CHAPTER 57: DYING FLAME
It was the day after as they stood outside in the front yard, sparing with each other when Lucius said, "Let me spar, Lazarus."
"You still don't remember how to, and your body isn't in shape." Lazarus said from where he stood next to him.
"Come on." Lucius whined, "I have to start somewhere." Lazarus sighed before he asked, "Will it make you stop complaining?" Lucius smiled widely, nodding quickly which made Lazarus chuckle as he called out to Noah, who stopped his spar with Edmur to face him. "Lucius is insisting he could spar. Want to give it a try?"
"But he's-..." Noah started saying when Lazarus sighed.
"I know." Lazarus said, "Can you indulge him for a moment?"
"Hey!" Lucius whined.
"You said you'd stop complaining." Lazarus glared sideways at him.
"Fine. Blayth is right when he calls you a grumpy old man."
"You really want to test me right now?" Lazarus asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Sorry." Lucius mumbled, "Swords."
"No." Both Lazarus and Noah said at the same time.
"Come on, you two. When did you become so cranky?" Lucius argued as he walked up to Noah, "Swords. I will only spar with swords."
"Is it because you think you'd have an advantage?" Noah asked with a smirk, which made Lucius angry.
"Shut up, or are you scared?" Lucius challenged.
"Bring it on." Noah laughed, grabbing two swords and handing Lucius one.
"Noah, be careful." Lazarus instructed.
"Don't worry, he can barely hold it properly." Noah teased.
"I will make you regret that." Lucius warned, taking a battle stance.
"Come on. Show me." Noah said, holding his sword in one hand as he waved Lucius over with the other.
"This should be interesting." Blayth said, all of them stopping their spars to watch.
"Want to bet on who wins?" Cylus asked.
"My money is on Noah." Ren shrugged.
"Nah, Lucius has that look in his eyes." Blayth said.
"Ready?" Noah said, but without answering, Lucius launched towards him, only a second before he tripped over his own feet as pain assaulted his back, sword in hand pointed towards Noah. Noah was quick to react, tossing his own sword aside so Lucius wouldn't get hurt before grabbing Lucius's wrist and pointing the sword away from both of them as Lucius landed on top of him, both falling to the ground. Noah grunted before he asked, "Very graceful. Was that a move?"
Lucius moaned in pain as he sat up, glaring down at Noah while rubbing his lower back as he said, "And whose fault do you think that is?" It took Noah a moment to understand as Lucius grumbled over him. Noah tossed his head back, letting out a hearted laugh as Lucius hit him against the chest, scolding, "It's not funny!" he moved aside, getting off of Noah as he yelled at him, "Stop laughing! Idiot!"
Lazarus relaxed as Lucius kept yelling at Noah while Noah laughed, he sighed, shaking his head before a small smile touched his lips. He hadn't heard Noah laugh in a long time, and hearing it now lightened his heart. It hadn't been a week even since Lucius's return and Noah was already returning to his old self.
Lazarus watched Lucius get to his feet when Noah wouldn't stop laughing, calling out to him, "Where do you think you are going? You argue to let you spar then you expect to just walk away?"
"To hell with fighting. I won't train with him. I won't even be in the same room with him until he learns a lesson!" Lucius insisted as he kept walking away, going inside the empty house as everyone was outside still. A smile drew on his lips when he went inside, closing his eyes as even through the closed door he could still hear Noah laughing, and calling for him all at the same time. He was embarrassed with Noah laughing at him, but at the same time grateful that Noah was actually laughing genuinely, he'd been waiting for it since he'd gotten there. Waiting for his Noah to stop being so gloomy and sad.
Later that day, Rob walked up to Noah, finding him alone for once since Lucius's return. He took a seat beside him as he said, "I think I'm going to go away for a while."
"Go where?" Noah asked in confusion.
"Back to the bar, maybe. It's been a few years." Rob said.
"Rob, you look the same-..."
"I was hoping you'd help me with that." Rob told him with a small smile, "You know, use that spell you spoke about before, to make me look older."
"But why?" Noah asked with a frown.
Rob bit the inside of his cheek before he said, "You are fine now. You have Lucius back. You don't need me around anymore."
"That's not true-..." Noah started saying when he was cut off.
"Noah, it is." Rob said with a smile, "And I am so happy that you are laughing again. Being so carefree. I worried you wouldn't be like that again. I missed that part of you. A real laugh. I truly missed it. Only he can do that."
"He said the same about you before." Noah reminded.
"He was wrong." Rob said, "Besides, I think it is time for me to try and find my Lucius out there, don't you think?"
"Sorry." Noah muttered after a moment, making Rob glance at him, "I'm sorry I am always selfish when it comes to you. Knowing how you feel, I still forget when Lucius is around." Noah admitted.
Rob smiled sadly as he said, "I am happy for you, but I have to move on too, you know."
"Okay." Noah said, "But you will have to be careful. If I need to use my powers, or if we get attacked, I might not be able to keep the spell going and you will look the same way you do now again."
"I'll watch out. But I don't think it would be that much of a problem. I plan to expand the bar, open another branch. So I'd be traveling soon. Finding a new location and what not." Rob explained, "But you have to promise to call if anything happens. I will be here the moment you need me again."
Noah smiled at him, pulling him in for a hug as he said, "I am so grateful to have you as a friend,
Rob. You mean so much to me, I hope you know that."
"Same goes for you." Rob muttered, patting Noah on the back before he got up. "I will be leaving tonight after dinner. Got to say goodbye or Lazarus would get mad."
"Okay." Noah nodded.
***
A few days went by since Noah told Lucius about what he was feeling, but Lucius couldn't stop thinking about it. He placed his plate in the sink before rounding the island, looking towards Noah who was just coming into the kitchen from the dining room, a plate and glass in his hands as he also made his way to the sink.
"Noah, we should talk." Lucius said, watching Noah turn to him with a frown.
"About what?" he asked, stepping aside from the sink as the others one by one brought their plates in.
"What happened? What you told me-..."
"Lucius, I said I didn't want to." Noah said about to walk away.
"But you are still angry. I can feel it."
"It doesn't matter." Noah said, the same words he'd used before, "I will get over it."
"Noah, we have to talk. You won't get over it just like that-..." Lucius said when Noah was about to walk away from him again.
"What do you want from me?" Noah asked when he turned around to meet his eyes.
"To tell me what you are feeling." Lucius said.
"You already know." Noah accused before adding "what good would it do anyway? You don't even remember it."
"It still matters, because keeping it in for so long will not end well." Lucius said with worry, "Just talk to me. Tell me-..."
"Tell you what?" Noah asked heatedly, feeling his anger reach a boil, "What exactly am I supposed to say? I can't be angry, not truly. I can't hate you either, because god damn it, what you did saved not only me but everyone else too. My father. My brother. They would have died if you hadn't. Am I supposed to be grateful that you took your life? Am I supposed to just... get over it so easily?"
"Noah-..." Blayth muttered to stop him but he kept talking, as if the dam he'd kept up had broken and everything came spilling through.
"You want to know how I feel? I don't know. I truly, honestly don't have a clue how I feel. My entire being aches still. I have you here, but it still hurts. It hurts to remember it. To think about it. And I want to move on, but how am I supposed to do that with everyone reminding me of it constantly? The image of you slitting your throat is something I can't forget, Lu. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I will my stupid mind to forget it I cannot! And that one thought, that one memory of me whispering to you that I hated you instead of loved you. I can't take it back, but I don't want to remember it. I don't want to remember the days I'd spent hating what you did. Being so damn angry that..." Noah stopped himself from saying his next words, about almost sleeping with Rob as he groaned, saying instead, "And you can't just leave well enough alone! I am fine! I am alright. You are alive, that is what matters. The past is gone, and you don't remember it even so why keep dredging it up?!" Lucius was speechless as he looked him in the eyes, his words resonating in his mind when Noah demanded, "Say something! You wanted to hear all that, so what were you going to say to make it better?"
Lucius gulped, his eyes dropping before he turned around and walked towards the door, leaving without another word. When Noah was about to follow him, Blayth stopped him, saying, "Give him some time. That was a lot to take in."
Noah's eyes were locked on the door with dread before he muttered his question, "I told him I hated him, didn't I?"
***
Atrabilious walked outside the front doors, halfway down the steps before taking a seat beside Lucius who sniffled and wiped his eyes as he looked away.
"I can show you if you want." Atrabilious said, having heard Lucius's wish in his mind.
"What?" Lucius asked, tuning to look at him.
"Maybe you still don't recall, but I have the power to read minds, and to project thoughts and memories into others minds as well." Atrabilious explained, "And I know you want to remember."
"I want to know what possessed me to do it. Why would I take my own life? Even if it was to save Noah, there must have been other alternatives."
"There really wasn't." Atrabilious said, "But I can only show you from the moment you called for me. I hadn't seen what happened before then."
Lucius sighed as he nodded, "Anything. I just want to understand... so I can apologize properly to him. Or at least make it up to him." Atrabilious nodded as he leaned close, touching his forehead to Lucius's before closing his eyes and letting the memories flow. Lucius pulled away with a gasp the moment he slit his throat, feeling his body tremble as he took in a shaky breath. "Oh god..."
"Should I not have shown you?" Atrabilious asked with a frown.
"No... not that's not it." Lucius shook his head as he looked away, "My god, he saw the whole thing."
"You told me to warn him, so he'd close his eyes without telling him what you were going to do so he'd not stop you. But he wouldn't look away." Atrabilious told him.
"I don't blame him for hating me." Lucius breathed, wiping at his eyes before his tears fell again.
"He doesn't." Lucius looked at him with a frown, making Atrabilious elaborate, "He doesn't. He feels betrayed."
Lucius swallowed thickly as he closed his eyes, breathing, "That's worse..."
"He is trying really hard to move forward from that." Atrabilious told him.
"How do you know?" Lucius asked.
"I've tethered my mind to his long ago. When you entrusted me with him. When he came looking for comfort in my cave."
"Where is he?" Lucius asked.
"The library."
"Thank you, Atrabilious, for showing me what I made him go through." Lucius said, watching Atrabilious nod before he got to his feet, going inside to find Noah.
He walked into the library, eyes landing on Noah reclined against an armrest of a couch, laying down with a book in his lap that Lucius was sure he wasn't truly reading. He walked up to him, pulling one of his legs off of the couch so his foot was on the ground before he took the book from him, ignoring the confused look in Noah's eyes as he settled between his legs with his back to Noah's chest, pulling his arms around himself as he placed the book in his lap instead, opening it again in case Noah wanted to continue pretending to read it.
He felt Noah's breath as he let out a small sigh, but his arms didn't move from where Lucius placed them around his own waist, instead held him closer. After a long moment of silence Lucius said, "Atrabilious showed me what happened."
"He shouldn't have. You'll get nightmares." Noah muttered.
"I won't apologize." Noah closed his eyes as he listened to him quietly, not wanting to slip again and say something else to hurt him, "Not for making sure you survived. Not for causing your healing powers to unleash and heal everyone we loved. Not for making sure they didn't get another mage on their side to fight against us, to increase the danger we are facing. I am not going to apologize for that." It was another long few seconds of silence before Lucius tilted his head against Noah's shoulder, his eyes gazing at the ceiling before he breathed, "But I will say sorry for not having other options at that point. For not being able to think clearly with his blade to your throat. I will beg your forgiveness for the rest of forever for having done it with you watching."
"It's okay-..." Noah muttered as his arms tightened around Lucius, his face pressing against his neck.
His words cut off Lucius as he said, "Stop trying to protect me at the cost of carrying all that weight around. Loving each other isn't only about the good parts, not only about protecting one another. It is about sharing everything. The good, the bad. It's about shouldering burdens together, so let me help you, or at least try to make it up to you. To try and make up for hurting you so much... for making you hate me even for a second-..."
"I don't hate you-..."
"You feel I betrayed you." Lucius said, repeating the words Atrabilious said to him, and at the silence he was answered with, he knew it was true. "I'd never do that. But if wanting to make sure you lived at the cost of my own life is betrayal to you, then that is fine. But I would never betray you in any other way. I'd sooner give up my life."
"I know..." Noah breathed, feeling choked, "I know you would. You already have."
Lucius gulped back his own tears before taking in a deep breath and sitting up, turning around to face Noah as he said, "How about you punish me?"
Noah frowned before asking, "How?"
"Tell me all about our wedding." Lucius said seriously, and it took a moment for it to sink it for Noah before he laughed, shaking his head as he wiped his eyes from any tears that he'd not shed.
"How is that punishment?" Noah asked.
"To me it is. Trust me. I want nothing more than to remember it myself." Lucius said with a deep frown of his own. Noah looked him in the eyes for a moment longer before nodding, reaching over and pulling Lucius in for a strong embrace.
"I love you, stupid." Noah breathed.
"Don't call me stupid." Lucius protested, pulling away to scold him.
"Who but an idiot would suggest such a stupid punishment?" Noah asked, laughing again.
Lucius sat back, smiling softly at him, enjoying his laughter as he said, "I guess that would be me."
Noah looked him in the eyes again, reaching over, cupping his cheek as he said, "I'm okay. Stop worrying. If I ever feel the pain again, of that time or any time before I will tell you right away. I swear it."
Lucius pulled Noah's hand to his lips, kissing his palm as he said, "Okay." He turned back to him, smiling as he stared at him quietly before his smile suddenly disappeared and his entire body went rigid.
"Lu?" Noah asked, frowning as he sat up, both hands cupping Lucius's face as he appeared to not be able to see anything. "Lucius, what is it? Lu, talk to me." Noah insisted. It was another few moments before Lucius gasped, falling back and away from Noah, looking around himself frantically, "Hey, Lu, calm down, you are fine." Noah said as he tried to reach for him, Lucius's hand pushing his away, trying to fight him off before he managed to get off of the couch, collapsing onto the ground the moment his feet touched it. Noah slipped off as well, kneeling beside him with his hands raised as if in surrender as he said, "Lu, it's me. It's Noah, love. You are alright. You are safe."
Lucius kept taking quick, shaky breaths before his eyes rose to meet Noah's as he breathed, "N-Noah..."
"Yes. It's me." Noah nodded, reaching a hesitant hand forward towards him. A sob left Lucius before his arms were wrapped tightly around Noah, clutching him as if his life depended on it.
"N-Noah... oh god..."
"Shhh... What just happened?" Noah asked, an arm wrapped tightly around Lucius's back while the other hand tangled in his hair.
Lucius slipped his arms from around Noah, his hands against the sides of Noah's neck as he muttered shakily, "I... I don't know. I... I was here one moment then I was in the woods. We were kissing, then you tackled me down and there was a battle. Ruben was in front of me as you fought Levi, and when Lazarus tried to help, he blasted him away... and..." Lucius shook his head, "I turned to you and you were leaving yourself open, focusing on me instead of Levi behind you... then he... he held a sword to your neck and..." Lucius gulped, looking Noah in the eyes finally as his tears fell as he said, "I felt it... all of it. My fear, yours... the urge to save you, but you kept refusing to let go...I felt it..." Lucius reached for his neck, his hand running against the smooth skin there as he shook his head again, "Oh god..."
"Lu?" Noah asked with a deep frown, "Was it the memory of the battle?"
"I... I think so, but how?" Lucius asked, looking at Noah, "How, I wasn't asleep...? It wasn't a dream..."
"I don't know." Noah muttered, "This never happened before." He told him before pulling him in for a hug when he saw that his body still trembled, "We'll ask the others, they might know. You're shaking so much."
"It was different than a dream." Lucius said, "Felt like I was there, like... like it had just happened. All of it, from the heat of the fires around us, to... to the taste of blood in my mouth..." Lucius grimaced, his arms tightening around Noah, "It was terrifying, Noah... thinking you were going to die, it was..." Lucius choked on a sob, unable to keep talking.
***
The sound of a glass being placed on the table in front of Lucius startled him out of his thoughts, making him glance up at Noah from where he was fidgeting with his hands. Noah placed a hand on his shoulder as he said, "You aren't in battle, calm down. Try to relax a bit. No one will hurt you here."
Lucius hesitantly nodded before grabbing the water Noah placed in front of him as Noah took a seat beside him, looking towards Tobias and Edmur who were seated beside Lazarus around the dining table. "So can you walk us through what was happening before that?" Edmur asked.
"You saw what happened after breakfast." Lucius muttered, "Then I met Atrabilious and he showed me his memory of that day...more like a part of mine."
"Why would he do that? We all know not to speak of the past in front of you until you remember it yourself." Lazarus said with a frown.
"I asked him to." Lucius said, not wanting to get the dragon in trouble, "I wanted to know what happened, what had Noah so angry."
"Perhaps that is what triggered it. We are used to Lucius remembering by himself. Or when we speak of a specific event, he would dream of it." Edmur suggested, "Maybe that is why he saw it."
"But it always returns to him as dreams." Noah said with a frown.
"Perhaps it's the amount of details you described it with, or the way Atrabilious showed it to him that made his mind jog the memory too soon. You know, like running electricity through metal in comparison to running it through water. It makes it move faster." Tobias suggested.
"Are you alright, Lucius?" Edmur asked when he saw how distracted he seemed as he stared into his water.
Lucius startled, muttering, "Umm... yeah. Yeah, just... I don't want to remember like that again. It's...too real."
"Most the memories that return to you seem real as well." Edmur said with a frown.
"Not like this." Lucius shook his head, "Even when I was back from the memory, it was as if... as if I was still there, surrounded by the flames, still in danger. I..." A shudder ran through him, making him run a hand across his arm as he said, "It's so intense. I still feel most of it. Usually when I wake up, it still feels real but I realize the emotions aren't there, not as powerful. I know it was a memory, but not this time."
"Maybe it's because you saw your death?" Edmur asked with a frown.
Lucius's eyes met his, his own brows netted in a frown as he nodded, muttering, "Maybe... but I've seen myself die before, it didn't feel like this... like my soul was actually leaving my body." Lucius said as his eyes fell to the table, one of his hands reaching for his neck again, his nails digging slightly into the flesh, "The sting of the blade... I still feel it." Lucius closed his eyes when he felt Noah's hand over his own, making Lucius tighten his hand around it. "Sorry..." Lucius mumbled, dropping his hand from his neck as he looked at Noah, "I'm sorry I keep talking about it-..."
"It's okay." Noah cut him off, cupping his face with the hand that wasn't holding Lucius's, saying, "It's okay. Everything will be. I will tell everyone not to talk about things that you still don't remember. At least until you get your memories back."
"Sounds good." Lucius nodded.
"Okay." Noah said.
"Seems like a plan." Lazarus agreed as he stood up, "Is there anything else?"
Edmur said, "I have one piece of good news."
"And what is that?" Toby asked.
"The battle with Levi. It will come soon. I see it clearly now, at least the moment where his concealing spell is broken, the moment when Lucius wounds him enough to get him through the gates." Edmur said.
"That is good news." Lazarus said with a sigh.
A small frown touched Lucius's forehead before Noah spoke, making him turn towards the man he loved as he said, "It will be over?" Noah asked, glancing at Lucius before a small, relieved smile touched his lips as he whispered, "It doesn't sound real anymore. It's been our dream, our prayer every night to finally get here, that now, it seems so far-fetched."
"I know what you mean." Lucius said as he bit his bottom lip.
That night as Noah walked out of the bathroom, he glanced at Lucius who looked wide awake, seeming to be carrying the weight of the world on his mind. He sighed as he went to Lucius's bed side, grabbed his hand as he said, "Get up."
"Where to?" Lucius asked with a frown, not moving to get up.
"Just come on. You said I get to punish you, right?"
"You said it yourself. I shouldn't be told things I don't remember yet." Lucius said in confusion.
"Don't you trust me?" Noah asked, watching Lucius nod, making him say, "Promise I won't go into details. Just want to show you something."
"How is that a punishment?" Lucius joked despite himself, despite the secret he knew he'd have to tell Noah about soon.
Noah snorted as he said, "I will show you before you remember it. Ruin the surprised feeling you'd get when you recalled it. Now get up before it gets too late." Noah said, tugging on Lucius's hand. It didn't take longer for Lucius to get up, pull a jacket on as Noah instructed before both were heading downstairs and to the back door through the library. "Seriously?" Noah paused the moment they entered the library, making Tobias and Edmur scramble off of each other, "Go to your room."
"You're one to talk." Tobias muttered, sighing as Edmur hurried to his feet and left, making the alchemist shake his head. "Now look at what you've done. Do you know how hard it is to get him in the mood?" Tobias asked as he got up.
"Don't know, and don't want to know." Noah said as he dragged Lucius behind him to the balcony, closing it behind them as they left the house.
"Noah, it's dark." Lucius said when Noah started walking towards the tree line.
"Wait, love." Noah said, casting a spell into his hand before a glowing orb started floating in the air in front of them, with the two following it through the woods.
"This place is scary at night." Lucius muttered, looking around them as his hand tightened in Noah's.
"There is nothing to be afraid of. This is our home." Noah said, slowing down so they were walking next to each other.
After walking a while, Noah stopped, making Lucius ask, "What is it? Did you hear something?"
Noah chuckled as he turned to him, saying, "We are safe." Noah assured him, "Are you ready to see what my wedding gift to you is?"
Lucius rolled his eyes as he slapped Noah's arm saying, "You scared me, idiot. And no. I am not. I want to remember it myself. And why the hell do we have to walk through the forest at night so you could show it to me?"
"I can't exactly bring it back with us." Noah laughed, "Go on. It's just through there."
"You don't have it on you?" Lucius asked with a frown.
"Nope. Go."
"Alright, alright. Gee. Seriously what the hell, forcing me out here at night then ordering me around, not to mention-..." Lucius went still as he passed the last few trees, standing in front of a large structure before more of Noah's glowing globes hovered around them, lighting up the entire place and making Lucius gasp. "What the hell?"
"Your gift." Noah said, wrapping an arm around Lucius's shoulders, "Built it from scratch. And Blayth would kill me if I didn't tell you that he helped." Noah's smile widened when he glanced at Lucius from the corner of his eyes, placing his fingers under his chin and lifting it as he said, "A bug would end up in your mouth if you keep it open like that."
Lucius bit his bottom lip, walking a few steps closer to it, then glancing at the lake before turning to Noah, "My god, this is beautiful... I can't believe you built me a house."
"You had told me you dreamt of building one together, by the lake. I thought, since I had so much time alone that I'd do it. Worked out perfectly when you told me you were ready to get married so, gave it to you as a wedding gift."
"Idiot..." Lucius said, turning around and walking away from him.
"Why am I an idiot this time?" Noah called after him as he walked towards the porch before opening the door Noah unlocked with his magic when he saw him walk up to it, and went inside.
"Because I have to tell you something and you are making it harder to do so." Lucius stated as he went inside, turning on the lights, "oh god, this is better than I imagined." Lucius waved his hand backward into Noah's chest when he stepped up beside him, making him grunt as Lucius asked, "And how the hell is this punishment?"
"Well, you kind of decided what the punishment would be without consulting me." Noah shrugged, rubbing at his chest as Lucius took off his jacket, placing it on the back of the couch before his fingers lingered on the edge of it, then he went to the bed, where Noah stopped him, saying, "Let me get it dusted first. I haven't been here in years."
"Not even to maintain it?" Lucius asked with a frown as Noah waved his hands over the bed.
"Protection spells work just fine, so why bother." Noah shrugged before opening the window atop the bed with a spell as well before his hand waved towards the fireplace, tossing a few logs with his magic into it then lighting it up.
"Talk about lazy." Lucius laughed, waving the dust away with his hand before Noah used another spell to send all the dust through the open window.
"Much more efficient this way." Noah argued.
"Code words for laziness." Lucius shrugged before walking to the bed, sitting on the edge then falling backwards, his eyes landing on the night sky through the skylight roof above the bed, making Lucius smile lovingly as he muttered, "You thought of everything."
"You were on my mind the entire time I was building it. Every little detail was made with your preference and the things you loved." Noah told him, "The red stones over the fireplace, because red stones remind you of your room in Eglar. The window in front of the bed." Noah said, glancing towards it as Lucius picked his head up to do the same, "Overlooks the lake. It is far away from the house to have our privacy. A small kitchen because neither of us could cook even if our lives depended on it. The skylight so you wouldn't have to leave bed when you want to stargaze. And did I mention that there are no windows facing the sunrise so you'd be able to sleep in without anything bothering you? The trees cast enough shade so light wouldn't blind you from the roof in the daytime. The carpet in front of the fireplace is because you love sketching on the floor most of the time, while being warm enough to do so. The open space, because you've always said you hated walls since they make it feel like we are trying to keep barriers between us." Noah smirked, making Lucius sit up and look him in the eyes.
"What did I do to deserve someone like you?" Lucius asked with the smallest tilts of his head.
"I am the lucky one, Lu." Noah told him as he walked up to the bed, "Did you know that we slept with each other for the first time as husbands on this very bed?" Noah smiled, making Lucius chuckle, reaching for him when Noah straddled his legs, pushing him back and leaning over him as he whispered against his lips, "Such a damn memorable night that it is a shame you've forgotten." He breathed against Lucius's lips.
"How about we make new memories?" Lucius bit his lips, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks as Noah dipped down for a kiss. A kiss that led to both of them being naked, Noah thrusting into a writhing, moaning Lucius under him, ending up with them collapsing in exhaustion, panting for breath. As they calmed down, Lucius turned on his side, wrapping his arms around Noah, nuzzling the nape of his neck before he muttered, "I have something to tell you..."
"You're pregnant?" Noah asked.
Lucius's hand slapped him against his chest, earning a chuckle. "Your sense of humor is turning into your brother's. Both are lame." Lucius's arm tightened around Noah's waist as he said, "But seriously. I have to tell you this."
"What?" Noah asked.
Lucius kissed Noah under his ear before he said, "I am ill."
Noah frowned, turning around to face Lucius, wrapping his arm around his waist as well, as he looked him in the eyes asking, "What do you mean ill?"
"As in sick." Lucius muttered, "As in terminal."
Noah's lips parted, about to say something instead inhaling deeply as he asked, "How?"
"Donno. Fate?" Lucius shrugged, "They found out when I was 8. I was in and out of hospitals a lot. It kept coming back every few years. I got it three times since then. The last time I went in, they said it was too far along to do anything, so they stopped the treatments."
"Are you sure?" Noah asked, "You don't seem sick." Noah said, his hand cupping Lucius's cheek.
Lucius smiled at him before he muttered, "I feel it. It comes and goes. Some days are bad, other times I forget that I am sick."
"Lu... why didn't you tell me before?" Noah asked with a deep frown, all his humor, his lightheartedness disappearing in an instant.
"I wanted to enjoy us getting back together." Lucius admitted, "I prayed you came for me before I died, and you did. So I wanted to spend some time with you, being fine for a bit."
Noah's eyes filled with tears as he gulped, muttering breathlessly, "You're not joking?"
"I wouldn't be so cruel." Lucius shook his head, "I want to protect you from the world, Noah. But I knew I had to tell you. We could have had a fun few months together before you found out, but I didn't want it to end up like the last time I was ill and held back from telling you."
"But Edmur... he said his vision is clearer now-..."
"I don't know. Perhaps we will manage to do it before I die?" Lucius asked, not sure of it himself, that is why he wasn't able to reply or rejoice to Edmur's announcement earlier that night, "Or maybe it's clearer than it was a thousand years ago."
"What is it that you have?" Noah asked.
"Not sure. They never told me the details, just that it has something to do with my blood." Lucius told him, "I...three months before you came to get me I had ended up in the hospital because I became very ill. They said I had about 9 months. I don't know if they are right or not, and I should have 5 months left, but... I promised to tell you everything so long ago. I am telling you the truth so you wouldn't be surprised later." Lucius gulped, his hand going to Noah's cheek as he said, "I am fine now, though."
"Liam might be able to help." Noah said.
"I don't know..." Lucius replied, "The doctors seemed to be sure that nothing else could be done."
"Lu, let us try." Noah said, "He has magic. He might be your cure."
Lucius's thumb caressed Noah's cheek as he smiled, saying, "Okay, but don't get your hopes up until we know for sure."
Noah sighed, holding Lucius closer, burying his face against his chest as he muttered, "I don't want to lose you again."
"I think I'm finally getting used to it." Lucius sighed.
"Don't say things like that...." Noah pleaded, "Every time hurts as much as the first time if not more..."
"It's happened so many times already." Lucius mumbled, "It's become like something that has to happen when I am back."
"Because we don't get to have good things in our lives..." Noah breathed, letting a few tears fall from his eyes as he recalled Lucius's words, a mere day before he had died the last time.
"You are the good thing in my life." Lucius said with a small smile, "I get to have you. Be married to you. I get to be yours and you mine. It's sort of funny how I feel my life is complete after I spend even one day with you, that I don't mind if it ends after. Because I feel like I've had a happy life because of it, because of you. And I get to come back to you. What more could a man ask for?"
"Not to lose the one he loves..." Noah whimpered.
"I am not dead yet, love." Lucius said, caressing Noah's hair, "I am here, so be here with me. Not in the past, not in what might happen, but now. Here. The way your hair smells, the way your arms feel around me, your voice. All of it... it is engraving into my mind, and will never leave me. No matter how many times I die, no matter how many times we must be apart. I will end up here, with you. Holding you. Loving you. Because all I want... all I need is you."
"Where was all that when you said your vows?" Noah asked, biting his lip as he tried to get his mind off of what he'd just learned.
"What do you mean?" Lucius asked, "I didn't say that? Or something along those lines?"
Noah pulled away to look into his eyes, a small smile on his lips as he said, "You gave me the world. That was all you said." Noah chuckled half-heartedly.
"No way." Lucius protested, "I wouldn't have just said that."
"Just wait. You will remember soon. It was the only thing you said before you stopped." Noah let a breath of a laugh leave him as he said, "You couldn't say more because you were crying."
"I wasn't." Lucius said, then asked, "Was I?"
"You were." Noah said.
"Don't lie to me because I still don't remember." Lucius glared.
"Not lying." Noah shook his head, chuckling lightly even with the heaviness in his heart before he said, "Stop glaring." With that he turned them both so he was on top and whispered against his lips, "Don't you want me to tell you more about our wedding?"
"I want to remember myself." Lucius said stubbornly.
Noah leaned down until his lips were against Lucius's ear as he breathed, "You don't want me to show you what we did that night? How I touched you..." Noah whispered, his hand trailing down Lucius's waist, "How I kissed every inch of your body..." Noah muttered, his lips trailing kisses along Lucius's neck, making him shiver which had a small smile touch his lips, "How I made love to you all night long until the break of light... how you trembled and writhed under me, begging for more..." Lucius moaned as Noah licked the column of his neck, making it arch to give him more access.
"I want to remember..." Lucius breathed, his eyes closed, one hand tangled in Noah's hair, the other gripping his arm.
"But what if..." Noah started saying before he stopped himself, thinking of what he was about to ask, his hands pausing where they were, his entire body frozen as his eyes filled with tears. 'what if you don't.' he wanted to ask, making his body tremble as he gripped onto Lucius, face buried against his neck when he felt Lucius's hand caressing his head instead of where it was fisted in it.
"Love, it's alright." Lucius mumbled, an arm wrapped around Noah's back holding him close as he cried.
"It's not..." Noah sobbed, he didn't think he'd be crying so soon after finding Lucius. He felt devastated, crushed at the news of his beloved's illness. Because he knew their luck, and he knew that with how their lives had turned out so far, that Lucius would most probably die soon.
The next day they were with Liam, and after a few blood tests, and a spell he casted to check on Lucius's health, he confirmed the illness. "Leukemia."
"What is that?" Noah asked.
"It's what they call the cancer of blood." Liam told him.
"Cancer?" Noah muttered, turning to glance at Lucius who still sat on the bed in the infirmary. "So how do you cure it?"
"Tell me about how they treated you in the past." Liam asked Lucius.
"I don't know." Lucius replied with a shrug.
"How do you not know?" Noah asked, making Lucius look at him.
"I was younger. I don't know what they called it. The caretaker at the orphanage handled all those things and made sure I was there for treatment. But I don't know what it was called or what I had. Not until now."
"How did you feel after the treatment?" Liam asked instead.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Lucius asked in return.
"I might be able to figure out what the treatment was." Liam said.
Lucius hesitated, only answering when Noah said, "Just tell him."
Lucius's eyes dropped to his feet as he frowned before saying, "Sick. Very sick. I didn't want to eat, was too tired to move. Mrs. Jones always kept me in a different room after treatment, she said so I wouldn't get sick even though I already felt that way. I started losing my hair soon after, getting rashes. The doctors kept saying it would get better. It did, but after they stopped the treatment." Lucius said as he looked up at Liam.
"Radiation and chemo." Liam sighed, "But it still came back?"
"Twice. This is the third." Lucius told him.
"I need to do more tests-..." Liam said when Lucius shook his head.
"I don't want to be in pain again." Lucius told him.
"But if I am to know more, to be able to treat you, we need to do more tests." Liam explained.
Lucius was quiet for a long moment before he asked, "Can't you just look at my last test results?"
"That would help, but I need to do some of my own since your last were four months ago." Liam told him.
"What did your tests tell you?" Noah asked Liam.
"Confirmed what he has and how advanced." Liam told him.
"Then why more tests?" Noah asked.
"To decide what treatment would be better and make sure to understand how fast it is developing." Liam said.
"You could treat him? Cure him?" Noah asked.
Liam hesitated for a second before he answered, "Maybe not cure him."
"Then why?" Noah asked.
"Curing him might be impossible right now. I could try a few things, but only to prolong his life." Liam said, "Perhaps try and make him live till his 20th birthday."
"Two years?" Lucius asked with a deep frown, "You will try the same thing for two whole years?" Lucius shook his head, turning to Noah, "Noah, please... I can't do it. And for what? I might not even live that long."
Noah finally looked away from Lucius, a deep frown matching Lucius's set on his face before he said, "I promised myself I wouldn't be selfish again. That I wouldn't make you suffer." He took in a deep breath, which left him slowly before he added, "I won't make you go through that much pain again. I won't make it come to you begging me to let you die." Noah's eyes met Lucius's again as he said, "You decide. Whatever you choose, I will be here. It's alright if you don't want this. If you don't want to live in an ailed body. You've always said it, you will come back. Maybe your next life will be better. Maybe you won't be sick and have to decide things like this." Noah sighed a moment later muttering, "Don't cry." Lucius's eyes dropped to his lap, not able to help his tears. He leaned into the touch against his cheek, shutting his eyes as his breath trembled.
"I don't know what to do..." Lucius whimpered, "What should I do?"
"Not this time." Noah said, making Lucius look at him, kneeling in front of him with his hands cupping Lucius's cheek, the other holding his hand, "I've made you go through hell many times before to do it again. This time I will not interfere."
Lucius heaved a sigh as he leaned forward, forehead resting against Noah's as he muttered, "I want you... That's what I've always wanted. But I also don't want to hurt... I really don't..."
"Then it is decided." Noah said, gulping down his pain. He repeated to himself, 'not this time' as he tried to be as strong as he could for Lucius. "It will be alright. Just like you said."
"Sorry..." Lucius muttered.
"Don't be." Noah breathed, his hand caressing Lucius's hair, "Never be sorry for telling me the truth." Noah pulled away to look into Lucius's eyes, wiping away his tears as he asked, "Should we tell the others?"
"I don't want to... not yet. I don't want looks of pity, or Ren yelling at me." Lucius replied, wiping his tears before he sat up, "Maybe Lazarus. He should know."
"Alright." Noah nodded.
Lucius turned to Liam and said, "Can you tell us everything about what will happen? If I don't get the treatment, What to expect?"
"Are you sure about this?" Liam asked with a frown.
"Yes." Lucius nodded.
"Alright." He sighed before starting to list the things that would happen, how Lucius would slowly start losing his appetite and energy until he was bed ridden before he died.
"Will it hurt?" Lucius found himself asking, his hand tightening in Noah's.
"I will make sure it doesn't." Liam told him, "I won't let you go through that, I promise."
"Lu... if it takes about the same time would it really make a difference if you tried the treatment?" Noah found himself asking.
Lucius looked at him before glancing at Liam as he asked, "Would it take the same time?"
"Not from what I've seen." Liam shook his head, "I will still have to check your previous test. Would you let me take one more test?"
Lucius took a deep breath before nodding, "One more."
"Alright." Liam nodded, sighing in relief.
A few days later Liam was finalizing the test when Lorena walked in, going to his side as she greeted, "Hey, honey."
"Ren, how many times did I tell you not to come in here?" Liam sighed, continuing what he was doing.
"Yeah, yeah, I will contaminate all your tests and what not." Ren mumbled with an eye roll before she saw a paper next to Liam with Lucius's name on it, making her frown before reading it over his shoulder then asked, "Why are you testing Lucius's blood and bone marrow?"
Liam placed his hand on the paper next to him before turning to her and saying, "Ren, it has nothing to do with you."
"Tell me." She insisted, "Is he sick?"
"I do checkups on him every time he is reborn." Liam stated.
"Then why are you trying to hide it?" Ren asked.
"I am not." Liam said.
"Then there is no issue in telling me." Ren replied.
He pressed his lips before repeating, "It has nothing to do with you."
"You said that already. I will ask him then-..." Ren said, but he grabbed her wrist before she walked away, making her look at him.
"Ren, it is not my place to tell you, and he'd think I betrayed his trust if you went snooping. He'd know I told you something. And right now, I need his trust." Liam told her.
Her frown deepened before grabbing a chair and dragging it towards him, taking a seat in front of him and leaning close as she said, "Why are you so sad? What did you find?"
"Love, listen to me." Liam said, taking a hold of her hands as he spoke, "I don't want to lie to you, but like I said-..."
"It has nothing to do with me." She rolled her eyes again.
He smiled weakly as he said, "Stop rolling your eyes at me every time I say something you don't like."
"Just tell me how serious it is." Ren insisted.
He hesitated before saying, "Very serious." He grabbed her hands tightly then, wanting to make sure she understood as he said firmly, "Don't bring it up with him. He knows what he has, and Noah knows too. He just doesn't want to tell anyone else yet. He will when he is ready, Ren. You are like a sister to him, he will tell you. But he knows how you get when you are scared or worried."
"Really? And how is that?" Ren challenged.
"Loud. Angry." Liam told her, "I love you, we all do. But what he is going through right now... it's just too much for him if you were angry at him. He needs us. Just make sure you are there, but don't yell at him or show him how mad you are. Take out your anger on me instead, alright?"
Her head tilted downwards before she said, "He's dying, isn't he?" when he didn't answer she looked back at him, her frown deepening as she muttered, "Oh god..."
"Please don't bring it up." Liam begged.
"Okay... okay, but tell him that we are here for him. Tell him. Make sure he knows it. Or I won't be able to help myself if he refuses to be around us." Liam nodded to her request, sighing before he leaned in, placing a chaste kiss against her forehead.
"I will take care of him until he lets all of you in." Liam promised, making her nod. Later that day he went to Noah and Lucius's room, where Lazarus was sitting with them around the couches in the room. Liam walked in, settled down before placing the results on the table as he said, "Sorry it took so long. I wanted to make sure so I ran the tests twice."
"What did you find out?" Noah asked.
"Don't keep us waiting." Lazarus said when Liam started fidgeting with papers he had that he added to the ones on the table before looking at Lucius.
"I hate being the one to have to tell you this." Liam said with a deep frown, "It is progressing faster than the initial diagnoses. I looked at the doctor's report from a few months ago, and the tests we did a few days ago." He bit his lips before sighing, "It's bad. Worse than what they told you... worse than I thought. Even if we did stall, it would give you maximum of 6 more months."
Lucius gulped down his fear, not daring to look at Noah who had his hand clasped tightly around Lucius's as the latter asked, "I have five months, don't I?"
Liam hesitantly shook his head, "No."
"Liam, I have 5 months." Lucius insisted, "They told me I had more time."
"I am really sorry, Lucius." Liam said.
"Then how long?" Lucius asked, "Will I get to remember my wedding at least?" at that he felt Noah's hand tighten around his, making his eyes tearful, "Liam, please tell me I will make it to winter. To see the snow."
Liam tried to hold back his own emotions, but had to look away from Lucius before he said, "I believe that it will be two months at most without treatment."
The whole room was quiet before Lucius muttered, "At most? What about at least?"
"5 weeks." Liam told him, making his body start to tremble.
"Noah..." Lucius mumbled, still unable to look at him before he said, "Sorry... I'm so, so sorry I didn't die before you got to me-..."
"Don't say that." Noah protested, his hand tilting Lucius's head until he was looking him in his tearful eyes as he said, "One day with you makes it worth the wait. You said that. It is as true for me as it is for you."
"I thought we had more time..." Lucius said brokenly, "I swear I thought we did. I would have told you sooner if I'd known."
"It doesn't matter." Noah said, "It doesn't. We had fun, right? Getting back together. It was fun. We still have time."
"Sh-should I keep fighting? I will do it... if you want, I will do it." Lucius told him, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye.
"The pain-..."
"I will endure it. If you want more time-..."
"I won't make you go through that." Noah cut him off, "It's alright, Lu. It really is. Besides, you said it will make you sick. How will we spend time together if you were in bed all the time?" Noah asked, swallowing down the lump in his throat, but eventually realizing that no matter how much he tried, it wouldn't work.
"Are you sure?" Lucius asked, more tears dripping down his cheeks.
Noah nodded, pulling him close to his chest, his hand caressing his hair as he said, "I don't want you to die. That is for sure, but right now we are going to end up with that outcome either way, so yes, Lu. I am sure I don't want you to suffer. I am sure I want you to be alright until the very end. It will be alright. I will be right here the entire time, okay?"
"I'm sorry." Liam said, sighing as he wiped his face before looking back at them, only Noah being able to glance towards him. "I wish there was more I could do."
"You told them that they shouldn't waste a minute." Lazarus said, finally able to look away from Lucius to glance at Liam, "You did enough, son."
Liam bit his lips, nodding before looking towards Lucius again, still buried against Noah. "If you want to tell everyone, you should do it now. We are all here for you, Lucius. No matter what. They'd want to know, they'd want to be here for you." No one said anything after that, merely sat there, until Lucius calmed down enough for them to feel comfortable leaving them alone.
Sitting around the dining table, having lunch the next day, Lucius's eyes were stuck to his plate the entire time. Noah finally convinced him of leaving his room, and so there he was, sitting surrounded by people he loved, laughing and chatting away as they ate their meal.
"I'm dying." Lucius muttered, his eyes still on the untouched food in his plate as his mind finally decided to tell everyone. He'd struggled with it, if he was going to tell them or not. Noah had spent most of that night helping him figure it out. He wasn't sure yet, but he thought why not just say it. The quicker he did it, the less he'd have to think about it.
"What was that?" Blayth asked, barely having heard him.
Lucius gulped before he repeated, "I'm dying." Noah put his fork down, reaching over and holding onto Lucius's hand.
"What do you mean you're dying?" Blayth questioned, frowning deeply.
"Blayth-..." Leon muttered but was cut off.
"He's joking." Blayth said to Leon before turning to Lucius who still hadn't faced any of them, "Tell him that you're just joking."
"Shut up, Blayth." Lorena said, making the red-head turn towards her, frowning deeply when he saw the look on her face, letting him know that she already knew.
"He told you?" Blayth asked.
"I kind of found out on my own." Ren told him, "He's not joking."
"Why are you dying?" Cylus asked.
"I'm sick." Lucius answered, "I've been sick since I was a kid, but now it's terminal. I was told I had 2 months-..."
"You're joking!" Blayth repeated.
"Blayth, quiet." Lazarus said sternly.
Leon reached under the table, clasping his hand around Blayth's before looking him in the eyes, seeing the pain in his red-head. Leon merely shook his head so he'd be quiet.
"I thought I'd play it off... it wasn't important. I was still alright." Lucius said, "But I had to tell Noah. He wanted Liam to try and heal me, but it's not possible. So...I thought it was time to tell all of you too. It wasn't my intention to keep it a secret, I just... I wasn't ready to talk about it. To admit it. Because..." Lucius's head tilted further down, shutting his eyes tightly as he breathed, "Because it makes it real. I'm dying." Noah wrapped an arm around Lucius's shoulders, pulling him to his side before he pressed his lips to his temple, Lucius leaning into the touch.
It was quiet for a long while, as if everyone was thinking about what he'd just said. The silence was finally broken by a question from Ren, "Are you scared?" she asked.
Lucius let his eyes open before he finally raised his eyes, meeting Ren's before he said after taking in a deep breath, "I've known about it for a while, I've had time to adjust."
"Yeah, but are you scared?" Ren asked again, frowning.
He bit his lip before he said, "I've died before. It happens a lot. It's not something I don't remember. I will come back eventually."
"That doesn't answer the question-..."
"Ren." Noah said, making her glance at him before going quiet.
It was another moment of silence before Lucius muttered, "Terrified." She looked at him again, barely feeling the tear that made its way down her cheek as she met his eyes.
"I am too..." she said brokenly.
"Why would you be?" he asked her.
"Because..." she muttered, taking in a stuttered breath before she said, "I don't know what will happen. Because it is so different when you are around, so much... life. The house, everyone in it, is completely not the same if we lose you. We don't gather like this. We don't joke and laugh like this, and if we do, someone ends up in tears. It's just... not the same. Because I have no idea if it will be a smooth death for you where you die in your sleep feeling nothing, or you will hurt like the first time we lost you. Because Noah breaks down when you are gone, and I don't want to see it happen to him again. Losing you scares me. Always."
Lucius gulped down the lump in his throat, then muttered, "I'll be fine." She looked doubtful before he looked away, then met Noah's eyes as he said, "And I will return to you, take comfort in that."
"I might say I will now, but when it actually happens..." Noah shook his head as his words trailed off, making Lucius cup his cheek before resting his forehead against Noah's.
"I promise to make it up to you when I am back." Lucius breathed.
"I will hold you to that." Noah replied.