"DO you really think he won't come?" ana asked, staring at the way the trees blew in the wind while she waited on the stoop of the front porch of her old house with dustin, lucas and max.
they all looked around. lucas was stood against the post with his arms cross and his jacket over max who sat next to ana.
"nah," lucas said. "he has to. mike wouldn't let you leave without saying goodbye. or at least seeing you at least one more time."
dustin nodded in agreement.
all four sighed, resting their heads in their hands for a moment of silence before anais noticed the rest of the boxes that once made her house feel like somewhat of a home. she looked around at her friends and all though none wanted her to go, they all knew it was time.
"max, can you follow me to the backyard?" ana asked as she stood up, hand held out. max looked up and nodded reluctantly, taking the girl's hand and walking to the backyard with her.
anais looked at her friend before pressing the back of her hand to her mouth, trying not to cry. the redhead girl pulled her in for a hug which she accepted fully. the two hugged for a moment, rocking side to side before anais began to speak.
"thank you for being my friend."
they pulled apart, holding each other's arms and looking at each other with teary eyes. "you've been a true friend to me, through everything we've been through and i am so grateful for that, max. you've always stuck up for me, even when tou didn't know i was listening and i'm gonna miss you so much on the road." her voice cracked at the end of the sentence which caused max to pull her back into another hug as both girls began to sob.
"ana- you're one of the best friends i could ever ask for. it's just so comfortable to be around you, you made me forget about all the shit i've been through when we're just together, laughing. i know you gotta leave but promise me you'll coke back one day?"
anais gave a breathy laughed and squeezed max tighter. "of course i'm gonna come back. hawkins is my home, it's where you guys are."
both girls smiled sadly, reveling in the moment before lucas and dustin ran around back to find them in the embrace. they looked at each other before joining in. all four stood hugging, muttering goodbyes to ana and not wanting to let go.
•••
"that's the last of it?" anais asked, looking at the driver.
"that's all, we're ready when you are." the big man with tattoos spoke before going to sit in the front seat of the large bus.
anais turned to look at her four friends and gave a wave to them. they all knew if they hugged again it would be non stop crying.
she bit her lip, looking around for the lanky boy that was missing but he was no where to be seen. her friends could see it in her eyes, how sad she was that mike hadn't come to say goodbye.
"i'll write you guys!"
"you better!" lucas spoke back from across the road. she flashed one last smile bed for turning around with an exhausted facial expression. she knew her friends could tell she was sad, but that didn't mean they had to see it too. she fixed her bag on her shoulder as the doors opened and she grabbed the hand railing, stepping up on to the bus before a loud voice shouting made her freeze.
"ANA," anais turned at the voice, noticing the very pale looking mike standing at the edge of the sidewalk with a sad look on his face. she dropped her bag, backing off the steps off the bus and raced towards him, engulfing the boy in a large hug which they both melted into.
"i thought you weren't coming." anais spoke softly into his shoulder. mike closed his eyes tight and hugged back, inhaling the all too familiar coconut scented shampoo her hair adorned. she reached her hand up to the back of his neck, playing with the curls of his dark hair.
"i'm sorry i was late."
"i'm just glad you're here."
the hug lasted another moment before the two pulled away. mike looked behind her at the very impatient and unimpressed team of managers. one tapping his wrist at an imaginary watch.
"so i'm guessing i'm very late?"
anais laughed before nodding sadly. "i gotta go, mike."
"please don't."
anais frowned at him. "you can't do that."
"do what?"
"make me feel all bad about leaving," she stepped back from him. "mike i can't go through the whole ordeal with you again i can't it's just too-"
"i know." he cut her off. "i make it too hard. i don't want you to leave but i can't let you go without saying goodbye or seeing you again."
anais frowned and opened her arms, the boy engulfed her in a big hug, picking her up and making her laugh a bit.
"anais june romana higgins. it is time to go." her manager spoke in an unimpressed tone. she pulled away from the hug and gave him an eye roll before looking back at mike who mouthed "wait."
he took off his bag and pulled out a thick tan envelope, along with a walkman and black headphone set. he handed it over to ana who curiously wen to unseal the envelope.
"don't!" mike said in a rushed manner. "not until you get on the bus."
"what is it?"
he sighed. "it's everything i can't say to your face. the walkman also had a message on it, but mainly just some songs for the road. i'm gonna miss you."
she smiled and nodded. "i'm gonna miss you too."
the two stared at each other's eyes for a second, mike awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.
"just kiss her you fool-ouch!" they both turned to see dustin holding his arm as max told him to be quiet and lucas stood watching the whole ordeal.
he stepped closer to them, cupping her face and closing the distance by kissing her tenderly. anais wrapped arms around his neck, kissing back. his hands moved down, hugging her waist. she felt the sensation of butterflies build up in her stomach, flowing to her heart and then exploding in her chest. it was like their first kiss. the same passion, the same heat, the same warmth. the only change was that he wasn't cupping her boobs this time.
"i'm gonna miss you so fucking much." mike spoke between kisses, cupping her face and gently pulling away.
"i'm gonna miss you too."
the two looked at each other before anais sighed, letting go of his hand and walking to the bus. she got on, sparing everyone a glance before giving them all a smile as watching the doors close behind her.
mike stared at the floor, feeling the tears well up in his eyes and the burning sensation at the front of his nose. he didn't even hear the door open again or the footsteps running towards him. all he felt was anais' arms wrapped around him so tight he could barely breathe but neither of them cared. both began sobbing in each other's arms as mike retuned the hug. their friends made their way over, this time for a proper hug. not a goodbye kind of one, but a see you later.
•••
anais waved at her friends through the window, watching them wave back until they could no longer see each other. she sighed and sat back in her seat, taking off her shoes and kicking her feet up. it would be a few hours until marshall and bex would meet up with her at the port to discuss some plans. she patted around the seats, fingertips landing on a tan envelope. she picked it up, unsealing it and pulling out a four page letter. anais began to read;
Dear Ana,
I don't know what to say. I've restarted this letter about a hundred times in the past hour but none of the words I wanna say make sense. I guess I should start from the beginning, but that still doesn't feel right. None of this feels right. It's funny, I've always wanted to be a writer but yet I find myself unable to articulate my thoughts into words which in short is all that writers do. I'm so used to speaking a certain way that when I finally decide to pick up a pen everything is different, different and strange. So with my final attempt, here is all I wanna say;
First I want to apologize for leaving you there in the parking lot of the pizza place. I'm not good with my emotions as you can see, and often I have a hard time putting them into words on the moment. That's always been a fault of mine and I'm sorry, I'm sorry for how poorly I communicate with you and everyone else. It was hard to deal with what you just told me but I never should've done that because you don't do that to people that you care about. That brings me to the second thing I want to say;
I don't think you know how much I care about you. I don't think you know how much you mean to me because I am so god awful at showing it but Ana I swear- you mean more to me than anyone in the entire world but you'd never know it cause I never say it. You're my clover, you know? You help me see all of life. The good, the bad, the craziness and shit in between, you open my eyes. Every normal feeling is intensified in your presence and I can't help but to feel strange around you because you are simply you. All you do has impact on me, every single motion you make sends waves to course and cast over me and everything I am. You take control of me. It's weird, feeling all that I feel for you. I second guess everything I do or say because I don't wanna hurt you but I somehow I always end up doing just that, I hurt you. I can never properly articulate how I feel but I'm trying, so it brings me to my third point;
If right now, you were to capture this elation in the framework of your mind, or find transcendence through these words, then at most you would know nothing of the beauty your existence throws to me. For mine is a love no experience, no thought, no measure, no words could ever degrade into reality by virtue of degree. Everyday I yearn for you deeper and deeper, to get closer to you, to know you greater, to listen to everything you have to say and to understand it. There is nothing I want more than to understand you. To kiss you, to hold you, talk to you, laugh with you, fight with you, to love you. This brings me to my fourth and final point.
I love you. I've battled it for so long because I thought I would have more time with you to let you know but I don't. All those countless hours I spent lying awake, dreaming of you and all the ways I could finally tell you but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to say those few words I long for you to hear. Anais I love you. I love you so much, I've loved you from the moment we met, from when you smiled at me, from our first laugh and I even loved you when you broke my nose. I feel stupid for falling this fast and this hard, I'm a stupid kid who's in love but yet I have no clue what love is about. I have no clue how to love you, but I want to learn I have no idea where I'm going. I map my feelings over but forever I stand confused by them. It's not fair.
I will always love you Anais. I will always be here for you. I will always be ready to listen, to talk, to cry, to laugh, to love, but most importantly to be your friend. I know you have a lot going on, and I know I'm not the biggest priority but truly you are mine and I'm sorry I didn't make it seem so in our short lived time together. So now that I've done it, I've poured all my feelings out on to this stupid piece of paper and gripped this pen so hard I might break it- I feel like I'm gonna throw up- in a good way.
There's this quote by author F. Scott Fitzgerald that I wanna leave you with; "For what it's worth it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whatever you want to be. There's no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. [Love] We can make the best or worst of if. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you've never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again."
By the time you finish this letter you'll have just exited Hawkins. You'll be on your way to wow someone else. You've made such a great mark on me and I know you'll continue to do so with the world. I love you, Ana, and I hope you love me too. My mailbox is always open, and so are my arms. You know my number if you ever wanna give me a call and if not, that's fine. You'll be doing you and I'll always support. You're a rockstar. So go on, show the world what you're made of. But please, tell me when you're coming over.
The boy forever in your corner,
Mike Wheeler
p.s i love u
play the walkman :)
anais couldn't stop the tears that began to pour and flow down her face. she sniffled and tried to quiet her sobs, grabbing the walkman and plugging the black headphones in.
"is this thing even on?" mike's voice spoke surprising anais. "hi ana, this is awkward. i just told you i loved you on some looseleaf paper and now i'm probably somewhere crying." anais let out a laugh and wiped a tear from her eyes.
"anyways, welcome to your mix tape. it's like- eighteen hours long give or take- not including my commentary and talking. the rest of the songs are sung by actual professional artists but first, i gotta do something for you. listen up, rockstar, you're not the only one who can play guitar."
she laughed and rolled her eyes, listening to the shuffling around before hearing a guitar softly start to strum.
Oh, baby Oh, man
You're makin' me crazy, really drivin' me mad
That's alright with me, it's really no fuss
As long as you're next to me..
Just the two of us
she let her head rest in the seat and closed her eyes as she listened to mike's voice. there was no way she could leave this all behind, anais knew she'd be back again. it was just a matter of time.
You're my, my, my, my kind of woman
My, oh my, what a girl
You're my, my, my, my kind of woman
And I'm down on my hands and knees
Beggin' you please, baby
Show me your world
•••
hi..
this was the first book i've ever written
completely to the finish. and i just wanna
thank you all for being here and reading it. i know i'm shitting at updating but i really appreciate you being with me through this journey. this book helped me a lot with my writing and if you let me, i'll continue to create even more stories for you. thank you.
love, fae🫶🏾
rockstar!
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