HELP my brain can't stop playing as it was and I have my finals in two weeks. Literally wtf has this man put in this song!?!?!?
Anyways I hope you enjoy reading! :)
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*One month later
"Why the fuck did you fire him?" Liam asks, sipping on his wine.
"You're talking about Gary? That dude was waiting to be fired, he was literally asking for it! Have you seen what he wears!? You don't know half the shit I've had to endure in the office while you two were gone away!"
"It was a business retreat Harry." Zayn chimes in. "And don't forget you were the one who turned it down." He says swirling the wine in the glass.
"At least I gave Perrie a promotion. God knows she needed it."
"Guess we'll have to find ourselves some assistants too." Liam jokes.
"Don't worry babe, I can assist you." Zayn winks.
"Ew, keep your lovebird shit to yourselves guys." Harry fake gags.
"Shut up." Liam says as he kisses Zayn.
"And I'm out." Harry chugs the glass of wine and leaves the room to give the two some privacy and also because he thinks its gross.
On his way to the kitchen, he bumps into Louis.
"Oops."
"Hi." Louis chuckles.
"I thought you were at Nialls'?"
"I was. We finished our homework, played some football and then I decided to just head back."
"That's great." Harry says. "How's school going?"
"You ask me this every single day. Its going fine." Louis groans.
Even though Elliott was expelled from the school and arrested after what had happened since he was already 18 years old, Louis still feels a little anxious but his sessions with Madelyn are proving to be a lot of help and he feels like he's actually going to get over his trauma in a healthy way.
Harry opens his mouth again to say something but closes it, not sure if he should say what he's about to.
"What is it?" Louis asks, folding his arms in front of his chest.
"I just wanted to check in on you. How are you feeling?"
"Harry you need to stop worrying! It just happened once and you caught me. I swear to god that was the only time I tried to do it but you walked in on me." Louis says annoyed and walks past Harry.
Harry stands there, with an empty wine glass held in his hand and a head full of worry for the boy he's madly fallen in love with.
*Three weeks ago
The next morning after Louis' breakdown, there wasn't any awkward tension in the air like Louis had thought.
Harry didn't bring anything up from last night and Louis was so much grateful for it. He just wants to move past things and forget any of the horrible things that happened.
Only if it were that easy.
Louis' also grateful for it being a Sunday. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he's scared to go back to school. He doesn't want to be in the same building as Elliott.
The worst part of it is that he's been dodging Niall's calls for the past day. Niall doesn't know anything that happened at the party and he wants to keep it that way. But deep down he also knows he'll have to talk to Niall, it will come up one way or the other.
"Lou?" He hears Harry call him from his office.
Louis walks inside to see a dressed Harry putting some files in a bag. "Where are you going?" He asks.
"Something urgent came up in the office. I'll be gone for sometime."
"Oh." Louis nods instead of just convincing Harry to stay back and not go. But he's embarrassed as it is that Harry turned him down. He's a bit disappointed even but Louis also knows he would've regretted it if Harry had kissed him back.
His feelings are so conflicted right now.
"You'll be okay?" Harry asks.
"Mhmm." Louis hums and turns on his heels to walk out.
"Alright then, I'll be back as soon as I can." Harry kisses Louis on the temple and when he realises it, it's already a bit too late. He didn't mean to but he's developed this kind of an instinct whenever he's around Louis.
Louis stiffens up but doesn't say anything. A light blush creeps onto his face and he avoids looking Harry in the eyes. "I'll see you later." He says in a quiet voice.
A few hours pass by and Louis manages to distract himself by washing the dishes and cleaning the house up a bit, even though it's already clean and doesn't require any vacuuming or dusting again.
The silence in the house feels so loud. He doesn't like how he can hear his thoughts so loud and clear because he doesn't want to. He's trying so hard to block them. All he can think about is the night of the party which is the last thing that needs to be on his mind.
But he can't help it. His train of thoughts is everywhere and he needs an outlet.
Louis tries to distract himself and puts on a random show on the TV to watch. It does little to no help though. His thoughts are focused towards one person and as much as he wants that person to be Harry, it's not. It's Elliott.
He hates Elliott so much and he hates himself even more for liking him in the first place. He should've just listened to Harry.
Louis feels so stupid.
He's been so emotional lately and he hates it. He hates the fact that tears start pooling in his eyes everytime he thinks of Elliott now. Louis can't help the tears from streaming down his face because it just feels too much to handle.
Everything is starting to overwhelm him and he can't take any of it anymore.
For a slight second the thought of just ending it all crosses his mind. That would be so much easier than feeling all of these emotions.
While he's busy wiping away his tears, his phone vibrates. He sees its a call from an unknown number. Not knowing who it is, Louis picks up the call and instantly regrets his action.
"Louis please just listen to me."
Louis hangs up the call as soon as he recognises the voice. He has blocked Elliott from everywhere but of course he had to be stupid enough to pick up a call from an unknown number.
Hearing his voice just refreshed all the memories from the night of the party and a new wave of sadness washes over Louis and he breaks down on the floor, pulling his knees close to his chest. He's a sobbing mess, just laying on the floor. He's shaking so badly and he is fighting for every last breath of oxygen. He tries to calm himself down but nothing seems to work.
"Mum..." Louis sobs. He would anything for his mother to be there and hold him close to her. Louis misses her so much and the panic attack he's having is just making it worse. He's scared and he's sad and alone.
Finally Louis manages to bring his breathing back to normal and his thoughts at rest.
Lately he's been out of control. He doesn't want to be vulnerable but it's proving to be hard when his emotions seem to be all over the place. He just wants to be in control of his feelings and get his shit together. He feels bad that Harry is stuck with him. Harry doesn't deserve this. He's a burden on everyone.
I can't do this anymore.
Without even thinking it through and overwhelmed by the desire, Louis rushes to the bathroom. Even though in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't do this but the urge is just too strong to resist.
He opens the cabinet above the sink to find a razor blade. When he gets his hands on one, he holds it in front of his wrist, not sure where to go from there.
He's hesitant at first but before he can let the hesitation take over himself, he slowly drags the blade lightly across his skin. At first, it hurts like hell but a few seconds later, it feels better. It feels good? It feels as almost suddenly any emotion he was experiencing evaporated, just like that.
He drags the blade a second time and a third time and a fourth time. With every drag, the hurt grows less and less and he finally feels more in control of himself.
"Louis?"
SHIT.
"Louis! Oh my god, are you okay!?" Harry's eyes grow wide when he sees the blood dripping from Louis' wrist into the sink. Louis doesn't seem to register him and for some reason he looks content.
Harry snatches the blade away from Louis' hand and throws it away.
"Why would you do that!?"
Louis doesn't answer. He just stares down at the sink, the blood painting it red.
"Louis answer me goddammit!" Harry finally snaps which causes Louis to flinch away from him and finally get in touch with reality again.
"I- I'm s- so sorry." Louis breathes out, stumbling back.
Harry catches him before he can hit his head on the bathtub. "Its okay. Sit here." He sits Louis on the edge of the tub and cleans his cuts. Fortunately the cuts aren't deep and he applies some antiseptic cream and wraps a bandage around Louis' wrist to prevent the cuts from being infected.
He can tell Louis' trying to hold back his tears with the way his lips are wobbling. After Harry's done he carries Louis to his bedroom. Harry sits Louis on the bed and sits on his knees, situating himself between Louis' knees and holds both of his hands in his, lightly brushing his thumb against Louis'.
"What happened?" Harry asks once again. Louis looks at him but not a word comes out of his mouth.
Harry sighs, "Louis please tell me. I wanna help you. Let me in."
"I was feeling a lot of things and just couldn't handle them." Louis says silently.
"Oh baby, you could've called me. I would've left everything and come straight home to you." Harry says with an upset look in his eyes. He feels so bad. He feels terrible. Louis should be his first priority. He knew he shouldn't have left Louis alone. Especially not when he hit rock bottom.
"I didn't wanna bother you with my bullshit."
"Never say that. We talked about this. You know you can always talk to me."
"It hurts so bad." Louis says, his voice cracking.
Harry pulls Louis in his warm embrace, "My heart literally sank when I saw the blood. Lou, please don't do this ever again. Don't ever scare me like that. You're too important to me, more than I wanna admit and I can't loose you. I love you way too much."
Harry freezes once he realises the last words that slip away. But they're all from the bottom of his heart. He really does love Louis more than life itself and he would do anything for Louis to be happy.
Louis hugs Harry tight. He needed to hear that. He needed the reassurance.
*The present
"Lou can we talk?" Harry knocks on Louis' bedroom door.
"What?" Louis opens the door, with his arms crossed.
"I care about you and I just wanna make sure you're okay."
"Harry trust me I am."
"What about the nightmares?"
"They still occur but not as often. Madelyn and I are working on it and she says that it'll take some time but I'll eventually get over them."
"That's good to hear." Harry smiles a bit.
Zayn clears his throat from behind Harry, startling both of them.
"Everything alright?" He asks.
"Yeah." Harry and Louis both say in unison which is then followed by an awkward silence.
"Anyway I have to go now. Meet you guys tomorrow." Harry says and bids his goodbye for the day.
"Wanna talk?" Zayn asks after Harry's gone.
"Not really." Louis shrugs his shoulders.
"Did something happen at school?"
Louis sighs. He might as well tell someone rather than keeping it in until his session next week with Madelyn.
"I just.. I was clearing my gallery today and I found a bunch of pictures with uh.. with.." Louis takes in a deep breath through his mouth.
"That's okay. Take your time." Zayn rubs Louis' back reassuringly. When they got to know about what had happened with Elliott, they were fuming. Liam, in particular, was livid. He was ready to rip Elliott's head off.
But the more sensible thing to do was to be there for Louis and for them to assure him that they'll get through this together and that they're always going to have his back and to make sure to let him know that they were listening.
"I found some pictures of me with Elliott and I guess it triggered a miny panic attack or something but I was fine."
"I know it's hard for you to share it and I'm so proud of you!" Zayn hugs Louis from his side.
"Yeah Lou, that was really brave of you. You're doing great!" Liam joins them. He's proud of the progress his brother has made. Even though Louis' still got some more way to go but Liam has faith he'll get there.
Louis' so grateful for them.
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Chapter 25!
How was it? :))
How are you luvs? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating enough and are you sleeping well?
I hope you're taking care of yourselves 💛
Thanks for reading and I'll meet you in the next one! <3
All my love! 🐢✨💕