Chapter Fifty.
June 17th, 2015.
The flashing of the lights whirled in my head all at once it was like a rainbow, except the only colors were red and blue when I got there. Nothing was coherent to me when I burst through the doors of the emergency room and my palms were sweaty and my heart was racing and it was all because it was reminding me far too much of two years ago. It was all like a repeat of the same nightmare I had lived once before that to this day still haunted me and when I went up to the front desk and asked where she was she told me she was moved to ICU.
I was shaking and I was trying not to cry as I raced toward the elevators. If only I had not gone to that meeting and if only I hadn’t been so busy with my music lately then maybe I would have seen this coming. Maybe I could have stopped it and maybe I could have prevented this but when the doors opened and my mom and dad were sitting in the waiting room I knew this wasn’t a repeat because their reaction wasn’t what I expected.
“Where is she?” I practically gasped, standing there motionless in my suit. “What happened?”
“Justin it’s okay.” She soothed, immediately rising from her chair. “Come sit down for a second. You can’t go and see her yet.”
But I couldn’t because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The phone call that I got from the hospital was still echoing throughout my head but I couldn’t remember much because I practically dropped the phone when I heard her name and got here as fast as I could. Was the baby okay? Was she okay?
“Justin.” She repeated. “Everything will be okay.”
I finally allowed myself to sit in-between them but I was still breathing heavily, my suit all wrinkled and my hair a complete disaster as I glanced towards the receptionist at the front desk who obviously recognized me because she wouldn’t stop staring. God, I just want to be left alone right now.
“Sophia went in early sweetie and she’s in surgery right now as we speak.”
“Again?”
My throat felt like it was closing and the only thing I could think of right now was how scared she must have been to have to go through that alone. How petrified and how scarring that must have been I didn’t even want to picture it and I couldn’t help but feel the tears burn into the back of my eyes because that box with Isabelle lying still inside of it wouldn’t leave my memory. If this happens for the second time I won’t be able to take it.
“I-I can’t do this. Mom I need to see her. I need to be with her.”
Standing to my feet, I went directly up to the receptionist and was about to beg and plead for her to let me in but a nurse pushed directly through the doors in a rush, his hands covered in blood and his eyes looking around the room frantically.
“The father.” He said. “Is he here yet?”
“Yeah I’m uh, I’m here. Are they okay?”
I kept staring at the blood on his hands and I felt my heart plummet directly into my stomach. This is not how it’s supposed to end and deep down I know that God would not to this to me or us twice. Once was enough so this one has to work out. This time there shouldn’t be tragedy.
“The mom’s losing a lot of blood but we’re trying to keep her stable. Did you want to cut the cord? If so we need you back here right now. She’s about to come out.”
“She? It’s a girl?”
Sophia and I had multiple ultra sounds done but we could never find out the sex because the baby always had her legs crossed. To know it’s another girl felt incredible and to know she’s about to be born right now made me all jittery and felt like I was on cloud nine and when I turned to look at my mom and dad they were smiling from ear to ear, standing up to give me one last hug of encouragement.
“Come on.” The nurse said. “Now. Let’s go.”
So I walked quickly behind him into another hallway and was handed a pair of scrubs to put on and I swear to god I couldn’t put them on fast enough. This was different from the last time because last time there was almost no hope. Last time all you heard was deafening silence like you could almost hear a pin drop in the room but now it was up-lifting as I entered, all of the other nurses and the doctor giving me a wide grin as I tried not to look at her stomach being open right now. I couldn’t see her because she was behind a sheet so I just stood there all wide-eyed as I watched the operation continue, getting breathless from the amount of seconds that passed by until I’d finally see my little girl.
“Here she comes!” The doctor exclaimed.
My heart wasn’t beating and I wasn’t talking and when he raised our baby into the air and as she was wrapped in a towel and as they weighed her and as they instructed me to come over to cut the cord it was all a blur. The only thing I could see were tears in my eyes because when that cord cut, it wasn’t like last time. It wasn’t like last time because she was crying and she was alive and all I could do was stare at what we had created. What Sophia and I had created and my god she was the most beautiful little girl in the entire world.
“Five pounds three ounces, 7:34 P.M.”
I was speechless and as they were cleaning her up I finally raced over to Sophia, seeing her eyes being opened and she looked petrified. She was glancing side to side and I wasn’t sure if she was knocked up on anesthesia or if they just numbed her but I prayed to god she could understand me right now because our little girl is here and she’s alive.
“Baby.” I practically sobbed, becoming eye level with her. “Baby you did it. She’s here. My god you’re so perfect Sophia oh my god you did it.”
When her eyes met with mine she immediately relaxed I think because she was fearful I had missed it and when she heard me she got a huge smile on her face, wincing slightly though when she felt the pressure of them stitching her up. I wanted to see our baby and I wanted to hold her more but right now Sophia was more important and right now I had to make sure my girl was taken care of so we could both look at her together.
“Sophia look above the curtain.”
The doctor was holding her so Sophia could see her and when she did and she saw her wrapped up in the little blanket with a little pink hat over her head she started to cry out of complete happiness and she squeezed my hand so tightly I felt like it would fall off. If anything, this experience and watching her go through that just made me that much more attracted to her. She was so strong and so incredible I just couldn’t even believe it and I wanted to kiss her so badly but I couldn’t yet because she had a mask on.
“You did so good.” I whispered into her ear when they whisked our baby away again. “You are so amazing Sophia. I am so proud of you.”
She squeezed my hand once more and then the doctor asked me if I wanted to go and tell my parents and when I asked Sophia if it was okay she nodded her head and I couldn’t run out into the waiting room fast enough. They looked shocked when I burst through the doors but when I smiled my mom practically leaped out of her chair and gave me the biggest embrace of her life.
“Five pounds three ounces.” I breathed out, pulling her closer. “7:34 P.M.”
“Jeremy our first grandchild!” She shrieked. “Oh my goodness! How is Sophia? Is she doing okay?”
“She’s great. They’re finishing up the surgery now and she should be moved back to ICU any second now. Oh my god I can’t believe this just happened. I cannot believe she’s here.”
“Well she is Justin. I told you God would take care of everything and right now that’s exactly what he’s doing. Go back in with her, alright? I’m sure she’s scared right now.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “I’ll come get you when you can come see her.”
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Sophia and I have had this conversation many times before and she always said if for whatever reason she had to have surgery again that she didn’t want my parents or me to look at the baby for the first time without her being there to see it. I kind of broke the rule but I didn’t get that much of a good look at her, only like two seconds, so I hoped she wouldn’t be mad at me but as I sat there next to her bedside waiting for her to wake up I was itching to go and see her. We haven’t even talked about a name yet because we didn’t know what the sex was. I mean we threw names out there but we figured once we saw him or her the name would just come to us. I can’t wait and when she finally blinked her eyes open she didn’t remember anything because she was all wide-eyed and she looked like she might cry when she glanced over at me.
“Hey.” I whispered, leaning up to brush some strands of hair away from her face. “Baby how are you feeling?”
“W-Where’s the baby?” She choked out. “Did it-“
“She’s here.” I cooed. “She’s here baby and the nurses were just waiting for you to wake up so they could bring her in.”
Then her whole body relaxed and it seemed like the pain was starting to come back to her because her eyes closed for a second and she let out a deep breath, me kissing her cheek from being so proud of her. She looked worn down and so tired but it’s not hard to figure out why. I was so in love with her and I’m falling even more in love with her every single second I spend with her.
“She.” She repeated, a little smile coming onto her face. “I want to see her. Have you seen her? Or your parents?”
“I was there in the delivery room and I cut the cord but I tried to not look at her for too long. I’ve been dying for you to wake up so let me call the nurse so she can bring her to us. How are you feeling though? Do you need pain medicine?”
When she nodded her head I practically jumped out of the chair so I could call, literally counting down the seconds until she was brought in here, and after ten minutes or so there was a knock on the door and there she was, being wheeled in right in front of us and I swear when I saw Sophia look at her for the first time I got tears in my eyes because the love of my life was staring at something that we created and I can’t explain the feeling to anyone but damn, this was a moment I’d remember forever.
The nurse told us to call her when we were done before she left the room but I don’t think we ever would be because when I picked her up in my arms and her nose kind of crinkled from the movement I almost started to cry again and I don’t know why I’m being so emotional right now but I’m completely attached to her. She already has me wrapped right around her finger and it’s only the first five seconds of meeting her.
“Hi princess.” I whispered, gently rocking side to side. “It’s daddy.”
Bringing my fingertip gently up underneath her little chin, I pushed the blanket away and then her eyes opened and I swear my heart stopped because it was Sophia. Her eyes were Sophia’s and my god I couldn’t picture anything better. I was speechless from her nose that looked like mine and her eyes that looked like hers and her mouth that was mine. I was completely and utterly speechless.
“She is so perfect…” I trailed off, glancing up at Sophia once more. “She’s ours babe. She’s completely ours…”
“Lemme see her.” She pleaded. “I want to hold her.”
So I gently passed her into her arms and seeing my two girls together made my heart finally complete. We had a family and we had a daughter now and I’m so excited to go on this journey with her and to raise our daughter together. I can’t even believe this just all happened so quickly but I don’t really want to focus on the past. I want to focus on here and now and I just watched her as she gently stroked her cheek, letting out another sigh that seemed to be of relief.
“God, it’s like complete serenity right now.” She said. “I feel like we are in complete serenity.”
I felt like we were too and that word never has really fit into our lives ever before because everything has always been so hectic but as all you could hear was her little breathing as her eyes looked around the room for the first time and the gentle beeping of the monitors echoed off the walls I couldn’t think of a better fitting word. That was exactly it.
“Serenity.” I repeated. “I think that would make a beautiful name.”
And when I said that she glanced down at her again and almost immediately nodded her head, jumping a little when she cooed for the first time and that made my heart almost stop beating too. It seems to be doing that a lot today.
“I love that.” She smiled. “Serenity Elizabeth Bieber. That completely fits her.”
We had both decided the middle name would be after my mom’s and Serenity Elizabeth sounded so beautiful, especially looking at her right now to just take it all in. Her pain medicine was sitting on the table as well and when Serenity cried for the first time she winced from the pain in her head so I gently took the baby from her and pushed the medicine across the table with two fingers.
“I got her.” I soothed. “Take your pain medicine baby.”
“I-I want to wait until your parents come in and see her. I don’t want to fall asleep yet so I can take her while you go get them.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes baby I’m fine I swear. Her crying just scared me. I’ve never really heard that before and it certainly isn’t something I like.”
Then I just rolled my eyes and bent down to kiss her cheek, kissing Serenity’s nose as well when she finally settled down and I swear it took everything for me to not kiss Sophia’s lips and I eventually gave in, lingering there more than I usually did to try and somehow let her know how overjoyed I was right now.
“All babies cry sweetheart. I’ll be right back, okay?”
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When my parents saw her for the first time their reaction was how I thought it would be. My dad was grinning from ear to ear and my mom started to cry from how beautiful she was. In my eyes she was the most beautiful child in the entire world but then again, I think all parents think that.
“Serenity Elizabeth.” I said. “That’s her name.”
“Elizabeth? You named her after me?”
“Yep. It was Sophia’s decision mostly but it fits her perfectly. I couldn’t think of anything better.”
Serenity started to cry again and I was about to grab her but my mom scooped her into her arms and rocked her back and forth, her motherly instincts kicking in and settling her right down as she started to fall back asleep. It amazed me how good she was with her but I’m sure Sophia and I would learn that the more we did it. It’s just going to take some getting used to.
“She is so beautiful you two.” She whispered. “She’s stunning.”
“She’s got your nose Justin.” My dad said. “You can certainly tell that.”
I just smiled because I really didn’t want to wake her up and when I looked at Sophia her eyes were closed and her eyebrows were furrowed together because I think she was in pain so I gently grabbed onto her hand and set the pills in them, handing her the plastic cup of water so she could take the pain medicine. I know she doesn’t want to sleep right now but she went through a lot.
“I think I’m going to have Serenity go back to the nursery while Sophia sleeps a little more and maybe we can grab some dinner? I haven’t eaten yet but it can’t be too long. I don’t want to stay away from her.”
“Babe.” Sophia whimpered.
“Hmm baby? What’s wrong?”
“Can you just stay here until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be here alone.”
My heartstrings were tugged on because I know she’s probably remembering the last time she sat here alone in a hospital bed and I had so selfishly left her but this wouldn’t be the case this time. I would never leave her and as Serenity was put back in the tiny crib by our bed sound asleep I couldn’t picture anything better than being with the two of them.
“You go ahead.” Pattie smiled. “We’ll go and bring something back for you to eat, okay? You guys just have family time.”
I gave both of my parents a hug and watched them exit the room before I started to sit down but was interrupted when she cleared her throat and tried to move over on the bed I think so I could lay with her.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I don’t want you to hurt.”
“Justin, please.”
So I didn’t really question further and very gently slid in next to her, pulling the crib Serenity was in closer to us so I could look at her too. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her but when Sophia let out another sigh and relaxed onto my chest I re-focused my attention on her.
“You know how much I love you?” I asked. “Baby you did so good I cant even begin to tell you and Serenity is just… she’s just perfect and you and I created that, you know? That’s you and I babe.”
“I know. I’m so happy Justin. When I had the pains in my stomach earlier today I just knew something was wrong and your phone was off because you were in a meeting so I called the ambulance myself and I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared. I thought it was going to end up like last time.”
“Well it didn’t. She’s here and you’re here. We’re all together and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I wasn’t there. I’ve been working like crazy since the tour’s been over and I know that wasn’t fair to you. Now that she’s here though I’m cutting back and I swear that I will. I’ll be home with you guys because I don’t want to miss a second with her.”
Then she was kind of silent and that’s when I knew the medication was starting to kick in so I just kissed the top of her head and let her fall asleep right on my chest, me just feeling like I was completely on cloud nine because finally my family was complete and finally both of my girls were here, the gentle sound of the monitors pulling me away into my dreams that couldn’t possibly be better than reality…
A/N:
be like serenity.... help reposition my mind....
Okay um, I don't even know what to say right now because this is the end of it.
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