My entire life, I was told I was "too sensitive" and that it was something I should "work on." People would say it as if there was something wrong with me as if feeling things as deeply as I did just wasn't normal. And for a really long time, I believed them. I began apologizing every time my eyes would water. I began pretending that I wasn't touched by certain things or moments when I really was. I tried to "work on" my sensitivity. Tone it down. Change it. But no matter what I tried, nothing ever worked. Why? Because being sensitive was just who the fuck I was. This is just who the fuck I AM. And over time, I came to realize that there was never anything wrong with me, to begin with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a heart that works. -Cici B.
"Babe, go to the press conference with me!" JJ called from our bathroom, and I could already hear the puppy-dog look in his voice.
"Why?" I called back, already knowing JJ liked showing me off.
"Because they'll want to see my beautiful fiancé with me!" He answered, opening up the bathroom door, with his smile, I couldn't say no to on his face.
"We haven't even announced to the public that we're engaged. That would be kind of a bombshell to drop when we got there," I smirked, trying not to laugh or give in to JJ.
"Please!" He begged, giving me his best puppy dog eyes, sauntering to the edge of the bed.
"Babe, I was going to go look at a few houses, though," I answered, not moving from the bed, already knowing I was going to cave.
"It can wait," he whispered, leaning over me, sending a thrilling chill through my body.
"Fine!" I exclaimed, pushing him so I could get up, even though I wanted to pull him down to me.
"Yes!" He smiled as I walked into the closet to grab something to wear, and I knew he was dancing around like a goof.
I got ready in a couple of minutes, and then we were in the truck and on our way for the interview. We finally pulled into the arena parking lot, and I got too nervous. It was one thing to have my picture taken when I was out with JJ, but an interview sent my anxiety into overdrive.
"I don't think I can do this, JJ," I said quietly as we walked towards the players' entrance, trying not to stop dead in my tracks.
"It'll be fine! No matter what, I'll be by your side," he smiled down at me, trying to make me feel better.
I sucked in a deep breath and followed him inside. As we walked through the stadium, I got flashes of memories from my summer here. We walked into the press room, and I stood back while JJ walked towards the mics. I never understood how anyone could be as confident as JJ was in front of the camera.
"JJ, we see you brought your girlfriend today!" A reporter exclaimed, causing photographers to snap pictures of me.
"Actually, Kat is my fiancé," JJ corrected with a huge smile, send another wave of flashes off.
"When's the wedding?" Another yelled, making me chuckle.
"We were going to wait before getting married," I replied, walking up, knowing I'd need to field some of the questions for JJ since we hadn't gone into detail on all of our plans yet.
"Why are y'all waiting?" A chippy, fake blonde with fake boobs asked, seeming to bat her lashes at JJ.
"I'm currently in the process of enlisting," I smiled politely as JJ wrapped his arm around my waist.
"JJ, how do you feel about your girl getting into such a dangerous job?" An obviously sexist male reporter asked, making my blood boil.
"I'm proud of her, but there is something else I want to say to that question. Katherine doesn't need my approval to become an amazing Marine. She's strong, smart, and independent. My job is to support her, not put her down," he replied to the guy, putting the reporter in his place.
"I will say this, though, JJ actually is the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams of being a Marine. Originally, I was going to walk up here and just leave it at the military. Still, JJ is so proud of me that it's hard not to let y'all know," I smiled, looking up at him as he looked down at me with a smile.
"So, Kat, I know pretty much all of America has seen JJ's appearance on The New Girl, and he's a horrible singer in that episode. Does he actually sing that bad?" A guy asked with a curious grin, making me a JJ chuckle a little.
"I would love to say that JJ is actually a great singer, but I would be lying. No offense to my amazing fiancé, but he cannot sing to save his life. I'll be the one singing our kids to sleep at night," I smirked, placing my hand on his chest, knowing we were kind of an asshole couple.
"Haha, very funny!" JJ joked, poking at my sides, knowing how ticklish I was.
I let out a girlish giggle as he casually tickled me in front of the reporters, making me want to naturally run away.
"JJ, do you ever have to put Kat in her place when she starts nagging you?" The same sexist reporter from earlier asked, sending my blood boiling again.
"Okay, who do you work for?" I asked, getting a little pissed, having dealt with men like him my entire life.
"ESPN, not that it should matter to you," he replied, rolling his eyes at me, not realizing the type of woman he had pissed off.
"Word to the wise, Sir, don't let your sexist thought process interfere with your work." I smiled kindly, remembering my southern upbringing, "you live in a society where women are taking charge in business, TV, politics, and everything in between. You don't want to be the guy who put his foot in his mouth in front of people in high places."
I watched him visible gulp as I felt JJ's chest rumble as he chuckled. He knew I wasn't the type to just let people be assholes to me and liked seeing their panic when I told them what's what.
"To answer your question, though, Kat's not the type of woman you try and put in her place. She doesn't nag, and her place is where she chooses to be" JJ smirked, running his hand up and down my arm to calm me down.
"How many kids do y'all want to have?" A voice from the back called, seeming to try and change the subject and ease the room's tension.
"I'd like to have three or four, but that's up to Kat since she's the one carrying them around for nine months" JJ smiled, looking down at me.
"Honestly? I always wanted a big family, but I feel bad about bringing a bunch into the world when there are so many beautiful kids out there that need homes forever." I replied with a sweet smile, having wanted to adopt since I was a young girl.
"You want to adopt?" Another voice asked, with a smile to the tone.
I looked up at JJ, who smiled before I replied, giving me the approval I hoped for, "I'd love to adopt a few beautiful kids with JJ and maybe have a few of our own."
"I agree with Kat. I've always wanted to adopt a few kids, especially with how many orphaned children there are in the world." JJ smiled, pulling me into him, making me feel overjoyed that he felt the same way.
"How long do you think you'll wait before getting married?" the blonde asked.
"Not sure, but we will have to make sure it's not during the football season," I smiled, causing everyone to laugh, "Maybe this summer."
The interview went on for about another hour, and when we were done, I felt a whole lot better. I could tell that JJ was going to make sure that he would build my confidence up more and more every day. We got into the truck and met up with our realtor at a Starbucks down the stadium's road.
"Hey guys!" he smiled when we sat down in front of him, seeming excited about the homes he had found.
"Hey, Jesus, so how many houses do you have for us to look at?" I smiled, still holding JJ's hand, feeling just as excited about seeing the houses.
"There are about four I wanted to show y'all," Jesus replied with a smile of his own.
"Alright, let's get going then," JJ smiled, and we all got up, bubbling with excitement.
We all climbed into the truck, and Jesus directed JJ to the first house. It was a large house with five bedrooms, but it wasn't the right one. The next two places felt the same way. They just felt like houses; they didn't feel like a home where we'd raise our kids, have parties, have our family over to, and grow old together. I didn't want to settle for a house and then want to move right away; I wanted us to find our lifetime home.
The last house for the day was close to where I first lived, so the commute would be a bit of a bitch, but it was still a serious contender. The house was huge and had so much character! There were five bedrooms, a gorgeous kitchen, a large front and back yard, and a five-car garage for all mine and JJ's toys. I felt at peace as we viewed the house.
"I want to keep looking, but I like this one" I smiled as we got back into the truck, trying to contain my excitement.
"I'll keep looking for houses similar to this one. This one is also way under your budget of two million," Jesus replied with an excited smile.
"How much under?" JJ asked, glancing back at Jesus, knowing I didn't want to come anywhere close to our max budget.
"It's $550,000," he replied with a smile.
"Whoa! No way!" I exclaimed, turning in my seat to look at him in surprise.
"Yeah, and that's pretty fitting for homes around this area," Jesus replied, reminding me that going a little farther from the city meant we could get a beautiful home for less.
"Is there any way we could look at something with room for horses?" JJ asked, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.
"I think I can find a few with that," Jesus answered.
"Cool," I grinned, excited about the idea of raising our kids around animals.
Things are starting to come together, and I was getting really excited to start this journey with JJ.
Best therapy sometimes is a drive and music.