I feel restless.
After the awkward situation with Deacon seeing me in my barely nothing there pajamas, I wasn't sure if I should still come with him to Lilah's soccer game, not sure if he'd want me there or if he'd want space. Besides, I had the morning off so it wasn't like I had to be there but Lilah did ask me to come, so I wasn't going to let her down by not coming because her dad practically saw my ass cheeks last night.
With my mind made up, I fling the covers off of me and head for the bathroom to get ready. Thirty minutes later, my breath is minty fresh, I'm showered and dressed in a pair of black biker shorts and a pink crop top with a pair of black sneakers and I swooped my hair up into a dark ponytail before making my way downstairs.
I can hear Lilah laughing by the time I reach the bottom step and when I walk into the kitchen I see that Deacon had swipe some whip cream on her nose. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail and she's dressed in a yellow and blue soccer uniform with the number twenty-three on the back of her jersey.
"Good morning." I greet the both of them, as I make my way over.
Deacon made pancakes using chocolate chips to make a smiley face and whip cream as the hair.
"Look Mya! Daddy made me!" Lilah points to her pancake creation.
"Wow! You look beautiful!" I gush, smiling widely before going over to the fridge for some orange juice. Deacon leans against the counter, wiping whip cream off his hand, still not able to look at me. "I wonder what else your daddy can do with whip cream."
Deacon's head snapped up at my comment, his dark eyes blaze as he looks at me, sending a thrill down my spine. It's the same look he had last night when he saw me in my pajamas. I was playing a dangerous game. I know that. But I can't help but feel like maybe he's more attracted to me than he knows or will allow himself to be. Or maybe it's all in my head and I'm making a fool of myself and making him uncomfortable.
I suddenly don't feel so brave anymore, and I break our gaze to look inside the fridge, pulling out the container of orange juice.
"Mya, are you coming to my game today?" Lilah asks as she pops a chocolate chip in her mouth.
"If you still want me to." I answer just before shutting the fridge door.
"Mya's not working this morning princess. She doesn't have to come." Deacon interjects.
"I want to come." I reassure the both of them.
"Seriously Mya. I know you're not working today. Victoria is with Annie's mother until tomorrow. You don't have to come." Deacon tries to tell me again.
"I want to," I repeat. "Is it okay with you?"
"Yeah. Of course." He doesn't sound too convincing but I ignore it because I'm going for Lilah, not for him anyways.
•••
The walk across the field is an awkward one for two reasons. One, because Deacon hasn't said a word to me since we left the house so I'm starting to regret pushing my way here; what if he just wanted to spend time alone with his daughter? And two, every eye was on me.
I've grown used to older men leering at me since I was a teenager and today was no different. I notice a few dad's eyes follow me as I walk across the field but ignore it because their wife or baby momma is literally standing right next to them. But what I wasn't used to was the stares of the moms. A lot of them stopped mid conversation as I pass them with Deacon on my side and Lilah guiding us to her team. It's obvious Deacon is hot topic here and why shouldn't he be? He's an attractive, working man and a doting father, not to mention he's single now....
I didn't think this all the way through, especially not my outfit. The biker shorts hug my bottom, and the pink crop top exposes my bellybutton piercing.
I speed up my steps until I'm walking next to Lilah.
"Hey princess," I start. "Has daddy brought another friend that's a girl to one of your games?"
Lilah shakes her head. "No. Only grandma comes to watch me play."
"So I'm the first friend since mommy went to heaven?" I ask her.
"Yeah." Lilah answers before she runs off to join her team which consists of seven other girls.
"This looks like a good spot." Deacon says, dropping the lounge chairs on the ground.
"Here, let me help you." I offer and start to walk towards him.
"I got it." He tells me quickly before he sets up the chairs and umbrella which takes him less than five minutes.
There's a woman sitting next to us, she's pretty with short blonde hair and brown eyes and she's wearing a white sports bra and grey legging. She looks at Deacon like he's a meal she can't wait to take a bite out of. I don't blame her though, I'm doing the same thing.
He looks good this morning, better than good honestly. He's wearing a salmon pink button up with dark straight-legged jeans and black ray bans aviator sunglasses. His beard is neatly trimmed compared the last few days.
"Hi David." She greets him with a smile, somehow reigning in the hunger that was evident on her face before.
"Hi Candace." He looks down at her in acknowledgment before he turns his attention back to Lilah who is standing in line waiting for her turn to kick the ball into the net.
"Whose your new friend?" She asks him while looking at me.
"This is Mya, a friend's daughter and the girls nanny." He introduces me.
"Hi." I wave awkwardly.
"Hi. It's nice to meet you. Wow, you're so beautiful." She surprises me by saying.
I was thrown off by the compliment, but recover quick enough to smile. "Thank you so much."
"I'm glad you got yourself some help around the house since Annie. Does this mean I can finally convince you to come out and have a drink with me?"
Deacon uses his index finger to push the middle of his glasses up the brim of his nose before answering. "I've been putting in a lot of overtime at work these last few weeks. Maybe another time?"
Awkward.
I don't blame him for not being ready to date. It's only been a year since his wife and the mother of his kids passed away. His focus should be on his daughters. But... but he's a man too... he had to get lonely sometimes right? He had to miss the feel of a woman's warm body next to his.
"Sure thing." She sounds a little disappointed and I notice her lean away from Deacon and look out across the field, presumably watching her son or daughter.
Once the soles of my feet start hurting, I plop down into one of the fold out chair Deacon set up and stretch out my legs in front of me. Deacon does the same thing, taking up a fold out chair next to me and stretching out his own legs, his arms crossed at his chest.
"You have quite a fan base." I lean into him to say, noting that I could smell the bodywash he used in his shower this morning.
Deacon turns to me, and I wish I could see his eyes but he won't take off that damn sunglasses. "I don't know what you mean."
"So you're gonna tell me you don't notice every woman here checking you out?"
"They're not checking me out." He scoffs.
"They are," I argue. "And they're all giving me death stares for sitting next to you."
"And why would they do that?" He asks.
I shrug. "Maybe they think I'm your new young girlfriend."
"That's ridiculous. I'm old enough to be your father."
"But you're not." I tell him.
"Doesn't matter. If anyone thinks I would date someone your age, then they don't know me very well." Deacon says, only I'm not entirely sure if he's saying it them or to me.
My phone rings before I can process my feelings and I immediately swipe to answer when I see it's Taylor calling.
"Hey you." I smile.
"Hi babe!" She giggles and I switch the phone to my other ear.
Deacon frowns.
"Are we still on for tonight?" I ask. Deacon is still watching Lilah's team practice but I know he's listening.
"Definitely. Wear something sexy. Connor and his brother are coming."
"Really?" I twist my body away from Deacon and push the phone against my ear, trying my best to block out all the noise around me.
"Yes. I told you he's into you." Taylor reminds me.
"He is pretty cute." I giggle and maybe Connor wasn't the one I was going to marry, but it didn't mean I couldn't go out and enjoy his company.
"When I see you tonight, you better be dressed to break some hearts and make bad decisions." Taylor tells me before she hangs up. The game started but I feel obligated to tell Deacon about the phone call.
"I'm going out tonight." I tell him.
"It wasn't hard to figure out." He replies.
Seriously.
"Well I just wanted to let you know."
"I appreciate you telling me. I hope you have fun."
His indifference bothers me. It wasn't like I was asking for his permission to go out, but I wanted him to show that he cared or ask me to stay so we could spend time together, like the other night watching scary movies in his living room. That was one of the best nights of my life, just drinking beer, watching Netflix and cuddled up next to him.
But it was clearly one-sided.
I need to get over this crush. So tonight, I'm going to wear the sexiest dress I have and go out with Conor. At least Conor makes me feel wanted and like a woman. Unlike Deacon who would always see me as a little girl whether I wanted him to or not.
_____
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