1 year later
- 7:48 pm -
"It will be a very big profit to both of our companies Mr. Kim, please think about it once you get time" the man who sat opposite to him inside his office, stood up and bowed at him to take his leave while he just sat there, not facing the person in front of him but staring at the floor-length window of his luxurious cabin which gave an outlook of the busy city of seoul.
"I'll leave now, it was great meeting you." he said and glanced at him who was still in the same position, unmoved. He sighed, feeling frustrated because of his ignorance when he agreed to this meeting.
He looked too lost in his thoughts.
He rolled his eyes secretly but left him alone with his thoughts. The sound of the glass door closing resounded the silent area, and he leisurely leaned back on his leather chair. His eyes closed, he sighed, and a faint smile crept on his thin lips when the familiar face he craves to get a glimpse of even for a millisecond flashed his mind.
It has been one year, one year since you left.
To say he missed you would be an understatement. He craved your presence, he yearned your essence, his heart ached even with the slightest thought of you, but maybe you were never in his sight, but always on his mind. His hands itched to touch your tender skin, he desired your touch on his body, even that would be for a second, he was willing to do everything to just see you, but unfortunately, fate was so cruel to him.
Missing you came in waves, and he was drowing.
His heart felt heavy thinking of all this year he spent without you. Life was actually a mess, and it still is.
His eyes opened and the glimpse of the busy roads that gleamed with the lights of certain vehicles reflected his burning gaze. The busy road had a clear scene of the people hurrying to go back home, to let the stress of the day drain into the arms of a very loved one, whom their heart aches to get a glimpse of for once.
His stomach churned up knowing that there would be no one to open the door for him, he would be doing it himself, and his pillow would be the only victim of what he hides deep inside.
Nothing was cleared yet, except the certainty of his feelings.
Maybe he realised it later, a lot later than when he should have but at least he did.
It took him time, but he knew that he so in love with you, so deeply that even the pain he felt reminiscing about you, it was pleasurable to him. Thinking about you, and missing you kept him more awake than coffee. The man felt so vulnerable, so incomplete.
He had spent uncountable nights on the terrace, sometimes inside his office until the nights end and the morning sun rised again, or sometimes, drunken until his heart would take over his mind to let him doze off to a deep slumber on one of the club's bed itself, everything, everything just wrecked him.
1 year, no phone calls from your side.
Though you never tried contacting him, that didn't refrained him from calling you daily. That was so pathetic of him. Calling someone he knew that won't pick up, yet it brought relief to his heart that the ringing of the call is connected with you.
You never picked up, nor you replied to his texts, but thankfully, you never blocked his number, that was already a great fact to smile for, knowing that maybe he is still someone you don't mind blocking from your life, he can't be lucky anymore. But yet, something in him never brought the comfort he longed for.
What if you found someone else?
That thought always ate him alive. That just burnt his insides whenever he thought of someone else who is not him having his hands over your shoulder, someone's else arms wrapped around you or even worst, someone else kissing you-
He groaned, his heart thumping hard against his chest as the same thoughts crept inside him he never wanted to think of. He had waited for one year, which already made him loose his sanity to a great extent, but he was determined to wait even longer, even if it takes his whole life.
He stood up from his chair, his hairs a mess, falling above his forehead to half of his eyes which abstained people from looking in them. His laptop was closed but tabel was a mess like always, yet he couldn't care more. He took his phone which lightened up by the amount of notifications must have buzzed, but his heart fluttered up just by glancing at his lock screen. It wasn't something very special, but to him, it meant the world. It was one of the pics he randomly took of you, one of the last one he took to be precise.
A warm feeling crept inside his heart when he stared in your brown hazel eyes, your little nose and your red, soft and so kissable lips.
These were the little things which provided him strength to survive throughout the one year. He sighed. Shoving his phone back into his trouser's pocket and taking his car keys, his foot made their way outside his office as the sound made by his shoes echoed through the place. Everyone must have already gone by now, it was only him, as always.
"Good evening Mr. Kim" the watchman standing near his car bowed at him with a warm smile on his wrinkled face, reflecting the maturity and experience behind them. He did it back to him, though a genuine smile couldn't leave his lips, yet he forced one at the old man who opened the car's gate for him.
"I have told you not to do that, uncle..." the old man chuckled but just shook his head. "You work too hard, and i like doing it for you" his heart melted at his words, he hasn't felt all these things, and to say that he have become oversensitive for emotional words wouldn't be a lie. Even someone's 'hey, how was your day?'could brought him to tears.
"Ah thanku..bye bye" he waved at him through the opened window of his side as he sat inside and he did it back with a giggle at his childish self, not knowing how much pain his childish self hides behind. "Bye, drive safely"
He nodded and ignited the engine as the lights inside the car lightened up, giving a cosy vibe in the cold weather.
- 9:32 pm -
Loud music blasting through the speakers, the intoxicating smell of alcohol, people dancing and singing was all that surrounded him as he sat on one of the chairs placed at the bar centre, his eyes roaming around different girls dancing seductively.
He had a half empty bottle of alcohol in his hand while the another rested on the arm of the chair. With every heavy gulp of the toxic drink down his throat, his insides would burn inside, but yet he didn't stopped. Why would he even?
That's all he has been doing all these months to give a little bit of relief, but unfortunately, it would made him even more helpless as even in his blank state of mind, everything that roamed around his mind was you, those heart wrenching memories and pain.
Yet another sip was devoured by him, but unintentionally, a tear slipped down his eyes, and he threw his head back while a heavy sigh left his parted lips. He let those emotions hidden inside his chest have the upper hand on his unconscious self, feeling too overwhelmed by everything happening in his life.
He felt like if dying could lead him to you, he would gladly embrace the death, there's nothing in surviving like a mess that he is, the pain of his soul caused his heart to be clenched as if someone just tore him apart and took his heart out, and he hissed in pain as the emotional pain must have had a physical impact on him.
He kept his left palm against his chest but hung his head low, his right hand still gripping the bottle tightly, he let his tears stream down his eyes hastily. Maybe he would have treated you better and he wouldn't be here, on the verge of passing out. Maybe he would have seen yourself in you but not his past, and he wouldn't be crying right now but probably in his bed, sharing his warmth with you.
Or even better, if seo yeon wouldn't have left without saying a word, then he would be living the best days of his life with his first love.
He thought of this a lot of times, but then something would cause a tinge of pain to sting his heart,
If seo yeon wouldn't have left, would he have ever met you?
Probably, no.
He would have never met you, he would have never seen your smile, he would have never looked in your eyes, he could have never be able to love you like he does now. "Oh lord..."
his voice trembled with pain but he somehow stood up, his limbs shaking, he let the glass bottle drop on the ground. The loud noise of the glass shattering on the tiles caught a few people attention as they diverted their gaze at him while he stood there bewildered, his mind was still processing things and why people are staring at him like that. But then suddenly, he looked down at his feet where glass fragments were scattered, and he immediately started apologising to them.
Bowing several times at them, he mumbled a sorry at each one of them while they just gawked at him, too shocked to see his messed up form which refrained either of them from saying something to him as he didn't gave a chance to say something. "Sir, its okay, we will clean this" one of the barmaid said as she witnessed the situation, holding him by his shoulders as he kept stumbling on his steps.
"No I just-"
"It's okay sir-"
she tried to help him by making him sit back on the chair but he instantly stood up, yanking her hand away from his body as he looked away from her. "D-dont t-touch me" he hiccuped, but glared at her while she just frowned. She didn't had any intentions to touch him in any of the nasty way he might have thought, she just helped him he don't need to be so rude to someone being good to him.
Everyone who dresses like a slut is not always a slut, and everyone who dresses formally isn't always a virgin.
Maybe he did noticed the pained expression visible on her face, and he bowed at her too, biting his lips as he was just one step far from tearing up. "I-I am s-sorry..I don't know what's happening.." he sniffled but immediately pushed himself out of the place which started suffocating him.
Heavy breathing while tears never ceasing, he stumbled his way towards his car parked at a distance, and he unlocked it with his shaking hands. "God.." his voice cracked while he sat inside his car.
His whole body was shaking while his breaths were painfully shuddering because of the alcohol's effect. He just wanted to go home.
He started his car and the mirror of the vehicle slide down as he let the cold wind shiver his insides. His lips were parted as he took heavy and steady breaths while his brain wasn't functioning properly. He felt punches under his skin as he increased the speed of his car, and the tears made their way out of his bloodshot eyes once again, and sobs escaped his swollen lips.
"Come back y/n..." his painful voice whispered as he closed his eyes for two seconds to cry what he has been holding since yesterday. He promised that he won't cry in the sake of you, but he couldn't keep the promise to himself anymore. It already felt too much.
He hit the steering wheel while crying, too immensed to think and act straight.
He was yet being a mess, and it wasn't anything new to him. If anything was new, then it was how he felt tonight, he felt his heart sinking low, his insides churning up with intense pain that made him cry no matter how hard he tried to hold it back.
He ran his hand through his messy hairs and shook his head to look straight at the road, but right at that instant, he felt his vision getting blurry again. "Fuck!" He groaned, hitting the poor steering wheel but never stopping hurting his knuckles.
"Why don't you fucking come back?!!?" He increased the pressure on the brakes and his hairs flew back because of the wind. His unsteady gaze was on the road, but his vision was getting blurry often, making him loose his mind at the frustration it caused.
"Damn it.." he took his phone and without thinking anything twice, he called you. He knew that you won't pick up, but since it was like a daily routine, he didn't minded doing it.
He waited for a minute, hearing the bell ringing but increasing the beating of his heart.
"Just one time, please pick up" he sobbed, his hands already falling to his side, because of how shaky it was, yet he called you again after the call being automatically decline. It was the same, the ringing of the bell won't change into a soft voice which has the power to heal him.
He removed the device from his ears but instantly went in the chats to text you. He texted you just an 'hey y/n' and would have hardly typed one or two words more, but a loud honk was to be heard and he immediately jerked his head up. His eyes widened as he saw a car coming at him with a dangerously fast speed. The device dropped from his hand as he immediately held onto the steering wheel and turned it around hastily but the bright lights coming from the another vehicle blinded his vision and he closed his eyes which he shouldn't have.
Another honk was heard from the opposite car while his car moved left to right unsteadily. Fortunately, he managed to drive past the car but just as he opened his eyes, they yet again widened as he found his car going inside the forest side without any break. His breathed hastily as he pressed the brakes but nothing was helping.
Just when a big tree came in front of him, he had unconsciously pressed the car's honk as if the tree was a vehicle, and a harsh screeching of tires was heard as his car stumbled deep inside the forest and just seconds it would have taken for his car to be smashed against the tree. He head banged against the steering wheel while the car sank deeper making the tree's root jerk up because of the speed of the car being crashed against it.
Blood oozed out of his head, flowing down like some normal water while pieces of glass stuck in his palms he didn't even knew how. A groan left his mouth as he felt the excruciating pain in every inch of his body.
Even the insides of his body had clenched up in pain. He tried moving, but couldn't as the seat was broken and literally on his back. Tears cascaded his eyes with the blood that flew down his forehead and the corner of his lips as he felt his heart beats getting low and low every passing second.
He wanted to open the door and get out, it was so hard to breath, and he felt like dying but then suddenly, the pain stopped, it stopped hurting him everywhere and black dots appeared in front of his eyes as they blurred away his sight. His head which felt like being hammered unceasingly, felt lightheaded and then, his head fell on the steering wheel right there on the spot he got hurt, and he fell unconscious.
"Oh my god!" the man by whose car he was going to almost get hit walked inside the forest where he saw his car, but then, suddenly, he stopped.
He saw his car, and all his hopes of saving him felt like fading away when he saw the condition of his car. It was destroyed.
__________________________
why i have to do this? :')