11 K READS MY HEART IS POUNDING THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU.
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"Promise me you'll be safe? And you'll listen to Als parents"? I adjusted my knee on the tile floor of the airport, tucking a stand of Ps hair behind her ear.
She nodded, smile stretched from ear to ear.
I was so happy that she was able to go on this trip, she'd never been out of Canada and she deserved to have fun.
"Have fun okay? I'll miss you"
"I'll miss you too Will" Her tiny arms swung around neck as she squeezed with all her might.
I kissed her pink cheek before standing back up.
"We'll take good care of her. You girls call me at all times okay? And no party's at home Ally" Als mom raised her eye brows towards her daughter.
"Okie dokie mommio"
We both hugged the parents, saying our goodbyes as the intercom called their flight.
"Bye Pen! I love you"
"Bye will and Al!!! Tell Shawn I said goodbye"!
I half smiled, trying not to let his name effect me.
She kept asking why he wasn't here , why he didn't come see her.
I didn't know what to say.
"You ready to go throw a rage"? Al laughed, I hit her arm.
Besides the fact that her parents said exactly not to do that, I had plans for the day.
"I have to go home" The words ran off my chapped lips.
I tucked my hands deep in my sweater pockets.
It'd been a week and I missed the shit out of him.
(I know Pen was supposed to leave the next morning after the fight but the plane got delayed so it's a week later)
"Like home home"? She opened the glass doors for us to head out into the cold air towards her car.
I was gonna go back to my house today, to get some things.
Alone.
"Yeah, I need more clothes"
She was silent.
Her cheeks sunken.
We got in the warmth of her vehicle, tying the black strap around my waist and fiddling with my thumbs on my lap.
I felt uneasy.
Confused.
Like I was missing something.
Not talking to Shawn, not one word in days.
It stung.
And maybe I was wrong for telling him I needed time, maybe I was wrong for getting so angry.
He didn't have sex with her, I knew that. But all my life id been lied too, I couldn't trust my own parents with anything and the fact that it felt like I couldn't even trust the boy who made me feel whole again, that's what felt wrong the most.
"Can I come with you? Will it's not safe to go alone" She pulled out onto the busy road,
I focused on the cars passing by.
Seeing each person with pushful expressions and rage.
"I'll be okay. He won't hurt me"
I won't let him.
"I don't want to mention it, but what about Shawn? Can you have him go with you"?
He would hate the thought of me going alone.
But I didn't need anyone to baby sit me.
"No Al, I'll be fine. Can you drop me off there though"?
She rolled her eyes, hesitating before nodding.
As soon as we pulled into that driveway, each time the same feelings returned.
The only difference, I wasn't scared.
"Please call me if anything happens. Do you want me to just wait?"
"I will and no, thank you"
She nodded.
Waiting until I got to the front steps to pull out.
I took a deep breath as always, trying to clear my head before turning the nob.
The house smelled of something new.
Something I hadn't smelt sense mom passed.
Clean
Comforting
A home smell.
"Hello"? I called, running my fingers slowly down the freshly painted baby blue walls.
Was I in the right house?
"Willow? Is that you"? His voice swallowed my ears in the most gentle tone.
I turned into the living room.
He was on a ladder, twirling a paint brush on the hem of the roof.
All the furniture and t.v was gone.
The pictures of all of us mum once had scattered everywhere were back in their old places.
Even the empty beer bottles were cleaned away and vanished.
"Your mom always liked this color, ya know we planned on painting the whole house, yours and Penelope's room the color you both wanted..." He smiled, trailing off.
I rested my body against the door frame.
It looked like our home.
Moms home.
"Do you like it? Oh! You should check out your room. I adjusted it for you"
He didn't make eye contact with me while he spoke.
My stomach hurt and my throat stung.
This house, this color, the pictures.. Mom loved them all.
I couldn't breathe.
"I.. I have to go." I turned back towards the door, my feet moving quick yet slow all at once.
"Willow" He called, an urgency for me to come back but his steps didn't follow.
As soon as my body hit the air and my eyes wondered towards a figure in the driveway.
Shawn stood there, his car parked while he frantically ran towards me.
"Will"? He asked.
Everything was just spinning.
My mom.
Shawn.
This house.
Even my dad.
I couldn't breathe.
"Will baby" His arms flew under my arm pits as I collapsed into his chest.
I couldn't stand.
He held me, rocking me back and forth right there in the front yard.
And in this moment.
In the utterly, terrible moment.
I wouldn't have wanted anyone else.
Except, Shawn.