Reactions
The last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep was a warm feathery kiss on my forehead.
Sa umaga, ay sinalubong ang paggising ko ng sakit ng ulo at sinag ng araw.
I yawned while trying to massage my temples. I glanced at the digital clock on my bedside table to check for the time.
It's already 7:30 A.M. I am usually already at the clinic by 8:00. So, yes, I'm late.
Napasapo ako sa noo at napapikit ng mariin.
I remembered how Gon kept on convincing me to sleep and rest on my room last night but I was being hard-headed and talkative. I kept saying sorry and other more things that sounds incoherent inside my head right now.
Napailing na lang ako sa sarili at napabangon na. Tamad kong inayos ang higaan at hinawi ang kurtina para tuluyang makapasok ang init ng araw sa loob ng kwarto kasabay ng mabining ihip ng hangin.
The weather is perfect but my head is throbbing like shit.
Did I even drink too much?
Papungas-pungas akong nagtungo sa pintuan para makalabas na sa kuwarto nang marinig ko ang tunog ng mga kubyertos at pinggan sa labas.
My eyes widened and my grip on the doorknob tightened.
Nilooban ako?
Panicking, I tried to find any weapon that I could use before going out of my room when someone knocked outside of the door three times.
"Tequila?"
My breathing hitched when memories from last night started flooding inside my head.
"C-Come in!"
Nagtagpo ang mga mata namin pagkabukas na pagkabukas ng pintuan.
I know that it's Gon. I remember what I did last night but I still freezed.
I gave him a look like a deer with wide eyes caught in the red lights. While he looked at me calmly underneath his gaze as he stood still near the door frame, technically not stepping over the line inside my room.
I let out a heavy breath then laughed awkwardly.
"H-Hi, good morning."
Damn, I almost forgot that I begged him not to go and leave me last night. Explains why he's still here!
Napapisil ako sa mga daliri dahil sa sunod-sunod na namang pagbuhos ng mga alaala. Nakakahiya ng mga pinaggagawa ko kagabi! I clung unto his arms and begged him not to go.
"Gon, please don't go. I'm so lonely here. Please? It's been seven years, I missed you so." Those were the exact lines that I said to him last night!
Nakakahiya! Nang inakala kong nahimasmasan na ako dahil sa sinabi niya tungkol sa pagkakakulong noong mga varsity players, hindi pa pala.
The alcohol on my system tricked me, big time.
"Good morning, I already cooked for our breakfast. I'll be waiting for you at the table."
He gave me one dazed look before he slowly closed the door behind him.
Marahas akong napalingon sa full length-mirror na malapit lang sa kama at halos irapan na ang repleksyon kong naroon dahil sa sariling katangahan.
And my, my hair is tangled, like a bird's messy nest. And even though there aren't any dirt or particles on my face, I still looked like a raccoon with the dark circles underneath my eyes!
I huffed out a breath and immediately went inside my bathroom to wash my face. I don't remember wearing this same outfit on last night. But I do remember Gon calling a service lady to help me change.
I also remembered how he actually insisted to sleep on my couch in the living room instead. Dahil inalok ko rin siyang tabihan ako sa kama.
He must think that I was trying to seduce him last night!
Gusto kong magtitili dahil sa kahihiyan pero nagawa ko pa rin namang maging kalmado at umaktong normal nang nagtungo sa kitchen kung saan siya naghahanda para sa breakfast namin.
He was pouring a blue juice on two tall glasses when he noticed me.
Dahil hindi pa rin maalis sa isipan ang nangyari kagabi ay nanatili pa rin ang mata ko sa juice na nasa mesa.
I bet he can hear my stupid voice just by looking at my face, 'Ano 'yan? Juice? Kulay blue?'
"It's Gatorade. I heard it's good for hangovers. I was suppposed to make you coffee or tea but I figured it will take time."
"Oh," was the only response I could utter.
Coffee or tea? Meron namang mga sachets at instant noon ah? But I bet he's talking about brewing them, which I certainly haven't made and couldn't make. Because I'm broke.
Umupo na ako sa ipinaghila niyang upuan para sa akin. I muttered a small thank you to him as he also settled down in a chair in front of me.
For breakfast, he cooked us something Mediterranean, avocado toast, toasted bread with cheese and vegetables, and frittatas.
Which, I'm certain, that the ingredients on my fridge can't afford to whip up something as delicious as these. Ni hindi nga ako sigurado kung may laman pa ba talaga iyon. I can't barely remember the last time I went to the grocery to stock up.
"I'm sorry, walang kalaman-laman ang fridge ko. Uhmm... you can just send me the receipts for these so I can pay you."
His eyebrow raised at what I said and he shook his head.
"There's no need for you to pay me back. Nakikain din naman ako rito."
He shrugged his shoulders as he casually put food on my plate.
"Kakain din naman ako. How about I pay you half instead? That's reasonable."
He gave me an incredulous look and I pursed my lips.
Tuluyan nang nalihis ang iniisip ko. Kanina lang ay masyado kong pinagtuonan ang mga nangyari kagabi at ang kahihiyang dulot no'n.
Ngayon ay pinag-iisipan ko na kung paano siya mapapayag na pagbayarin ako ng kahit na kalahati sa mga niluto niya. But it really seems like he doesn't want me to pay for it and his decision is final.
We ate silently for a few seconds before I went back to the topic again.
"Gon," I called him pleadingly after putting down the slice of frittata back on my plate.
Why am I even making a big deal out of this, though? Hindi kasi ako mapakali hangga't hindi siya pumapayag na magbabayad din ako.
I got so used to doing things on my own, paying my own bills, and buying my own food that having someone do at least one of that for me, feels so illegal.
"Okay," he slowly said before wiping his mouth with a table napkin.
My eyes got distracted for a bit because of how his fingers moved swiftly with finesse. Then I brought my eyes back to him.
"You can cook dinner for me later. That will be enough payment for this."
Tumango-tango siya na para bang 'yon lang talaga ang tanging paraan na mabayaran ko siya.
But I like it though, his suggestion means I'll get to spend more time with him.
"Okay," I softly agreed and pursed my lips.
And then our breakfast was spent in silence, a few occasional small talks, and then there's our meaningful glances at each other.
"What are your plans for the rest of the day?"
Bahagya akong natigilan dahil sa tanong niya. I'm supposed to be at the clinic at this hour.
"Uh, papasok pa ako sa trabaho. Do you mind if I prepare for work now?"
Tumayo ako at nagsimula nang ligpitin ang mga pinagkainan namin. Ginaya niya ang ginawa ko at siya na mismo ang nagdala ng mga baso.
I started washing the dishes quickly and I felt his presence beside me as he also tried to wash the glasses. My shoulders touched his arms and our hands are almost in contact because of how close we are.
"Sure, I don't mind if you're in a hurry... but you have work on a weekend?" he probed in the midst of my hurried actions.
And I stopped. Then it dawned unto me. The reason why I chose to drink last night is because I don't have work today.
Napailing na lang ako at natawa sa sarili.
My chuckle eventually turned into a loud laugh. Ni hindi ko na napigilang mapasapo sa noo kahit pa may mga bula pa sa kamay ko dahil sa paghuhugas.
I stopped a bit when some of the bubbles got into my nose then laughed again. Napailing na lang siya habang pinagmamasdan ako.
His stares lingered on me before his lips curved into a lazy smile as he watched me laugh like a mad woman.
"I'm sorry. Ang lutang lutang ko!"
I shook my head in disbelief, and got the towel from a rack near the sink to wipe my hands dry after rinsing it to wash off the bubbles.
I felt his hands fell on my waist as he gently made me face him.
Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa marahang hawak niya. And then I looked at him with the remaining smile on my lips from all that laughing.
Akala ko ano nang gagawin niya nang iniangat niya ang kabilang kamay. I thought he'll pull my nape, lift my chin, or something...
But he just wiped off with his index fingers the bubbles that got into the tip of my nose. And then he got his handkerchief to wash off the remaining bubbles on my forehead.
He did it so slowly and gently that I critically held my breath in the hopes of stopping my heart from its sudden erratical beating.
Sa lapit namin, baka marinig niya na ang dagundong ng dibdib ko. Napalunok ako nang natapos siya sa ginagawa at dahan-dahan ring binitawan ng kaliwang kamay niya ang pagkakahawak sa bewang ko.
I sighed.
"So, any other plans now that you don't have work for the day?"
He stepped back to give me some space and I immediately felt like the distance between us is so wide even when we are just like a meter apart from each other.
"Maybe I'll go for grocery shopping today. So I can cook for our dinner later."
Agad kong pinagkaabalahan ang paglalagay ng mga hinugasan sa lagayan nito para lang mahimasmasan ako mula sa simpleng galaw niyang 'yon.
All it took was one touch and I'm suddenly breathless like this? Ang lala. Maybe this is the seven years of bottled-up emotions. I should control my reactions better.
Pagkatapos ng ginawa ay hinarap ko siya, inakalang uuwi na siya pero nag-alok siya agad na sasamahan ako sa pamimili. Na hindi ko naman tinanggahan dahil gusto ko ring kasama siya.
I got a quick shower so I won't make him wait. Mabilis lang din ang pagbibihis at pag-aayos ko nang sa gayon ay hindi siya mainip.
But I doubt he'll be bored with the way he kept himself busy while I was on my room. Naglinis ba naman sa living room ko.
"Gon? You didn't need to clean the living room," I gently said to get his attention.
Natigil siya sa pagwawalis at napaangat ng tingin sa akin. His eyes wandered a bit on my body before he nodded and finished what he's doing.
"I'm done. Can I take a quick shower too?"
He licked his lower lip and I tried my best not to let my eyes linger there.
"Hmm... sure. Do you have clothes with you though?"
"It's in my duffel bag." Nilingon niya 'yon sa couch.
I nodded and got it for him. Nang iniabot ko sa kanya ay bagyang nagkahawak pa ang mga kamay namin. And I swear that my body is starting to overreact around him when my breathing hitched once again.
'Saka na ako nakahinga ng maayos nang pumasok na siya sa kuwarto ko.
Sapo ko ang noo nang pabagsak na umupo sa couch.
"This is bad," I muttered when I realized how my body reacts towards him.
Is it because I've never had any affectionate touches with anyone else for seven long years? Ganito na ba kahibang ang katawan ko para sa isang hawak lang?
Nakumpirma ko lang ito nang lalo lang akong nahirapan nang nasa sasakyan niya na kami papuntang grocery store.
Somehow, the smell of my body soap on him made me dizzy, in a good way.
"Is it good here?" tanong niya nang huminto kami sa isang malaking supermarket.
Nilingon niya ako para sa sagot. But I'm already weak and dazed. Kanina pa, bago pa man kami pumasok sa sasakyan niya.
"Hmm... yes," I tried to give him a decent answer even when my eyes already fell down his lips.
And suddenly, I was taking a trip down the memory lane when an image just flashed inside my mind. It was an image of us, years ago, on his dark bedroom while we were kissing. With me on his lap, facing him and letting him touch me in the most private corners of my body.
Napalunok ako dahil sa naalala.
I noticed how his eyes also fell on my lips and how he mimicked the way I swallowed the lump on my throat.
This is bad, my brain is telling me so. But my body doesn't care. It loves the sudden thrill. It felt alive just now, after seven long years, after all.