The sun is shining brightly in the sky today.
I can hear the birds singing, the wind in the trees, the soft buzz of bees and I can feel the warm sun in my skin.
But somethings off.
I just can't find out what.
I should feel happy, but I ain't.
It's like if I knew something bad was going to happen, like a storm waiting to burst.
I can hear footsteps behind me.
I turn around and see Maxon, smiling, as he walks toward me.
I smile back, waiting for him.
That's when the sun disappears, dark clouds covering it.
It's starting to get colder.
The birds stops singing, the bees don't buzz anymore and I can't hear the soft wind because of the sound of the rain which started to fall heavily.
Maxon is still in front of me, but he doesn't move anymore, he doesn't smile anymore.
Suddenly, a red spot is forming on his shirt, getting wider and wider, until I realize it's actually blood.
I start to panic.
I want to help him but I can't move, I can't even talk.
I can hear his cries of pain, muffled by the sound of the rain.
He falls on the ground as I watch him helplessly, still unable to do a single step.
Then, I hear the twins crying.
I don't see them, I don't know where they are.
Are they hurt ?
I can't even help Maxon !
I start to breath heavily, my heart betting really fast, as my tears mix with the rain drops on my face.
I finally managed to shout.
" Maxon ! No ! Maxon ! I can't move, no !"
I catch my breath.
" No !"
My eyes drift open.
I'm in bed, in Maxon's room.
" America ?" Maxon asked me, in a sleepy voice " It's just a nightmare, love. It's okay, I'm here."
Maxon his sitting next to me, looking at me with eyes full of worry as he pulls me in a hug.
It was just a nightmare...
Again.
It has been three months now that I was rescued from the rebels.
These nightmares happen frequently and sometimes I even have small panic attacks.
I just can't control it.
I have these bad memories that resurface every time.
" Do you want to talk about it ?" He asked me
"No..." I replied, still scared
" Everything is fine, America. You are safe here, I promise." He reassured me, stroking my hair.
" I know... I just can't help it..." I replied.
" I'm here now, it's okay. I know it's hard." He kept saying, still holding me tight.
" I'm sorry for waking you up again, Maxon." I apologized
" Hey." He said, touching my chin making me look at him. " There's no need to apologize. You need me, I'm here. I don't care about sleep as long as you're okay, America."
I looked down.
I wished I could live normally now.
I thought after giving birth and being rescued from the rebels, I would live a normal life.
I guess being queen in the first place is nothing normal.
" I just wished I wasn't scared all the time. I just want to move on." I told him.
" I know you do." He replied
" I feel weak. How can I even be a good mother and comfort my children if I am scared myself ?" I complained.
" There's nothing to be ashamed of, America. It doesn't mean anything. You have the right to be scared and it's totally normal, after everything you went through. Scars don't go, they stay all life. There's only two ways to deal with them : you hide them and indure them or you accept them and try to move on." Maxon explained.
" How can I do this ?" I asked him
" I guess mostly with time... but you also need to accept them by admitting you're scared and letting others help you too." He told me.
" I don't want to give you more problems than you already have. It's not fair if you have to deal with your problems and mines." I said back.
" That's why I promised to love you in the good and bad moments. Until my last breath. That's why I promised you I wanted to share everything with you, from your deepest fears to your greatest joys." Maxon said, while looking at me in the eyes.
I smiled thinking back to when we both said our vows, during our mariage ceremony.
We were both so stressed but at the same time excited and happy.
For this new life, side by side.
" I want to go through everything with you, America. Bad or good." He continued
He stopped for a moment, taking a few breaths.
Still looking at me with his chocolate eyes he asked :
" Together ?"
I smiled.
" Forever."