Stella:
Nothing in life could have prepared me for such events that tend to unfold one after the other in my life. For all the trials and tribulations. For all the pain that comes and makes it's home inside of me with no intent of leaving anytime soon.
I knew this lifestyle would not be easy, but I never expected any of this or what's to come.
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"Dr. May, we need to call it" Victor backs away from the lifeless body of the 10 year old girl. She was brought in almost an hour ago with a gunshot wound to the neck. The girl has been under for almost 40 minutes now. No activity, no sign of life.
My hands tremble by my side but I try to hide it as Victors eyes shift over to me with concern. I hate showing any sign of emotions on the job. I need to hold it together.
His look tells me she can't keep going.
Dr. May continues compressions, her hands working fast as she shakes her head but does not look up at any of us, ignoring the long noise indicating there is no longer any activity coming from the child's heart.
"Dr. May, she's gone. There's nothing else we can do. Please" I clear my throat, swallowing back the tears.
I watch as her movements come to a stopping point and she takes in a deep breathe, her shoulders shaking. Then in a blur she's cursing and storming off.
"Damn it!" Dr. May shouts.
I look over to Victor who is staring up at the clock, a look of defeat written on his face.
"Time of death, 18:21"
Leah. An innocent girl who went out on her bike earlier this evening thinking it would be just another normal day, riding to her friends house a couple houses down. Not thinking she would be caught in the middle of a drive by.
This is what the world has come to. A world where a 10 year old can lose her life just by doing something simple as going for a bike ride and ending up in the middle of the road.
Leah was brought in by another parent, the mother of the friend she went to visit. Michelle was her name. Says Leah came over to drop off a book to her daughter, Heather. The woman says she watched Leah ride back for a couple seconds before walking back inside her house. Not even a second later she heard the gunshots. That's when she ran back outside and saw Leah laying in the middle of the road, a car speeding off around the corner which she didn't get a good look at because she was too worried to getting to Leah on time before she bled out.
Leah's mother hasn't even arrived yet and I can hear my heart slowly breaking into pieces for her and her family as she has to hear how her 10 year old girl is gone.
"Hey" Victor places a firm hand on my shoulder. "I know it's been a rough night for all of us. Take a minute if you need to."
I shake my head. There's too many patients being rushed through those doors and I cannot afford even a second to lose. There are lives that still need to be saved.
"I'm okay, I will be. I just, I'm so mad Victor."
"I know you are"
"That little girl, she didn't deserve this. She should've been able to ride her bike in her own neighborhood safely. But instead she is laying in that room dead and her mother is on her way here hoping her daughter is still alive only to come and find her daughter dead" the anger inside of me intensifies.
I feel Victors chest as he pulls me in closer, rubbing my back softly. I'm too caught up in my rage to process what is happening. It only lasts a second before he steps back and looks at me.
"And Dr. May... I know she's going to feel like she could've done more to help Leah. She's going to blame herself when this was not her fault at all!"
Victor looks around us carefully before lowering his voice. "This case hit home to Dr. May. Normally I would've been harder on her to stop compressions early on because she had already lost too much blood but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not with this because I know what was going through her head in that moment. What she was reliving. She couldn't just give up."
Reliving?
"Wait, reliving? Reliving what? What do you mean?"
He hesitates for only a moment before pulling me aside to a more private area, scoping the area to make sure there aren't too many ears around.
"Five years ago May lost her only son, Michael. He was only 7 years old. Drunk driver."
I struggle to find the words. The pain of losing a child is a pain I cannot begin to imagine nor do I ever want to.
"Oh my god" I whisper.
Before either one of us can say anything else, Dr. Harrison is yelling for Victor.
"Trauma 1! Dr. Wells, trauma 3! Dr. Riley I can use you with me!" He shouts, his face more stern as ever as more patients are being rushed through our doors.
"What the hell is going on today?"
I jump at Gigi's voice, startled by her showing up out of nowhere.
"Apparently there's a pile up on 101! County can't take any more patients so they're all being rushed to us"
"Jesus!" I say, wondering where the hell Amanda came from.
"You okay?" Amanda looks over to me.
"Yeah I'm fine, you two just creep up on me sometimes."
I look at both of them and sigh. "Hell of a shift we're going to have today huh?"
Gigi nods, excitement on her face.
"Hey, Athena is here" Amanda points out, looking towards the entrance. And there she is, her eyes frantic as she searches the place. Her eyes land on me and I wish they hadn't. She looks like she's about to deliver bad news.
Athena makes her way over to us three, nodding at the girls before standing right in front of me.
"Hey girl, how you've been?" She asks casually despite all the chaos happening around us.
"Hanging in there. How about you?"
"Could be better. Listen"
There it is. Delivering bad news.
"Some of these patients that have been brought in have gunshot wounds" she starts.
"Gunshot wounds? Was there a mad driver on 101?"
Gigi asks.
She shakes her head. "That's what we thought at first so we searched but we didn't find any shooter. And that's because the shooter isn't on the road."
Me and the girls all exchanged confused looks.
"We got a sniper. Targeting random civilians. He's still out there because we keep getting calls and" she pauses.
"Athena?"
"It is absolute insanity out there right now. The sniper has mostly been targeting first responders. Bobby is out there right now and I am trying my best to not lose my damn mind!"
"Is Eddie out there?" Gigi takes a step forward, her hand above her chest.
"Everyone is. Including Buck. Bobby wanted him to take more time but he insisted, said he was ready to get back out there."
"Shit"
"They're all going to be okay. We have to believe that because we need them to be okay but for right now all we can do is our job and help these people while we find this son of a bitch who is terrorizing the city."
All I can think about is Evan being out there with a sniper on the loose. His first day back and this is happening. But Athena is right. I have to focus on doing my job and believing Evan will be okay doing his. He has to be.
"I'll keep you updated if anything happens"
"Thank you" I say quietly.
"Please do. Thank you" Gigi says. I can hear the panic in her voice.
Gigi and Eddie have been hanging out more since the day of the baby shower and she seems happier than she has in a while. She actually walks through those doors glowing and I couldn't be happier for her and I know exactly how she is feeling right now. Fearing for Eddie's life as I fear for Evan's.
"Stay safe out there Athena" Amanda wraps her arms around Athena's neck. She places one hand on Amanda's back, giving her a small pat.
"You know I will girl. It'll take more than a sniper to ever take me down"
"Damn right" Gigi gives Athena a small hug. Then it's my turn to hug her before she goes out there into the middle of this insanity.
"I'll talk to you girls soon! I gotta find Harrison!"
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00:40
This sniper has the city of Los Angeles frantic. Not only is he targeting innocent civilians and our first responders but now he has upgraded to starting random fires in abandoned buildings. This game of terror has been going on for too long.
"Did you hear the news?" Gigi plops down next to me on the floor with a bag of Doritos and a water bottle.
I shake my head against the wall.
"Apparently, the sniper has a partner. A team working together in terrorizing our city." She takes a sip of her water. "They've been quiet for the last hour... I wonder when they're going to strike again. I just hope they're found before that."
"Me too. At least it has somewhat calmed down around here. Sort of" I chuckled. "My body is shutting down."
I've been running up and down these halls, getting into it with other interns, being cried on, thrown up on, blamed on my families for not doing enough. This by far has been one of my toughest days at this hospital. And it doesn't help when my mind can't stop thinking if Evan is alive or not.
"Any news from Athena?" Gigi asks. "I can't stop worrying about them."
"Not yet but I'm sure our boys are fine" I grab Gigi's hand in mine and give it a squeeze. She manages to give me a smile.
"So, you and Eddie huh?"
A small laugh escapes her. That smile of hers says it all. She's in deep.
"We're not anything serious but I do like him. A lot actually and I'm terrified. With my past experiences I'm just trying to avoid going fast. I want to take my time. I don't want to let this one slip away." Her eyes sparkle as she talks about him. She can't hold back her smile and the sight of it makes me forget all the bad that has happened today. My best friend is happy. She's falling in love.
"Take it from me, don't let him slip away."
Gigi scoots closer to me and pulls me in close, resting her head on mine. "He will come back to you" she whispers into my hair. I close my eyes and picture his face.
"I hope so G, and when he does, I swear I'm never letting him go again."
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2:50
"They finally caught the bastard!" Dr. Harrison slams his hand down on the counter, causing all the nurses to jump back. He shoots them an apologetic look before continuing on.
"You all did an incredible job today. I know it was hell. So much has happened. You guys have been pushed to your absolute limits."
"We weren't able to save everyone who was rushed through that door tonight but I don't want any of you to beat yourself up over that. You all did a hell of a job. You worked as a team. You were able to keep your patients under control and calm despite the war zone that was happening outside those doors and I am proud of every single one of you."
Dr. Harrison scans the entire room, acknowledging every attending, resident, intern and nurse.
"And to our nurses. We could have not survived this without you guys"
The nurses applaud, smiling at one another as they all exchange hugs. I can't help but smile. We could not survive without our nurses. They are everything.
"Now, we still have some patients who are in critical condition. Let's get back to giving them the best care and finishing out the day." He gives everyone one last nod before walking away, allowing us to get back to our people.
I catch Victor smiling at me from across the room. My lips curve up slightly.
"Hey" I say.
"Hey"
"Thank you for helping me get through this day. Couldn't have done it without you"
Victor found me in one of the supplies closet in the middle of a breakdown. I had lost another kid and was overwhelmed with my own emotions, worrying about Buck. He shut the door and held me until I couldn't cry anymore. Told me I didn't have to talk about it if I didn't want to and that we could stand there for as long as I needed.
A part of me felt guilty. Guilty because in a way I have grown to love Victor and I care for him. I love having him as a friend I can count on. But in a way I feel that I have grown this love for him because he's there to fill the space. To fill the emptiness and I hate that I even think that because he is such a good person and deserves the world. He's an amazing surgeon. A caring person. Warm and kind.
"It was all you Stella. You're one of the strongest people I know."
I feel my smile grow wider at his words.
"Listen, I was thinking ab-"
"INCOMING!!"
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BUCK
"Let's pack up the truck boys!" Bobby wipes the sweat off his forehead as he calls orders out to us.
My heart is threatening to jump out of my chest. It is my first shift back and it has been interesting to say the least. A sniper on the loose with a partner in charge of starting fires. Definitely a warm welcome back.
Even though there are blank slots in my memories, being here on the job with the boys feels right. It feels like second nature. With or without memories, being a firefighter is in my blood. It's what I was born to do.
I feel two hands grab my shoulders. "Great job today. It's like you never left."
Eddie's hand lingers on my shoulder. "We missed you around here"
I throw one arm around him. "Glad to be back out here doing something that feels right with people I know are family."
"Of course ma-"
A loud explosion erupts and I feel it's force as I end up a few feet away from the building we had just finished putting out. There's a loud ringing in my ears. I can hear shouting coming from all over but I can't move my head. I can't move anything. I try to open my eyes but fail. Everything is starting to fade away. I start to smell something.
Salt. The ocean. I hear waves crashing against the shore, the moon shining so brightly.
I see a face standing in front of me.
"Goodnight, Buck."
"Goodnight, Stella."
Butter. Why am I smelling butter?
"Ew Buck, your mouth looks gross" Christopher says.
"Your face looks gross" I say jokingly.
"No, it looks handsome" Christopher laughs and a head full of brown hair nods.
"Very handsome" Stella adds. "Buck looks like a monster"
"Ohhhh okay, I'll remember that when you try asking for kisses later" I pout my lips at that beautiful face.
The last thing I hear is a laugh. The most beautiful laugh I've ever heard. Soft and warm. Comforting.
"Evan?" Stella whispers.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
She still loves me. I stop walking and get a few curses from people passing by me.
"I love you too."
(HELLO! Sorry for the long wait BUT.... Gigi and Eddie???? I definitely want to build a relationship there and have you guys see more of them for sure.
Hope you enjoy! It doesn't stop here, not even close :)