TW: Self-deprecative/Suicidal thoughts, breakdown
AN: The playlist is the same and, idk why, but the playlist is not getting linked. Sorry.
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A few songs had continued playing in her ears as the realization buried Maddy under her pillow and blankets. She cried her eyes out in silence thinking, i'm unforgivable... i want to die now... Now it's obvious why she won't even pick up my phone.
Contrasting the high tempo songs that were playing, a mellow one began.
--> 'Sparks' by Coldplay
It felt like the hug she wanted so desperately, her breathing calmed down. Her tears still flowed out and got soaked into the sheets.
By the time Chris Martin began singing, her mind became silent for the first time that day. The tears receded.
Her brain became a plain white wall and she became nothing more than a kid crying in the corner.
"My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
Yeah, that's what I do
And I know I was wrong
But I won't let you down
Oh yeah I will, yeah I will, yes I will"
Is he fucking spying on me???
...There were sparks between us weren't there?
The most you've ever had with anyone.
I really really fucked this up.
Yeah, cuz no one will ever love you like this again.
What do I do?
Say sorry. There's nothing more you can do.
The ball is in her court and all you can do is beg her to change the direction it swings.
--> 'We'll Never Have Sex' by Leith Ross
Really? Is it worth... everything?
Letting go of your pride? Yes.
Dying? No.
Her tears stopped completely.
But... I'm scared.
Of what? Rejection? Well, you kinda deserve it.
More like, hella deserve it
ANYWAYS... don't you want your angel back in your life?
Isn't she the one who kissed you just to kiss you and not to take you home?
It was simple and it was soft, I didn't think love could be like that.
Maybe because it wasn't love, amiright?!
Yeah
NO. It was real love. The kind that you saw in The Notebook, the kind that got her hands bloody for you.
You know that if you told her that she could never touch you, she would've still come over and said you looked lovely.
For once, a human kissed you just to kiss you and not to make you cry and you're afraid of taking the risk of getting rejected??
Wow. You really are a coward.
I am. So what do I do now?
Go beg for her forgiveness.
...
Do you wanna add Sparks to the playlist?
Yeah
Maddy pulled out of the 2000s playlist and searched for a song in one of her playlists.
--> 'You Get Me So High' by The Neighbourhood:
I have a lot of people to apologize to, not just Teddy.
I have to say sorry to Mama for being an asshole. We had just started healing our relationship and then I decided to be mean to her yesterday. fucking idiot.
She wanted to spend time with me and I was rude to her. Disgusting...
And then Cassie, Kat, BB and Lexi. I have to say sorry to them as well for not being a good friend and yelling the shit out of their ears. I was a mega big dick to them.
Cassie even said that she had something she wanted to talk about.
Is she going through something herself??
She took her phone and opened her chat with Cassie to see a few texts.
Maddy are you okay???
Please open the door
OPEN
THE
DOOR
We're to help you out Maddy!
We're not gonna hurt or judge you!!!!!
Please let us help u
You're such a bitch Maddy
How can you say such shit to us?!
Kat, BB OR ME?? It's fine. We're your friends we know your shitty ass
BUT LEXI???
YOU STEPPED OVER A FUCKING LINE
MORE LIKE FUCKINNG SOMERSAULTED OVER IT
you can go eat your shit in your room locked up and DON'T EVER THINK OF SHOWING YOUR FACE TO US AGAIN
The words Maddy hurled at her best friends from behind her door came back to haunt her and she started crying again. And even then she could only think of one thing.
If Cassie's like this, how will Teddy be?!
I can't even imagine. I can actually and THAT MAKES IT TEN THOUSAND TIMES WORSE
You fucking suck dude
You deserve it
So shut up and take it!
The flow of her tears grew stronger. Her eyes, magically, had not yet been drained of its reservoir of tears.
Wish Teddy was here to give me a hug. Wish she could tell me what to do...
Only if we could leave it all behind us and meet in between, our safe place.
We should to stick together
You're my best friend, I'll love you forever
We could be the greatest
It doesn't matter if we're never rich or famous
...But I don't deserve you, even as a friend.
I know that...
You learn quick, doncha?
She wiped her face one last time before heading downstairs to apologize to her mother.
*****
Mother and daughter reconstructed their bridges and Maddy told her about her plans to get her Sonny back.
"-So I need to go and apologize."
Mrs. Perez said, "Hmm...... Do you know where she'll be?"
Her voice was soft but reflected her determination. "No, but I'll figure it out somehow."
"So you haven't talked to her at all since Friday?" Sonia asked, looking directly at Maddy's face.
Maddy looked away from her mother and down at the floor. "...No."
Sonia took Maddy's hand and said, "Don't worry, I know where she is."
She looked back up. "Where?"
Sonia smiled as if she wasn't talking about someone her daughter had been crying about for the past two days and said, "At her home! She can't go to school until the court says she's not guilty, remember?" Similar was the case with Nate's assault on Maddy.
Her voice rose and Mrs. Perez's smile disappeared. "Guilty of what? Defending me?!"
"Guilty of trying to kill him."
Her voice became mellow again. "but... that's not what happened! She was trying to keep him away from hurting me."
"But only you children know that no? The others don't know it, and, if they do, they don't believe you."
"So... she may go to jail?"
"Since she's 17 and will be 18 in a few months, she will go to jail if jury says she's guilty. Not juvenile center."
"How do you know all this?"
"Sonny is the entire town's gossip now, mija! Nobody can believe that a little girl punched the light out of the Golden Boy. People even think that Sonny hired someone else to hit Nate instead of doing it herself."
Maddy's free hand flew to her mouth. "Oh god... I-I need to see her tonight itself!"
Sonia got up slowly and said "No no. You cannot go now. It's too late."
She glanced at the antique clock in their brown dining room and said, pointing at it, "It's only 6:45!!"
She put her hands on her hips and said, "*¿Así que? You're not going tonight."
Maddy also got up. "Mama, you either take me there or I'll go right now myself."
And with that a stare-down commenced. After a whole minute, Sonia was the first to soften her glare. She had considered every piece of information she had before her and said, "Fine. We'll go," Maddy was about squeal in happiness but Sonia had to ask her a question, "but, tell me honestly. Do you really love her?"
Maddy sighed. She took a second to herself before saying, "I don't have a lot of world experience and I also haven't known Sonny for that long. But I've never felt anything this deep for another person so far. I don't care whether she's gonna be my wife or only a best friend in the future, either way I need to make sure she's in my life."
Mrs. Perez closed her eyes and tilted her face up at the ceiling. She groaned, "**Dios mío... Ok. Let's go."
Maddy jumped with joy and hugged her. Still locked in the hug, she said, "Give me five minutes. I'll dress up and come."
Sonia skeptically hummed 'Okay' before releasing her daughter from the hug. "Quickly."
Maddy ran to the stairs and up to her room with all her might.
Mrs. Perez smiled softly and turned her head to her right to see Mr. Perez, he'd been watching the entire conversation and he returned a thin-lipped smile.
Sonia sat back down on a chair. "***Ella creció."
He moved from the living room door to the entrance of the dining room. He leaned on the door frame and sighed, "****Y ella se enamoró como nosotros lo hicimos una vez."
"*****Espero que no la caguen como lo hicimos nosotros."
"Cheers to that," he said raising his fifth bottle of beer that day.
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*¿Así que? - Spanish for "So?"
**Dios mío - Spanish for "My God"
***Ella creció - Spanish for "She grew"
****Y ella se enamoró como nosotros lo hicimos una vez - Spanish for "And she fell in love like we did once upon a time"
*****Espero que no la caguen como lo hicimos nosotros - Spanish for "Hopefully they don't fuck up like us"
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AN: I hope you guys liked the chapter!!! If you did, please leave a vote and let me know!
I hope the Spanish is alright. I didn't ask my broski for help because I only realized that I needed translations for this chapter just before beginning to edit it before publishing it. And I figured they'd be busy. So yeah...
Next chapter comes Monday and until then,
Love,
Perse