"Don't lie.. y-you can't leave just like that..."
His voice shivered and he stepped back from you unconsciously, his emotions now taking the upper hand on him as his eyes looked at you in disbelief.
"What do you mean by let's stop huh? I-I am n-not signing those papers y/n... please, listen to me for once-" he came near you once again, his eyes pooling in tears, he took your hand in his shaking ones and attached his forehead with yours.
"I-I won't let you go..." he whispered in his broken voice, leaning closer to your body as he felt his heart churn hardly just by the thought of not seeing you.
"Tae-"
"Shh" he let his arms hold your waist in their grip, and pulled you closer to him to hug you. "Listen to me y/n..." his eyes closed and he rested his chin on your head, swaying your body in his grip. "We can sort all this out...you don't need to leave..stay here, with me" he softly said, his voice cracking in between but breaking your heart.
Tears cascaded both of your eyes once you hugged him back, the same amount of emotions and feelings pouring through your eyes as you sobbed in his embrace. "We can't sort this out like this taehyung...nothing is and we can't live like this forever rig-"
"y/n-" "Please, taehyung... listen to me.." you pulled back your head from his chest but went through the most heart wrenching sight of him once again. Just everything of him had turn your stomach upside down, those beautiful deep eyes drowing in tears, that little nose red along with his tear stained cheeks, those soft, thin, pink lips quivering as he sobbed like a kid.
"Look at you, crying like a five year old.." your thumbs brushed against his wet cheeks, wiping the wetness away but it didn't took long to let his tears roll down his tired orbs again. That hurts so much, you have seen him crying, even harder than this, but it never pained this deeply.
You itself could feel your blood rush through your veins at the every thought of leaving everything behind.
Maybe you were being a bipolar person right now, but that war that was fought in between your mind and heart didn't let you think straight. You knew you need to take a step forward, maybe this step will hurt, it will eventually broke both of you, but you knew that everything which will wrench your heart today, at the end, it will heal your soul.
"You need to let go of me tae" with a stone on your heart, you declared and looked away from him. You probably didn't had the strength to look at him crying any more.
"Don't...y/n.." he whispered, his head hung low as tears never ceased to take a break.
"We have to take this step taehyung. Everything in this relationship is so toxic that it kills me everytime I think of us. You need some time taehyung, and I need some time too. We both need some time, far from each other...
"I know, it will be so hard, but when things get hard, we need to handle them by staying strong." You looked at him "you have to get some another woman off your mind if you look froward with me. I can't stay like this taehyung..I have feelings too. Did you ever felt what I felt when you would lean on me to get her off your mind? Let me ask you, am I a toy?"
His eyes widened as he looked at you deeply, his heart felt being stabbed with your question. All those time, maybe he did let his emotions out in your arms, while his heart and mind was thinking of someone else, but never did he ever thought of you as his toy. "How can you say that y/n?" He didn't answered but asked you, not believing that you would ask something regarding so low of his feels for you. You chuckled painfully, wiping off the tears from your cheeks, "and once again, my question is suppressed by another question of yours"
"Never! Never I thought of you as I toy!" he yelled, but later on sobbing as the pain was much greater than his wrath. "But you still used me" you said calmly, and nothing else came out his mouth as he silently let his eyes scan all the emotions on your face.
"Taehyung," you let your arms wrap around his neck, and kissed his cheek with a slight smile playing on your lips. "Stop crying now, it hurts" you softly said, smiling at him while he just looked at you quite shocked, but felt his heart thump hardly when he saw your mesmerising smile, how am I supposed to live without seeing that smile?
"If it hurts, then don't leave..I promise I won't cry anymore" he said, hugging you back and rubbing his nose with your nose, making you chuckle softly.
"Why you even want me to stay, you don't even love me.." you said still smiling when all you craved was to cry your heart out, it felt so heavy.
"I don't even love you?" He suddenly aksed, more to himself than to you. Right, he don't even loves you. He has always been convinced of the fact that he don't loves you, nor you will ever love him.
"Yes, you don't love me. Don't you love seo yeon?" Your tapped his cheek and laughed slightly as you backed off from him. He didn't said anything, nor did moved from his place, he was just too much lost in his world of thoughts as what you had said seemed to hit him deeper.
'why this feels like a lie if I say I hate you?'
He turned around and saw you holding the papers, your eyes scanning through each of the word briefly.
Just two signs, and maybe you will never see him again.
"Y/n..." He called out, and you looked up at him.
"We...we don't need to divorce.." and he took the papers away from you, letting them drop on the tiles once again.
"You need time right?" His hot palm cupped one side of your cheek as he caressed it with his thumb. "You can take time...but we don't need to end this all y/n..maybe I don't love you now, but here," he put your hand on his chest and you gasped feeling his heart beating hardly in his chest, "my heart hurts when i think of everything I've done to you" you looked away, and he didn't insisted you to look at him forcefully knowing what would be going through your mind.
He sighed, gulping the thick lump formed in his throat because of the current situation. "If I apologise now, it won't change anything right? I know, it won't, so I will not apologise to you now, not yet. B-But I will always wait for you.. if you want to stay away from me..you can g-go and take your time..but..but there's just one wish of mine y/n.., d-dont divorce.. please.."
Suddenly, you heard a frustrated groan coming from the corner of the living room, and your eyes instantly fell on the figure of your brother, sitting down on the floor with a sulky face.
How the fuck can you forget that your brother also exists?
"Can you both please stop being so damn overdramatic and tell your fucking decision? I'm so done of this shit!" He groaned once again and you opened your mouth to say something when taehyung suddenly spoke, cutting you off,
"She...she is not staying with me anymore, but we won't divorce..she will come back, I know that. It will take some time to her, and it will be so hard for me, but I know, I have trust in her, you will come back, won't you? Y/n?"
His eyes gleamed with hope for a positive answer, and all you could do was a nod as painful sobs escaped your mouth.
"I will, tae...I will come back after you will see myself in me, not seo yeon in me.."
He nodded, and a faint smile appeared on his thin lips.
Maybe you are right. He knows he needs some time for himself, some time to gather the broken pieces of his heart together, to make the organ beat once again, honestly.
And maybe, the time he needs to get his mind straight, he has to through it alone.
"I trust you...I know you will come back, and if not..." He walked towards you, and a sudden action of him pulled you closer to him, your hand rests on his chest and you looked deeply in his twinkling orbs "I will find you, and I will lick you" you laughed out slightly at his little joke you knew he tried to come up with just to lessen the tension between you two.
"If things got right, I will come myself, you won't have to find me" you smiled, pulling back from his embrace unwittingly and looking at jimin who sat still on the floor with a poker face.
"I have to talk to you jimin, taehyung-" you looked back at him, "go and change-"
"Y-you are staying f-for night right? I mean-"
"Yes I am...you and take a shower" you smiled warmly at him to which he just nodded, though internally the curiosity increasing inside him didn't went unnoticed by his own self.
- 10:46 pm -
There was an eeire silence in the air as he sat leisurely on the couch laid in the balcony of his bedroom. The darkness engulfed his self as he sat there, lost in his own world of thoughts while staring at the pitch black sky. Though the sky was dark because of the weather being gloomy, his eyes gleamed with certain emotions inside them.
Only if I could turn back the clock..
He chuckled at the vulnerable thought that stroke his mind. Is he going insane now only? You haven't left yet but it felt like he is already starting to loose his mind. He let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes to let the sleep take over his soul but unfortunately, he couldn't find the comfort he needs to calm his senses and drift to a deep slumber. "Hey.." a very soft sound hit his eardrums and he came out of his trance. Your faint footsteps were to be heard as you walked towards him with a cup of hot chocolate in your hand. His closed eyes slowly opened and his gaze instantly stuck on your figure placing the mug on the glass table before him. "I made you hot chocolate, it's cold today so I hope you will like it.."
"I will like it anyways" he smiled at you. "I made it after a long time so I don't know if it will be even consumable" a soft giggle left your throat and you sat beside him, still looking at the cup.
He took a sip of the drink and you watched his expressions hardened, giving you some negative vibes. "I think it's not-"
"No it's fine..I like it" he smiled once again, but you could feel all the pain he tried to conceal behind the cresent shape of his lips. "Uh..thanks" you smiled too, and leaned back on the couch to just look forward at the bustling city of seoul.
The cold wind that lingered around you both seemed to gave off a comfortable feeling, it felt quite cozy, expect the awkward silence that refrained either of you from speaking. He took a secret glance at you, and the sight made his hand itch to hold you, closer to him.
He had never felt this way before, maybe because he always thought that no matter what you will never leave him. Maybe because he had that the right to keep you close to him whenever he needs, and not spare a glance at your broken state when he wants.
Maybe he never wanted you to make any place in his heart which he sacrificed for another woman, but all the times he pushed you away, he would barely think of her but his mind would wander around all the thoughts of you.
And now when he realises it that your presence was something which didn't let his negative thoughts kill him alive, it's too late to go back to the times where he wished he would have cherished you.
"Stop staring at me now..." you finally said after you felt his never ending stare at you, and he instantly looked away, a bright shade of pink visible on his milky white cheeks, causing you to giggle more. "I just..." The correct words didn't came to his mind to defend himself from the truth, and that just made your giggle turn into fists of laughter.
Hearing your laugh made him sigh deeply, it was pure and genuine and now, he don't even mind staring at you, neither the embarrassment he felt lasted anymore. "Do you perhaps have something to say?"
Well...a lot..
"What should I even say? You'd be gone by tomorrow.." he snikered. The smile your lips were wearing faded away and a expression of guilt ran upon your face. "Hey, don't feel guilty.." as if he read your mind, he cupped your face and leaned closer you to hold your face closer to his and admire every feature of yours he always adored since the starting, internally.
"I deserve this..." he whispered closer to your face, and his hot breath fanned your lips, giving a tingling sensation in the pit of your belly. That's when you realised, even the slightest touch of his can make those crazy butterflies flutter in your stomach.
"If I treated you right, then we wouldn't be here right now, instead we would be on the bed, tangled up with each other.." he made you sit on his lap and you let him do so.
You knew that he won't go too far, though you never felt uncomfortable with his touches, you didn't wanted anything to happen, not when you knew that no matter how many pain and tears this night hold in, with the rise of tomorrow's sun, you'd be leaving.
"Don't think about that" you said and let him drop his head on your shoulder. "Y/n...." the depth of his voice when he called you made you close your eyes, you never loved your name this much ever before. "Hmm?" There was a minute of silence before he said something, breaking your heart, "I don't have anything to say, I just feel like saying your name.." you gulped and inhaled deeply to not let your weak self take over you again. You didn't wanted to cry anymore. You didn't wanted him to cry either, seeing each other in tears will eventually make the departure of one another's presence even harder.
"It's okay, you can say my name if you want.." he could feel your smile even when he wasn't looking at you.
He wasn't looking at you, and you were smiling, what a nonsense! He looked up to see your face, he wanted to devour every single second of you being closer to him. His eyes memorised your features from close, who knows when he will be able to see you again.
Those old yet fresh memories reminisced his mind and he smiled. "I am going to miss you Mrs. Kim" by what he said, you knew he meant that you are still his, you are still his wife and he has his rights on you. "I hope you won't miss me mr.kim" he rolled his eyes but that thing hurt him pretty bad.
"You won't mind if I kiss you right?"
"I wil-"
Before you could respond, his lips were already on yours, not moving but just pressed against your. His heart felt being churned with extreme pain because of the feelings that ran through his veins at the intimacy of your body with his.
He wanted to move his lips against yours in the most delicate manner ever, he wanted his actions to take the upper hand this time, he wanted you to feel what he feels inside his heart, as he knew that his words won't be enought to express the delight.
On the other hand, you didn't said anything. You knew this wasn't right, but you wanted to observe his action in a complicated situation like this.
He detached his lips from yours in a devastatingly slow manner, quite unwillingly, of course.
"When you go, take care of yourself and..."
he gulped, looking behind your shoulder as all the strength drained from his body as the next thought came though his mind. "And?" You asked, cupping his face in your palms to look into his eyes, and for him to look into yours.
"And tell me if you find someone else..."
He smiled, but his lips rolled down and a lone tear slipped down his eyes unintentionally. He didn't wanted to cry anymore, but he knew this was just the beginning to his pain, he will have to suffer until you come back to him.
You felt a pang of pain in your chest when he literally said something you least expected from him. He really thinks that you will leave everything behind and move on with someone else? How could he...
"I hope your wish comes true if that's what you want.." you gave him a tight lipped smile, slashing his heart into a million of pieces with the usage of your harsh words.
"D-don't go..y-y/n.."
Tears rolled down his eyes heavily, and you looked away from him, trying you control your emotions. "Please..." He leaned onto your shoulder to cry on it. You gladly gave him your shoulder to cry onto, and that fact just wretched him that there would be no one to wipe those tears off his face.
He hugged you tightly and closed his eyes to let his self drown into the comfort and warmth.
"I don't want to sleep... I don't want to wake up and find no one beside me.."
"Just-...just sleep for now.."
Your hands securing him in your hold, you ran your fingers through his dark brown locks while the other caressed his back as he took soft snores in your embrace. He looked so peaceful while sleeping.
That was it, the end of your moments with him for now. This will be last time that he is breathing closer to you, in your arms.
-5:17am -
"Oh god.." he groaned in his sleep as he tossed over the mattress. His hand extended to the other side and he searched over the little place to find the squishy being he loves to snuggle into, but there was abruptly emptiness over there.
He whined but rolled over to the side where you casually sleeps, but because of no one being there, he rolled way too much that he landed with his butt on the floor. "Ah shit.." he hissed in pain as now his eyes were half opened. His orbs wandererd around the room, his lips puckered up with his hairs a total mess. The room was still dark as it was winter season, and the sun was yet to illuminate the city with its glimmering shine.
"Y/n?" He asked in his sleepy voice as he was tripping over his steps because of how sleepy he felt. There was a thick air of silence around the room, and it felt unexpectedly empty. He rubbed his eyes and walked towards the bathroom, and the moment he found it empty, his eyes were wide opened as he was slowly getting back to the bitter reality of life.
"Y-Y/n?" He called out a bit loudly as he almost ran outside the bathroom but his footsteps came to a halt when he eyed the closed closet. What if he opened the closet and didn't found your clothes there?
He shook off that thought from his mind even when there was a high expectancy of being so, but he wanted to search through the house before coming to any conclusion.
He had ran across the living room to the guests rooms, the backyard and the kitchen, and once he was in the middle of living room once again, he was sweating profusely as he already came to acknowledge the truth behind the emptiness he felt at early morning.
Eventually, he had opened the closet of both of yours once shared bedroom, and the vacancy inside left him devastated inside.
He had a hard time swallowing the truth that you were actually gone, that you were no longer where he wants you to be. A feeling of nostalgia took over him and he made his way towards the bed with teary eyes, what a great start for a wonderful day he is going to spend today..
Unexpectedly, it pained him more than what he expected. He knew that he'd loose his senses when you'd be gone, but it was even worse than this.
He was missing your presence only in a fraction of seconds, he wished he hadn't woken up, it would be much better.
He just wished, how better it had been if he breathed his last breaths in your embrace, but unfortunately, he don't even deserve such thing, he literally destroyed everything, didn't he?
His breath shuddered as he nuzzled his face in the now soaked pillow.
"If I could just die in your arms, I wouldn't mind..."
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I dont usually like praising myself but, damn....this is so well written 😭