy.
Would it be weird if I peeked out his window before I knocking ? Just to check that nothing weird it's hapening before I knock.
I know I'm acting crazy, but something inside of me told me to check before I knock, so I took a peak at the window that was on the side of the house, the sofa had its back to the window, so the view was limited. the tv was on but i didn't see anything
When I was going to leave the window, I saw a hand grabbing the back of the sofa, in what seemed like an attempt to get up.
Then, I saw her get up from the sofa to put on her shirt and adjust the skirt she was wearing.
And of course, like a twist of fate, I saw him get up to pull up his pants.
That's when I decided I had seen enough.
I felt so pathetic, so cliché. How delusional of me to think that there was nothing going on. I felt for a moment what I could only describe as a feeling of Vertigo, I was falling but I still had my feet on the ground.
Although I felt my heart beat out of my chest, I got up and walked away from the scene. I thought for a moment about facing them, about yelling at him, to hit him and her, but I know that premeditated words will not come out of my mouth when I see him, no, a painful and embarrasing mix of sobbing, crying and mucus will come out.
Just like what was coming out as I was heading home.
How could I be so delusional? Of course they were going to be together, they were perfect, even his friends said so.
Because she was everything that I am not and now I'm painfuly awared of that.
My phone started to ring pulling me out of my self destructive thoughts.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi? Milan where are you? You're supossed to be home by now?" Said Giselle.
I took my phone away from my ear and cleared my throat before answering. I didn't want her to know that I was crying. "I took a walk with shayla before going Home, but i'm on my way now."
"Well hurry up, you know your dad worries." No, he doesn't, but I didn't have the energy to address that.
"Yeah, sorry, I'm on my way." When she finally hung up, I started to sob again. I'm glad I was the only one walking on the sidewalks.
...
When I was in front of the house I made sure to fix my makeup before entering, there was still a lump In my troath though.
"Well, you almost didn't make it to dinner." Giselle says, her hands on her hips.
I let out a long breath. "Well, I'm here, am I not?" She seemed taken aback, honestly I did too, I had never answered her in such a way.
She frowned before answering. "Go to your room and get ready for dinner." In a harsh tone.
And I did just that, trying not to cry in the solace of my room, trying to distract myself from the fact that I felt humiliated and pathetic. All this time begging for the affection of someone who only used me, I wish I had noticed that before I slept with his disgusting ass.
My phone started to ring, it was Shayla, I know she would ask me why I didn't call and I know if she asks me, I'll start crying on the phone, so i sent her a quick text saying that i would call her later, because i know she will keep calling me until i answer.
When I was ready, I went to the living room and just then Giselle was serving the food, while my brother and my father talked about sports, as always, ignoring me.
Before Giselle could sit down Lawrence -my brother- started eating, earning himself a smack on the back of his head. " We pray before we eat!" Said Giselle throught clenched teeth.
"Sorry." Mumbled Lawrence.
I couldn't help but smirk, they were really my favorite part about coming home, my dad on the other part... Not so much
we say our prayers and start eating, like at the beginning of dinner, my dad and Lawrence are transported to their own conversation, while Giselle glances at me occasionally, like trying to figure me out.
I'm just trying to eat with the hard lump In my troath.
"Your coach call me today, Milan." My dad said. Shit.
"Yeah? What did he say?" I asked
"He said that you haven't been going to practice this week." He said, his tone more hostile now.
"Well, I was actually going to tell you... I-I been thinking about taking a break from track."
There was a long silence in the table after I said that, until my dad let out a scoff.
"You..."
"Please don't start." Interrupted Giselle.
"Don't start with what Giselle? What is she gonna do if she leaves the track team? She's becoming lazy-" He said, agitated.
"That's not true." I said with my voice shaking.
"Yes it is, look at you! You're already getting fat." He said, looking at my body.
And just at that moment, I couldn't help it, my hands began to shake and the knot that I had in my throat began to unravel in what seemed like a sob.
I started crying and sobbing like a little girl, everyone at the table looked at me in surprise, so with my dinner in hand, I got up from the table crying to my room.
"Look what you did!" Giselle yelled at my dad.
...
"And then my dad found about me leaving track and called me fat!" I sobbed talking to Shayla on the phone.
"Ain't your dad fat and bald? I know he not talking." I couldn't help but laugh through the tears.
"God, this is so embarrasing! How could he tell me he only had eyes for me and all that shit while he was messing around with that hoe."
"You know how men are, they could tell you they love you and love every part of you while still fucking another bitch on the side." She let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry, babe, just remember that the actions of that stupid ass boy don't have anything to do with you, he did that because he ain't satisfied with himself."
I let out a chuckle."You really been going to therapy, huh?"
"And you should go to, since my mom has been messing around with my therapist I could get you a discount." She said.
"Even with the discount, I don't think my dad would pay for that." I said, letting out a scoff. "Isn't it weird for you that your therapist could be your potential stepdad?"
"Nah, I know my mom, she doesn't like commitment." She said. "By the way, you still going to the party on friday? It could cheer you up."
"I don't know, everytime I remember it I start... To cry." I said, my voice shaking and my eyes filling with tears. Not again.
"Babe... Why don't you take tomorrow off of school, cry what you have to cry, yeah?"
"Yeah, yeah so I can go to the party on friday huh?"
"Exactly. Be ready love, don't stress to much, i'll be going to your house tomorrow. Love you, bye." Before I could answear she hung up.