Chapter 55: DEALING
"What are you doing?" Blayth asked as he walked into the library, walking up to where Ren was standing by the window.
"I don't like it." She muttered, eyes still locked outside, fingers pinching her bottom lip.
"Don't like what?" Blayth asked, glancing outside as well.
"That." She said, tilting her head towards the lake, where beside it, Noah and Rob sat on the grass chatting, laughing together. "It is unsettling. He's been here two weeks already; doesn't he have to go back to his day job?"
"Are you jealous he took over taking care of Noah for you?" Blayth asked, making her glare sideways at him before her glare returned outside.
"He is getting too close to him." Ren said, "He is always with him. Sleeps in the same bed most nights."
"He is happy, Ren. Getting over his grief. Don't you want that?" Blayth asked.
"If he loves Lucius, then no." Ren answered, making Blayth frown.
"What does that mean?"
"Don't be stupid." Ren said, "Lucius isn't here to defend what is his." then added, "And he is moving in on Lucius's territory."
"They are not animals, Ren."
"No, but Noah is still Lucius's." She countered, "If you died and were to return, would you want Leon to be so cozy with someone else in the meantime? Forget died, if you had left and he found someone else-..."
"He wouldn't." Blayth cut her off, "Neither will Noah. Weren't you the one against them being together?"
"I wasn't against that. I wanted to make sure they were not rushing things. Lucius is important to me. He is a brother to me as well, Blayth. If it was Noah who had declared the wedding to us, I would have drilled him instead." She answered, "And Rob... what he is doing is not right."
"Making sure Noah is alright?" Blayth asked, as if reminding her.
"No. As in they are cuddling, and touchy with each other. More than normal friends should be." Ren said, "And my brother hasn't had a real friend in a long time, not to mention his best friend is Lucius, so he might be a little rusty. Doesn't mean Rob gets to take advantage of the situation."
"I don't see it." Blayth muttered as he glanced outside again.
"They have been kissing, Blayth. Don't tell me that he kisses all his friends on the lips like that." Ren stated.
"Ren, they are just pecks." Blayth countered.
"When others are around." She told him, making him frown at her before she pointed outside, "Does that look like 'you are my friend and I appreciate you' kiss, or does it look like 'I am starting to fall for you, so I will kiss you till you fall for me too' kiss?"
Blayth glanced outside, his frown deepening when Noah's hand slipped to Rob's hair, kissing him more passionately before pulling away, smiling at each other. "Maybe you are reading too much into things." He mumbled quietly, unsure himself at that point.
"It is not right. They just got married. It is not right." Ren repeated shaking her head, about to walk out when Blayth grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Let them be for now." Blayth said, "We'll have a word with Rob later. Alone."
"Blayth... I don't want Lucius to return only to find that Noah had moved on from him."
"Isn't that what you wanted all along?" Blayth asked in confusion.
"Not anymore." She insisted, "He is our brother now as much as Noah. A part of the Able family, or us the Delafontaine." She rolled her eyes, "I will make sure that stays the case."
"Just wait. We will talk to him together." Blayth assured.
"What are you two up to?" Edmur asked as he walked in, making both of them answer with 'Nothing' before Ren walked out of the room. "You two together always spells trouble. Please don't cause it for a while longer. Peace around here is so rare." The seer sighed as he took a seat with a cup of tea and a book.
"Nothing to worry about." Blayth assured before excusing himself.
***
Rob turned to Noah as they sat at the lake, having just shared a kiss that stole his breath away. He looked at him for the longest time before Noah asked, "What?"
"Nothing. Just thinking." Rob muttered as he looked away.
That night, as they sat in Noah's room, Noah on his rocking chair while Rob settled down on one of the widow seats, Noah said, seeing the man look into his eyes, "Tell me what you are thinking, Rob. You've been distracted all day."
"You might not like it." Rob shrugged.
"Trust me like I trust you." Noah told him with a small smile, "You can tell me anything."
Rob hesitated before nodding, his eyes dropping to his fidgeting hands as he muttered, "I think...I think I am starting to fall in love with you." When he got no answer for the longest time, he looked back at Noah, now frowning deeply, any hint of amusement having left him. The moment their eyes met, Noah looked down at where his fingers were running across a carving in the wood of the armrest, where it spelled Lucius's name. "You can tell me anything too." Rob encouraged, wanting to hear what Noah had to say about it.
Noah bit his bottom lip, still staring at the carving before he said, "I can't...I can't betray him. Not after everything."
"I understand that." Rob said, "I don't expect you to. I am just stating the feeling I have whenever I think of you, or even look at you."
"Rob, I am sorry if I have misled you. I am sorry to have used the kindness you have given me." Noah said, deeply frowning.
"You haven't." Rob said, finally making Noah meet his eyes. "You haven't, Noah. And I don't wish to make you betray Lucius. I didn't think I would actually tell you my feelings, but I have. Now that I did, I can't take it back." Rob shook his head as he looked outside the window at the night sky, "It is not like I expect anything from you. But... Can you answer me one question?" Noah nodded when Rob glanced at him, making Rob continue, "If... If he wasn't coming back, would you have considered it?"
Noah's persistent frown deepened, eyes falling on the carving again before he breathed, "I don't think so."
"Why not?" Rob asked with a frown of his own now.
"You are amazing, Rob. Beautiful, soulful. You are what I see when I think of life. You are funny, and thoughtful. Smart and kind beyond anything." Noah told him, finally looking up from where his fingers trailed, to meet the emerald eyes, "You are everything a man or a woman could ever hope for."
"Then why?" Rob asked again, really wanting to know, "Why wouldn't you even consider it?"
"Because... you deserve better than what I could offer. You deserve a happy life, away from the madness that comes with mine. Because..." Noah breathed, frowning deeply as he said, "You are not him..."
"Even if he wasn't to come back?" Rob asked, feeling the pain of the words cut deep into his heart.
"Even then." Noah answered, "Because, I vowed to love only him. I vowed that no one would ever have my heart other than him. He is my everything. My now. My future. If he wasn't here, I wouldn't be either." Noah smiled sadly, "Because if the afterlife is his home from now on, I will join him and pray with all my might that we share the same afterlife. Because the fact of the matter is... I do not feel alive when he is not here. You have taken my mind off things at times, made me forget some of the pain I feel, Rob. But the fact still remains..."
"I am not him." Rob said with a pained smile, "I get it."
"You will find someone. Someone that is going to sweep you off your feet. Someone that is so much better than me and can offer you the world you deserve. I know it." Noah told him, "And I am so sorry, Rob, if my words hurt you. I truly am. You are dear to me. More than you think." After a long moment of silence, with Rob looking at his hands brokenly, Noah said, "To be honest..." his words made Rob look at him as Noah smiled softly, "If it was another life, another world... if I had met you first, maybe I would have ended up with you."
Rob smiled back at him as he said, "Not even then. I know how much love you hold in your heart, Noah. Because if you had met me first, then met him, you would have left me for him. He is different. Your soulmate."
"Perhaps... but I also wonder sometimes if life took another turn, would I have ended up falling for the prince? Or even meeting him?"
"But here and now, it is him that you choose. Like you vowed, you would find him a thousand times over and still choose him every time." Rob smiled as he recalled the vows, "I pray I find that kind of love."
"I pray you do too." Noah said, watching Rob get to his feet, "Where to?"
"I think I will spend the night in the guest room." Rob told him.
"Is it because of what I said?" he asked with a frown.
"No, Noah. Because I understand everything you said. I just need to get over what I feel, alright? Just one night. If you need me, I will be at the end of the hall." Rob assured, making Noah nod hesitantly.
Once he walked out of the room, heading down the hall, he was cornered by Ren and Blayth who gave him the lecture of a lifetime ending up with him promising to sleep in a separate room at least. Not knowing that after his love confession and being turned down because he didn't compare to someone left him hurt enough to actually want to hide away for a few days, but not wanting to leave Noah, knowing how he got when he was too upset. He still thought that some limits were fine. Like sleeping in a separate room. Perhaps not kissing as often. He sighed as he settled down for the night, taking in a deep breath as he hoped the next day would be better.
It was a few nights of this, of sleeping alone when Noah got up in the middle of the night, not bothering to change out of what he already wore, a loose trouser that hung on his hips, an unbuttoned shirt that was held up by his shoulders. It was late, the sky darkened by nightfall. He made his way to the door and through the empty halls, he walked till he was standing somewhere at the far end of the backyard of the villa they had been living in for so long.
He stood there in the freezing, dark night. He didn't bother with anything else, his body still numb even as he walked there. He stood in front of the trees that worked as headstones to Lucius's graves. A few. From each reincarnation of his Lu, whenever he was with them at least, he stood in front of the freshly dug one this time. He sucked in a sharp breath before he sat down in front of it. His tears fell heavily but he wasn't aware, he only noticed when some cold air swooped by, slapping him in the face and making it feel colder than any other part of him, but still he completely ignored it.
Rob woke up the next morning, changing quickly as he felt his stomach ache with hunger. He went to Noah's room first to drag him along. As he got there, he knocked but when no reply came, he entered as if the room was his own, having gotten used to it at that point. He frowned at the empty bed, going to the bathroom to check on him, but also finding it empty, making him walk towards the balcony, remembering finding Noah sitting there by himself a few times.
He was about to go see if he was in the kitchen when he glanced over the railing, his eyes catching a glimpse of him sitting by a tree outside, curled up by the tree he'd grown over Lucius's grave. He frowned, heading downstairs before going outside through the back doors. He went towards Noah, kneeling beside him before he shook his shoulder, watching tired eyes open slowly, glancing towards him.
"How long have you been out here?" Rob wondered out loud. Noah didn't reply, placing his hand on the ground as he sat up, his eyes looking at the tree he was leaning against for a long moment, making him recall the dream that woke him up late at night, which made him want to be near Lucius, even if only for a moment. Rob grabbed Noah's hand when he saw his face twist in a frown, a glister of tears gathered in the already reddened eyes. "How about some breakfast?" Rob asked, noting how different Noah seemed to be acting. He watched his eyes drop for a moment before nodding as he got up with him.
"Morning." Tobias said when he saw the two, having set the plate he held on the table.
"Good morning." Rob replied, glancing at Noah who was following his lead the entire way inside. He placed a hand on his back again, guiding him to his chair before Noah sat down.
Tobias frowned at Noah, asking, "Are you alright?" he waited for an answer, only seeing a nod, but their eyes never met. Tobias hesitated before he made his way to the kitchen again, helping set the table.
Everyone settled down for breakfast, the rest joining in soon. They ate and chatted, laughed as they had their meal. Rob reached over when he saw Noah not moving, placing a fork in his hand so he'd start eating instead of merely staring at his plate. Noah's fork touched the food, moved it around the plate a bit before he stopped, letting his hand rest over the tabletop.
Once everyone was finished, they started bringing their plates to the kitchen. Lorena got up, but instead of walking to the kitchen she sat next to her brother, her hand touched his cheek as she spoke to him softly, only for him to hear before she took the fork from him, picking up some food and bringing it to his lips where he finally took a bite.
Rob watched silently from the kitchen counter, his frown deep as he wondered what was with Noah. He almost jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, glancing to the side to see Lazarus standing there.
"He was fine last night." Rob said, his eyes returning to Noah, who was slowly chewing on the same bite Lorena had fed him, "We were talking...laughing even." Rob added, "I have no idea what's happened to him. I found him outside by Lucius's grave."
"Don't worry, Robert." Lazarus said, "It happens. It's happened before. It is just something he goes through whenever Lucius isn't around. One day he is fine, the next he isn't because of some dream or memory."
"I tried talking to him, but he doesn't seem to be listening." Rob explained, "I joked like I usually do when he is upset, but it didn't work either."
"It's not you." Lazarus comforted, "When he is like this he usually only listens to Ren." Rob looked back at Lazarus, "Sometimes me, but rarely. Don't worry. We will take care of him." With that Lazarus rounded the kitchen counter, going towards the dining room before placing a hand on Noah's head, watching as Ren glanced at him, followed by Noah's eyes. "How about we talk?"
Noah looked at him for a moment longer before his eyes again filled with tears, this time escaping his eyes, sliding down his cheeks as he shook his head, his lips trembling as he looked away, shutting his eyes tightly.
Ren caressed his hair, muttering softly, "You don't have to, brother. It's alright. Just take a deep breath." Noah leaned closer to her, as did she until their foreheads touched, Ren continuing to speak comforting words to him as Lazarus pulled a chair closer, settling down on his other side while the room cleared.
Rob nibbled on his lip, frowning deeply as he watched them, trying to think of something to help Noah. His gaze was interrupted when someone stepped in front of him, making him look up to meet Leon's eyes as he said, "He needs some time. Let's give him privacy for now." Rob hesitated before following Leon outside, with one last glance behind him, seeing Lorena wrap her arms around her brother who started crying harder.
Rob didn't see him for the rest of the day, only when Ren took him to his room, making him sleep when she found out he'd spent the night outside without proper rest. Once he was asleep, she left him to rest, returning down to the sitting room, where Cylus sat with Wyatt at his feet, head resting against Cylus's leg, his fingers caressing Wyatt's hair softly.
"Hey, Wyatt." Ren said as she took a seat, making him glance at her without moving from his spot. "Don't you get tired of him? I sure can't spend more than an hour with him." She said, gesturing with her chin to Cylus.
"Leave him alone." Cylus said, "Stop putting ideas in his head. How many times do I have to tell you not to speak to him directly?" he glared.
Wyatt chuckled, nuzzling Cylus's hand before he sat up, looking back at her as he said, "Don't let her get to you. She just wants to get you riled up." Wyatt muttered softly, getting up when Cylus patted his lap, settling down there and nuzzling his neck. Cylus arched his eyebrow towards Ren, as if to say, 'see how he loves me', making her smirk.
"Ren, how is he?" Rob asked, walking in, taking a seat next to her.
"He'll be fine. Just needs to rest a bit." Ren explained, patting his hand when she saw his frown.
They sat there talking for the longest time, hours passing until it started getting darker outside, making them turn on the lights. Rob kept asking Ren if she should be checking on Noah, but she kept telling him that there was no need, because she was sure that with how tired he seemed, that he'd sleep until late.
Noah walked into the room looking frantic, making Ren get to her feet. She truly expected him to sleep in. She walked up to him, only for him to move past her, leaving the house through the back door, where she followed him, hearing Rob ask what was going on. Noah walked faster, going to the tree he'd spent the night sleeping under, seeming to search for something on the ground, not finding it he got up, walking past them back into the house, the living room they were seated in and starting to look under the couches, then between the cushions.
"Noah, what are you looking for?" Ren demanded when he wouldn't listen to her, "Tell me so I could help you search." She insisted but noticed that he was deep into his own mind that he wasn't paying attention to any of them. She knelt next to him when he pushed the coffee table away to search under it, grabbing a hold of his face with both hands and making him look her in the eyes. "Tell me." She said firmly, seeing the panic in his eyes, and slowly tears gathered in them.
"I never take it off..." he mumbled, "I don't, I swear..." he felt himself start to tremble before he was trying to push her hands away again.
"No. Tell me first. What is it?" She insisted.
"The locket!" He yelled at her, hoping it would be enough for her to let go of him, "It was..." he mumbled, reaching to where it usually hung against his chest, "I... I don't know... I can't find it... I... his ring..."
"Noah, calm down." She said much quieter now, trying to sooth him as she added, "We will find it alright. No need to panic. We haven't been away from the house for a while now. It will be here somewhere. When did you last see it?" she asked him.
"I..." Noah muttered, then his eyes dropped as he tried to remember, feeling his heart constrict painfully before a small whimper escaped him as he looked up to where Rob was standing behind her, "I don't remember..." Since Rob was there with him all the time, he rarely felt the need to reach for it, to hold it like he used to before. It was what grounded him for so long, but then Rob was there, and he didn't remember. "I need it..." Noah sobbed, pushing her away from him before he went to the kitchen, starting to search there.
Tobias looked up from the book he had on the counter, a glass of wine in the hand that wasn't flipping the page, watching as Noah went to the drawers, starting to ransack them. "What are you doing?" Tobias asked, his eyes moving to Ren and Rob rushing in after him.
"Noah, we will find it." She assured him, "Did you look in your room?"
"Yes!" Noah replied in frustration.
"What are you looking for?" Tobias asked.
"His locket." Rob replied, his concerned eyes still on Noah, not having seen him that way before.
"Oh!" Tobias said before he stood straight from where he was leaning on the counter, his hand going to his pocket, "That's right. I completely forgot." Tobias said, making Rob glance at him as he pulled something from his pocket before it dangled from his fingers. Noah heard the sound of the chain clicking, a sound all too familiar making him turn around to see his most precious possession in the alchemist's hand.
He felt his heart race as he hurried to him, and the moment he had it between his hands he collapsed to his knees, clutching tightly as tears of relief left his eyes, muttering, "Thank god... I'm so sorry... so sorry..." he muttered, as if speaking to the locket, when his words were to his Lu, for almost losing the thing he'd entrusted him with so long ago, for their wedding band that Lucius entrusted him with.
"How long did you have that?" Ren demanded of Tobias.
"Two days maybe... I don't remember." Tobias replied, "Saw it out back. The chain was broken so I fixed it. Completely forgot I had it."
"Were you ever going to give it back to him?" She yelled at him.
"Don't take that tone with me." Tobias warned, with the younger members of their family he never accepted disrespect. Ren was no exception. "I planned to but got sucked into what I was doing in the lab."
Later, as Noah lay in his bed, hand fiddling with the locket between his fingers, his eyes locked on the ceiling as his mind drifted from the room, Rob knocked before entering. He went straight to the bed even before Noah told him to, not that Noah even heard the knock at how distracted he was.
Rob sat on the bed, watching Noah silently until Noah's hand reached over to his, the other still holding onto the locket over his chest. "Are you alright?" Rob asked, taking Noah's hand into his. Noah merely nodded in reply, a very small tilt of the head, his eyes never looking away from the wall above his bed. Rob's eyes moved to the locket before he said, "It looks heavy. You really never take it off?"
"I can't." Noah muttered, "It's a weight I can't live without anymore."
Rob's thumb caressed Noah's knuckles as he said, "You scared me." Noah took in a deep breath, closing his eyes before tilting his head to be able to look Rob in the eyes. "What happened?"
"I hate not having him with me..." Noah muttered, "So I needed this." Noah added, his hand fiddling with the latch on the side before he opened it, taking out the small piece of paper inside, "When I lost him... the very first time, I found this note. I needed to read his words again." Rob reached over, taking it from Noah before unfolding it to read the words Lucius once wrote to him.
'My dearest Noah, I know that my absence has caused you pain, and I am sorry, love. I'm sure you've already shed enough tears, but crying is not going to bring me back, and it won't heal your heart. I am sure that I am missing you just as much as you do me from wherever I am, and I wish it's a place close to you. I know how hard this must be for you, and as much as I hate being the cause of your heartache, there is nothing to do to reverse it. My love, this will not go away on its own, you have to talk to someone. Find someone: your father, sister, a friend or a complete stranger. Let it all off your chest, I promise it will feel better. I hope it doesn't take long for me to return to you, my Noah. But until then, I want you to be alright. Try, my Noah, to be fine, and live, and stay the idiot I fell in love with. I love you, always and for eternity. Yours for the rest of your life, Lucius.'
"The idiot he fell in love with." Rob whispered the words, a small sad smile on his lips.
"You are the first other than me to read those words." Noah muttered, his eyes again closed as a tear fell from the corner of his eye. "I cannot lose anymore. I've realized that I love too fast... and I love too deep."
"I've noticed." Rob agreed, smiling at him when he glanced his way.
"I don't know what it is, Rob. I truly don't know what it is that is between us, but it means a lot to me. I cannot lose you." Noah said, tightening his grip around Rob's hand when he reached for him again.
"I am here. You are not losing me." Rob replied.
"But you will grow old. I will lose you." Noah muttered.
"It's life." Rob responded, not seeming to mind it.
"I don't accept it." Noah said, "I don't want to lose you." he repeated.
"It's nice to know that I will always be in your heart." Rob said.
"I want more than that. I want you to stay in my life." Noah said, "I want to make you immortal. I want you to stay with me."
"Don't be ridiculous, Noah."
"What's so ridiculous about it?" Noah asked, "Don't you want to live forever?"
"No." Rob replied before he thought about it, "Well it doesn't sound so bad, but I don't really know... not sure it's the right thing to do."
"I've learnt the spell." Noah whispered, his eyes back to the ceiling, "I went to Ira's room, and I memorized it. I can cast it if I want."
"Wouldn't she get mad?" Rob asked with a frown.
"I don't care." Noah responded.
"Noah-..."
"I don't care, Rob. If she never speaks to me again, I won't care." Noah muttered, though he knew it wasn't true. "A few people only matter to me."
"Ira does too." Rob reminded.
"She does." Noah sighed, "But she's not you."
"And I'm not Lucius." Rob said, watching Noah wince as he used the same thing that Noah had told him when he'd confessed to him that he was starting to fall for him.
"Rob-..."
"If you want, I won't object." Rob finally said, looking away towards the window. "You might not ever feel the same, but that doesn't make what I feel stop. That doesn't mean that I will stop caring about you. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy."
After a long moment of silence, Noah merely looked at Rob who still stared outside the window, he muttered, "Sorry." Rob glanced at him with a confused frown, which had him say, "For being insensitive. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about what you want."
Rob smiled at him as he said, "Immortality doesn't sound bad."
"You don't have to-..."
Rob shook his head, interrupting Noah as he said, "You've already put the idea in my head. You can't take it back now."
Noah smiled at him, saying, "Come here." Rob smiled back, laying down next to him, Noah's arm under his head as he closed his eyes. They lay in blissful silence for a long while until Noah asked the question running through his mind, "Why would you love someone as broken as I am?"
"You're not broken." Rob muttered.
"Then what would you call it?" Noah wondered, his hand tangled in Rob's blonde hair.
"Greif." Rob muttered, a hand over Noah's chest, his thumb moving lightly in a comforting motion, "Lost Love. Devotion."
"Broken." Noah muttered, "That's the definition of broken."
"Having a big heart." Rob countered, "That's what it is."
"Rob, you deserve more than what I could give. You deserve a better person to love. Someone who would think of you before themselves. Someone who'd never let you down."
"Someone who doesn't love someone else." Rob said with a small laugh, trying to play down the feelings he had.
"I vowed-...."
"I know." Rob muttered, knowing what Noah was about to say.
"He has my heart-..."
"I know." Rob replied, "You don't have to explain. I know. The little letter you keep close to your heart says it all."
"I don't want to hurt you."
Rob smiled, leaning up to peck Noah's cheek as he repeated, "I know. You are sweet, Noah. I know why he'd fall so madly in love with you, but what made you fall for him?" Rob asked.
Noah closed his eyes as a small smile drew on his lips, "His word was law. He was my prince."
"That's not a reason." Rob replied.
"I was captivated when I first met him officially. I told you that. Then because of who he was, I had to listen to him, even though he was younger than I was, I was still to respect him and follow his orders... and I found myself latching onto every word he said. No matter how insignificant it was, it was as if an angel spoke whenever he did. He helped me through the hardest time in my life." Noah said, pausing for a second before he added, "Lazarus isn't my father by blood."
"Really?" Rob asked, sitting up to look down at Noah.
"He found me when I was about 3 and took me in as my family had been slaughtered." Noah explained, "And I only found out when I turned 14, hearing some men speaking about how charitable he was to have taken me in. I was devastated to hear from him that it was true, but he wished that I heard it from him first." Noah smiled as he sat up, leaning against the headboard while playing with the locket still, "I didn't speak to him. Not him or Ren for a few years. I was hurt, but not because he hid it."
"Then why?" Rob asked.
"Because I wanted him to be my real father. I wanted Ren to be my real sister." Noah said, smiling up at him as he explained, "But at the time, all I knew was I was lied to. Betrayed by the people I trusted most. I was filled with anger and hate. All of which left me the night I met Lucius." Rob smiled then as he saw Noah's genuine love show in his eyes as he continued, "He asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing. He asked again, insisted I told him, and when I did... It was the first time I'd cried in so long. The first time I cried over a family I thought I lost." Noah's eyes returned to the locket as he unlocked it again, for the third time that day, opening the small scroll Rob returned to him earlier, his fingers running over the words as he spoke, "My sweet Lucius held me that night. He let me weep over his shoulder and he didn't let go. He opened up to me as well. Told me about his feelings towards his mother who'd passed a week after his birth. I think that was the moment I knew. The moment I realized that Lucius was the person that I was supposed to love. The one for me. The one I wouldn't hesitate to give my life for." Rob's eyes were on the paper in Noah's hands when he heard a whimper, looking up to see a tear fall from his eyes as he added, "The one I'd kill myself for if I'd ever lost... I hate my life..." Noah mumbled, wiping his eyes as he tucked the paper back where it belonged.
"He wouldn't want you to." Rob said softly, his hand on Noah's knee.
"No, he wouldn't. But he intended to do the same when I begged him to agree to the immortality spell." Noah said, "The only reason he agreed was when I told him it was alright. Because he said he would end his life the moment I died. I accepted. Because it was the only way he'd accept. But then, as if to spite us, everything turned the other way around, and I was the one left behind. How is that fair, Rob? To have wished not to live without each other, only for it to end that way?"
"At the end of every dark tunnel-..."
"A bright light. I get it. But I don't need metaphors. I need him. And no matter how much time passes, the light you speak of only seems to be further away. As if we would never reach it."
"Things will work out, Noah. You have to believe that." Rob said, "You will beat that bastard that betrayed you. You will have what you've always wanted. Nothing is lost yet."
"Rob, you don't understand." Noah muttered, "Do you even know how many times he's died in my arms?"
"Too many?" Rob asked.
"9 times." Noah told him with a frown, his eyes glancing down at his hands, "And I remember every moment of those times. I remember his soul ripping from mine. I remember the blood on my hands as I attempted to keep him alive. I remember waking up to his cold body lying next to me." Noah shook his head, tilting downwards further to hide his eyes under his bangs, "I remember him begging me to help him end his pain when he was stricken by the spell that killed him. I remember telling him that it was alright to let go when I saw how much he was suffering. I remember the terror on his face when he went blind because of an illness caused by an abusive uncle. I remember him giving me the ring I gave him when I asked him to marry me, telling me that he'll want it back one day."
"Noah..." Rob mumbled, his hand squeezing Noah's leg, trying to comfort something he knew would need more than a mere touch.
"It never ends, the cycle. I've lost him another 1008 times. The times I didn't even get to meet him. It aches every time. You'd think it would get easier at some point, but it never did. I am cursed, Rob. I am cursed to suffer losing him, to suffer living without him, and there is nothing I could do to end it. Nothing to put a stop to it."
Rob didn't know what to say, silence engulfing them as he sat there, and his thumb moving every now and then against Noah's leg. After the long silence he said, "Let's go to the carnival again." Noah wiped his eyes before his eyes looked up to meet Rob's who smiled at him, "There are a few games we are yet to try."
"What you did to the clown... they won't let us in." Noah reminded him.
"You can spell us to look differently." Rob answered simply, "You can do that, right?" Noah hesitated as he nodded. "Great. Then we should go tomorrow. It's getting late now. We will see if the others will join us."
"Rob, I don't feel like-..."
Rob, who'd gotten up to leave sat back down, holding Noah's face between his palms as he looked him in the eyes, saying, "We will go. We will have fun, and for some time you will forget all the things that are going through your head. For a little while at least. You came to me, remember? I will be damned if I let my best friend wallow in misery when I can do something to help." Rob insisted, smiling a little at the end before he leaned in, pecking Noah's lips before he said, "Good night, honey."
"Rob..." Noah called when the man was about to walk away.
"What is it?" He asked when Noah hesitated.
"Are you really willing to do it? To become immortal?" Noah asked.
Rob smiled at him as he said, "Yes."
"Will you let me spell you then? Before you leave here tonight?" Noah questioned, making Rob walk back to him.
"Don't you have to speak to the others before? Make sure it is alright with them?"
"I told you. No one else matters. They will get over their feelings, but I won't be able to get over losing you... another person I care about." Noah told him with a frown.
Rob looked him in the eyes for a long while before he nodded, saying, "Alright. Let's do it." Noah got up, settling on the ground after he grabbed a glass with him, setting it on the floor before gesturing for Rob to sit in front of him. He did, crossing his legs under him as he faced Noah, asking, "What now?"
"You have to want it. To be sure that you do or it won't work." Noah told him.
Rob nodded, saying, "Yes. I want to live that long, perhaps have time to expand the bar? Maybe find a wife... or a husband." Rob smirked at the look on Noah's face, "What? You never know? I like the person, not their gender."
"Alright then." Noah muttered, shaking his head before holding a hand out, "I will have to draw your blood, but I will heal you right after, alright?"
"Doesn't sound so tempting." Rob chuckled awkwardly.
"It will be over soon." Noah assured, his eyes turning red.
"Already starting on the spell?" Rob asked.
"Just making sure we don't get interrupted."
"Shit..." Ira cursed, looking up from her book, "Damn it." She cursed again, tossing her book aside as she got to her feet, making everyone in the library wonder what happened to her as she marched outside and up the steps, going to the room where she felt magic emitting strongly, having a feeling which spell was being used with how much power it required. She knocked on the door, trying to open it, but it wouldn't budge. She tried using her magic to open it but it didn't work either. "Noah, open up! Noah! This is madness! We are not supposed to abuse the power given to us!" Ira kept yelling out, knocking on the door fervently.
"What happened?" Lazarus asked as he walked up to her, having followed her up there.
"He is using the immortality spell." Ira told him, still trying to open the door.
"How did he get to it?" Lazarus wondered, knowing only Ira had it.
"How should I know?!" She yelled at Lazarus, knocking again, "Noah, if you don't open the door right now, I will blast it to hell!"
"Ira." Lazarus placed his hand on her shoulder, making her glare at him, "Stop. He already started, he can't stop now."
She glared a second longer before shoving herself away from the door, leaning against the wall opposite as she waited for it to open. "I will kill him." She muttered.
"Noah, maybe we shouldn't..." Rob muttered, his eyes turning to the door. He looked back at Noah, seeing him shake his head firmly as he muttered the words to the spell, as if telling him not to doubt his decision. Rob gulped, but then nodded right before he hissed in pain, feeling as if his palm was on fire, he glanced at it, looking back at Noah with pain in his eyes, seeing how he hadn't reacted made him sure it was supposed to happen, but the pain was starting to become too intense for him. "Noah, it hurts so much..." Rob groaned, grasping his wrist tightly, hoping it would stop the ache of burning fire coursing through his veins. After an excruciating few minutes, the pain was gone, as if it was never there, making Rob gasp for breath as he held his hand to his chest.
"It's done." Noah said, offering a hand to Rob who looked at it hesitantly, "Sorry I didn't warn you about the pain. Let me heal the cut."
"Will it hurt?" Rob questioned, seeing Noah's head shake made him place his hand in Noah's. "Maybe you should let them in now." Rob muttered as Noah healed him. Noah sighed letting the barrier drop right after he finished healing him.
They got up just as the door burst open, with Ira marching in to where Noah was, glaring at him heatedly for a moment, and before anyone could react, her hand slapped him across the cheek, making his head tilt to the side ever so slightly, his eyes still on her. He reached up, his fingers hovering over his reddening cheek as he looked back at her.
"This is a betrayal." Ira said in anger.
"I needed this. And he accepted." Noah said.
"You could have asked. You could have told me." Ira spat.
"You wouldn't have agreed. He adds nothing to the mission." Noah said monotonously.
"My husband added nothing to the mission, yet we still asked him. After I discussed it with all of you. The man I loved before him as well, or have you forgotten?" She demanded, "Do you have so little trust in me? In us?" She then jabbed a finger against his chest as she said, "I promised Lucius I would do it if you asked. A promise to him means something to me." Ira argued, "You have no idea, Noah. No idea what you just did."
"If you were going to do it anyway, why are you arguing with me?" Noah asked with a frown.
"Because, Noah. To get the spell, you would have had to go into my room and invade my privacy. You know how important that is to me. Because you broke every rule with no regards to anyone. It is as if nothing in the world matters but you and your selfishness, and you don't even see it. I am not here because I want to be. I am not here because I had a choice in the matter but because I had to be for Lucius, which turned into a different reason. A different reason because you are what matters to him, so our job, our mission until he is back is to make sure you are alright, that you are safe. So where does that leave all of us? We all love him, we all love Lucius and you think you are the only one who mourns him. We were all there that day."
"Stop..." Noah muttered, not wanting to hear what he thought she'd say next, but she continued to speak.
"We all had to watch him kill himself to save you, to save us."
"Ira, stop..." Noah asked again, feeling tears gather in his eyes at the reminder.
"We were all just as helpless, but somehow, someway you think you could be so selfish and think of only yourself. How is that fair to anyone? Not everyone is made to be immortal. Not everyone likes the idea of living forever. Did you even tell him everything that comes along with being one of us? Did you tell him that he wouldn't age anymore? Did you tell him that he wouldn't be able to have children? Because, Noah, mission or not, that reason alone would have made me change my mind about accepting, even if my father was dying at the time and you had no other mage to recruit."
"Ira, I just-..." Noah muttered tears slid down his cheeks, making her frown and cut him off as she reached over caressing his tears away.
"I know, sweetheart. Lucius is not the only person that is important to me. You are too. But you crossed a line. I don't know if I could trust you again. Please understand that it doesn't mean this breaks the relationship we have, but I just... I'm disappointed." With that she turned around and walked past Lazarus out of the room. Noah's eyes met Lazarus's for a moment, and he saw his disappointment as well as he shook his head and silently left the room.
Noah glanced at Rob, then muttered, "Sorry..."
"I accepted." Rob said with a frown.
"I didn't tell you all the facts, she is right." Noah said brokenly as he reached up to wipe his eyes, "The spell can't be reversed."
Rob walked up to him, grabbing the hands covering his eyes and pulling them away before he said, "It's alright. I still think I wouldn't mind living forever. Besides, it is not like I am living forever by myself. I have you guys."
Noah wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close as he whispered again, "I'm sorry."