"Wow." Gigi gasped as we walked into the spacious ballroom of Le Grand Palace. The entire space was decorated in pastel blues and pinks. At the farthest wall from the entrance stood a balloon arch and a long table occupied by towers of delicious sweets; cake pops, cupcakes, cookies, and other pastries.
Both sides of the room was set up with eight round tables, each one with a gorgeous centerpiece of white tulips in the center.
I can feel my chest tighten as a scenario crosses my mind. One of the future, something that could've been. A baby shower for me... and Buck. I suck in a deep breathe.
"Hey, are you okay?" Victor leans into me and whispers.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I lie, not looking at him when I answer but I can feel his eyes lingering on me for a moment more before he looks around the room.
"Can we sit at that table?" I ask, pointing to the table farthest away from where all the sweets and cake were where I assume they'll stand for the reveal. Almost every table was full of strangers but the one right by the entrance was empty and that is where I wished to sit. Far away.
"Yes, of course" Gigi says. She grabs my hand in hers and leads the way to the round table. Gig sits to my left and Victor to my right. I adjust my dress before I sit down so it doesn't move up and reveal too much.
Victor leans into me again, whispering for only the both of us to hear but I almost miss his words as my eyes land on a pair of familiar eyes. Everything goes still and quiet as I look into those beautiful eyes the color of the ocean.
His eyes flash with a trace of an emotion, I'm not sure what. His gaze shifts to my right and a muscle moves in his jaw. I can't pull my eyes away from him, it's as if suddenly everything around us just stopped and it was just me and him. No one else. I hold his gaze as I place a hand over the necklace he gave me and I hope he can read the emotion in my eyes as they plead for him to remember.
I know you didn't forget me. Your mind may have but your soul...it knows me.
Then, he turns his head back to her. To Savannah, who is in full conversation with an elderly couple. Her grandparents maybe?
"Stella?" Victor takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I look toward his direction for just a moment longer before looking to Victor, his warm brown eyes filled with concern.
"We don't have to stay here the whole time. Whenever you want to leave, we will. Okay?" He brushes his thumb over my hand in a lovable way. Sadness washes over me as I realize the feelings he still has for me. And I know, despite what he me say about being okay with just being my friend, I know a part of him wishes I could return the emotions. I do care for him. I've grown to care for him but the other emotion...it's for someone else.
I nod my head, giving him the warmest smile to hide the pain I'm actually feeling inside.
"Oh wonderful, you guys are here!"
We all turn our heads to see Maddie along with everyone from the station. Even Athen joined them but she doesn't look too thrilled as she stands by Bobby's side. It's evident in her face she wishes she were anywhere else but here but they're all her for one reason only. For him. He may not have his memories back but they are his family and no matter what I know they will always be there for him.
I feel Gigi shift to me and it doesn't take me long to realize it. I catch Eddie glances behind me, his lips turned up to one side.
"Hey!! You all look so great" I stand up from my chair and give the first hug to Maddie before going around and greeting everyone else. Victor shakes all of their hands, seeming a bit awkward as he gets to Eddie.
Gigi gives Eddie a wide smile as it's their turn to greet each other and I can't help the smile forming on my lips. It's so obvious they're into each other.
"But look at you! If this was my baby shower and you came looking like this" Maddie lowers her voice as she eyes me up and down with a smile, "I'd be pissed!!"
A soft laugh escapes my mouth at her compliment.
"When the time comes for my baby shower, nobody is allowed to look better than me. I will cry" Gigi chimes in.
"We know" I say smiling. "All hell would break loose if they steal your spotlight"
"Absolutely."
"Are you two going to do the whole best friends getting pregnant together? That would be so cute" Maddie says.
I laugh at that. "God no, Gigi has to have all the attention on her. Maybe for the second time around but the first? Gigi has to have all the spotlight"
"You really do know me so well" Gigi looks to me, smiling.
"Believe me girls, you want to wait on the having kids part" Athena chuckles.
I manage a laugh as my eyes wander off to a far corner, to the person I had visioned myself having kids with one day.
Evan sat alone at the table closest to the front. He seemed to be lost in thought as everything continued on around him. Savannah stood by him, her hand on his shoulder as she talked to her friend. Vickie I think her name is. She was with Savannah that one night some time ago when I nearly killed her for what she did to Amanda. Seeing the hurt on her face when she found out the truth about Tyler sleeping with Savannah. It seems funny to me how first Savannah tried getting at Buck in the beginning. Then, she went and managed to get at Tyler. Always trying to have what others have.
But it all doesn't sit right with me. I can't really put my finger on it.
She ruined Amanda and Tyler. Then managed to get between me and Buck... And in the process Amanda and I both hurt but somehow she managed to be fine. Somehow, she has Evan under the impression I got in between them and that now they're having a baby.
But Tyler. He has been quiet through it all. Not even once trying to see if the baby is his? Why? I never put much thought to it because I was so upset and angry at the time to even think about why Tyler didn't come asking questions.
"Stella?" Gigi gently touches my shoulder. "Do you want a drink?"
I pull my eyes away from Evan and look at Gigi. She looks at me with worried eyes. I squeeze her hand in a reassuring way.
"Sure. Yeah, but I'm gonna take a breather real quick."
From the corner of my eye I catch Victor look at me as he stands from his seat. "Do you want me to come with you?" He sounds concerned.
"No, it's okay. I just need a second" I say politely.
Everyone else has already sat down at the table but I can feel them watch as Victor takes my hand in his. I know what this might look like to them.
"Okay. Just let me know when you wanna head out of here."
I give him a small okay before walking to the doors and out of the ballroom, not even bothering to look back.
All I need is a moment alone to think. My mind is swimming in so many thoughts and questions and the sight of him with her isn't helping. Maybe I shouldn't have came. Maybe I thought I could've been strong enough to do this. Maybe it was the smug look on Savannah's face when she threw the invitation that made me want to come. But now I'm questioning why I really came.
I walk down the hallways of this huge hotel. I read the signs on the walls, directing guests to certain locations. The gym. Front lobby. Citrus room; must be another ballroom for events. Pool. Garden.
I walk through all the hallways and take about two turns until I am at the door that leads to the garden.
The fresh smell of earth helps calm my nerves, but not entirely.
A few feet away right in the center of all the green is a fountain that stood about 25 feet. It was made out of white stone and had statues of angels all around it, water sputtering out from all directions. Surrounding the fountain were three benches.
I make my way to the closest bench and practically throw myself down. My dress slides up my thighs and I adjust it, pulling it down so it covers my bottom.
I breathe out through my nose, closing my eyes and listening to the water from the fountain. The sun was still high in the sky, it's warmth leaving kisses on my exposed skin. For a moment, only a moment, I feel peace.
But then my mind starts to get wired up again, thinking and thinking and thinking.
Why? Why is Savannah doing this all? What is her motive? Pure jealousy? That Buck wasn't never interested in her but only went with her to the ball to make me jealous?
Jealous that Tyler first set his eyes on Amanda and not her? And what does she have on Tyler? I think back to what Amanda said at the cafe the other day. About him looking scared when Savannah was talking to him. There must be something going on we don't know about. But Tyler has completely shut himself out from everyone. He barely talks to anyone anymore. Amanda can possibly get him to talk but I don't even know if it'll work, especially if whatever Savannah has over Tyler is much more serious than we think. I suck my teeth in frustration.
"Hey"
My body stills at the sound of his voice. I can hear the beat of my heart in my eardrums as it increases in rate. I slowly turn my head in the direction of his voice, meeting my favorite shade of blue.
There he is. Standing a few feet away from me, a shy smile on his lips but hesitation in his eyes.
"H-hey" I say, mentally slapping myself for the way my voice sounds so small. I straighten up, holding the hem of my dress to prevent it from sliding up my thighs. As if he hasn't seen any of that... but he wouldn't remember. Heat fills my cheeks as certain memories swim into my brain.
"May I?" He asks politely, pointing to the empty space next to me.
"Uh yeah" I scoot over a bit, watching him as he sits down next to me. It feels like years since I've been this close to him. His arm brushes against my skin for a split second as he adjusts himself. He looks to me and chuckles. He sounds nervous. It's as if we were meeting for the first time all over again.
The memories from Siesta last summer also start to flood in.
"How are you?" He asks casually, rubbing the back of his neck.
I shrug, not sure how to feel in this moment. There were too many emotions flowing through my body right now that I couldn't decide which one to focus on.
How am I? If only I could tell him the truth.
"I'm doing okay. What about you?" I try my best to sound excited for him. Happy.
He shrugs and stares straight off into space. "I wish I could say."
"What do you mean?" I ask, intrigued and confused.
He pauses, hesitant. Then he turns his head towards me. I can smell his cologne. Like leather and bergamot. The smell of what was my home.
"It's like there's this huge heavy cloud hanging over me, making everything so..." he takes another pause. "I don't know how to explain it really. It's just everything feels weird. Nothing feels normal to me. Nothing makes sense..."
"Yeah... I know what you mean."
"Why does it bother me seeing him next to you?"
His question catches me off guard. I open my mouth then close it, too stunned to answer. I know he's referring to Victor.
"Earlier I watched him, the doctor, I watched how close he would lean into you. The way he looked at you. The way he looked worried for you. It bothered me. Why?"
"Well, uh, see-"
"I know we were together once. Savannah told me. But she said we broke up and you got mad when I got with her. Did you leave me for him?"
His words sliced through me. Did you leave me for him?
Anger takes a hold of me but I tell myself to breathe.
"Maddie told me that the doctor said it's best for you to work through this on your own. To not force anything on you or try to overwhelm you all at once with information. So, as much as I would like to, I can't dump things on you right now"
His gaze falls to the ground.
"But, what I can tell you is that... no. I never left you for anyone. What Savannah told you was a lie."
"Then what is the truth?"
I can see his frustration behind his eyes. Not meant for me but just frustration he must be feeling for not being able to know what is true and what is not.
"I hear things from her but then my sister and all my friends, who I still can't remember, tell me other things. I hate not knowing what is the truth."
I want to reach for him and take his hand in mine, to pull him in closer to me. But I don't.
"I'm sorry..." is all I manage to say, my voice cracking. "I know this is so frustrating for you"
"What about you?"
Again, his question takes me by surprise.
"I'm not a complete fool. Something about you makes me curious. That must mean something. So, what about you? How frustrating is this for you?"
"I don't think it matters how frustrating this is for me. I remember everything. You don't."
Evan let's out a small chuckle. "Exactly. That must be frustrating for you."
We sit in silence for some time. I mostly because I don't have any words.
"I'm sorry" he whispers.
"For?" I look up at him.
"If I ever caused you any pain."
There it is. The final cut. I swallow down the tears but I feel their threat behind my eyes. But when I feel his hand on my cheek, I can't hold it in anymore. I put my hand over his and squeeze.
"You didn't cause me any pain, Evan. You did the exact opposite."
Evan shifts his body entirely towards me, pulling me in. For once, everything feels right.
"I'm the one who walked away... I left you and when I tried coming back it was too late"
"Hey, look at me"
I try covering my face but he takes my wrists gently, giving me no option but to look at him. And when I do, he lifts my chin up with his thumb.
"Something makes me feel that everything will be alright. We will be alright. It may not seem like that right now but I know that one day it will."
For a second we stay in that position. My chin in his hand, my hand on his free one. Everything in me has to stop myself from kissing him. He has no idea what it means to me hearing him say that. Even with his memories gone, he still has that optimistic side to him. It is one of his characteristics I love dearly. He is my light in the darkness, always has been. Always will be.
"I think that we have to take it day by day. I may not know who I really am or remember my life and the people who are important to me. But, day by day" he whispers. "And you... I want to get to know you. Who knows how long it will take for my memories to get back to me but I can't not know you..."
I pull away from him, staring at him.
"I'm sorry, did I say something bad?" Concern flashes across his features.
I shake my head gently, taking his hand in mine again. "No. I just...it's just that...I miss you."
His eyes soften at that.
"I know that you forgot me, but I remember all that we had. And I will continue to remember for us. Because I know that deep down" I carefully place my hand over his chest, over his heart. "I know that your heart and your soul hasn't forgotten me."
Evan looks down to my hand over his chest. His eyes look up to mine, holding the gaze for a split second.
"I wish I hadn't forgotten you."
"Me too." I say softly.
I feel his hand over mine. He takes my hand and brings it up to his lips, placing a kiss on my hand. I feel a flutter in my chest at his touch.
"I need time. To figure things out but if it's not too much to ask, can you stay?"
"I know this is hard for you. Watching me with her, and I don't know the full story. The whole truth. But. I want you to stay. To wait. Please?"
And just like that, I feel a sliver of hope inside of me. Hope that this is not the end for us. His memories may be gone, but our love isn't. I know it isn't. I came here questioning why I came. That it was a bad idea.
But now I know. There was a reason why I should've came and this was it. This unexpected conversation. I didn't think I would talk to Evan at all, let alone have this time where it's just me and him.
And I have faith. In us.