Hi!!
Sorry again =P
I don't really have anything else to say so read on.
Enjoy ♥
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The entire table was busy talking, like the rest of the people in the cafeteria, the topics of discussion varying from the upcoming basketball season to a funny incident in Mr. Gallager's Spanish class to who got acceptance letter from which college.
"I am telling you, man," Chad bragged, with a smirk. "We are easily going to crush those Panthers."
"Tigers," Daniel corrected, his thumb running circles on my palm.
"Tigers, panthers, same difference," Chad waved his hand in dismissal with a frown.
"And people say I am dumb," Mike chuckled.
"Oh, that you're," Shay piped in, nodding.
"Don't get so cocky," Liam said to Chad and then turned to rest of his teammates. "Our shooting guard still has a half assed healed wrist, we lost two out of five warm up matches and you have been doing nothing except being a sucking This is not gonna be easy."
"Hey, I am perfectly ready to play!" Daniel protested, intertwining his fingers with mine now.
"Oh, really? Tell that to the scoreboard where I haven't been seeing any points being scored lately!" Liam yelled, his hands moving in the air.
"What did you have for breakfast, Liam?" Daniel asked. "Kellorgs K with extra crankiness?"
Liam scowled as the rest of us snickered.
"Whatever, I am sure you we will thrash them," Shay said patting Liam on his back, as he snaked his arm around Shay's waist, his scowl dissolving away.
I raised my eyebrow, surprised Shay's sudden interest in talking about the game.
"Yeah, I mean we have had hundreds of games with them, we know their every game plan like the back of our hands," Liam said, proudly, the bits of his half chewed pizza visible as he talked.
"Yep, you guys know their every player, even every cheerleader for heaven's sake," Shay said, and then turned to Daniel. "Right, Daniel? How many of them did you score with last season? Four, right?"
I felt my heart move with a sudden 'thud'.
So that was what she was getting into.
It didn't even take the air of enthusiasm that was there around the table to be ousted by a sudden onset of awkwardness and it settled it even further as Shay just shrewdly kept a sharp gaze on Daniel and he replied with an icy glare.
That was the thing about Shay, you could never tell how quickly her outlook on anything could change, because just a day ago she seemed to be happy about me and Daniel, but what the cold look in her eyes said clearly that she wasn't anymore. I didn't put much thought into figuring out the reason for her one eighty degree spin. I had more important things to handle right now.
Shooting Daniel one last glance, Shay turned to me. "What? Don't look at me like that. I am just giving away info to let you know him better."
"Well, then it's a good thing that he has got Norah now, right? More girls for me," Mike piped in, his voice playful, bearing a contrast to the heaviness that was on everyone's face. "So anyhow, when do we leave for the camp today?"
I shot Mike a grateful look and he replied with a curt nod. As everyone else started buzzing about the new topic, I felt Daniel's hold around my hand getting tighter. He had his eyes aimed straight down on the table. Making sure that no eyes were on us, I nudged him with my shoulder and made a silly face to wipe off the frown tagging on his lips. He gave me a small smile but it didn't reach his eyes.
I felt a sudden spurt of anger aimed at Shay as I thought about what she had said, but then taking a breath, tried my best to subdue it down.
It didn't need a genius to know that Daniel had been with a lot of girls, and my mouth felt bitter every time I thought of it. But I didn't have the right to hold it against him. I mean what should I be mad about? That why did he sleep with all those girls before I even properly knew who he was?
Great! Thank you, Shay. As if I already didn't have other issues to overthink about.
In all of the last three classes that I had that day, I kept imagining in my head that how was I going to tell about Emma to mom, dad and the most frightening was that how was I going to face Nathan when I tell him this.
I had to tell them, there wasn't much of an option here. I wasn't going to get any new starts until I had finished all the remaining endings lying loose and open.
The guys had a short practice after school mainly to discuss about the two day basketball camp they all had to leave for at six the same day for the upcoming season. After the coach cleared out any last shred of queries that anyone on the team had, they had a short practice game before leaving, and all the while Daniel had his eyes sharply on the ball and his mind completely in the game.
I shook my head over the fact that just how strangely his mind worked. When something bothered him, he paid more attention to the task in his hand.
"You know, you might like to think so but you don't look that much hot when you're sulking," I jibed as we walked over to his car in the parkway.
Daniel stopped walking and turned to me with a pout. "I am not sulking."
"Yes, you are," I replied, putting my hands on my hips, looking square in his eyes. "You are still hung up over what Shay said, aren't you?"
For a moment he didn't say anything, just stared back with the same challenging look that I had on, but then with a sigh, he hung his head low as he leaned against the hood of his own car. "I might be."
"Well, then stupid little boy," I said, taking a step towards him, "you shouldn't think about it. I don't care what she said and neither should you."
"So you're telling me you didn't even feel even a twinge of embarrassment over me right then," he asked with a sadness in his blue eyes.
I chuckled silently, running my hands down his arms and then finally finding their place in between his hands. "No, I didn't, you dummy," I said making sure I sounded as sincere as I could. "Daniel, why would you think that?"
"I don't know, I mean, it's not like I haven't thought it enough myself and Shay reminding it again didn't really help," Daniel said, hurriedly, refusing to meet my eyes. "I can't help but think that how wrong it is that you'll have to deal with this kind of shit when it's not even your fault."
"And I can take it. I'm not that weak," I tried to convince him, taking one more step towards him so that now there was barely any distance left between us.
"But I still can't change the fact that I have been with-"
Okay, as much I liked to believe that it didn't affect me, I actually didn't need him to say it out loud that there had been so many girls before me, I decided to cut him from speaking, "Gosh, I thought people who got into MIT were supposed to be smart."
Daniel gave me a deadpan look. I chuckled. "Stop thinking about something so stupid. I don't like this insecure Daniel. I want my 'I am hot and I know it' boyfriend back," I said, pushing his forehead.
He laughed. "And here I thought that it annoyed you."
"Keeping it to a limit would do," I said smiling, as he rested his hands around my lower back. "So would you be back by Sunday evening from your camp then?"
"Yeah, around seven. Why?"
"No reason," I automatically said, but then realized that I had no reason to lie about anything. "Umm...actually I was going to tell my parents about, you know about Emma so that's why..." I trailed off.
"What? Today?"
"I don't know, tomorrow maybe." I could feel my stomach twisting inside. This was not going to easy at all.
Daniel looked straight in my eyes for a minute, analysing god knows what and then spoke, "I can skip the camp if you want. I don't want to leave you alone in this."
I shook my head with a smile. "Nah, I have to do this just by myself. It's been long due."
"Still..."
"No, trust me," I said. "And besides, I get really distracting thoughts when you're around."
He raised one eyebrow with a smirk. "Oh, really?"
With me already being in his hold, he pulled me even closer, not leaving space whatsoever. I giggled as he pressed his lips against mine.
I could never get tired of this.
"Daniel, we are in school," I told him pulling away, but a huge smile on my face.
"Oh, come on, I'm not going to see you for two freaking days, I need to compensate somehow," he whined, his fingers curling under my jaw.
"That is if you do leave first. You need to be back here in two hours, so better hurry up," I said giving him a quick peck as he let me go.
"Urgh, fine. It was a stupid idea joining the team again. It's not like I wanted more credits for college anyway," he rambled walking over to the driver's seat. "That reminds me. What did you decide about college?"
"There's nothing to decide," I answered, shrugging. "I am already past all the deadlines of any university and the only one I did apply to, was the local law school which my dad doesn't want me to go so no college plans for me next year, I guess."
"And you look awfully okay with that." He put the car in ignition.
"No, I mean I would just take a year off, prepare for auditions to a few music schools." I explained. "I could use the time to maybe take a hobby or something, or maybe even a job or something."
"Oh yeah, I could totally imagine you in a hooter's uniform," he said with a lop-sided smile.
"Because of course that would be my first choice of work."
We arrived in front of my house in ten minutes.
"So see you on Sunday then," I said with a smile but it felt like my insides were a lot heavier on the prospect of not being able to see him for the upcoming two days.
Get a grip, Norah. It was just a matter of forty eight short hours.
"Yeah," he said, and as I was about to clamber down from the car, he leaned towards me, kissing me on my forehead. "Everything's going to be fine. They are going to understand."
Having no words to reply with, I just gave him a convincing smile and got down from his car.
The front door was already unlocked and as I walked through it, I found my dad sitting on the couch in the living room, talking to someone.
"Nate?" I couldn't conceal the surprise in my voice.
He stood up, and took a step towards me. "Hey."
If I hadn't been so occupied by the thought that this had to be a sign of some sort, hinting me to go ahead and tell the truth this very second, I would have definitely cried on listening him talk to me finally. Nate was the closest thing I had to a brother, someone who had done a lot more for me than any real brother would have, and I had missed him so much.
"Hi," I spoke, not knowing how we were supposed to act from now on.
"I just came to talk to you about a few things," he said, his eyes holding a guilt.
"I will be in my room."
Dad got up to leave, but I stopped him, "No, dad wait. Can you please call mom and ask her to come over? I have something to talk about with all of you."
I turned to Nathan who looked back with a questioning look. "I know we have a lot of things to discuss, but trust me, it can wait. This is more important."
Not fully convinced, he still nodded his head.
An hour later, my mom was sitting on the couch, directly across from me. Dad was on her right, and Nathan on my left. I looked at all of their faces, one at a time.
"Norah, what is this about? Is everything okay?" mom asked with worry, probably not being able to handle the suspense anymore.
"I don't know," I answered, honestly. "And I don't know how to start this. Maybe I should have waited till tomorrow, prepared it in my head better," by this point I was more like mumbling just to myself.
"Norah," my dad called to pull me back from my mumbling.
I looked up at him, wondering how was I going to do this to him.
"An hour before she died, Emma called me," I blurted out. Like a deathly wave, my shocking confession hit all three of them, their faces paling with a rate that I never thought was humanly possible.
What followed next was narrating everything that happened that day and everything else that was the repucursion of it. Clay, his blackmails, Emma's situation, her last words, my purpose of coming back to this town, everything.
I kept on crying with every word I spoke but even through my tears, I let go off the biggest secret that I had ever held onto, one that had the power the turn everyone's life upside down.
It was eleven in the night as I lied on my bed, staring at the ceiling, letting my tears to run down freely, hoping that it was the last time that I had to do something so horrible as I had just hours ago.
The look on their faces was captured in my mind. If Emma's death had them in a state like someone had ripped their hearts out, then today felt like someone had stomped over their ripped hearts over and over again. I had broken the three of them all over again.
In the silence of the night, all I could hear was my mom's sobs. She hadn't stopped crying since. She didn't say even a single word to me. Neither did dad. He even refused to look me in the eye anymore.
And Nate, he had stormed off out the door as soon as I was done talking.
I almost jumped as I felt my phone vibrating between my hands and stomach.
Clearing my throat to make sure I didn't sound raspy, I pulled the phone to my ears. "Help me, I am dying out here. Take me back home!"
I smiled, a little on how whiny he sounded but more about getting to hear his voice. I needed him right now.
"It's been just three hours of you being there," I said, rolling my eyes. "So how was the rest of your day?"
"Ah, you know the usual, flew to Paris, learned some mean Voodoo shit, and found out that I have a long lost son. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Wow, that was horrible. Lost your sense of humor on the way to the camp, huh?"
"Huff, I know, I know, I can do much better but I am sleep deprived and also desperate as hell to make you laugh so cut me some slack, kay?" I let my head fall back on the bed. I shook my head lightly. He knew.
"So, you told them, huh?" he said quietly, after I didn't say anything.
"Yeah," I whispered.
"You okay?"
"I can't tell," I answered truthfully.
"Do you feel like talking about it?" He asked, his voice soft against my ear.
"No."
"Okay."
For a while, we quietly listened to each other's breath that loomed on the line and then I spoke, "Tell me your favorite memory when you were little, before James, before all of it, while you were still a happy kid."
"Norah..."
"No, Daniel, please, just do it," my voice broke completely at once. "I need a happy place right now and I can't find any of my own where I can stop thinking about her. She's in every memory I turn to, and just can't...I can't...I just can't...so please..."
"Please..." I repeated again, when he didn't say anything.
"I was five," he started and then paused, as if to make sure that I was okay. "Dad was visiting us and mom took a day off from her work...and all three of us watched a movie, I can't remember which one but I know it was my favorite one back then, and then we sat around the fireplace. I played with my toys while they talked, and it felt like we were almost a real happy family. It was a good day, we didn't have many of them together and that little five year brain of mine actually thought that maybe we would always stay like that. I wished that my parents would get back together so that we can become a family again, and I actually remember praying for it in bed after my dad tucked me under the sheets. And...and then I fell asleep watching the lights from the window that were out that night...and yeah, I guess that's my favorite oldest memory..."
I had a sad smile as I was listening to him talk, remembering the day that happened years ago. Why remembering the happiest of our memories did leave us feeling this sad?
"Norah?"
"Hmm?"
"I hate it when you get sad," he simply stated. I smiled again at the child like way he said that.
"Just keep on talking and I'll be fine." I stared back at the ceiling again. "What are they like, the northern lights?"
"Um, they're beautiful. I remember whenever I couldn't sleep I sat by the window waiting for them for hours. And whenever they did come, it felt worth the wait because even if I had seen them hundreds of nights, I still watched them like a mesmerized kid, hung up on the hope that beautiful things can happen in between the dark things, like those lights did during the harsh Alaskan winters. Yeah, I was into symbolism those days. Thought it made me look smarter," he admitted, sheepishly. With a chuckle, I closed my eyes, focusing completely on his voice, zoning out everything else. "Anyway, so most of the time, they came in blue or greenish yellow and it's hard to put it in words how exactly do they look in real life because it's not really how they show in all those photographs...they start out like this almost white glow and then as they pick up their pace, it's practically impossible to keep your eyes off them. It almost feels like you're watching something ghostly as those sheets of lights sway in the air in a rhythm of their own. And it's not something you can explain..."
I kept my eyes closed as he kept on talking, imagining everything he was saying in my head, and I kept on playing the scenario over and over again in my head so that it was all my brain could think of.
Enough about Emma for today, or maybe forever.
Tomorrow was going to be a new start.
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Another one of those slllloooow kind of chapters....but I hope it still was good enough. =)
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