Home: a house, apartment, or another shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
You can use it to refer in a general to the house, town, or country where someone lives now or where they were born, often to emphasize that they feel they belong in that place. But you can also refer it to a family unit as a home. You can even say it's where the heart is...
However, to say I feel good at my home isn't really the right word. That doesn't mean I feel unsafe, it's just that I don't feel really at ease. She holds too many memories, good but also bad ones.
Of course, I'm happy to be back in some way. I choose to. This town is where my brothers, my parents, and some of my best friends are, so obviously, I'm glad to be here. Yet, this is also the place I once ran away from.
I guess we can talk about mixed feelings right now.
Should I be ecstatic to see my old friends and to be able to live and spend most of my time with my brothers? Or be devastated because this place will probably give me some really bad times, and probably a lot of side effects, who were why I decided to go live in France back then?
I guess I can't know it till I live it, so here we go.
****
It's now 5 a.m. and to say I look like a zombie is quite a compliment right now. I flew back to my hometown, Riverside in California, and I just landed. I'm currently going to where my bags are and to my family, who normally expects me.
I don't feel bad for waking them up this early, we are a family, we should get through these kinds of things together.
I begin to look for familiar faces among the flood of people around me, who are oppressing me. Who would have thought there would be so many people here by this hour.
I don't even have time to look past the few people in front of me that I'm engulfed in a wild bear hug. I should've said a gigantic bear hug since, basically, three people are suffocating me at the moment.
I missed them so much.
Now, telling me that I will be with them every day is enough to brighten my mood. Even if I am extremely tired, I can hug each of them and my parents with enormous force. Everything that is going to happen and everything that I will have to face is worth it because I am with them now. Plus, I know I can't run away all my life. They will be there for me, I will be there for them. I'll make up for the lost time.
When we get home, it's already 6 a.m. As soon as the door open, Diego, Jason, and I rush into Jason's room and pile up on his bed. Then, I guess we fall asleep, without taking care to unpack my things or change our habits of course.
I wake up, well rather Diego wakes us up because, I quote "his stomach could no longer wait to be fed". Since, of course we fell asleep on top of each other, all intertwined, when one of us decided to get up the others automatically woke up too. It's a habit with us, we don't really know personal space, we always fall asleep in improbable positions, and we don't mind sharing the bed and everything in general.
That's the Domínguez kids for you.
It's now midday, and to say that I am hungry is a very small word. We can hear my stomach growling at the other end of town. I understand my little brother more than anything right now.
When we arrive in the kitchen, the smell of the buffet that my father has prepared for my arrival is just so appetizing. It's during these moments that I am particularly proud of my origins, having the right to eat my father's little Spanish dishes is a blessing.
My mom is still here, I think she will stay with us for the day, and will probably go back to her place tonight. I know that this day will go well.
To tell the truth, even if my parents are separated, they get along relatively well. When it comes to their children they have no problem helping each other, and to our greatest misfortune, they manage to agree perfectly on our punishments.
The rest of the day goes by quickly, after this hearty meal we all decide to go watch a movie in the living room. Little by little, habits are returning, and it's as if I had never left.
Besides, it's not like we never saw each other. Every holiday, either I came to spend a few weeks here, or they came to spend weeks in France with me, or we all went to Spain to see my father's family. Then, we talked every day, even if the time difference prevented most conversations and some calls, we are a family, we tell mostly everything to each other in the smallest details. This is how we work, we hide almost nothing, and we like to share and be together.
Also, of course, I can't deny that having three brothers can sometimes be a burden, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. With them, I feel protected. I can be because they are, how to say that... very protective. Probably far too much but I can't blame them, they only don't want anything to happen to their sister.
My mom helps me unpack my things, we chat for a bit about everything. She tells me that if I can't stand my brothers any longer I can come to stay a bit with her sometimes, just between girls. We laugh at that because she knows that probably I will be a worse case than my three idiotic brothers reunited.
After arranging my room and reminiscing over many memories, I message Emma, my best friend in France. I tell her all about my day and that I will miss her so much, that I will come to visit her, and obviously I will bring my twin with me because they are totally crazy for each other.
I'm okay with it because they are good for each other. I wouldn't want another man for my best friend and I wouldn't want another girl for my brother. So I'm totally fine with their relationship. Then, it's not a really big relationship at the moment because of the distance, but I assure her that I will keep an eye on my brother for her.
Though she certainly doesn't have to be scared of anything because he's totally whipped. Plus, he is a really good guy, he wouldn't cheat or do any bad things. She can have faith in him since he is one of the hottest guys in the school, most girls want him, I heard tons of stories, yet he still chose her even with the distance. So, of course she definitely has nothing to worry about.
Later in the night, mom leaves us after dinner, meaning I'm undoubtedly the only girl now.
The start of school is in two days, and sincerely, even if I am going to see some of my friends again, I am not yet mentally ready to face the rest. All these questions are going through my head: will I fit in, will they be happy that I'm back, will other people accept me?
I should just stop thinking too much. It never makes me feel good, plus I need to sleep if I don't want to scare everyone tomorrow.
The following days pass at the speed of light. I barely have time to find an outfit, prepare for a flood of students, and find a rhythm and hours of sleep that is America's.
Thank you jet lag.
Back to school is now tomorrow, and frankly, I don't want to. Apparently, I'm not the only one because five minutes later I hear grunts, profanities, and heavy steps all approaching my room. Finally, enter the owners of these too heavy steps and not-so-threatening groans.
First one is my twin, Jason, in underwear and disheveled hair as if he had pulled it too hard, which he probably did because of the nervousness.
Then follows Diego in his super SpongeBob SquarePants pajamas. He's fifteen, but who doesn't like SpongeBob? The scowl on his face leaves no room for doubt either, he is as delighted as we are to go back to school, especially since for him it's his first time in high school.
So the last one to join us is Noah. I believe that his soul has already gone very far, very, very far. It looks like he hasn't slept in six days and his wet hair is dripping everywhere, but he doesn't even have the strength to take care of it.
We all look like we want to die.
After talking and debating for too long on dumb subjects, we decide it's time to go to sleep. I pray not to have nightmares and to manage to have a correct sleep because I don't want to arrive with a zombie's head at school tomorrow. I would leave a very pathetic first impression, and I'm not ready for it because I know a lot of people will be looking at me. This is the advantage, or here the disadvantage of being the sister of The Domínguez brothers.
Jason probably senses my nervousness and decides to sleep with me tonight. I think my anxiety is also an excuse for him to not spend the night alone because he is a bit stressed too. We all say goodnight to each other. Dad wishes us that we won't make a fool of ourselves, especially Diego and I, since he wouldn't be here tomorrow morning to say it. Then, Noah and Diego go back to their own room while Jason follows me to go into mine.
I hope that Diego will also manage to sleep properly. His sleepwalking episodes, who appeared at about the same time as my nightmares a few years ago, can be bad and dangerous. They also drain him, they are not frequent and occur especially when he sleeps with other people or when he is really very stressed.
I hope that this return to school is not too much of a factor of anxiety for him. I don't want him to sleep badly and feel bad tomorrow. Let's hope that this night will go well, just like tomorrow. Jason and I go to sleep, he comes close to me, hugs me. Like that we soon drift into a deep sleep.
Tomorrow, here we come.