CHAPTER 59: AFTEREFFECTS OF IMMORTALITY
With a wheezing breath, Lucius muttered, "N-Noah..."
Noah's hand tightened around his, a quick glance to his father before he leaned over Lucius's form, barely breathing as he lay on the bed, eyes unable to fully open, just a bit before closing for a while longer. Noah's hand caressed his hair as he breathed, "I am here, love."
"Forgive me..." Lucius said, whisper barely heard over his shortness of breath.
"My love, there is nothing to forgive." Noah said, leaning down to place a kiss against his forehead.
"N-Noah...I'm scared..."
"Nothing to be scared of. You will be fine." Noah vowed quietly.
"I don't want... to leave you..." Lucius rasped, his barely open eyes trying to look towards his beloved.
"It is alright. Everything is. As long as you come back to me, it will always be." Noah told him sincerely, feeling the burn of his lungs at his constricted throat, but he ignored it, more worried about Lucius. "Are you in pain?"
Lucius barely tilted his head in a shake, muttering, "I feel nothing..."
"Okay." Noah breathed, gulping as his brows furrowed further.
"I love you..." Lucius whispered, making Noah nod, his lips lingering on the back of Lucius's hand as he whispered the words back to him. "Is...I-is it okay...?"
"Is what 'okay', Lu?"
"I...can't hold on..." Lucius wheezed, closing his eyes again, then opened them slightly, his eyes moving to the side to glance at Noah, where he was seated on the bed beside him.
Noah placed another kiss against Lucius's hand, then leaned down and pressed another to his lips, then forehead where his hand followed, caressing Lucius's head as he muttered, "It's okay, love. Whenever you are ready. Whenever you can't hold on anymore. It is okay. I will still be here when you return. I will still wait. I will still love you just as much."
"Sure?" Lucius asked as his eyes fluttered closed.
"Yes, sweetheart."
"Will...y-you be alright...?" Lucius rasped, as if only holding on to know that fact.
"Don't worry. I will be waiting for your return. Praying this is the last time we have to part." His fingers caressed Lucius's cheek, where a stray tear fell from the corner of his eyes, "It's alright. Let go, love... It's alright. We will see the snow together when you return. I promise you that. So it is alright to let go." Noah whispered to him, watching his chest slowly stop moving, breaths so far apart he thought he already passed, but he knew better, and not until their bond severed completely did he press a final kiss to Lucius's knuckles, placing both of Lucius's hands over his unmoving chest. He took in a deep breath, gulping down once more to try and clear his throat as he pulled the blankets to Lucius's shoulders, not having the heart to cover his face, his eyes lingering on a face he knew he'd not see again unless it was in the two photos they managed to take.
He slid out of bed, feeling his magic flux as he tried to reign in his feelings before he stood up, eyes glancing around the full room, some seated on the couches, others standing around the bed, as if waiting for what they all knew was inevitable. They had sorrowful faces, all of them. He ignored them as he walked up to the rocking chair still sitting in front of the window overlooking the lake, settled on it, eyes lingering on the scene outside as his eyes turned momentarily red before they were back to normal.
Rob laughed with another customer, telling him he'd grab him another drink before turning around to do just that when he paused, glancing at himself in the reflection of the glass shelves, seeing that he didn't look older anymore made him frown before holding up a towel to shield himself as he walked past his employee saying, "Take care of the customers, I am not feeling too well."
"Boss-..." The man called after him, but he was gone up the stairs before the man could say another word.
Rob sighed, settling down for the night, knowing he wouldn't be able to do anything till day break, as to not alert suspicion. He couldn't fall asleep, thinking of what possibilities could make Noah lose his control over his power, wondering if it was another attack, or maybe a battle they failed to mention to him. Sighing again, he rolled to his other side. He got up the next morning exhausted but was determined to go back to the mansion and check on what was going on.
He packed a bag, left instructions with his employees through the phone before he went out back to the motorcycle Tobias so generously let him take. He rode it back to the mansion, parking outside before picking his bag and going inside to an unusually empty house. He went to the kitchen where they gathered, finding no one, he walked into the library, also finding no one. He frowned, going upstairs with suspicious thoughts in his mind as he recalled that usually a group stayed behind even if they went out on a mission.
He stopped at Noah's room just as the door opened with Tobias walking out, stopping when he saw Rob. "Thank god. I was just about to go call you."
"What happened?" Rob asked with a frown.
"Lucius died last night-..."
"What?" Rob questioned, "Why? How?"
"Oh god..." Tobias sighed, "Of course he didn't bother calling."
"Toby, tell me what happened." Rob demanded.
"Why did you come back if you didn't know?" Tobias asked.
"His spell broke. The one to make me look older." Rob explained.
Tobias nodded before he went on to tell him what happened, right from Lucius informing them of being sick, up to that point, where everyone was taking turns trying to talk to Noah. "So you see, he's been sitting on that chair since sunset yesterday."
"I'll talk to him." Rob said, about to walk past Tobias, to go to the door he'd closed when he started telling him the story.
"Rob, he has a barrier around Lucius's body. Try to make him break it. We can't leave Lucius like this forever." Tobias told him.
Rob bit his bottom lip before nodding, saying, "I'll see what I can do."
"Alright." Tobias nodded, going back in with him.
"Hi, Rob." Lorena said as she sighed, walking away from the windowsill she was leaning against, opposite where Noah sat.
"Ren." He nodded to her, "Hi." He said, his eyes scanning the room, seeing the exhausted faces that weren't willing to leave when one of their own was hurting. He tossed his bag next to an armchair as he made his way to Noah, kneeling in front of the rocking chair he was on, where his eyes were locked outside the window, the chair rocking ever so slightly as his fingers caressed the engraving of Lucius's name on the armrest. "Noah." Rob muttered, frowning deeply as he placed his hands on Noah's knees, but got no response.
"He hasn't spoken." Lazarus said, rubbing his tired eyes, "Not since the day before. Not a word."
Rob glanced at Lazarus, then looked at Noah again, reaching for his hand and placing his own over it as he said, "Noah, you are worrying everyone. Would you speak to me?" Rob tried, but Noah's eyes didn't move from outside the window. "Noah, just a nod would do. A nod to acknowledge that I am here." When Noah wouldn't speak, Rob stood back up, his eyes falling on Lucius's still form, his frown deepening when he saw him. "I am sorry I wasn't here for you." Rob muttered, "I am sorry that you had to lose him again, but you can't do this. You can't just shut down." Rob's eyes returned to Noah, seeing his still form, nothing but the rise and fall of his chest along with the light rocking telling everyone he was alive.
Rob sighed, reaching over to touch Noah's cheek, but nothing. He reached his other hand as well, both hands cupping Noah's cheeks before he turned his face to look him in the eyes, and the moment their eyes met, Noah muttered, "Rob..." it was as if he'd just realized he was there, as if all the words he's spoken weren't heard, "You are here..."
"Of course." Rob breathed.
"He's gone...my Lu is gone..."
Rob gulped, kneeling again before he said, "I know, honey."
"It is not alright... I told him it was, but it is not alright..." Noah said with a broken look on his face, his voice cracking.
"Noah, you don't have to put up a strong front anymore." Rob breathed, his own eyes misting at the pain showing on his friend's face, "You don't have to be strong for anyone. It is not alright what happened, you are right. It isn't. It's not fair either."
"It's not..." Noah breathed, and as if he was waiting for someone to tell him those words, a tear slid down his cheek, the first tear since Lucius stopped breathing.
"But Noah, you can't keep a barrier around him like that."
"They were taking him away." Noah said with a deep frown.
"Sweetheart, his body needs to be buried." Rob reasoned.
"Not yet..." Noah whispered, his eyes again returning outside.
"Why not?" Rob asked, but didn't receive an answer. He sighed as he stood up, going to the bed before his hand touched the barrier where the light of the sun was reflected. He then turned to Lazarus as he said, "Let me keep trying. You all should go rest."
"I won't leave him." Lazarus refused.
"Neither will I." Ren shook her head, eyes glued to her brother.
"He's my brother, I won't go anywhere." Blayth muttered.
"I might have to stop his power if it gets out of control." Ira breathed. And every other one gave another excuse to stay. Rob nodded before going back to Noah's side, trying to speak to him again, eventually finding out he only reacted to him, even though he stopped speaking again.
It was another day, the next morning when Noah sighed. It was a reaction that wasn't caused by Rob trying to get him to talk or move. Noah's hands tightened around the armrests before he pushed himself to his feet, walking to the bed as everyone watched silently, wondering what triggered him to move. He broke the barrier, picking Lucius up before going to the window, where he opened it, sitting with Lucius in his arms, facing outside before Noah whispered, "It's finally snowing, love." Every pair of eyes in the room moved to the windows, just then realizing that it was true, that it had started snowing. Noah pressed his lips to Lucius's temple, muttering, "Sorry...I didn't want you to miss it. I'm sorry, Lu. It's quite cold though..." Noah whispered, his voice cracking, "You would've complained...but it's so beautiful." Noah's eyes were closed, forehead against Lucius's temple.
Noah felt a hand on his shoulder, making him tilt his head slightly to see Rob standing there, a small smile on his lips as he said, "You were waiting for the snow?"
"He... wanted to see it." Noah said brokenly, closing his eyes again as tears escaped his eyes, "He wanted to..."
"What now?" Rob asked quietly.
Noah took in a deep breath, leaning his head over Lucius' as he faced outside yet again, muttering, "I will bury him. Under the snow...at the beginning of winter."
"Okay..." Rob whispered, hand caressing Noah's hair as he heard him start to weep. In the last two days, he hadn't heard it, not once, except for the single tear that had escaped him when he first got there, he hadn't cried. But then, at that moment he let himself weep over the loss of his beloved, holding his cold body tightly to his, as if praying his love was enough to bring him back.
Rob stood with his arms wrapped around himself as he muttered to Ren beside him, "He seems different. More torn up... and yet...what is he doing?" Rob asked.
"Saying goodbye." She said quietly, as if any louder would disturb Noah's words to Lucius. "It's different because times like this, when Lucius dies of an illness or any other reason other than being murdered, it reminds Noah that... even the fates are against them." She took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she said, "And how truly unfair their lives are. To love someone so much and have to say goodbye time and time again. Watching from the sidelines makes my heart ache, yet he has to live it. Can you imagine such pain?"
Rob looked back at Noah, biting his lips as he watched Noah who was kneeling by the coffin, leaning over the edge with a hand against Lucius's cheek as he whispered to him words no one else could hear. "I pray he comes back to him soon. I don't like seeing Noah in this state."
"None of us do..." Ren breathed.
***
Benjie walked into the library, where everyone was gathered, having just buried Lucius. He had the urge to call his sister-in-law, to check on the kids after what had happened to Lucius. Lazarus looked towards him, standing at the door with his eyes down cast. He got up, walked up towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder, making their eyes meet as he said, "Lucius will return, son. He will come back, like every other time we lost him."
Benjie gulped, nodding before he said, "Cole is dead." Lazarus parted his lips for a moment, about to say something before it sunk in what Benjie said. He took in a shaky breath as he stepped back, taking a seat on the arm of the couch. "A... A bomb hit their base. They hadn't deployed yet..." Benjie spoke, seeming to still be in shock, "L-Lena said she was trying to call for the past few days, but..." Benjie shook his head, "They told them it was a retaliation, a terrorist bomb. He just left a month ago, how is this..." Benjie took a drag of breath before he muttered, "C-Cole is dead... M-my brother... is dead..."
Tobias grabbed his arms when his knees buckled, holding onto him as he trembled. "Benjie, deep breaths. Come on, you are having a panic attack, you will pass out if you don't calm down." Toby said as he pulled Benjie to his chest, "That's it. Deep breaths."
"T-Toby..." Benjie stuttered, "T-Toby...he's..."
"Shhh, I know. I know." Toby muttered, gulping down his emotions as he held Benjie who started sobbing.
"He... he wasn't supposed to die yet... he's not supposed to die... he promised... he promised to come back, he-..." Benjie wept, feeling his heart tear apart. He knew he'd have to deal with losing his brother, but he didn't know he'd have to do it so soon.
Lazarus shut his eyes tightly, feeling tears trail down his face. It had been too long since he'd had a strong urge to shed tears. Cole was like a son to him. They grew so close over the years. He'd raised him, watched him grow up, stood by him as he wed, was the first to hold his children. When he came to him before, he told him not to go to war, he'd told him to move in with them, swore to keep his family safe just as he'd kept him as a child, but Cole said he didn't want to burden them more.
Noah looked up at his father, biting his own lips to stop from crying. He'd promised Lucius he'd watch out for Cole, for him and Benjie and Mel, but there he was, failing Lucius again. He kept his emotions in check, holding back when he saw the tears on his father's face, something he didn't remember, not since his mother's death, because his father was strong. He wasn't one to cry in front of them, and even if he needed to he'd make sure to leave the room before it happened.
Noah swallowed thickly as he stood up, going to him and leaning on the armrest next to his father before he put an arm around him. He knew how much Cole meant to him, even though in the beginning he was against them staying there, he grew attached fast. He was the one that insisted on them becoming immortal, wanting Cole by his side, but to his disappointment, Cole was the only one who refused it.
"Life and death are normal." Noah mumbled, resting his forehead against his father's temple as he pulled him to his side, "We've forgotten what that is. What normal is. We've lived in this immortal world for far too long, father that it has become hard for us to let go. Cole knew what normal was, and that was what he wanted. He got his normal family, got his normal life. He even got his normal death, father. He died on his own terms, making his own choices. It is sad. Heartbreaking to lose him. He was a part of this family. A big part of our lives. But he was happy. He didn't spend his last days recalling a painful past, but a good one. A good one that you made sure to give him. We will never forget him. He will live on with us, father."
Lazarus sniffled, wiping his eyes as he muttered, "We must bury him here."
"We will." Noah nodded, "I'll take care of the arrangements."
"Noah..." Rob muttered with a frown, seeing how Noah again was keeping his feelings aside for someone else. He was worried about him. He'd only cried once since Lucius died, and they had just buried him. He thought it too much for anyone to handle but Noah shook his head at him, as if to tell him it was alright, that he wanted to do it. After all they had buried everyone they cared about and lost in that backyard. Where Tobias's siblings were. Where Emerson was. Where Ira's husband was. And now, where Cole will be.
***
It was almost a year later when Edmur walked into the back yard as he noticed someone there, standing by a tree that marked one of the graves. He went to her, placing a hand on her back as he muttered, "Your hair has grown out."
"Didn't really get a chance to cut it." She muttered, sniffling before she glanced at the seer, "I've missed you, Ed."
"I've missed you too, Mel. It's been too long."
"It has." Mel nodded, glancing back at the tree, "Lena told me what happened. I thought I'd go see Cole first, before coming here. I didn't expect this... I really didn't."
"It shocked us all." Edmur said, "It was a real tragedy. He didn't even get a chance to battle."
"I tried calling."
"Lazarus is rarely in his office these days." Edmur told her, "Unless he is there, the telephone is ignored."
"I wish I had stayed here." Mel said, "I wish I had stayed with you, Ed. No safer place in the world like your library."
Edmur smiled softly, muttering, "I miss having you around too."
"How is Benjie?"
"As you'd expect. He was never the same after Cole died."
"It's been a year though." Mel said with a frown.
"Yeah. That is true. But he breaks down with one death, this time he had to deal with both Lucius's and Cole's at the same time."
"Lucius?" Mel asked.
"A little after we got him back." Edmur told her, "He was sick."
"Oh god. I thought I'd return and life would be back to normal. Cole would be with his family, and Lucius back here. I didn't even get to see them before they died." She whimpered, wiping her tears before she said, "Is Lucius reborn yet?"
"That's just it. He isn't."
"What do you mean? It usually takes a few months." Mel asked with a deep caress between her eyebrows.
"It is worrying us too." Edmur nodded, "I don't see him yet either. We are all on edge. Especially Noah. But I still see a future where he defeats Levi, which has given him some hope." There was a stretch of silence before Edmur asked, "What brought you back, Mel?"
"I had news." Mel said, "I should go check on Benjie though. I'll catch up with everyone at dinner." She told him. He gave her a hug, then let her go inside as he stood there for a long moment before sighing and going back inside himself. "Benjie." Mel said as she peaked her head through the lab's door, seeing Tobias seated on one workstation.
"Mel? Is that you?" Tobias asked as he took his goggles off, looking towards her before he smiled, "My god, girl. We've missed you."
She smiled at him, walking up to him to give him a hug before she asked, "How have you been?"
"Good." He replied.
"Is Benjie here?" She asked.
"You know about Cole, don't you?" He asked when he noticed the way she looked, her eyes rimmed with redness as if she'd just been crying.
"I went to see Lena before I came here." Mel said, taking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, "I still can't believe it. I want to make sure Benjie is alright." Tobias frowned slightly before he heaved a sigh.
"Yeah. Come." Tobias said, walking towards the back of his lab while Mel followed him. "Benjie!" Tobias called out, hearing a bang before loud cursing. He stepped around some tool shelves before a wrench was flying towards him, barely catching it before it hit him in the face. "Hey!"
"I told you to stop yelling!" Benjie demanded, "Fucking idiots." Benjie muttered as he leaned over the car he was working on, tugging on something under the hood.
"Language." Tobias scolded, "When are you going to learn manners?"
"You aren't my father, stop fucking acting like it." Benjie said hatefully. Tobias marched to him, grabbing him by the ear and twisting it. "Ow! OW! OW!"
"When are you going to stop disrespecting your elders?" Tobias scolded.
"Let go!" Benjie demanded.
"Or what?" Tobias challenged "Keep it up, kid, and I will show you what disrespecting me does. Now apologize."
"Fuck off." Benjie said, glaring.
"Benjie!" Tobias demanded.
"Alright! OW! Sorry!" Benjie said, making Tobias let go.
"Good. Now remember that the next time you want to curse at me." Tobias said, "Mel is here to see you."
Benjie glared at him, looking over his shoulder at where Mel was standing with a surprised look on her face. "What the hell do you want?"
"Benjie..." She muttered, frowning at how angry her brother seemed. She'd never seen him so mad. Not once in her life and it hurt her to see what had become of him.
"If you have nothing to say, then get the fuck out." Benjie said as he turned back to the car.
"Benjie." Tobias said testily.
"Fine!" He glared at Tobias before repeating, "Get out."
"Rude little-..." Tobias started saying before Benjie stood back up, glaring at him as he yelled.
"What the hell do you want from me? I told you if you didn't want to hear it then stop bothering me!" Benjie said, wiping his hand on a rug, "Leave me the hell alone, Toby. I don't need a friend or a new brother!'' With that he walked past him, stopping in front of Mel with so much anger in his eyes that it made her tense. He then spat, "It is too late. You should just go. There is nothing here for you."
"Benjie..." she sighed as he walked past her, leaving the room. "What happened to him?"
"You know how they say there are five stages of grief?" Toby asked as his shoulders dropped in defeat. She nodded, making him add, "He's stuck on the anger stage. He has been there for a while. I tried many things to help him, but as you can see, he doesn't want it. Cole's death took its toll on him."
"He's right. I am late. I should have been here." Mel muttered as she looked at the ground.
"Don't do that, Mel. It isn't your fault. We all know that Cole was always the one to help him through things like these. Without him he is having a difficult time adjusting." Tobias said.
"It's been a year." She sighed.
"You can't put a time frame on grief. Especially not when you are immortal." Tobias sighed.
"I guess so." She sighed.
He smiled at her, thinking he should change the subject as he said, "Did you see Lazarus yet?"
"No. Came here first." She told him.
"He'll be happy to see you." Tobias said, taking her hand and dragging her with him upstairs and to the kitchen, where he knew Lazarus would be cooking dinner. "Lazarus! Got you a gift!"
"How did you get me?" Mel asked, making Lazarus stop what he was doing to look up when he heard her voice. "Hi, old man."
Lazarus gulped, closing his eyes for a moment before turning off the stove, wiping his hand on a towel as he rounded the island. "Come here." He said, holding out his arms. She didn't hesitate in going to him, holding him strongly. "You aren't allowed to worry me again, you hear. No more going to wars, and all that nonsense. You will stay here. Where I can watch over you and make sure you stay alive." She chuckled, wiping her eyes over his shoulder as he wouldn't let go. She'd missed being held by him, so warm and safe between his arms she thought. He pulled away, holding her by her shoulders as he turned her this way and that, making her laugh.
"You've lost some weight." He noted, "Haven't they been feeding you?"
"Promise I am fine, papa bear." She said, holding his hands and prying them from her shoulders before placing a kiss against his cheek, "Missed you too. And god...your cooking still smells amazing." She muttered, taking a deep whiff of it. "What are we having for dinner?"
"Blayth threatened that unless I made fried chicken he'd burn down my kitchen." Lazarus shrugged.
"Were you trying out a new thing again?" Mel asked with a raised eyebrow.
"How else am I going to diversify while cooking? We are going to live a long time, I will be damned if we live on fried chicken for the rest of forever." Lazarus said before going back to the stove.
"Then I will pray that you defeat your enemies soon so he will move out and leave you to cook any dish you want." She chuckled, taking a seat at the island.
"Believe me, that is my prayer every day." Lazarus laughed, "Tell me all about your adventure." He said with a warm smile.
"Not much to tell." She said before she went on to tell him how it was as he cooked, then while she helped him set the table as everyone started coming to the dining room for dinner.
They all greeted her warmly, hugs and kisses, laughter and stories that they started sharing. Benjie walked in, taking a plate from the kitchen before going to the table, starting to put a few things in his plate before he started walking away when Lazarus said, "Sit your ass down, boy. I will not keep repeating myself. Or do you prefer I tie you to your chair?" Benjie groaned, rolling his eyes before going to the other end of the table and took a seat there, filling his glass to the brim with wine before taking a large gulp, then biting into his food.
"What was your news, Mel?" Edmur asked, making her blush lightly before she raised her left hand, showing off a ring that made Ren squeal.
"Oh my god!" Ren said, "You should have led with that!" Benjie peaked from the corner of his eyes, before he went back to glaring at his plate. "Tell us all about him!"
"He was a soldier I saved." She told her, "He had been near an explosion when it happened, he ended up needing surgery and rehabilitation. He was in the hospital for a long time, and I was his nurse during that time. He wasn't like the others. They all flirted when they got the chance, but not him." She laughed lightly as she added, "He was a gentleman. Thinking he was actually defending my honor when he was shutting the others up." Ren chuckled along with her, knowing how Mel needed no one to help her with that sort of thing. "A while later, after his first few surgeries, he got an infection. I made him a promise that if he got better, that I would let him take me on a date when we got back."
"And he did?" Ren asked.
"He did." Mel nodded, "I came back with a few soldiers, making sure they survived the journey back. At that time, we started seeing each other once he left the hospital. He proposed not too long after, and told me he couldn't imagine living without me." She told them.
"Don't tell me you got married without us there?" Lazarus asked with an arched eyebrow.
"I was heading back there, so yes. We did, before I left." She told Lazarus who looked disappointed.
"I won't forgive that, you know." Lazarus told her.
She laughed, saying, "Made sure to take a few pictures for you." she said, "So anyway, I had returned almost three months ago, and went back to him."
"Really? You never thought of visiting?" Ren asked with an arched eyebrow.
"We are nowhere near this place, Ren." Mel shrugged, "We came as soon as Milo was able to take a day off." She told her.
"He is here?" Tobias asked.
"Staying in town." She nodded, "Didn't think he'd be welcomed until I had the chance to tell all of you about him."
"Does he know about us?" Lazarus asked.
"He only knows that I have a big family." Mel said, "I would never betray your trust, Lazarus."
He smiled at her softly as he said, "He is your husband, dear. He is part of the family now. But I will have to have a word with him."
Mel smiled before nodding, saying, "Sure. I actually have one more thing to tell you."
"What is it?" Lazarus asked.
Her hand slipped off of the table, caressing her lower abdomen before muttering, "I am pregnant."
The room went silent for a moment before congratulations started, everyone being joyous for her, until one voice said, "You are never becoming immortal, are you?"
Mel turned to Benjie, her smile slowly slipping before she said, "I don't know yet, Benjie."
He slammed his spoon on the table before glaring at her as he said, "Why? Because of some asshole you met in the battle field? Because you are a slut that got pregnant as soon as you came back-..."
"Benjie!" Lazarus said warningly.
"Well, you know what?! Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck Cole!" he said as he stood up, "I don't need you in my life! You can die for all I care! You are no longer my sister, Melody! Since it seems that you both never really cared about me to begin with! Fuck all of you!" he said as he turned to the rest of the room, "I don't even know what the hell I am still doing in this godforsaken place!" with that he turned around and marched out of there, slamming the door behind him.
"Mel..." Ira placed a hand on hers, but Mel pulled it away before getting up, going after him.
"Benjie, wait!" She called out, "You don't get to just say that and run off! Benjie!" she called out, "What the hell is wrong with you! I get that you are mad! I get it, I am too! I didn't even get to see him before he died!"
He turned to her midway to the stairs, yelling, "And whose fault is that?! I wasn't the one who chose to leave!"
"Benjie, you get to be sad, but don't take it out on me!" She yelled back.
"Why the hell not?! You abandoned this place! You abandoned me! You don't get to march back here and pretend that everything is fine and dandy! Cole is fucking dead and you don't seem to give a shit!"
"I do care, Benjie! He was my brother too!" She said loudly.
"Then why the hell did you leave?!" Benjie demanded.
"I needed to! I never planned to stay here forever. Neither did Cole!"
"Then go back to your fucking husband and stay there!" Benjie said, about to turn back around.
"Why can't you be happy for me?" Mel questioned.
He turned around with an even more heated glare as he yelled, "Because I was happy for him too! I was happy for him! I let him go! I should have fought harder to keep him here. He fucking left and look where that got us! With him six feet under right beside Lucius! But, where Lucius will return, our brother won't, Mel! He is gone forever, and you are following in his footsteps! Why do the two of you keep choosing complete strangers over me! Why am I not a priority?! What the hell is wrong with me?!"
"Ben, nothing!" she exclaimed, her heart breaking when she saw her brother's tears fall, "Benjie-..."
"Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled, pulling away from her, "Don't you fucking dare pretend that you care. Not after everything! You were back for three damn months and never even thought of picking up the phone to check in. You left here thinking of only yourself, that for a damn year! A whole fucking year of our brother being dead, you were out there living your life while we mourned him! Do you even know what it is like to bury your brother's torn up body from being bombed? Do you even have any idea what that is like? What it was like as we lowered him in the ground while Amy and Lucius sobbed their hearts out not understanding what was happening? I didn't get to fucking cry, Mel! I didn't get to fucking cry because he left them for me to take care of! I fucking hate him for dying, Mel! Just as much as I hate you for leaving and never looking back!"
"Benjie..." she choked on her tears, but he didn't give her a chance to say anything else as he turned around and left. She watched Tobias go after him, knowing that even as Benjie kept him at an arm's length that he was the only one that was able to talk any sense to him. She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders, looked to the side where Lazarus was before turning to him, burying her eyes against his shoulder as she wept. "I'm the worst..." she sobbed.
"No, Mel. He's been like that for a while. He's yelled at each and every one of us for a different reason." Lazarus told her, caressing her hair.
"Can I stay? For a while, to try and mend my relationship with him, if there was one to salvage..." she muttered.
"As long as you want, sweetheart. What about your husband?"
"I'll ask him to stay in town-..." she started saying when Lazarus cut her off.
"Nonsense. Call him, give him directions, Ira and you will meet him at the edge of the barrier and let him in. Stay as long as you need, dear."
"Thank you..." she breathed, tightening her arms around him.
***
"Benjie." Tobias muttered as he walked towards the bed where Benjie had his head buried against a pillow.
"Stop fucking breaking into my room." Benjie said, his voice muffled with the pillow.
"Then stop locking the door and making me do it." Tobias said, that time not being the first when Tobias transformed the lock to be able to enter the locked room. He sat on the bed beside him, placing a hand over his head, caressing his hair back. Benjie didn't pull back, not like he usually did. Tobias knew why, he knew that whenever Benjie was feeling like breaking down, it was the only time Tobias, and Tobias alone was able to touch him. "Benjie, stop pushing us away. Stop pushing everyone away. I don't like seeing you like this. I truly hate it when I see how much anger you are hanging onto. Talk to me, let me in."
"No one understands..." Benjie choked, turning his head to the side, away from where Tobias sat, "No one knows what it feels like."
Tobias swallowed thickly as he leaned back against the backboard of the bed, sighing. He closed his eyes for a moment before he said, "I don't like speaking about this, because it still hurts when I do. Even the thought of it leaves an ache in my heart. I once told you of my brother, but never the entire story. See, I met him when he was a little younger than you were when you first came here. He was so amazing, so curious and considerate of others. He was a beautiful soul. I took him and my sister from my mother because she was a cruel woman. I raised them, looked out for them. They meant the world to me. And when they were old enough, I couldn't stop them from moving on. From leaving here and starting their own lives."
"It is not the same..." Benjie muttered.
"It is. More than you think." Tobias said, chuckling at the irony. "When he was 28 we went to visit our sick mother, at the time we didn't know what was wrong with her. She had died, and we buried her before we returned here, because he was sick he decided not to go home because he had an infant at the time. A baby boy, and a little sweet daughter. We found out he had the plague. That cruel woman made sure we suffered even as she died.
"He refused the immortality spell because he didn't want to outlive his children." Tobias took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he muttered, "I took care of him as he started getting worse." Tobias said, making Benjie turn his head towards him, but he didn't look Benjie in the eyes, instead kept his eyes on his hands in his lap, "He was so very ill towards the end. It hurt so much, Benjie. Seeing him become so weak, so sick. Watching him slowly die, assuring him that it was alright, that everything was going to be alright even though I knew it wouldn't." Tobias closed his eyes as he muttered, "Not even two weeks later was he dead.
"He died in my arms and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. I had raised him, taken care of him. Watched him become a man, but he died too young. He had so much to give the world but didn't even get the chance to see his children grow up. I buried him out back. Noah marked his grave for me, so I'd know where my brother would spend his forever. As if I'd forget which grave I mourned him over.
"His daughter kept asking for him. She kept crying, saying she wanted him back. She didn't understand. No child should know what death is, no child should experience it so young and have to deal with it. So you see, Benjie. I understand. I know what it is like to feel so sick because of the ache in your heart. Like you are suffocating with every breath you take. I know what it is like to realize that you'd never see your brother again and god damn it, it hurts like nothing else does. A sting that never goes away, no matter how much time passes. That is why I don't tell you that you have to get over it, because I have tried that, and it doesn't work. I mourned him for years after. Until Edmur knocked some sense into me." He sighed before the tiniest of smiles tilted his lips as he said, "There is a reason I love that man."
Tobias glanced at Benjie when he'd reached over and taken one of Tobias's hands in his own, closing his eyes shut as he said brokenly, "It does hurt..."
"I know it does." Tobias said, reaching with his other hand to let it tangle in Benjie's hair again.
"I want him back. I want to yell at him. I want to tell him that he doesn't get to just leave me like that... I was supposed to have more time with him." Benjie choked, "and I want someone to tell me why... Why was it my brother who had to suffer so much and then be taken that way? Why wasn't he given the chance to be happy, to stay happy for a little bit longer?"
"Benjie..." Tobias breathed, his brows furrowing at the sorrow in Benjie's voice.
"He deserved a break from all the madness... so why him? After everything he has been through, why Cole?"
"I wonder that myself." Tobias muttered, his eyes going to the ceiling as he heard Benjie start to cry. "Mel is alive, Benjie. Don't push her away, because life is so unpredictable. You never know what might happen next."
"If I forgive her... if I let her in, I open my heart again... and I don't want to do that... I don't want it to break all over again when she dies." Benjie sobbed.
"Benjie, you can't keep thinking like that. You have already alienated almost everyone in this house. If I wasn't so pushy, I wouldn't be here either. No matter how much you try, family is for life. And we humans are social beings, and nothing matters to us more than family. So you have to stop acting like a child, and grow up. Cry all you want. Mourn your brother, because god knows I took my time before I let myself move on but stop what you are doing now. We love you. We want our Benjie back."
"You said it yourself, everyone already hates me." Benjie said brokenly.
"No one hates you. They are just upset. Apologize and they will forgive you for it. I've known them for a much longer time than you do. They are easy to forgive. And try to fix things with your sister, Benjie. Nothing is worth losing the people you care about. Even if you are trying to protect your heart from being broken."
"W-will it ever stop hurting so much?" Benjie asked, the hand not holding Tobias's pressed against his chest.
"Not really. You just learn to live with it. You learn to hide it deep inside, so it doesn't affect your life so much. You will feel like crying when you remember what happened, you will feel like shutting down and hiding away. I've ended up in those situations before. I never stayed like that for long though."
"I don't have an Edmur." Benjie mumbled, sniffling.
"You have me, Benjie." Tobias said, running his fingers through Benjie's hair, "You will always have me."
"You aren't Cole, but it feels like I am with him when you are around." Benjie muttered, his hand tightening around Tobias's.
Tobias smiled softly as he said, "That is quite a compliment, Benjie. Thank you. To be honest, ever since I met you, you too remind me of my little brother. Till this day, Benjie. You are so much like him. Perhaps it is fate that got us together. To make up for what it has taken from us."
"What was his name?" Benjie asked.
"Frances." Tobias said, and as he said his name, he closed his eyes, as it had been too long since he spoke it. "My sister and I called him Ness. My god, I loved him so much, he was so precious."
"Sounds like he was." Benjie said as he turned on his back, "Will you tell me about him? It just seems fair since you know everything about my brother."
Tobias chuckled as he said, "I will tell you all about him. But after you apologize to everyone."
Benjie sat up before looking at Tobias, saying, "You are mean."
"You were rude to me for almost a year now. I get to be mean." Tobias said as he got up, "Come on. You had a year to be angry, now you get to make it up to them."
***
"Milo." Benjie said, standing in front of the man who had a smile on his face as he glared at him, shaking his hand after Mel had introduced them. His hand was tight around Milo's, making the man wince.
"Stop that." Tobias scolded, smacking him upside the head and making him glare at him instead.
"Benjie, please." Mel sighed. She had called her husband a day before, and he'd just arrived. She had taken him to the library where everyone was, where she introduced everyone to him, then Benjie walked in and she hesitated, especially after what happened at dinner the other day. But he walked up to him, reached out his hand and Milo, not knowing what had gone on, took it in his own.
As Benjie let go of it, he started rubbing it, saying, "You have quite a grip. You must be the Benjie she's told me about, though I thought you'd be more pleasant."
"Do you blame me? You married my sister without even asking first. Then you went and got her pregnant-..."
"Benjie!" She said, not liking how crude his brother was getting, "Shut up!"
"All you wanted to do yesterday was talk. Now you want me to shut up?" Benjie asked, hissing when Tobias pinched his arm.
"Really?" Tobias asked with an arched eyebrow.
Benjie rolled his eyes before turning back to them and saying, "Sorry." Mel relaxed, but her frown was still there. She saw Tobias nudge him again, making him say, "Alright, alright! Gee, pushy much?" Benjie turned to everyone there, saying, "Sorry. I'm sorry for having been so rude..." he said as he turned to Lazarus, "Especially to you. I know it is not your fault. I know it, it's just... I had to blame someone. There was nothing you could have said that would've made him stay. Cole was stubborn like that. I had hoped that you'd be able to talk him out of it, but even I know how he can get it." Benjie closed his eyes, gulping back his feelings before he said, "So I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass. And for cursing a lot. And for taking out my anger on all of you when you had nothing to do with it." He then turned to Mel as he said, "I'm also sorry for what I said yesterday." He looked down at his feet as he added, "I know I shouldn't unload on you. You are my little sister, you get to do what you want with me supporting you through it, it's just...I feel like I lost both of you to this world-..."
He didn't get to finish when he felt her arms wrap around him as she said, "You haven't lost me. I am still here, Benjie. I love you, brother. But what kind of life would I have had had I stayed here? I am not needed, unlike you. They need your brilliant mind. Tobias had always said that he loved having the extra hands, because he wouldn't have been able to accomplish all he did without you. And seeing Cole with his kids, it made me want to know what it is like to be a parent, to have a child of my own, to find my other half like he did with Lena. I don't want to lose a chance like that. I don't want to spend my time regretting it. Please understand. Please, Benjie. It doesn't mean I am abandoning you, or that I am leaving you. I did call over the past year and a half. I called when I could but most of the time I got no answer."
"It doesn't matter anymore." He mumbled, then sighed, "How far along are you?"
She stepped back, biting her lip before she said, "Two and a half months."
Benjie's eyes dropped to where he knew the baby was growing. He then closed his eyes as he muttered, "I swear to god, Mel, if you leave this child for me to take care of like Cole did I will-..."
He stopped talking when Mel cupped his cheeks, making him look her in the eyes as she said, "I'm not dying. Not anytime soon. I will live till I'm old and brittle, and I will die peacefully in my sleep." She smiled at him softly as she added, "Which won't happen for a very, very long time."
"It better not." Benjie muttered.
"Benjie." Benjie looked over Mel's shoulder as Lazarus approached them, placing a firm hand on his shoulder as he said, "No one is leaving you, son. Stop worrying about that. We are all here for you." Lazarus told him sincerely.
Benjie swallowed thickly as his shoulders dropped in defeat before he repeated, "I'm really sorry, Lazarus, for all the hurtful things I said to you. I know how much Cole meant to you-..."
"Forget about it." Lazarus said, and when Benjie was about to add something he pulled him into a hug, saying, "I mean it. It doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past. Let's move forward now. Stop dwelling on it. You get to miss him. I miss him too, so damn much." Lazarus muttered, pulling away and grabbing onto Benjie's chin as he looked him in the eyes, wanting him to understand as he said, "Mel isn't your only family anymore. I am here. Everyone in this room, we are all family. You will not lose us. Benjie, you too mean a lot to me. You and Mel." Lazarus said, smiling lightly when Benjie wrapped his arms around him. He let one of his arms extend out to Mel, pulling her into the hug as well, making her smile, "And Cole will forever be a part of us. He was a son to me, as are you. But you will stop feeling sorry for yourself, and you will live the life your brother made sure you had."
Benjie closed his eyes tightly as he mumbled, "Thank you."
It was a few months later, with everyone gathered for dinner, Rob having dragged Noah there like he'd been doing for a while since Noah had shut himself off to the others, starting to give up on Lucius returning at that point. He didn't have an appetite, and as Lazarus put food into his plate, he merely stared at it with disinterest. "Eat." Lazarus said, placing a hand on Noah's and a fork into it, "Starving yourself won't do anyone any good."
Noah breathed a sigh, picking at his food before taking a bite that felt tasteless in his mouth. He gulped it down and then a moment later, he felt a shiver run down his spine. He took in a stuttered breath before he let it out in a puff, leaning back against his chair, his eyes looking towards the ceiling in the room.
"Noah? Are you alright?" Ren asked in concern.
The smallest of smiles tilted his lips as he closed his eyes, muttering, "I am... he's back."
He didn't realize how worried the others were, only opening his eyes again when he heard sighs and comments of relief. He took in another breath, picking up his fork again, feeling his unease slowly slip away. He heard Lazarus start to make a plan, starting to organize a team to go see where he was, so they could start keeping an eye on him.
"Fine, Blayth. Stop whining, you could go." Lazarus said with a sigh, rolling his eyes when Blayth pumped his fist in the air in victory. Something made Lazarus glance to Noah again, noticing his frozen form, his fork lifted but the food in it forgotten. "Noah?'' When Noah didn't answer, he placed a hand against his arm, where Noah's eyes turned to him just as he lowered his fork back to the plate, and with that he got to his feet and started walking away. "Noah, where are you going?" Lazarus asked in confusion.
"He's dead." Was the only thing Noah said as he left the kitchen, making a deep frown caress Lazarus's brow before he turned back around.
He finally raised his eyes, turning to Edmur as he asked, "What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure." Edmur said, "It's happened before. Him dying shortly after his birth."
"But...it is the longest time that has passed before he is reborn. And now...he is dead again. Will he ever come back?" Lazarus asked, "Have you seen the vision lately?"
Edmur nodded, saying, "It hasn't changed. He is still the one who defeats Levi."
Lazarus gulped before turning to Rob and saying, "Would you check on him? You are the only one he's spoken to for the last two months."
Rob nodded as he got up, saying, "Don't worry. I'll make sure he is alright."
***
Noah's mouth was a gap, his eyes wide in surprise as the coffee he was just handed by Leon fell from his hand, spilling on the sidewalk, making him curse as it splashed at his trousers before his eyes were back at the boy that walked down the street, laughing loudly alongside an older boy as they talked animatedly.
"H-how is this possible?" Noah muttered in question.
"We need to tell Lazarus. Keeping our distance this time might not be a good idea anymore." Leon said, making Noah nod shakily, unable to look away as the boy punched the older boy's shoulder, who was teasing him about something.
Until that very moment he'd not seen Lucius, not once since his birth, but they knew where he was. They found the hospital he was born at, followed them home and knew where he lived. After that, they started keeping their distance in fear of Levi finding Lucius by finding them. But now, as he grew older, on his 10 birthday, they were there to check on him, as they had decided long ago to do it once a year. But until then, it wasn't clear to them what Noah was seeing now, as once Noah felt the calmness in his soul, and the happy emotions from Lucius they'd check the town and leave until another year passed. It was the first time he'd laid eyes on him, and now that he had, he couldn't look away in both amazement and bewilderment.