Staring at the empty ceiling with the darkness as the only thing that was surrounding me. I was feeling as empty as the ceiling above me. Four hours left before it's sunrise. I haven't slept yet even just for a minute. My mind was busy thinking about Shawn. Or in any case that he is Travis. I decided to stay up late since I had a lot of assignments, projects, and home works to do. But not as late as two in the morning. I have been trying to sleep for almost three hours now, but I just really can't.
I heard my phone ringing as it vibrated on the small desk beside my bed where I was lying. I grabbed it and saw Dylan's name on the screen. There was this part of me when I wasn't busy but was still not in the mood to talk. I rolled my eyes, rejected the call, and held it down back on my bed. I kept staring at the empty ceiling to make myself sleep. But no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't do it. Once again, my phone rang but I ignored it. For the third time, I just closed my eyes and acted like I didn't hear the rings and vibrations.
But a different sound popped out, the sound of message notification. I grabbed it and read the message which was saying,
>Hey, Jade please answer.
Instead of calling him back like I was thinking to do, I threw my phone away. Dylan was out of my problems but got inserted in the middle of it. He didn't deserve my ignorance but I still gave it to him. "Ugh!" I expressed in irritation. I rubbed my face harshly, breathed abnormally as I waited for it to become normal again. I realized why I couldn't sleep. I have been thinking of Travis all day, all night, and all these times. "Why can't you just get out of my head, jerk?" I slightly screamed.
I also held my voice a little down so mom and dad wouldn't hear it. I narrowed at my desk and saw all the letters that Travis sent to me before, back when he was secretly sending me those letters. I figured out that those are what make him travel by my mind every day. So I stood up and grabbed all those cardboard as I placed them in a plastic bag.
Before going out of my room, I took a sigh first. I was unsure if I would throw them or not. But I thought that throwing them would be a way for me to forget about him. I ran down the stairs but tried to be as silent as I could so I wouldn't wake mom or dad. I opened our front door and went to our trash can as I placed the plastic there. I closed my eyes as a tear fell for no reason. "Sorry" I whispered.
The trash bin automatically closed by itself. The stars, the moon, the dark sky, and the clouds were watching me as I watched them too. "What? Why are you guys looking at me like that? I just did the right thing!" I stupidly talked to them as if they were hearing me. I sighed, for some reason, I couldn't deny that I secretly loved Travis as much as he secretly sent me those letters.
If what he is hiding is his real identity, then I am hiding that I still love him by replacing it with hate. I narrowed in front of me as I saw someone walking and getting closer to me after each second. It was one of my classmates since my 1st year in college and now one of Shawn's friends in class. "Ben?" I wondered why he was still walking when it was almost morning.
He looked at me, I guess he didn't recognize me at first but when I called his name. But his lips parted "Oh, hi! What are you doing here, Jade" and I should have been the one to ask him that kind of question. "This is where I live and you? What are you doing here?" I asked as he looked at my house where I pointed my index finger when I said that I live here.
He nodded as his mouth shut when he bit his lips. "Going to Hannah for a project" I just remembered that one of our classmates also lives near me. Hannah, but we're not that close, to being honest. Just classmates who sometimes talk to each other when necessary. "Project? What Project?" I frowned.
"Continuation of what we did earlier. The one at the garden"
I didn't get it at first but sooner, my eyes widened when I realized what he was trying to say. The one where my partner is Shawn. "But I thought we're done with that" I disclosed while frowning at him. Without my expectations, he frowned too. "The professor said we should jet down all the answers of our group mates and create a paper for it" he verbalized.
"I don't remember that he said that" I demanded.
"I guess he said that when you were at the bathroom. Umm, by the way, I heard your conversation with Shawn, what happened to you guys? And why did you call him Travis?"
"None of your business anymore. But okay, thanks for reminding me. I got to go. It's almost morning"
I even used the morning sunlight as an alibi when I couldn't sleep. "Girl, what is up with you? It's so early?" I heard Maureen's voice over the phone after I dialed her. "Sorry to wake you up, but do you have Shawn's number?" I heard her stretching and waking herself. "What? Shawn's number? Of course not how could I get it when we're not even close? Try to ask our professor, I just really still got to sleep right now. See you tomorrow" she said altogether hurriedly like a horse was chasing her.
Ask the professor, right! Why didn't I think of that thing before?