Shawnie's POV
I sat in my car down the street from Chris's house. I was so nervous. I have not seen him in two months and I just was dreading what I could be walking into. I know he's mad. I've been avoiding him with the exception of a couple of very vague text messages and maybe a super brief, one-word conversation here and there just so he can see Gen on FaceTime.
My intention was not to keep him away from her for this long but I really needed my space. This last time Really hurt me mentally because I knew it was really over but I wasn't about to let two months go by without him not being able to see or talk to his daughter. I had to swallow my pride and let him do that. The majority of the time it was Mercedes that was the go-between between the both of us but at times when she wasn't around so I had to.
Mercedes decided not to come back to LA with me. She said she was sick of being around Aubrey, which he was. She said she would come visit as often as I wanted her to, but she could not put up with him any longer. She was just used to Chris and now she had to be around Aubrey, maybe it was a lot for her. All Aubrey did was be friendly, and try to make her feel comfortable but it wasn't enough. I respected her decision because it was a huge adjustment for her and it was selfish of me to drag her into my problems.
Besides that, Aubrey and I have been very good. We've been happy. He's been helping me out a lot, as much as he can, when he's not working. Overall I feel so much better. I have help and I am less stressed out about life.
I got my thoughts together and I put the car in drive. I make the left onto his street and I drive up the hill. I put his code in the gate and it opens then I drove off the driveway. I get out and I grab my purse, and a couple of other things, and get Gen out of the backseat.
I struggled my way towards his front door. I sat the car seat down to use my key to get in the front door. Once I successfully unlock the door, I push it open than I pick the car seat back up and walk in.
"Hey." I say walking in the front door, looking around. Chris was sitting on the sofa playing PS5.
I was kind of scared to see what I was about to walk into. The last time we were apart for an extended period of time, he went back on drugs and was very depressed. I definitely don't want that for him. I hope that he doesn't have to go through that again. Thankfully, I didn't see what I saw last time. I think he's good.
"What's up?" He puts the PS5 controller down, then stands up from the sofa and walks over to me. He takes the car seat from me and walks back to the sofa. "Nice of you to show up."
"Of course..... Everything okay?" I ask stop standing at the door.
"Yeah." He takes Genesis out of the carseat and holds her in his arms, looking at her intensity. "I've just been recording. Me and thugger. How is everything going with you, you good?"
"Yes." I answer.
"You look good!" He finally breaks his focus on Gen to look at me. He smiles and I smile back.
"Thank you. You do too." I say
"Come here." He held his free arm out to me.
I walk over, sit my purse and the other bags on the coffee table. I take my shoes off and put my feet up on the sofa as I sit down. He wraps his arm around me, and looks at me.
"I wanna talk to you for a second." He says
"What's up?"
"I know this is the first real conversation we've had face-to-face, since Chicago, but I just had a few things on my mind." He says
"Okay."
"First off, don't you ever in your fucking life go this long without talking to me again. I don't give a fuck what you going through or who you with. It's been a little over a two fucking months. Text messages ain't shit. I understand that me calling you back to back and constantly trying to get in contact with you would make you think that it's just me being up to my old ways, but I promise it's not. I just wanted to see Gen. I shouldn't have to go through Mercedes to see her, and that was only on FaceTime. You calling and not saying nothing and just turning the camera towards her was some bullshit."
"I thought it was best that way. I didn't want to talk to you." I say being honest. "The only thing I could do was text. I needed my space."
"I understand that you made your decision and you don't want me anymore, but I need to know that you will not keep her from me." He says
"Chris, I would never do that. I knew Mercedes was talking to you. I'm the only who told her to do it. The only reason that it took me so long to get out here was because I was relocating and I've been super busy." I admit
"Busy doing what?" He asks
"Well, I'm selling my house and moving everything from here to Toronto." I explain
"You're moving to Toronto?"
"Yeah."
He shakes his head. "You're not taking my daughter out of the country." He says, removing his arms from around me.
"Chris, please don't make things difficult for me. I'm moving to Canada. You're still gonna be able to see Genesis anytime you want. Anytime you wanna visit or anytime you want me to come here, I will."
"What fucking control does he have over you?" He asks, shaking his head. Looking at me in disgust.
"He doesn't have control over me. He asked me a long time ago and now I'm taking him up on that. I want to do this." I admit
"Do you really want to? I'm not convinced."
"Yes." I say
"I don't want her there with him." He says
"You have to understand that my life does not revolve around you anymore. I know we broke up, but our lives still go on. Aubrey and I are together and he has been around her every day since you decided to put your hands on me."
"Damn, really? You gonna go there?" He says.
"Yeah, I am. He doesn't overstep. He knows he has nothing to do with our daughter. He stays out of it, he doesn't give any input. Like, you really don't have anything to worry about. I make sure I take care of everything when it comes to her because I know you don't want him around in the first place..."
"Damn right." He says
"But you have to get over that...because he does love her. He would never do anything to hurt her. She's my child. He loves me, therefore he loves her. You have my word. Nothing is going to happen. You're not going to lose her." I say and he cracks a little smile, but it quickly fades away.
"Aight." Is all he says, "But I need something...." He looks at me and I see the seriousness in his eyes.
"What?"
"I need a DNA test."
"DNA test? Chris—why?"
"Because I need to be sure."
"You need to be sure? Huh?" I say. I am so confused. "Chris she's your daughter." I can't help but feel offended that he would ask me for this.
"I believe you but I just wanna be 100% sure. You are doing all of these things and making all of these moves with her and I just want it on paper that I had a DNA test done and that she's mine. I have rights."
"Chris—." I start but her cuts me off.
"Shawnie, please."
"....fine. Alright. We can do that." I say in disbelief. I can't believe he asked me for a DNA test but there's nothing wrong with him wanting to know for sure that she's his daughter. I can do this for him.
"Thank you. This is something that I've been struggling with and it's a big reason why I was acting crazy after she was born."
"If you need this then I'll do it." I say and he smiles, then his eyes move over to the coffee table.
"You brought food?"
"Oh yeah." I sit up and start taking boxes out of the bags. "I know how much you like STK so I thought I'd bring some food over and we can basically do this, talk things out and try to get on somewhat okay terms."
"Did you get my sweet corn pudding and Parmesan truffle fries?" He asks and I laugh
"Of course! AndI also got your $125 dry-aged porterhouse steak." I roll my eyes.
"Damn. You always gave me shit for getting that every time we went and now you bought it for me?" He says surprised. "You must really love me." He jokes.
He's right. Every time we went there and he got that shit and I thought he was out of his mind. I always said I'll be damned if I bought a $125 steak but here I am getting it for him. We used to go there all the time and we would just get those sides, and that one steak. I would cut a piece off for me and I was good but not $125 good.
Good times.
"Yeah...that's the first and last time." We both laugh.
We eat and causally talk for another 30 minutes before we were done. It was like old times where we just got along and everything was good between us. Back when he was my best friend...but he's not that anymore. And I have to snap out of this false reality and mindset that I'm in right now. Shit is not sweet.
"But how are you doing, like for real?" I ask
"I'm still alive." He says
"Is everything okay?"
"No...I'm here...looking at all of your things. It's depressing." he admits
"I'm sorry. I'm getting them out of here. Do you feel the need to have to use or anything?" I ask, a little scared of his answer.
"Yeah. Everyday, but I don't. I stay distracted by working. I just want that feeling back...."
"Feeling high?"
"No..." he says
"What feeling?" I ask
"Feeling loved." My heart sinks into my stomach. I feel so bad.
I sigh, "I'm sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to with me, but you'll find someone. Someone better than me, someone who fits into your life better than I did. I'm sorry but....we weren't supposed to be but, I just want you to know that I'll always love you. Like, really." I say honestly.
"Ima always love you too. Probably more than I should, considering the situation. No one compares to you. I hope I do find someone but they're not gonna be you."
"You'll find someone, don't worry." I try to change the subject.
He was quiet for a couple of minutes. He just sat there looking at Genesis, not saying anything.
"Are you happy?" He asks, still looking at the baby.
"I am."
"How so?"
"Everything is so calm, and just...smooth." I don't want to get into this conversation with him.
"Oh..." he was silent for a few seconds more. It was kind of awkward.
"I'm not directing anything towards you. I'm sorry about how that might've came out." I say
"Nah, it's cool. Why are you letting him post you like that?" He asks
"Like what?"
"The post of you in your panties." He says
"It's not that serious. He was just capturing a moment." I say
"What was the moment?"
"Chris—that doesn't matter. That was forever ago and it's deleted now anyway."
"You're right...my bad. It's been two months, but I'm still adjusting. That's your business." He says
I stand up, "I'm gonna go grab my things if that's okay with you. You'll watch Gen for me?"
"Of course." He says
I go upstairs and walk into my closet. I close the door behind me and I look around. He hasn't been in here, everything is exactly how I left it. I start pulling clothes by the hangers off the racks, and laying them in the middle of the island. I want to get as many things as possible, so I go get a couple of boxes from my car and I put my hand bags, shoes, and some accessories in the them.
I had a lot of things here. I never realized how much stuff I had here. When things started going bad between us for the millionth time, I started taking some of my things and putting them in my house. I was only trying to protect myself. I wasn't planning anything, I just was used to having everything on my own and I wanted to make sure I kept it that way.
I got a little bit emotional while I was cleaning everything out of the closet. This was basically my home for nearly three years. A lot of good things, and a lot of bad things, but this was still my home. I'm a little bit sad that I am officially getting my things out of here. He had this closet built for me. But I get a little bit of satisfaction out of knowing that any other woman he has here, living with him will be using my closet.
I pretty much cleaned out about 75% of the closet. So this meant I'm gonna have to make another stop over here to grab the rest of my things. Great. I don't know if I can do this again.
I brought all of my things downstairs one by one and loaded them into my truck. There were a lot of things that Chris purchased throughout this relationship and I kind of feel like I need to give them back to him. I'm not trying to be petty, and it's not like he's going to wear purses and some of the jewelry that he bought me, but I should at least ask if he wants these things back. I'm sure he doesn't, But it doesn't hurt to ask. That also includes the Lamborghini truck that he purchased for me when I moved here. I feel like it's only right that I give it back to him.
After I finished putting everything into the truck I came back into the living room and sat down next to him on the sofa. He was playing on the PS5 and had her sitting in his arms, she was asleep.
"I'm gonna drop everything off at my house, and I can come back later on tonight, or another time but I'm going to give you your keys back." I say and he snaps his head my way, but doesn't say anything. "There are also some things upstairs, I don't know if you would want back but they're things that you bought me over the years...."
"Shawnie, I don't want a damn thing back from you. Those were gifts and I have absolutely no reason to take them back from you. The truck was a gift as well. You need to get my daughter to and from wherever she needs to go, wherever you need to go. I don't want it back. Those are things that I brought you out of the kindness of my heart. Keep them. You know I'm not petty like that."
I look at him like he's crazy, "Boy, you are petty as fuck!" I laugh. "I don't know where the hell you got that from. And you know I'm not lying."
He laughs, "You're right, I can be petty but I'm not as far as this goes. Keep every last thing that I bought you, it's yours. So go get the rest of the shit that's up there. As a matter of fact, I'll help you."
"I have to make another trip anyway, so I'll just get it when I come back."
"I mean, it really doesn't matter. If you're trying to get your stuff out of here right now, it's not a big deal I can help you." He sits the controller down.
"Damn, you want my shit out of your house ASAP, huh?" I say laughing.
"Nah, it's not that. I just want this to be as smooth as possible. I don't wanna argue with you. I know what I did was wrong, you know what you did wrong, we both know there were fucked up things done on both of our ends and this is the result of that. We were both tired and I guess you were a little bit more than I was but I understand. I want us to be friends and co-parent as best as we can and it will be just us, no third parties." I laugh but it's not funny because I know he's talking about Aubrey.
"You don't have to worry about that, and I'm happy you said that. I would love for us to be on good terms. Makes things so much easier." I say watching him place Gen in her car seat.
"Okay..." he smiles, "I'm happy that we could agree on that. Now, let me say this. I love you, and I always will. If you ever need anything, anything at all, I got you. I mean that shit." He says with a serious face. "If that nigga start acting up and you don't have any place else to go, come here. I mean it."
"I don't think that's going to be a problem but thank you for that." I sigh, "It means a lot to hear you say that....." I take a deep breath slowly and I let it out. "Chris, I have to tell you something."
"Aw shit! What? Is anything wrong?" He asks, looking concerned.
I take a deep breath again. "No nothings wrong... I'm just.... pregnant."
"Whoa, what?" He sits up and looks at me. He just stares at me for a few seconds. "....What?" He says, looking confused. "....What?"
"Say something other than what." I say
He finally breaks eye contact by blinking, then he shakes his head from side to side like he's disappointed, but he still doesn't say anything.
"Chris? Say something..."
".... That...was fast." He says
"That's what you have to say?"
"What the fuck do you want me to say?" He kinda yells
"Don't do that in front of Genesis." I say
"I'm sorry but what do you want me to say? I'm not happy about it. I'm actually a little pissed off. I can't believe you're pregnant by....him."
I roll my eyes, "Okay, whatever."
"Wait, how far along are you?" He asks turning towards me.
"Nine weeks."
"..... so....you—." He put his head down and runs his hands over his face and head. I could tell he was trying to calculate. He's so pissed. "You fucked him in Chicago?"
"Yes and no. Technically, the answer is yes, but let me explain."
"You fucking lied to me?" He says in disbelief.
"No...When I saw him that night and you and I had a big fight about it, the answer was no. As I said back then, nothing happened and nothing was even close to happening. It was the night that we were at Tao. I don't know if it's because I was overly drunk that night but it just happened. I don't even have a reason or excuse to give you. I was beyond fucked up that night."
"I was there, I know. I took care of you that night. I showered you....and you had sex with him?" he asks
"...yeah." I feel so bad. I was so messed up doing that to him.
"So when I came downstairs that day you knew why I was mad? You knew it was because of the pictures didn't you?"
"I did." I admit
"So you just said fuck the relationship, huh?"
"No. Of course not."
"You did. That's exactly what you did. It's whatever. We ain't together no more. Whatever. Congratulations." He says dryly.
"Chris, you know we weren't on good terms. I was so drunk that night I barely remember my fucking name. You—You know, ima leave that alone. You're entitled to feeling how you do. But Chris, don't be like that towards me."
"How am I supposed to be?" He looks at me and I see disappointment in his eyes. "...I just had a tiny bit of hope we'll somehow get back to each other. I know it's far-fetched, and we have a bunch of issues but I did. I'll admit that. I still wanted us to get back together. Probably wasn't going to be anytime soon but I was ready to deal with that. But now...that's dead. You're fucking pregnant and shit." He says
"I think we should just leave things how they are. The relationship didn't work. We can't be together. I'm sorry for that but I know you agree with me." I say
"I agree." He says while seemingly calming down. "And you all happy and shit...and pregnant. What did he say? I know his bitch ass is excited." He rolls his eyes.
"I haven't told him yet. I wanted to talk to you first." I say
"Why? I'm not going to tell you to get an abortion. You aint gotta be scared of my reaction." He says hanging his head, acting like he's doing something on his phone.
"I wasn't saying that, I just wanted to talk to you first, out of respect for you." I say
He scuffs, "Respect."
"Chris..." I roll my eyes, "I have been doing everything in my power to protect you. They wanted me to say you hit me and that's why you got arrested, but I refused. I'm still trying to protect you and I always will. I don't want you out here looking crazy."
"Thanks for that." He says, "Anyway, can I keep her for a couple of hours? I'll bring her to you. I just want my mom and aunt to see here while she's here." He stands up, facing me.
"Yeah, of course. Everything is in her—"
He cuts me off. "I love you." He blurts out.
"I love you too... you know that." I say
"I'm sorry about how I handled things. You needed me and I was just being selfish. I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I should've been there for you in any way you needed me. I fucked up. You were good to me when I didn't deserve it. I treated you like shit and you were still trying to stick it out with me. I guess when you had the baby I just felt like you were going to do the same thing I did to you, and go back to him. Like I said, I've been feeling like Gen wasn't my daughter... I was acting crazy. To be honest, you had every right to leave me. I would've left me too. I just wish I would have made smarter decisions while we were together."
"Thank you for that. I really appreciate you apologizing to me." I say and he grabs me and pulls me to him hugging me tightly. I put my arms around him but he pulls away quickly and looks at me.
"You just don't know how much that means to hear you say those words. So many people talked so much shit about me when we broke up. I struggled. I didn't show it, but I did. You know how much anxiety I get over the media and the shit they say." I say
"I know you did, and I know it means a lot to you, that's why said it. You need it. I only wanna make you forgive me." He says
"I understand that but—."
He cuts me off, "You're fucking him how you fucked me ain't you?"
"What? No, I'm not." I say confused. I hate that he just switches it up like that.
He smiles, "For real?"
"Yeah, we haven't had sex since that night."
"Saving yourself for me?" He asks, smiling.
"What? No. I just haven't wanted to." I laugh. It's so weird how we can be talking about one thing one minute and then the next he is off on another subject. So random.
"Yeah...Aight..." He kisses me and I instantly push him off of me. "What are you doing?"
"My bad." He steps away from me and sits down on the sofa. "I thought we—nothing. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I sigh, "I gotta go."
"So, it's over for real?" He asks
"Chris, it's been months. Yes." I knew he didn't think I was serious. "Listen," I sit down next to him. "This is hard for me too. I think about you all the time. I think about everything. We both have to except that this has happened and we have to move on from it. I just think if it's meant to be then it'll be."
"True but—We—Aight." He shakes his head, then smiles. "Gone and get out of here...." He says joking with me. "I'll call you when I'm on my way." He says
I don't waste any time getting out of there. I know he just smiled to mask his feelings. It's not that I didn't want to have the conversation because I know it needed to be had, but to be honest, I feel like it's too late. We apologized to each other and I accept his apology and I really hope everything goes well on his end, but it's just too late. If he would've told me what he did as soon as it happened I swear to God I would've taken him back in a heartbeat, but he didn't. The apology that he gave me back in Chicago was very hollow and it didn't seem all the way truthful back then. I felt like he was doing it just to get us back on good terms but I saw right through that. So this is the outcome.
What did y'all think about this chapter??
What do you think is going to happen with them??