Chapter 36
Magulang
"Mama," I said as I answered the call.
My right hand was holding on to the steering wheel. Blanko kong pinapanood ang ilang sasakyan na dumadaan. Ramdam ko ang mabilis na tibok ng aking puso dahil sa kaba.
"Nasaan ka, anak? Are you alright?" concern etched in Mama's voice.
Hindi ako nakasagot.
Hindi ito ang inaasahan kong maririnig sa kaniya. I thought she'll ask me about the news right away. Hell, I even thought she would confront me about Aedion as soon as I answered the call.
"Yuri?" she probed.
"Ah, ayos lang po ako, Mama. Nasa opisina pa, papunta pa lang po ako diyan," medyo gulat pa rin.
I heard Mama let out a sigh of relief on the other end.
"Huwag ka nalang kaya munang tumuloy, anak? I think it's better if you just stay at your place for tonight. Baka sundan ka pa ng media papunta rito!" nagpa-panic, tumaas ang boses niya nang sabihin ang mga huling salita.
Isa ito sa dahilan kung bakit pinili kong lumayo sa kanila. So I wouldn't make them worried. But hearing her say all these right now made me feel at ease. Tuluyan nang naglaho ang kabang nararamdaman ko kanina. A smile slowly creeped on my lips while I listened to her. Worried and overthinking. Typical Mama.
"Ayos lang po ako, Mama. Madalas na po akong masangkot sa mga ganitong issues, hindi naman ako pinupuntahan ng media. At kung mayroon man, hindi naman sila umaabot sa punto na pupuntahan ang tinitirhan ko. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure, hija?" puno ng pag-aalala niyang tanong.
"Opo,"
Hindi na rin nagtagal ang pag-uusap namin ni Mama. Hanggang sa matapos ang tawag ay hindi niya binanggit si Aedion o ang issue man. The only thing she was worried about was me.
Was it our conversation? Hearing her worried about me, o ang kaalaman na hindi pa niya alam ang tungkol sa amin ni Aedion kaya biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Or maybe all of it. I'm not sure. All I know is while I was on my way home, hindi na ako kinakabahan o ninenerbyos sa magiging pag-uusap namin ni Mama.
Malapit na ako sa amin nang tawagan ako ni Aedion. He also heard about the news so he called to ask if I was alright.
"I'm fine. Ikaw? Is everything alright over there?" I asked.
"Yeah. We received a few calls asking about the issue. There were some media personnel outside a while ago. Pinaalis no'ng dumating si Nicole." he said.
Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong hininga. Ngayon pa lang nai-imagine ko na ang mga maaaring lumabas na balita bukas tungkol sa amin.
Damn it! It happened a few weeks ago, pero ngayon talaga nila piniling ilabas ito sa publiko kung kailan marami akong projects. They want to ruin my career so badly.
Lumiko ako nang marating na ang bahay namin. Huminto ako saglit habang binubuksan ang gate para sa akin.
"Nicole knows it's you, right?" I asked. I'm sure she does. One look at the picture, she'll easily recognize Aedion's uniform!
"Oo," diretso niyang sagot.
I sighed once more. "What did she say? She must've been angry because her business got involved,"
Knowing Nicole, I don't think she'll fire Aedion for something like this. Ngunit sigurado na magagalit iyon dahil madalas silang bibisitahin at tatawagan ng media dahil sa issue.
Aedion chuckled. "She wasn't angry, Yuri. She actually looked thrilled,"
My brows furrowed. I maneuvered my car and parked it inside our lot. Hindi pa man ako nakakalabas ay nakita ko na kaagad si Mama na nakatayo sa may pintuan, pinagmamasdan ako mula doon.
"Uh, mamaya na lang tayo mag-usap. Nandito na ako sa amin," I said as I stepped out of the car.
I ended the call and walked towards my mother. I smiled when I saw how worried she looked. Sinalubong na niya ako, hindi na hinintay na makalapit.
"I'm fine, Mama. No one followed me," agad kong sinabi bago pa siya mag-isip ng kung ano.
Nagbuntong hininga si Mama. She then guided me inside. Wala pa sina Kuya Azekiel at Papa, though Mama already told them that I was coming home tonight. At na uuwi daw ang dalawa nang maaga para sabay kaming makapag hapunan.
We went to the backyard and decided to talk at the patio para hindi makaistorbo sa mga kasambahay na abala sa pagluluto at paghahain sa loob.
Mama told me about what she's been up to these past few days. Malapit na ang finals kaya medyo busy siya ngayon sa school. She also told me about Kuya Azekiel's date last night. It went fine, she said. Pero mukhang hindi talaga interesado si Kuya.
I shook my head and smiled. He was never interested in dating anyway. I wonder if he'll even get married? Pag pinilit siguro ni Lolo.
Sandali kaming natahimik nang lumapit ang isang kasambahay para ilapag ang tsaa sa lamesa sa aming gitna. I looked at my mother as she thanked our maid and asked about the food that they were preparing inside. Hindi man niya tinatanong ang tungkol sa issue, I could see the curiosity in her eyes every time I opened my mouth as if she was waiting for me to tell her about it on my own.
A small smile painted my lips. Sumimsim ako sa aking tsaa. Nang maiwan na kaming dalawa ay ibinalik ni Mama ang tingin sa akin.
"Mama, can I ask you something," I started and placed my cup at the table.
"What is it?" magaan niyang tanong.
I don't know how but before I asked her, I realized, maybe the reason why I was so scared of asking her about this is because I wanted her to remain innocent in my mind. I want her to remain as the same person I thought she was while I was growing up.
Pero ngayon, it doesn't matter to me anymore. Whatever she did back then won't change the fact that she's been a very good—no, she was the greatest mother. All I want now is to know her side. To understand her. Because looking back, I don't think anyone tried to understand her. Everyone blamed her. Including me.
I licked my lower lips and cleared my throat. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Mama.
"Can you tell me what happened between you and... Anya?" namamaos kong sambit.
Hindi ko pa man natatapos ang itatanong, nagbago na kaagad ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni Mama. She swallowed hard and looked away. I could see the guilt in her eyes.
"I know you had your reasons. I want to understand why... you did it. Please, Mama, tell me,"
Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa kawalan. Malalim ang bawat hininga niya, tila pilit pinapakalma ang sarili.
Silence stretched between us for a few moments. I let her calm herself down even when I was so eager to hear her side, to hear her reasons.
Umihip ang malamig na pang gabing hangin. Naghari sa aking pandinig ang mumunting ingay na likha ng halamang nagsasayawan sa paligid. Nagsisimula nang magpaalam ang liwanag at unti-unti nang sinasakop ng dilim ang kalangitan.
Yumuko si Mama. Guilt is still evident in her eyes. When she lifted her eyes to me, I gave her a reassuring smile to let her know that it's alright. She can take her time.
She sighed. "You don't have to, Yuri. I was wrong. No matter what my reason was, it will never justify what I did."
"Please tell me! I'm sure you were only—"
Mama cut me off. "Nagkamali ako! I knew Erriol and Anya were in a relationship, pero hindi ko nirespeto iyon. Inagaw ko siya! Tama ang Lolo mo, malandi ako. Ako ang sumira sa kanila," her voice cracked while saying the last few words.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
Gusto ko man papaniwalain ang sarili na nasasabi lang ito ni Mama dahil sa loob ng ilang taon, ganito ang pananaw sa kaniya ng mga taong nakapaligid sa kaniya, forcing her to believe that she was at fault. Pero hindi. I could see it in her eyes. I could hear it in her voice. She was telling the truth. She was guilty. She was in pain, she was regretful but she couldn't do anything other than accept her wrongdoing.
Huminga siya ng malalim. Tears pooled her guilty eyes. Mabilis niyang pinalis iyon na para bang hindi pinapayagan ang sariling umiyak.
I opened my mouth only to press it tightly together again. I don't know what to say. Mama saw what I did. A weary smile painted her lips.
"What I did was wrong no matter where you look at it. Noon pa man alam ko na na mali ang ginagawa ko, pero tinuloy ko pa rin. I thought in time... everything will be alright. Everyone will move on as if it didn't happen. Hindi ko alam na hahantong sa ganito. Hindi ko alam na gagawin 'yon ni Anya..." punong-puno ng pagsisisi niyang sinabi.
The cold wind blew once more but I couldn't feel anything other than the pain in my chest. Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko. At tila may kung anong bumara sa aking lalamunan na nagpapahirap sa aking huminga.
Nguli kaming binalot ng katahimikan. I looked down at my already cold tea. Looking back, I realized just how similar I was to my mother. Mayroon din akong mga naging desisyon noon na alam kong mali pero tinuloy ko pa rin sa pag-asa na magiging maayos din ang lahat sa malapit na hinaharap. But just like her, I ended up regretting my decision. And no matter how much I want to go back in time to make things right, I can't. All I can do now is to move forward together with the guilt that I'll forever carry with me.
Slowly I reached for her hands that were holding on to her cup. Mama lifted her eyes to me. I wasn't planning on telling her about this tonight, but seeing her like this makes me want to take, even just a bit of her guilt away.
"Aedion didn't deceive me. It was all a misunderstanding," I said, almost a whisper.
Mama's eyes widened. "Aedion Siervo? But isn't he..."
I smiled. "He came back, Mama. Dito siya nagta-trabaho ngayon sa Manila,"
Hindi siya nagsalita. I took that as an encouragement to continue.
"Nag-kausap po kami. Matagal na. Hindi ko lang po masabi sa inyo dahil natatakot ako sa magiging reaksyon niyo," I looked down at our hands. "He never tried to deceive me. Sinabi na niya sa akin 'yon noon pa. Hindi ko lang makuhang paniwalaan dahil sa mga nangyari," pag-amin ko.
Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Mama who still looks shocked at my sudden confession. She swallowed hard and shifted on her seat to face me better.
"T-That's good, hija. Maybe you could invite him to come here? So we could talk to him too,"
Nagpakurap-kurap ako. Namilog ang mga mata ni Mama.
"It's alright if you don't want to. I know it must be hard for you to keep seeing him again. Ayos na sa akin ang malamang nagkausap kayo," bawi niya.
"Hindi po! Iyon din naman ang balak naming gawin... uh," I blinked again.
Sandali kaming nagkatitigan. Her eyes kept on scanning my face as if she was trying to fit all my words together like a puzzle.
If I don't say this now, baka sa balita pa nila ito malaman kinabukasan. I don't want that! My cheeks heated. Yumuko ako. Hindi kayang isatinig ang susunod na sasabihin nang nakatingin sa kaniya.
"K-Kami na po..." halos pabulong kong inamin.
I swallowed hard. I waited for her to say something, anything! Pero wala. Nervous, I could feel my heart pounding hard against my ribcage as I slowly lifted my eyes back at her.
I got startled when she quickly pulled her hands from my hold. Bumagsak ang tingin ko doon pero agad din binalik sa kaniyang mukha. Mama covered her mouth with her hands. Her eyes widened in shock and something I can't describe.
Dumiretso ako ng pagkakaupo nang humilig siya sa lamesa na nasa aming gitna. Kumurap-kurap ako.
"T-Talaga?!" medyo malakas niyang sabi.
"O-Opo,"
She gasped. "Y-You should really invite him here then! Kailan ba ang balak niyo?"
Mama sounded so eager, bigla tuloy akong nataranta.
"B-Bukas po!" wala sa sarili kong sagot.
Mas lalong namilog ang mga mata ni Mama. "Bukas?! You should tell this to your father!"
"O-Opo, sasabihin ko!"
Titig na titig pa rin sa akin si Mama, she looks like she wanted to ask me so many questions but she can't choose what to ask first!
I don't know if it's possible but her eyes grew larger as she asked me. "How about the pictures?! Were those edited?! Alam na ba niya ang tungkol doon?!"
"K-Kami po 'yon, Mama..." I bit my lower lips.
"Kayo 'yong naghahalikan sa litrato?!" tunog galit na siya ngayon.
"Hindi po kami naghahalikan! The photos were just taken in a way that made us look like we were kissing but we aren't! I swear!" tumaas na din ang boses ko.
Sabay kaming nagbuntong hininga ni Mama. Sumimsim siya ng tsaa at nanatiling tahimik though I can tell she still has so many questions lined up for me.
Halos sabay kaming napatalon ni Mama sa gulat nang biglang sumulpot ang isa naming kasambahay.
"Ma'am, nandiyan na po si Sir," the maid announced.
"Nandiyan na ang Papa mo! Pumasok na tayo!" si Mama na parang natataranta na din.
"O-Opo!" I said and quickly stood up from my seat.
I mentally cursed myself as we made our way inside the mansion. I should've picked another day instead of saying tomorrow! Damn it!
Naabutan namin si Papa sa dinning room. He already took off his coat, leaving him with only his white dress shirt and black slacks. He pulled his collar off and hung it on the backrest of his seat. He turned to us as we entered the room.
His eyes landed at Mama first before he looked at me. Bigla akong ginapangan ng kaba. Yumuko ako at tahimik na naupo sa hapag.
Mama and Papa talked about work while I remained quiet. Nasa kalagitnaan na kami ng pagkain nang dumating si Kuya Azekiel.
I let out a sigh of relief as he greeted our parents. Kanina pa ako sinesenyasan ni Mama na sabihin ang nagpag-usapan namin kay Papa. Pakiramdam ko tuloy nahahalata na ni Papa dahil madalas na ang pag sulyap niya sa akin.
Kuya Azekiel sat on his seat. His monolid eyes darted at me and a playful smirk painted his lips.
"You seemed busy these days, I'm surprised you still have the time to visit us," he said meaningfully.
"Azekiel," awat ni Mama. "Tama na 'yan. Minsan na nga lang natin makasama ang kapatid mo,"
"Tss..."
He gave me a teasing look pero hindi na niya dinugtungan ang pangaasar at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain. I was about to continue eating my food when Papa spoke.
"I heard the news about you," he said in a serious tone.
Parang tambol ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. My nervousness doubled after seeing his black, and unreadable eyes focused on me.
Nilapag niya ang kubyertos na hawak sa kaniyang pinggan. Papa shifted on his seat to face me better. One of his eyebrows was raised.
I swallowed hard. Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay naunahan na niya ako. Para akong aatakihin sa puso dahil susunod niyang sinabi.
"I've been waiting for you to tell me about him. But it seems like you don't have any plans on telling me even after you get caught," Papa said in a very cold tone.
It took me a few seconds before I could fully comprehend what he said. Namilog ang mga mata ko. Don't tell me... he knows?!
Papa looked disappointed with my reaction. Iritado siyang nag-iwas ng tingin. "You knew I asked David to keep an eye on him. Or did you think I made him stop because I let that boy come back to Manila?"
Tila nanuyo ang lalamunan ko sa sobrang kaba. He's still keeping an eye on Aedion! He knows what's happening all this time! But he didn't say anything because he wanted me to tell him instead.
Sitting next to me, kita ko ang pagaalala ni Mama habang nakatingin sa akin. She was about to butt in but I stopped her by holding her hand. Bumagsak ang tingin niya doon saka tinikom ang bibig.
Lumunok ako. "S-Sorry, I was afraid you might get mad if I—"
"Enough." matigas niyang sinabi na nagpapigil sa akin sa pagsasalita. "I'm not asking for an apology nor to hear your reasons. Tell him to come here. We need to talk."
I shivered by how hard those words came out of his mouth. Sa kabila noon, nagsumikap akong pakalmahin ang sarili at nagsalitang muli.
"He didn't do anything wrong, Papa. It was all—"
"I said enough, Yuri." he cut me off sharply. "Just tell him to come here. Kami ang mag-uusap."
I bit my lower lips and nodded. "Opo..."
Our dinner ended quietly. The tension was there, not until Papa excused himself as he received a phone call from work. Sumunod si Kuya na agad nang nagpaalam at umakyat sa kaniyang kuwarto. He didn't say anything, but from the way he looked at me earlier, I knew he didn't like what he heard.
Mama comforted me once we were left alone at the dining table.
"Sorry, I didn't know they were still watching him. Madalang nalang bumisita rito si David maging ang mga tauhan niya kaya..."
I shook my head. "Ayos lang po. Siguro nga mali ako. Dapat sinabi ko na ito sa inyo noong una pa lang. I just don't want to make you worry so I thought it would be better if I kept it to myself,"
Titig na titig si Mama sa akin habang sinasabi ko iyon. Marahan niyang hinimas ang buhok ko. She chuckled lightly.
"You're our daughter, Yuri. Of course we will worry about you." marahan niyang sinabi.
I turned to her. She smiled at me.
"Even when there's no issue, even when you were still living here with us. We're always worried about you," Mama laughed a bit. "Kahit na nga magka asawa't anak ka na, magaalala pa rin kami para sa'yo, sa inyo ng Kuya mo. Kasi magulang niyo kami,"
Ako naman ngayon ang titig na titig kay Mama. Tila may mainit na kung ano ang humaplos sa aking puso sa kaniyang sinabi.
"Hindi galit ang Papa mo, nagaalala lang iyon sa'yo," Mama continued to caress my hair. "I'm guessing we both want to talk to Aedion Siervo for the same reason,"
"What reason?" I asked.
"You," Mama smiled and continued to caress my hair. "We want to talk to him for you."