Promise
My stare got blank ahead, like I'm not even in this moment, I never wanted to be...
"Tequila, baka masunog na iyang niluluto mo!" Ate Ofelia's loud voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
Napapitlag ako at pinagtuonan na ngayon ng pansin ang niluluto. I was thinking about how Mama called me earlier, just when I got home from school. She was all praises towards me but I couldn't seem to be happy about it.
Nabalitaan niya kasi iyong eksena sa school, iyong naging pag-aaway namin noong babae mula sa Business Ad Department. Mabilis na kumalat ang balitang ipinagtanggol daw ako ni Gon.
And yes, he did that. Maybe he threatened to file a lawsuit that the girls who ganged up on me resorted to lowering their prides and apologized to me publicly, broadcasting it all throughout the whole campus.
Nag-apologize rin naman ako sa kanila pagkatapos no'n. Of course, I acknowledge that I had my fair share of mistakes as well. Kung sana hindi na ako pumatol pa sa pinagsasabi niya, edi hindi na sana humantong pa sa ganoon.
But there's no point in blaming myself. Nakatatak na sa isipan ko ang sinabi ni Gon kahapon. He said I was put in a situation where I had to choose between suppressing me feelings and feeling my feelings. And I just chose the right thing...
And he was right. Kasi kung palagi ko na lang ding kikimkimin ang lahat ng sama ng loob, ako ang kawawa sa huli. All the negative emotions will pile up inside of me, turning into pent-up frustration, and maybe... will soon lead me to thoughts about self-destruct.
I want my mind to linger on that particular moment where I felt how he cared for me. But I can no longer think about it when all that echoes inside my head are Mama's words.
Sinabi niyang ang galing ko raw dahil sa ginawa. That it was the best ploy to show everyone how Gonsalvus and I are close.
I so badly wanted to tell her that I didn't plan that. I never wanted to be put in the spotlight just to be humiliated.
But then, on the other hand, it indeed benefited our plan. The gossips about how Gon defended me is slowly spreading throughout El Valencia. So, maybe I should still be happy about it.
And never think much about Mama's lack of worry, about how she didn't ask if ever I got hurt, if ever I'm okay. Pero sa tingin ko, hindi ko na dapat masyadong isipin sa ngayon ang mga ganyan lalo na't sa bukas na ng umaga ang chemotherapy ni Mama.
And today, I also have to face the reality, that I'm solely here for the plan.
At magsisimula na ang totoong plano ngayong pauwi na ang fiancee ni Gon.
Kaya nga busy kaming lahat ngayon sa paghahanda ng hapunan na nagmistulang malaking handaan. Ni hindi na ako nakapagbihis pa mula sa unipormeng suot.
Since everything needs to be perfect for Celest Gabriel's arrival.
I was the one who convinced Gon about giving his engagement with Celest Gabriel a chance. But I never really thought that her coming here will be as soon as today.
Nakatayo ako kasama ang ibang mga kasambahay sa labas, kagaya na lang noong ginawa naming pag-welcome kay Arcus noon. Don Primero and Alita is also here while Gon is not.
Nag-overtime na naman siya ngayon sa trabaho kahit pa sa kabila ng pagkumbinsi ni Don Primero na dapat niyang i-welcome ang pagdating ng fiancee. But then, the Don couldn't ask for more as long as his grandson is willing to compromise for this set-up.
Padilim na nang pumasok ang isang makintab na limousine sa malaki at higanteng gates ng mga Cavallero.
It dramatically parked in front of us, screaming of opulence and elegance. Lumabas ang unipormadong driver doon at pinagbuksan ng pintuan ang nasa backseat.
Glossy red stilletos stepped out of the car, mimicking all the rich girl's entrance whenever they step out of their fancy cars.
And it is indeed the right kind of flashy entrance that fits the sophisticated woman that just got out of her limousine.
Her white midi dress hugged her curves in all its right places, accentuating her voluptuous figure even more. And when she took one step, the bag on her right arm that's probably designer, swayed eye-catchingly.
She then confidently strutted towards us, inilibot muna ang tingin sa mga kasambahay bago ngumiti kay Don Primero at Alita. Marahan niya silang bineso at nag-usap sila saglit.
May kalayuan kami sa kanila pero mula sa kinatatayuan, ay kitang-kita ko ang kagandahan niya. Paper-white skin, hooded eyes, perfectly arched brows, narrow nose and thin heart-shaped lips. And her long big mermaid curls even made her more gorgeous.
I have never been insecure but when she walked together with Don Primero and Alita towards us, my self-confidence slowly crumbled.
Why did Gon ever think of rejecting his marriage towards her?
Preoccupied with that thought, hindi na ako nakasabay pa sa sabay-sabay na pagbati ng mga kasamang kasambahay at iba pang mga tauhan. Celest immediately noticed it since I am in front and her eyes got glued on me.
Pasimple niya akong pinasadahan ng tingin bago siya lumapit sa akin, sa mismong tapat ko.
"Is she one of your granddaughters, Lolo?"
I gave her a small smile when her stare lingered on me.
"Oh, Celest hija, this is Tequila." The Don nodded at me, as if encouraging me to introduce myself to our guest.
"I'm a working student here, Miss Gabriel," I answered politely.
Bahagya siyang natigilan bago pinasadahan ulit ako ng tingin. Then the neutral expression on her face immediately turned into nonchalance. Na para bang nadismaya siya nang nalamang hindi ako isang Cavallero. Nilagpasan niya ako at sumunod na kay Don Primero at Alita.
And that was the interaction that stayed inside my head as I went to my room to change. I know that it is bad to think about this, but I hope she is not kind. Dahil paano ko magagawa ng maayos ang plano kung busilak pala ang puso niya? Tuluyan lang akong kakainin ng konsensya ko.
Nang nakapagbihis na ako at handa na sanang asikasuhin ang iilang mga homeworks ko ay siya namang pagkatok ng kung sino sa kuwarto ko.
I opened the door only to be told by Ate Julie that Don Primero wants me to join the dinner with them.
Bakit ba pinapasali pa ako ng Don sa hapunan nila sa hapag? I don't have anything to do with their family. Ni ang ibang mga katulong nga ay hindi sumasabay sa kanila sa pagkain. I am not any different from the other househelps here.
Tatanggi na sana ako kaya lang isang beep lang mula sa cellphone ko, at isang basa lang sa mensahe niya, ay hindi na ako makatanggi pa.
Gon:
I'm home. I'll wait for you here at the dining table.
I bit my lower lip. Shut my eyes tightly, heaved a deep breath out, and immediately went to the dining room.
Nag-uusap sila noong nadatnan ko. Gon is already sitting on his usual chair. When he saw me enter, he stood up and pulled a chair in front of him.
Celest is just beside him and watched his gesture then back at me before sipping on her wine.
"I never thought that your working student joins you in the dining table, Gonsalvus." She smiles sweetly at him.
Wala namang kung anong malisya sa boses niya pero bahagya pa rin akong nahiya dahil sa naging puna niya. Tahimik akong naupo sa tapat ni Gon, katabi lang ng upuan ni Arcus.
"Hindi na rin naman namin tinuturing siyang iba, hija. In fact, I am grateful to Tequila since she convinced Gonsalvus about your engagement!" Don Primero proudly looked at me.
Hindi niya na natigilan pa ang excitement kaya naisiwalat niya ito sa harap ni Celest. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.
I noticed Arcus shifting on his seat beside me while Celest's eyebrows are now pulling together because of confusion.
And Gon is now looking straight at me, his eyes hard and austere. A small gasp came out of my lips and I avoided his gaze.
Si Don Primero lang 'ata ang hindi nakaramdam kung gaano ka-awkward iyong sinabi niya kaya napatikhim si Arcus at nilihis na iyong usapan. He started talking about business that immediately got Celest's attention.
Kaya lang ay nanatili pa rin sa akin ang mariin na tingin ni Gon. Our eyes met and he shook his head at me, as if reminding me that I did something wrong.
Natapos na lang ang hapunan ay malamig pa rin ang mga tingin niya sa akin. I felt so guilty that I badly wanted to follow him after dinner but then he had to accompany his fiancee to her room.
I silently followed behind them. Papunta na ako sa kuwarto ko pero papunta rin sila sa direksyon na pinupuntahan ko kaya mabagal at tahimik lang akong nakasunod sa likod nila. They didn't even notice that I'm here.
"Where's your room? I can visit you there sometimes, right?" Celest's sultry voice echoed in the silent hallways.
My steps got slower and slower. Gon answered her in his low voice but I never wanted to hear any of it. Habang palayo sila ng palayo sa paningin ko ay na-realize ko rin kung gaano sila kabagay.
Gon is lean and tall, but still masculine with his built. In fact, he looks rough and ruthless. Celest is a bit shorter than me but her body surely screams of femininity. She looks so womanly and sophisticated. Imagine how that contrast of theirs goes too well together.
Pinabuksan ni Gon ang fiancee niya sa kuwartong katabi mismo ng kuwarto ko. They went inside together and the door closed. Silence followed and though I tried to fight it, that same silence started to gnaw and claw into my throat.
I'm... jealous. I clearly am.
Napapailing na pumasok na ako sa kuwarto ko at kinuha agad ang kuwaderno, libro, at ballpen na kanina pa nakahanda sa bedside table. I stared at the white walls of my room.
Celest's is just next door. She went inside with Gon, and the last thing she said to him that I heard got stuck inside my head.
I shook my head continuously because of the nasty thoughts that are starting to plague my mind. Kaya imbes na manatili sa kuwarto ko para gawin ang homework, ay napagpasyahan kong sa labas na lang gawin ito.
I couldn't go straight to that same tree where we almost hang out so I went farther in the backyard instead.
Malayo-layong parte na ito mula sa likod ng mansyon pero may garden lamp naman na siyang nag-iilaw sa outdoor swing chair na pangdalawahang tao yata ang laki. Sa gilid nito ay may mini fishpond kung saan lumalangoy ang iilang gold fish at carp fish.
I sighed and settled down the swing. Binuklat ko kaagad ang librong dala sa tamang pahina. I tried to read the instructions carefully but my mind is already stuck somewhere else even before I got here.
I got distracted when something moved behind the bush in front of me. Lumabas galing dito ang isang doberman. He walked towards me and started wagging his tail. I smiled a little.
"Hi! Isn't it time for your dinner?" I patted his head as he sat down near my feet.
He wagged his tail even more, licked my hand, and climbed up beside me on the swing. I giggled. Biglaang nawala sa isipan ko ang libro at kuwadernong nasa kandungan lang. Nang tingnan ko ang collar ng aso ay nabasa ko mula sa name tag ang pangalan niya.
"Odin, do you think Gon is mad at me?" I blurted out while looking at the dog.
"Hmm... with what he just found out, I think he is," a cold baritone suddenly mixed with the cold air of the night.
Napapitlag ako mula sa kinauupuang swing at napaangat ng tingin.
Gon stood three meters apart in front of me. His tanned skin is noticeable under the moonlight as darkness still managed to kiss every corner of him sexily. The expanse of his shoulder, his muscular torso, and his long legs made me stare at him in awe despite the coldness of his grave gray eyes that's directed at me.
He quietly approached me with his right hand on the pocket of his slacks. I moved a bit to give him space in the swing and Odin ran to him, barking at him as a greeting.
He squatted a bit and petted the dog before it ran back towards the bushes, then towards the pool bridge and joined the other dogs.
I held my breath when he sat next to me and his expensive perfume immediately greeted my system. My hands played with the book's pages, trying to divert my thoughts from the tension that I'm feeling between us.
"So, Lolo asked you to convince me about the engagement?" He pegs me a serious stare before his eyes fell on the book that's on my lap.
"Oo, per–"
"I'm sorry. Asikasuhin mo muna iyang dala mong homework. I'll ask later after you finish. While I'll wait here and help you with anything that I can."
Napakurap ako at napamaang sa kanya. From being cold, his voice suddenly transitioned into a careful and soft tone. My heartbeat erratically increased upon the understanding that just laced his features.
Ganito ba talaga siya kabait na kahit sa kabila ng galit niya ay nagawa niya pa talagang alalahanin ang homework ko? Pinansin niya pa talaga ang libro at kuwadernong hawak ko sa kalagitnaan ng pagtatanong niya.
Damn it. This Gonsalvus Cavallero just makes me fall every damn time. What am I supposed to do after all of this?
I shut my eyes and hugged him from the side tightly.
"I'm sorry Gon, I'm sorry... Yes, it's true that Don Primero asked for my help to convince you with the engagement. But the reason that I told you was true, too..." I mumbled weakly.
He sighs and looked down on me.
"You think I will forgive you that easily?"
I tried to syncopate the gasp that almost came out of my lips. Of course, he won't forgive me that easily.
"If you think I'll forgive you that easily, then you are damn right, Tequila..." he whispered against the side of my head as he slowly draped his arm around me.
"Fuck, I never knew I was such a simp until I met you." He chuckled and leaned on the swing.
Napasandal na rin ako kasama niya at nangingiti nang nilingon siya. Did he just say that he's a simp? I never knew that someone so confident and certain as him with all his glory, money, and power would ever easily admit something such as being a simp.
Alam ko ring maraming naghahabol sa kanyang mga babae. Patunay na ang vegan protest noon sa rodeo tracks sa Texas na halos lahat ng mga kasama kong 'protester' ay pangalan niya naman ang hinihiyaw. Kaya nakakagulat talaga na inamin niya lang 'yon na parang wala lang.
"Don't be like that, Gon. Magalit ka talaga kung may gagawin man akong dapat mo talagang ikagalit," the playful tone that I used at the first of the sentence turned into a whisper in the end.
Because it dawned into me that he really should be mad at me at the end of all of this. Hindi rin dapat na palagi niya lang paiiralin ang pagiging mabait, concern, at understanding. Lalo na kung ako lang din naman ang paglalaanan niya nito...
"If ever that time comes, I'll peruse your soul, understand, and accept every bit of it, Tequila. I promise you that..."
Nahugot ko ang hininga dahil sa biglaang ginawa niyang pangako. He's not supposed to say this. Not when he still doesn't know me well. Dahil hindi niya alam na deluybo lang ako ng tahimik niyang buhay. Hindi niya alam na sisirain ko lang siya sa huli pagkatapos ng paggugulo.
I swallowed the bile on my throat and opened up my book, nervously scanning through the pages.
"Uhmm... you can go inside first if you want. Sasagutan ko muna rito ang homework ko. I need to submit it tomorrow in the morning," I tried to make my voice sound like normal.
But when he's this close to me and he's this much observant when it comes to my gestures, he immediately noticed my uneasiness.
"You okay?" He rubbed my arm to keep me warm.
Sunod-sunod ang naging pag-iling ko sa tanong niya. And like how I am the master of faking almost every emotion, I relaxed in his arm and now plastered a bright smile.
"Okay... you need me to help you with that?" Dahan-dahan niyang inialis ang brasong nakapalibot sa akin para makapagsulat ako ng maayos.
I can still feel his lingering worry so I thought of something to say. Another one of the usual lines that I'm good at.
"Well, I would like to say that I'm an independent woman. I believe in my own capacity to answer this, too. However, if this is one way to get even more closer with you and maybe stay up late too, then who am I to decline?"
He chuckled and shook his head as he now silently read the instructions on the book. Nagsimula ko nang sagutan ang bawat tanong habang naghihintay lang siya kung may maitatanong man ako sa kanya.
I asked him about some items and he was so damn good at it. In-explain niya pa ang kinalilituhan kong cases sa mas malinaw at mas madaling paraan.
Nang natapos kami ay mas naintindihan ko pa ang topic. It's either he explains better than my professor or I just paid much more attention to the lesson because it was him who's teaching me.
Tahimik na kami ngayong nakatanaw sa mga bituin sa malawak na langit. Tanging tunog ng mga kuliglig at panggabing insekto ang namagitan sa aming dalawa.
And when I looked at him, it turns out that I was the only one looking at the stars up above us. Because while I was busy admiring the sky's beauty, he already ignored it and looked at me instead...